Once, this had been the life I'd wanted. Even chosen. Now, though, I couldn't believe that there had been a time when this kind of monotony and silence, this most narrow of existences, had been preferable. Then again, once, I'd never known anything else.
"Caroline should be coming into town again next week," my mother said, putting her fork down and wiping her mouth with a napkin.
"Thursday, I think," I replied.
"We'll have to plan to have dinner, so we can all catch up."
I took a sip of my water. "Sure."
My mother had to know I was unhappy. But it didn't matter: all she cared about was that I was her Macy again, the one she'd come to depend on, always within earshot or reach. I came to work early, sat up straight at my desk and endured the monotony of answering phones and greeting potential homebuyers with a smile on my face. After dinner, I spent my hour and a half of free time alone, doing accepted activities. When I came home afterwards, my mother would be waiting for me, sticking her head out of her office to verify that, yes, I was just where I was supposed to be. And I was. I was also miserable.
"This salad," she said now, taking a sip from her wine glass, "is just wonderful."
"Thanks," I told her. "The chicken's good, too."
"It is, isn't it?"
Around us, the house was dark and quiet. Empty. "Yes," I said. "It really is."
I missed Kristy. I missed Delia. But most of all, I missed Wes.
He'd called the first night of my punishment, my cell phone buzzing as I sat on my bed, contemplating the rest of my summer, which now seemed to stretch out ahead of me, endless and flat. I'd been feeling sorry for myself all day, but it really kicked into overdrive the minute I punched the talk button and heard his voice.
"Hey," he said. "How's it going?"
"Don't ask."
He did though, as I knew he would, just as I knew he would listen, making sympathetic noises, as I outlined my restrictive curfew and the very real possibility that I might not see him again, ever. I didn't go so far as to tell him that he and everyone else from Wish were off limits, although I had a feeling he probably knew that, too.
"You'll be okay," he said. "It could be worse."
"How?"
The only noise was the buzzing of the line as he considered this. "Could be forever," he said finally.
"It's until the end of the summer," I said. "It is forever."
"Nah. It just seems like it now, because it's the first day. You'll see. It'll go fast."
This was easy for him to say. While my life had slowed to a near stop, Wes's was now busier than ever. When he wasn't working on sculptures to keep up with increasing demand, he was driving to garden art places to drop off pieces and take new orders. At night, he was working the job he'd taken delivering for A la Carte, a store that specialized in high-end, restaurant-quality dinner entrees brought right to your door. Most of our conversations lately had taken place while he was en route to one delivery or another. While I sat in my room, staring out the window, he was constantly in motion, crisscrossing town with bags of chicken parmigiana and shrimp scampi riding shotgun beside him. I was always happy to hear his voice. But it wasn't the same.
We didn't talk about our Truth game, other than to agree to keep it on hold until we got to see each other face to face. Sometimes, at night, when I sat out on my roof alone, I'd run over the questions and answers we'd traded back and forth in my head. For some weird reason, I was afraid I might forget them otherwise, like they were vocabulary words or something else I had to study to keep close at hand.
Kristy had been in touch as well, calling to extend invitations to come over and sunbathe, or go to parties (she knew I was grounded, but like "free time" for my mother, this was clearly a flexible term for her), or just to talk about her new boyfriend. His name was Baxter, and they'd met cute, when he stopped by the produce stand while she was sitting in for Stella one day. He'd talked to her for over an hour, then, besotted, bought an entire bushel of cucumbers. This was clearly extraordinary, or at least, notable, and now she was busy much of the time, too. That was the thing about being on the inside: the world was just going on, even when it seemed like time for you had stopped for good.
I was bored. Sad. Lonely. It was only a matter of time before I cracked.
I'd had a long day at the model home, stapling Welcome packets and listening to my mother give her sales spiel to six different prospective clients. It was the same thing I'd done the day before, and the day before that. Which was bad enough even before you factored in that I'd eat the same dinner (chicken and salad) with the same person (my mother) at the same time (six sharp), then fill the hours before bedtime the same way (yoga and studying). With all of this combined, the monotony hit lethal levels. So it was no wonder I was feeling totally hopeless and trapped, even before I went home and found an email from Jason.