Now I was pissed off. How dare she blame me when all I’d done was support her? I’d encouraged her to go for the Deputy Head of English and then the Head of English jobs. I was the one waiting in the car after her interview and taking her out to dinner after. How fucking dare she suggest that I want a child over her career aspirations?
“Well thank you very much! Now I feel a whole lot better!” she shouted.
“Why’re you being like this? I’m not fighting with you so lower your voice and talk to me the way you used to. What is going on?”
Her face reddened. She was angry. Well so was I.
“You’re making me out to be the bad one.”
I threw my arms up in exasperation. “I’m not making you out to be anything!”
“Don’t think I don’t know that look your mum gave you when you said we’re waiting to have a baby.”
“What look?” Jesus, I swear she sees what she wants to.
“She knew it was because of me.”
“So!”
Abby glared. “So?”
“Yeah. So. It doesn’t matter whose idea it was. We’re married, Abby, so I’ll fucking stick by whatever you want to do. I don’t care if my mum or your parents want a grandchild now if one of us isn’t ready, for whatever reason, we’re waiting.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she leant back against the wall. What the fuck now?
“I hate the way things are between us,” she whispered.
“So do I. Why is it like this? I don’t resent you for wanting to wait.”
“I feel like you do.”
“Well I’m telling you I don’t. What more can I do, Abby? Why can’t you believe me?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because I know how much having a family means to you.”
“It means a lot, but I don’t need it right this second. I thought it meant a lot to you too?”
“It did.” She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again they were distant. “It does, but I can’t even think about it right now. There’s too much going on. I’d rather get my career to where I want it now. It’ll be harder to do it with a baby.”
“Fine,” I said. “That’s fine. I’ve never said it isn’t. You’re making this a much bigger deal than it has to be, and I don’t understand why. If you’re worried about what my mum thinks, I’ll have a word with her, but you know she loves you too. As long as we’re happy she’s happy.”
“Oh, come on. She’s much closer to Cole.”
“What? Is this jealousy because you think my mum prefers her son-in-law to you?” Fuck is she eight?
“Don’t look at me like that!” she growled. “You have no idea!”
“You’re right, I don’t, but that’s because you’re not making any damn sense!”
“I’m just sick of being the one that’s making you unhappy.”
“I’m unhappy because you’ve been cold and distant recently. We’re waiting to have a baby, fine. Let’s leave it at that and not mention it for a year or so. Can we please just get back to normal now?”
“So that’s it? Topic closed, and everything’s fine?”
Wasn’t that what she wanted?
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’ll warm some plates, I hate chow mien cold.”
Turning around, I walked deeper in the kitchen and away from her. Hopefully she’d calm down now. That had to be one of the most ridiculous and pathetic arguments we’d ever had. I still didn’t get the crap about my mum preferring Cole; she’d never treated them any different. She saw them both more because of Everleigh. And because Abby worked a lot!
I shoved two plates in the microwave, ready to turn on when the Chinese arrived.
After our awful evening yesterday I’d arranged to drop Everleigh off at mum’s and for Oakley to pick her up from there. Me and Abby needed a weekend away, somewhere we could relax without the monotonous everyday life stuff. We hadn’t talked properly or had sex in three weeks, and I was starting to feel like the distance between us was unfixable.
I had to do something so I’d booked a Bed and Breakfast near the coast for Friday and Saturday night, and I was on my way to the school to surprise her.
She shared car rides with another teacher so I’d spoken to Louise about not waiting around for Abby after school was out.
Everything was planned, apart from her weekend bag. There was no way I was going to pack for her because my choices would just end up being wrong and/or inappropriate for public. We had time though. It was only three-thirty.
I’d learnt not to come until fifteen minutes after school was out as it was hectic before. I also didn’t like the young girls looking at me, and Abby didn’t like getting comments about her ‘hot’ husband. Ten years ago I would’ve been eating it up.