“You remember this, Oakley?” Mum asked, pointing to a picture of me on my fifth birthday. I was wearing a hideous pink dress and eating chocolate cake. There was pink icing all over my face and hair from having a cake fight with Jasper, Cole, and Mia. I smiled at the memory.
Once we’d finished the food fight, they crammed us all into the same bath and sprayed us clean with the shower head. The water was gross and pink, with little bits of wet cake floating around in it, but we had fun.
That was one of the last times I was a carefree child. I nodded and looked away, not wanting to dwell on it too much. That part of my life was over a long time ago.
“And what did you do for your sixth birthday?” Sadie asked me casually, flicking through the photos. I gave her a flat look and pushed the photo album labelled ‘Oakley Six’ towards her. She forced a smiled and started looking through it even though I could tell she had no interest in seeing them at all. I got the impression that she didn’t like failing and wanted to be able to fix me.
Sadie sat up straight, flicked her straggly hair behind her shoulder, and asked, “What do you want to do after school?”
I shrugged, and she pursed her lips. Dinner was going to be a constant battle with her. She wanted to be the magical one that gave my mum all the answers, and I couldn’t let her.
After dinner, we moved into the lounge. Mum made it clear that I was to sit with them too, even though Jasper was allowed to sneak off. Sadie’s questions kept coming. She switched back to asking mostly yes or no answer questions, but she occasionally threw one in that required a proper answer. The whole time I could feel Dad’s eyes burning into the side of my head. He played along, following Mum’s lead with questions to Sadie. Not even the high paid specialist could see through him. Seriously, what chance did I have of getting anyone to believe me?
At ten o’clock, it was getting late enough for me to have to go to bed. Mum and Sadie’s frustration was clear. They really believed that tonight everything would be fixed. I left the room to get a glass of water and wasn’t at all surprised when Sadie followed me. Turning off the tap, I placed the glass on the counter and waited.
“Can we talk?” I sighed heavily and nodded. “So, you were five when you stopped talking?” I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows. Just leave it! “And you didn’t have any problems talking before that?”
Problems?
“Any anxiety about speaking to people?” Shaking my head, I looked at the floor.
“Did you say something wrong, or overhear something you shouldn’t have? Anyone tease you for saying something they thought was silly?” She pressed.
I felt sick. My stomach churned. Why couldn’t she just understand I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it?
“Is everything okay?” Dad asked as he walked into the room.
“Everything’s fine,” Sadie replied, frowning at the interruption.
I faked a yawn and grabbed my glass.
“You’re tired, darling, go to bed,” Dad instructed. With a little polite wave to Sadie, I went up to bed.
I walked up to my room, opened and closed the door, so it sounded like I’d gone to bed and then went back to the top of the stairs. Sitting down against the wall, I wrapped my arms around myself. My heart was beating out of my chest in anticipation.
For a minute or two, they talked about Sadie’s job, but the conversation soon turned to me.
“So...you know what’s wrong with her?” Mum asked nervously. I couldn’t see her from where I was, but I knew she would be playing with her fingers or tapping her foot.
“It’s psychological,” she said simply. “Oakley can talk but for whatever reason, she won’t.” I bit my lip at the painfully long pause. Did she know? Had she guessed? I really wished I could see my parents’ faces, just to get a glimpse of what they were thinking. The longer I waited the more nervous I felt.
“But what does that mean? How can we help her? I don’t even know what’s wrong with my baby,” Mum said and took a deep shaky breath. Don’t cry.
“She’s very strong-willed. I don’t think you’ll be able to just find out, not until Oakley wants you too anyway.”
“But…” Mum trailed off. I heard silence and then strangled sobs as she broke down. Hugging my knees to my chest, I closed my eyes. I’m sorry, Mum. I’m so, so sorry.
“I know it’s distressing, but you have to remain positive and let her come to you,” Sadie said. “I would suggest that you don’t keep pushing it. Talk to her and treat her as if nothing’s out of the ordinary. The more pressure you put her under, the more she’ll shut you out. Therapy will help, but only when she is ready.”
“So you’re saying we do nothing?” Dad cut in. His voice was laced with anger. Fake anger.