Chapter Twelve
Two things woke Jessie early Saturday morning. The first was an overwhelming sense of peace. They were in her bed and she could feel Chase’s warmth all along her side. It had been wonderful spending the entire night with him, knowing they didn’t have to worry about A my being down the hall.
The second thing that woke her was a mild ache across her chest. She opened her eyes and looked down. Chase was on his stomach, one arm extended straight across her breasts. With a slight smile, she gently moved it down an inch or two and sighed in relief. Much better.
Turning her head, she studied Chase. His hair was all sleep-rumpled, locks falling down onto his forehead. The dark stubble on his jaw and chin was more pronounced this morning, giving him a rugged wild-man appearance. He was so gorgeous, so wonderfully virile, that her heart skipped a beat.
Thanks to him, she hadn’t been able to think since Wednesday. He had made love to her so many times that night she’d lost count. A nd he’d found out how to do the damn card trick. She smiled again. His form of torture had proved very effective. He’d barely made it back to his room before A my got up the next morning.
While she had spent most of Thursday fighting to keep from falling asleep on her feet, Chase had been energized. He was the one who picked out her car and argued the salesman into knocking a few thousand off the sticker price. Luckily, she agreed with his choice. The metallic beige Camry was sporty enough to satisfy her dramatic side without being blatant. She had loved driving it home.
A nd somehow, she’d managed to help A my select a new wardrobe that would be the envy of every ten-year-old in school. She only hoped Chase would be able to buy food for the next few months. But he hadn’t so much as batted an eye when the cashier rang up the total.
“What’s that look for?”
A t the sound of his sleep-roughened voice Jessie realized that Chase was awake and watching her. She grinned at him sheepishly. “I was just wondering if A my and I didn’t go a little overboard on the clothes Thursday.” The arm around her waist tightened as he pulled her closer. “If you’re afraid you broke the bank, the answer is no. I’m not rich, but I invested the money after I sold Mom and Dad’s ranch, so I’m not hurting either.” He rubbed his chin across her shoulder. “What time do you have to be at the studio today?”
“My first appointment is for eleven.”
“Good. That means we have some time.”
Before she had a chance to respond, he’d rolled on top of her and with one shift, slid inside.
“Oh…” Her eyes closed with the burst of sensation his action inspired.
Moving leisurely, he cupped her face in his hands. “Did you enjoy our first date last night?”
“You know I did.” He wanted to talk when she could barely breathe?
“A nd after the date?”
“Yes,” she moaned.
“A nd now?” His voice wasn’t sounding any steadier than hers at the moment.
“Oh, God. Don’t tell me you need reassurance? Especially at a time like this!” His movements continued, slow and steady, but it was a second before he answered her. “Maybe I do.” His lips touched hers. “You’re only the second woman I’ve ever made love to, Jess. A nd the only one I’ve ever really cared about pleasing.” Her eyes popped open. “You’re kidding, right?”
A wry smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “‘Fraid not.”
“Good grief. You’re practically a virgin!”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” He hesitated. “But I know you’ve been with other men. It’s okay, I’m not asking for a list. I guess I just want to know I can satisfy you as well as they did.”
“Oh, Chase,” she whispered. “They couldn’t even come close to you.”
“Not even Reyes?”
Jessie lifted her hands to stroke his hair. “I’ve never slept with him, Chase. I never even wanted to. He’s my friend, nothing more.”
“Then he can live.”
She grinned. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear that. Now shut up and love me.”
“No problem,” he whispered, touching her lips again. “No problem at all.”
* * * * *
A my and Bridget were in the studio office when Jessie and Chase arrived, and both looked up expectantly.
“You guys are here early,” Jessie commented.
“We couldn’t wait to hear what you did last night,” Bridget told her.
Chase’s amused glance met Jessie’s over A my’s head. “I’ll tell A my. We have to get going. Ready, Squirt?”
“I’d rather stay.”
“Not this time. Jessie will be busy and we have a lot to do today.”
The little girl sighed. “Okay.”
He turned to Jessie. “I’ll see you this evening?”
“It may be late when I get home. I’ve got two private lessons scheduled this evening.”
“I’ll wait.” To his own surprise, he leaned over and kissed her and it suddenly occurred to him that he was tired of tiptoeing around A my.
If she objected to him having a relationship with Jessie, he would have known it by now.
“Way to go, Dad!” A my crowed.
Chase grinned. “Why do I expect to see score cards popping up?”
Bridget was smiling from ear to ear. “Don’t worry, we wouldn’t do that to you.” Immediately she leaned over and stage whispered to A my, “I’d say it was a five on a scale of one to ten.”
“A nd a five is all the two of you are going to see,” Jessie told them. She put her purse in a drawer of the desk. “I have to go change.” This time, she kissed him. “Bye.” Her gaze met his for an instant before she vanished into the back room.
“See you later, Bridget. A nd thanks for letting A my stay with you last night.”
“It was fun. We’ll have to do it again soon.”
“Bye, Bridget!” A my waved as they left.
“So what did you do last night?” A my barely waited until they were through the door.
“We went to Galveston. Had supper at that seafood place near the ocean. Then we walked on the beach.”
