I sighed, hesitant to reach for the car handle.
“You ready for this?” Daniel asked.
“Yes,” I said. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“All of the above?”
“Things didn’t go so great the last time I came to see Jude. I kind of accused him of murdering that nurse at the hospital. You know, the one Pete actually killed?”
Daniel nodded. “Yeah, I can see how that wouldn’t go over all that well.”
“I don’t know what to even say to him anymore. I haven’t even been able to look him in the eyes.”
“Then that’s what I’d lead off with. How do you expect him to ever get better if his own sister won’t even look into his eyes?”
A pang of guilt tugged at my heart. “I know. I think I’ve just been afraid of what I’ll see there.”
“Whatever it is, he can change. Everyone can. I believe that now.”
“Everyone?” I looked into his dark eyes. “Even Caleb?”
Daniel hesitated, then cleared his throat. “Yes … I would have never said that a while ago. There was a time when I thought even I wasn’t capable of changing, but you showed me the way.” He smiled a little. “You were my saving grace. More than once.”
“But someone like Caleb, he’s pure evil. How can you change that?”
“Gelals and Akhs are pure evil. They’re nothing but demons. They have no soul. But Caleb, he’s Urbat. He still has a human heart—which I think also means he still has a human soul. No matter how black it is. I have to believe there is still some light inside of him somewhere. Some spark of humanity. If he decided that he wanted to change—somehow try to make amends for all the horrible wrong he’s done—maybe that means he could still be redeemed.”
“As if he’d want to change,” I said.
“I didn’t say it was likely, but it’s still possible.” Daniel looked out at the parish. “I don’t know, maybe it sounds stupid, but I guess I believe that everyone is capable of changing. It doesn’t mean they will. Nobody can be saved if they don’t want to be.”
“So what about Jude? Do you think he wants to change?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
I took a deep breath, knowing I couldn’t put it off any longer. “I just hope he’ll even let me speak to him, let alone listen.”
“He’ll listen, Grace. That’s what’s so special about you. Not only can you make people better—like the way you healed your parents—but you make people want to be better. Just remember that what he’s going through is a lot different for him than it is for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“The wolf—the voice you hear, trying to manipulate you—is a hundred times stronger after you’ve already given in to it. It’s always there. Fighting it is a constant decision. Coming home, trying to beat the wolf, trying to make things right with the people I hurt the most were the hardest things I’ve ever done. The wolf was screaming in my head that I could never be forgiven. I don’t doubt Jude is getting a similar treatment.”
Daniel’s words sank into my heart. I don’t think I had realized just how much of a battle he had gone through when trying to overcome the wolf’s hold on him. The battle that Jude was going through now.
“You just need to remind him that he is loved. That he can be forgiven. You’re pretty good at that.”
I felt a lift in my confidence, remembering what I’d done for Daniel once. And what I’d done for Mom and Dad. The kind of power I’d wielded in my own two hands today. It made me feel like a different person now than the one who’d tried to talk to Jude the first time only two days ago.
“Let’s go inside.” Daniel got out of the car and came around to my side. He opened my door for me. “Clear your mind, and I bet the right thing to say will just come to you. Jude isn’t completely lost.”
INSIDE THE PARISH