Mom: No, but you killed a part of my heart. That woman?? The woman who practically ruined your reputation?? Why her?
Prem: Would you rather I stop talking to her and go back to being single?
Mom: Is she from a good family at least?
Prem: Mom.
Mom: Whatever, you’re thirty-five, she’ll do.
Prem: MOM. Can you at least PRETEND not to be a mess?
Mom: What’s the fun in that?
Prem knew that Kareena had never gone away for a weekend with a man. With her friends, sure, but alone with another human being for an extended period of time?
She was going to put up walls.
Or at least he expected her to put up walls.
Instead, she’d relaxed in his passenger seat, trading in her sweater vest for a V-cut strappy ankle-length dress made out of gauzy cotton that had a row of buttons from the center of her breasts down to her knees. When she’d changed at his apartment, he almost dragged her back into his bedroom, but she had a wild, excited energy around her. Prem never thought a night away at the beach would make her so happy.
They’d spent almost two hours stuck in traffic with the windows down and a Taylor Swift playlist blasting through his speakers. They barely paid attention to the music, though. They were so busy talking. Podcasts, college, favorite restaurants, movies, bucket lists, travel plans.
And Kareena made Prem laugh. Really, truly laugh.
The first time they’d slept together, he knew that he’d wanted to keep her. To be with her. It was a gut reaction that didn’t go away.
But now, he didn’t know what would happen if she didn’t want to keep him right back. Because she still wanted something that he couldn’t give her.
“Come on,” he said after parking in the assigned spot for their rental condo. “Let’s dump the bags and get some food.”
“You read my mind.”
It felt like the easiest thing in the world to be with her in that moment. After putting their bags inside the master bedroom, he linked fingers with her and walked down to the boardwalk toward the small Mexican restaurant.
Unfortunately, there was a horde of people standing outside. Prem hadn’t gone down to the shore as much as she apparently had, because it took Kareena two seconds to pivot and submit a takeout order.
“Let’s go eat on the beach,” she said as they grabbed the white plastic takeout bag from the hostess up front. “It’s dark, but the weather is great.”
Prem didn’t argue and led the way down into the sand and toward the water. They found a quiet dune illuminated by the boardwalk lights behind them, but dark enough for privacy.
“I bet you get this kind of weather in California all the time,” Kareena said as she set up their takeout containers.
“Better sometimes. I used to go to the beach after school when I didn’t have any homework. I’d just sit on the sand and read.”
“Anatomy and biology books?”
“More like sci-fi fantasy. I didn’t trade those in for nonfiction until I hit college.”
Kareena passed him a foil-wrapped burrito. “That’s when my fiction reading habit kicked in. I would rather stay at home and read than go out.”
Prem watched as she unwrapped the foil from around her burrito, inspected the bulging contents, and took a quick bite. She let out a moan that went right through him.
“Wow,” Kareena said with her mouth full. “This has got to be the best burrito that I’ve ever eaten in forever.”
He shifted, drawing up his knees to hide the fact that Charlie wanted to come out and play. Clearing his throat, praying that his erection went away, he said, “Did you date the book nerd in college, too?”
She shook her head. “I started working on the Beamer my junior year and needed help fixing it by myself because I didn’t want to ask Dad for money for repairs. I began seeing this guy who worked at his dad’s garage. He had a motorcycle.”
“Wow, look at you,” Prem said, leaning back to eye her up and down. “Did you ever go for a ride?”
“Fuck no,” Kareena said with a snort. “I couldn’t stop thinking what would happen to me if my father, my grandmother, or my aunties ever found out. We broke up when we both realized we were too different. As sweet as he was, whenever I talked about my family, he didn’t understand why I still lived at home when it got so toxic.”
“Mm-hmm,” Prem said as he bit into his burrito. “It’s hard to communicate the immigrant experience with those who don’t understand. We want to support and be with our families, and sometimes we sacrifice our mental health and our emotional well-being to do it.”
“I can’t give them up, though,” Kareena said softly. “They make me happier than they make me sad. Even though lately, with Bindu’s wedding planning, it’s more sadness.”
“Now you can stay with me if they hurt you.”
Kareena smiled, burrito in hand. “I’ll hold you to that.”
They ate in silence, enjoying the weather and the sea breeze. The breeze grew colder, and the beach patrons started to dwindle. Prem moved closer to Kareena and enjoyed the feel of her ponytail sliding against his bare arm.
He shifted on the sand, so he was facing her as she continued to watch the water. “Can you tell me?” he blurted out. “Tell me how a beautiful, vibrant person like you believes in a house filled with memories? Why do you think love is more than an illusion? That love can sustain a relationship for years?”
Her eyes widened, and she put her wrapper away before brushing her hands of sand. “Well, uh, okay. I guess it’s because I’ve seen how love has sustained my father for years. And I’ve felt those same memories keep me going for just as long. And I read romance novels. Romance novels sell an idealized fantasy that we all want to experience. They may be fiction, but there is a reason why so many people connect to love stories. Because that’s the type of feeling we want to give, and want to receive.”
“You’re so sure about that.”
“I am.”
Prem thought about Kareena’s past, her relationship to her parents, and then his relationship with his own parents. The arranged marriage. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard my parents tell each other that they love each other. Maybe when I was younger they showed each other affection, but they never even held hands. It’s like whatever fleeting emotions they had for each other dried up before I could witness it.”
Kareena smiled at him. “And that’s why you believe in partnership over love. Despite all the science about long-term love, or whatever. Prem, maybe it’s not one or the other. Maybe you have to have both for partnership to last forever. That’s what will sustain forever.”
“Forever is a long time,” he said, softly. He looked down at their linked fingers. “Did I ever tell you I was engaged?”
Her jaw dropped, and her eyes widened. “No. W-what happened?”
Prem nodded, thinking of Gori and the memories he had with her. They were hazy now, like he was watching them through a fog. “It was an arranged marriage. Our parents knew each other. We had a lot in common. We believed in the same life philosophies. She was in business; I was in medicine. We also were pretty good in bed together. Three months after we met, and dated casually, we announced our engagement.”
“Wow,” Kareena said. She let out a deep breath. “That’s . . . that’s fast.”
“Our parents were already celebrating after our first meeting. They found a venue and set the wedding date for a year or so after our engagement. Gori’s headaches started soon after that.” He could remember the first one so vividly. He’d stayed over at her apartment, closed the blinds for her, tucked her in. Everything he could possibly think of doing to make her comfortable as she curled in the fetal position under a blanket.
“She went to her general physician who told her she just had some headaches. I convinced my attending to give her a checkup, too. As a favor they scheduled an MRI and CT, but it was too late.”
“Oh no. Prem . . .” Kareena whispered.