“In the moonlight?”
Chase grinned down at his daughter. “Yes, in the moonlight.”
A my sighed dramatically. “I bet it was romantic.”
“Yeah, I guess it was.”
She was silent for the next block and Chase braced himself for another question, but when it came, it wasn’t at all what he was expecting.
“Dad, what’s it like to be in love?”
He hesitated, thought about it, then hesitated some more.
“Well?”
“It’s not exactly an easy question to answer, Pum’kin. I guess it can be wonderful if the other person loves you back.”
“But how do you know when you’re in love?”
Chase rubbed a hand back and forth through his hair. “Well, I suppose you know because you want to spend all your time with that person, and when you’re not with them it feels like part of you is missing. A nd,” he continued slowly, “when you’re with them, it makes you happy. Their feelings become more important to you than your own.”
“A re you in love with Jessie?”
Good damn question, he thought, glancing down at his daughter again. Hadn’t he just described all those strange emotions he’d been experiencing lately? The ones that made him feel so fantastic and so scared at the same time?
“A my, Jessie has only been home a few weeks,” he hedged.
“But you really, really like her don’t you? A lot.”
“Yes. I really, really like her a lot.”
“Enough to marry her?”
“A my!” A trickle of anxiety curled in his stomach. “It’s way too soon to be thinking about anything like that. Sometimes people date each other for years before they make that kind of decision.”
This time her sigh was deeper. “I just thought…well, I wanted you to know that if you decide to marry her it’s okay with me.”
“Thanks.” He smiled ruefully. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
* * * * *
“Okay, what happened last night?” Bridget parked herself in the dressing room chair.
Jessie pulled the sports bra down, wincing slightly as the bottom brushed her breasts.
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Just a little tender. It’s almost that time of the month.” Either that or Chase’s arm had bruised her. She smiled slightly remembering this morning.
“Oh, it must have been good,” Bridget grinned at her. “You’re practically glowing.”
“It was wonderful, Bridg. He took me to Galveston. A fter we ate, we went for a walk on the beach.”
“A nd after you came home?” She arched a brow in question.
Jessie felt heat suffuse her cheeks and laughed. “That was wonderful too.”
“A nd obviously not the first time, to judge by the condom episode. I don’t suppose you’d like to share the details on exactly how that happened, would you? I’m dying of curiosity.”
“Let’s just say the first time was an accident.”
“Uh-huh. He slipped and fell in, right?”
Jessie grinned at her. “Something like that.”
“So, do I hear the distinct sound of wedding bells in the near future?”
The thought drained all her happiness away in a flash. “I don’t think so, Bridg. A fter what happened to him with Becky, I doubt he’ll ever marry again.”
“Maybe he just needs time to get used to the idea?”
She shook her head. “There’s a part of him that thinks all women are like her. Unless he can learn to trust, he’ll never get used to the idea.”
“Oh, Jess. What are you going to do? I know you love him.”
“Yes, I do.” She looked down at the floor. “With all my heart. A nd I know that I have a decision to make. But I don’t think I’m ready to make it yet, Bridg. How can I tell him I won’t see him again because I want a real family and he’ll never be able to give me that? Is it better to have him for what time I can, or will putting it off just make things worse?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that, Jess. But whatever you decide, you can count on me. I’m here if you need me.”
“I know, and I love you for it.”
The bell over the front door jangled, and Jess smoothed the spandex over her hips. “Looks like it’s time to go to work.”
* * * * *
Jessie glanced at her house as she pulled into the drive, noting the lights were on. It hadn’t taken her long to get back in the small town habit of leaving her doors unlocked. Especially when the sheriff lived right behind her. But she knew she’d turned the lights off this morning.
Maybe Chase was waiting on her. She’d been a little surprised he hadn’t stopped by the studio.
Putting the gearshift in park, she glanced at the dashboard clock. A lmost nine and she felt every minute of the day bearing down on her.
Even the scent of freshly mown grass didn’t have much effect on her.
A s soon as she entered the kitchen, she heard Chase’s voice coming over the scanner in the living room. Eyebrows arched she stepped to the door and stopped. A my was curled on the couch, Bubbles in her lap as she stroked the kitten. The little girl barely looked up as Jessie turned the scanner off.
“Hi there, kiddo. What’s up?”
“Dad had to go out on a call.”
“So I heard. Have you had supper yet?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I haven’t. Why don’t you come in the kitchen and keep me company while I fix something?”
“Okay.”
Jessie surveyed the contents of her freezer and took out a pizza. “Did you tell your dad you were going to be here?”
“I left him a note.”
“Good. We don’t want him to panic when he gets home and you aren’t there.” She took a quick look at A my as she turned the oven on and slid the pizza inside. Something was definitely going on in that ten-year-old head, and whatever it was didn’t look good. Maybe she was worried about Chase?
“What kind of call did your dad go on?” She set the oven timer and joined A my at the table.
“They think someone had a heart attack.”
“Oh. I hope they’re all right.”
“It sounded like it. They were waiting on an ambulance.”
Okay, she probably wasn’t worried about Chase. Jessie studied A my’s face. But something was wrong. “Want to talk about it?”
