"Nothing." She paused on a rap video, then moved on. "You?"
"I've been grounded," I said, a bit too eagerly. "I mean, I still am grounded, technically. I'm not supposed to be here… but I got this email from my boyfriend, and it kind of flipped me out. It's just… I feel like everything's changing, you know?"
"Mmm-hmm," she said sympathetically.
"It's just weird," I said, wondering why I was telling her all this, and yet fully unable to stop, "I don't know what to do."
She took in a breath, and for a second I thought I might actually get a full sentence. But then she sighed and said, "Uh-huh."
Clearly, this was not what I needed. So I said my good-byes, leaving Monica still flipping channels, and drove back into town. And there, at a traffic light by the Lakeview Mall, I finally found what I was looking for.
Wes. He was across the way, facing me, and I flicked my lights at him. When the light changed, he pulled into the lot in front of Milton's Market while I turned around and doubled back to meet him.
"I thought you were grounded," he said, as I got out of my car and walked over to where he was standing in front of the truck. I couldn't believe how happy I was to see him.
"I am," I said. "I'm at yoga."
He looked at me, raising his eyebrows, and I felt myself smile, suddenly feeling reassured. Of course I wouldn't go back to Jason. Of course I wasn't the same girl again. It had just taken seeing Wes to remind me.
"Okay, so I'm not at yoga," I said. I shook my head. "God, this night has just been… I don't know. Weird. I just needed to get out. Too much to think about."
He nodded, running a hand through his hair. "I know the feeling."
"So what are you doing?" I asked. "Working?"
"Um," he said, glancing at the truck, "not really. I took the night off. I have a bunch of stuff I have to get done."
I looked at my watch, then said, "I'm have another hour before I'm due home. You want company?"
"Um," he said again. I noticed this, for some reason. In fact, as I stood there, I noticed that he was jumpy, nervous even. "Better not. I've got to meet with this client at seven-thirty. You'd be late."
"Oh." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, and neither of us said anything for a minute, a silence more awkward than any I'd ever felt between us. Something's going on, I thought, and immediately I flashed back to that night at the hospital, when I'd cried. Maybe it had been too much, and had freaked him out. We'd only talked on the phone since then, hadn't seen each other. For all I knew, this change had happened ages ago, and I was only just catching up with it now.
"It's just," he said, as I turned my head, watching a car pass by, "just this thing I have to do. You wouldn't want to come."
I felt my body reacting, my posture straightening, as I shifted into the defensive mode I knew so well. "Yeah, I should go anyway," I said.
"Well, hang out for a second," he said. "What's been going on?"
"Not much." I looked at my watch. "God, I'm gonna go. It's stupid for me to even be risking this, with everything that's happened. And I have this email from Jason to answer."
"Jason?" He looked surprised. "Really."
I nodded, flipping my car keys in my hand. "I don't know, he's having some problems, we're in touch. He wants to get back together, I think."
"Is that what you want?"
"I don't know," I said, even though I knew it wasn't. "Maybe."
He was looking at me now: I had his full attention. Which was why I turned my back and started walking to my car.
"Macy," he said, "hold on a second."
"I really have to go," I told him. "I'll see you around."
"Wait." I was still walking, but I could hear him coming up behind me, knew he'd put his hand on my shoulder even before he did. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I said, and started walking again. "I'm fine." Even when I got to my car and opened the door, he hadn't moved, stayed there as I drove away. I would have thought this would make me feel better, for once getting to be the one to leave and not the one left behind. But it didn't. Not at all.
I was almost all the way home when I turned around.
But he was gone. I sat at the light for a second, the big time and temperature sign at Willow Bank blinking above me: 7:24, 78 degrees. I kept looking from the red stoplight to the numbers, then back again, and all of a sudden I knew where to go.