“Logan is an asshole. What happened to his brother is sad, but it doesn’t give him an excuse to act like a jerk. How can you let someone treat you like that? He’s lucky I didn’t break his arm after I saw him shaking you up like that.”
“He’s just jealous. He didn’t mean anything by it. And I’m fine, really. No harm, no foul.” I added a smile when I said the last thing because I wanted him to think I meant it, but I avoided his eyes just in case.
“For someone so smart you sure do make some dumb choices.” He glared down at me with heavily lidded blue eyes.
I pushed myself up so we were eye level. My cheeks flared from fury, and my hands curled into fists.
“You’re one to talk,” I said, louder than I intended. But it felt good to yell. Especially at him. I was an egg cracked on the side of a pan, my anger spitting and hissing against the hot surface. “You act all smart and perfect all the time, like Justin can do no wrong. Then you invite me to The Fields and make it seem like I’m the one you want to see, like you actually like me too, only it wasn’t me you wanted at all. What kind of person does something like that? I liked you, Justin. And I know you’re smart enough to have figured that out. I mean, I even pretended to like the same music as you so that we’d have something to talk about. My freaking iPod is filled with all that indie garbage you like just because I wanted to impress you! And what did you do? You strung me along, inviting me somewhere when all you really wanted to do was hook up with my friend. Don’t you dare lecture me. Don’t you dare. You’re the bad guy in this story, not me.”
I started to get up, but he put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. He was smiling, and that pissed me off even more.
“Oh, this is funny to you? You think I’m a joke now?” I wanted to push him off the roof, or slap him, or scratch the stupid smirk from his face. Anything to get him to stop looking at me like that.
“Calm down,” he said, his hand pressing down on my shoulder and his grin widening. “I’m not laughing at you. But you have to admit it’s pretty funny that you just admitted you were only pretending to like all of that music. I must have given you, like, what? Twenty bands? And you bought all of them! You even knew some of the words.” He laughed really hard, holding his stomach like it might split open from the hilarity of my confession. Then he mimicked me in a high-pitched voice: “I just love Ender’s Radio. I wish they would make a hundred albums.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m so glad I could entertain you for the evening. That’s super. Glad you’re having so much fun.” I said it in the bitchiest tone I could muster. My fingers were numb from squeezing them against my palms.
“Please don’t go,” he said when I tried to leave again. “I don’t like Sunny. I’ve never liked Sunny. I don’t even know why you’re friends with her. She’s not even in your league.”
I stared at him for a moment, trying to make sense of what he’d said. “But I overheard Sunny talking about you to Jenny and Amber. And at the water tower you guys were chatting forever, and then I saw her grab on to you tonight—”
“You saw her try to grab me, but then you turned around and ran before you could see me push her off. And trust me when I say she was the one doing all the talking at the water tower. The only reason I even humor her is because she’s your friend.”
I sat back down and stared at him for a moment, relief and disbelief washing over me. How could he not like Sunny? Everybody liked Sunny, except for the people she chose not to like. The words didn’t sound right coming out of his mouth, especially because she wanted to be with him, and Sunny always got what she wanted.
“I asked you to meet me tonight because I wanted to see you. But you’re always with Logan.” He shook his head. “I don’t get it.”
I made a face. I wanted to say, maybe if you had asked me out sooner I wouldn’t have had to date Logan, but instead I said, “What don’t you get?”
“Why you’re with someone like that.” After a few seconds of quiet he added, “You’re better than that, Taylor. You’re better than all of this, don’t you know that?”
“You keep saying that—” I started, but he held up his hand and frowned.
“You’re smart. And you’re nice. At least, you are when you’re not hanging around Sunny. I don’t know why you waste so much energy trying to pretend to be someone you’re not. It seems like the only time you ever act real is when you’re in class, away from your friends.” He paused and glanced up at the sky, searching for the right words. “Someday high school is going to end. And when you get out of here, you have a chance to actually be something. You can do anything you want, go anywhere you want, hell, you could probably be anything you wanted to be if you’d just stop trying so hard to hide it from people. The rest of them—Sunny, Logan—they will have peaked in high school. This is all there is for them, as good as it’s going to get. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that you have a shot at being something more than all of this?”
I blinked at him, unsure what to say or how to respond. More how? More of what? I must have looked confused, because he kept talking, and at some point while he spoke he put his hand on my cheek. It was warm and wonderful, and I could no longer hear the words coming out of his mouth because the feeling of his skin against mine was so loud it drowned out everything else.
Then just like that, I had this crazy thought. I didn’t know where the idea came from, but it struck me with so much certainty that I had to say it out loud.