“What?” A my stared fixedly at the toe of her shoe.
“Whatever’s got you in such a sour mood.”
She was quiet for so long that Jessie decided she wasn’t going to answer. When she finally did, her voice was soft.
“I wish you were my mom.”
Jessie forced herself to smile. “If I were, you’d probably hate it. I’d have to do things like make you eat broccoli, and tell you what shows you couldn’t watch on TV.”
“I wouldn’t care.”
“You say that now, but you’d change your tune if it really happened.” She took a deep breath. “Besides, you have a mom.”
“No I don’t!” A my’s vehemence shocked her down to her toes. She’d known the little girl must be hurt, but this went way beyond any normal feelings of abandonment.
“She’s not my mom. She doesn’t love me and she never loved Dad. Dad hates her, too.” Tears were streaming down A my’s face and Jessie couldn’t stand it another minute. She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around the sobbing child. “A my, I’m sure that’s not true. Sometimes things just don’t work out between grown-ups. That doesn’t mean your mom doesn’t love you, or that your dad hates her.”
A my was holding on to her like her life depended on it. “Yes it does. He tries to hide it, but I can tell. The only time he’s ever been happy is since you moved back. I asked him this morning if he was in love with you. He said it was too soon to tell. So I asked him if he liked you enough to marry you and he wouldn’t really answer me. Now I don’t know if he ever will marry you, and it’s all her fault.” Jessie went still, her mind whirling so fast she didn’t know where to start. One thing at a time, she reminded herself. Help A my first then worry about the other later.
“A my, whatever happens between your dad and me doesn’t matter. You and I will always be friends. Nothing is going to change that.”
“But I thought if he married you, maybe you could have kids of your own and it might not matter so much if he found out.”
“Found out what?”
Without warning A my pulled away from her, a horrified expression on her face. “Nothing.” She swabbed at the moisture on her cheeks.
But Jessie knew with a sudden appalled certainty exactly what she’d meant. Now the problem was getting A my to admit it. “Come on, Sweetie,” she said gently. “You can tell me. A t least let me try to help.”
“Nobody can help.”
“Maybe not, but you’ll feel better if you talk about it.”
Her blue eyes brimming again, A my looked up. “He’s not really my dad,” she whispered.
“How do you know?”
The little girl sniffed. “My mom told me the day she left. She was laughing about it.”
“Oh, God,” Jessie murmured. “Honey, you have to talk to your dad about this.”
“No! If he finds out he won’t love me anymore either! Please, Jessie. I can’t tell him.” She tilted the girl’s chin up with her finger. “Listen to me, Sweetie. Your dad loves you very much. Nothing is going to make him stop.
You have to trust him. A nd you have to talk to him, A my. Things aren’t going to get any better until you do.”
“I’m afraid.”
Jessie hugged her again. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Would you talk to him first?”
“If you’re sure you want me to.”
“I don’t think I can do it myself.”
She smoothed A my’s hair. “Okay. Why don’t you go upstairs and rest for a while. Your dad should be here soon. Take Bubbles with you if want to.”
A my stood and picked the kitten up, cuddling it in her arms. “If he hates me, can I come live with you?”
“Oh, Sweetie, he’s not going to hate you. No one could ever hate you.”
She watched the dejected slump of A my’s shoulders as she left the kitchen, then turned off the stove. Her appetite had vanished like a snowflake in July. Woodenly, she dumped the half-cooked pizza in the trash, then set about making tea.
The second cup was cooling in front of her when she heard the distant sound of Chase’s patrol car. Mentally, she braced herself, pushing away the other information A my had unwittingly given her. She couldn’t think about the fact that he didn’t love her. Not right now.
Waiting, she counted off the minutes and he came through the door right on schedule. The smile he gave her nearly broke her heart.
“Hi.” He glanced around the kitchen in puzzlement. “I found a note that said A my would be here.”
“She’s upstairs.”
“Oh?”
When he moved toward her, Jessie waved him away. She didn’t think she could stand it if he kissed her right now. “I think you’d better sit down.”
Looking more concerned by the second, he pulled a chair out. “Is something wrong?” There was no way to break it to him gently. “A my knows, Chase.”
“Knows?”
“That you aren’t her biological father.”
The blood drained from his face, leaving him pale and shaken. “You told her?” A mazement and anger tinged his voice.
She looked down at her cup and prayed the hurt of that question didn’t show. “No. She told me. A pparently it was Becky’s last little gift to her. A my is afraid that if you find out you won’t love her anymore. That’s why she’s been acting the way she has. That’s also why she’s been pushing us together. She thought if you got married and had kids of your own, it might not matter so much that she isn’t yours.”
“Oh, God.” He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “A ll this time, she’s known. I have to talk to her.”
“She’s waiting for you.”
He stood, then hesitated. “Come with me?”
Jessie shook her head. “I think it would be better for both of you to be alone right now.”
“What do I tell her?”
“The truth. That it takes more than a sperm cell to make a father. That she’s your daughter no matter what. That you love her and you always will.”
“Thank you, Jess.”
She forced herself to smile at him. “No problem. Now go talk to your daughter.”