Chapter 23
Justin
Though I’m following the instructions Allie texted me, all the state park trails appear the same. Trees, plants, wood chips. I open her text and read it again. Start at the north trail. Left, right, right, then wait at the fork. Be there around two o’clock.
It’s past two and I’m standing alone, surrounded by trees. Wasting time is a little ridiculous considering I have a paper to write and three exams to study for just enough to attain the parent-aggravating average C. I slap at my arm—bugs. All to meet a five-year-old, and to see Allie. At least the sight of her will be worth the unwanted nature hike.
I’m about to text her when the sound of giggling comes at me from the left. Hopeful, I jog toward the sound as it grows louder. The first person to come around the corner is a small boy with curly hair and thick glasses. Seeing me, he stops walking and kicking wood chips. He glances over his shoulder nervously as I continue jogging toward him. Holly and Allie round the bend. Allie’s too cute, sporting a backpack and a baseball cap.
She plasters a look of surprise on her face as I stop my jog a few feet away from them.
“Justin! What are you doing out here?”
I bend and pretend to catch my breath. “Sunday afternoon jog. Nothing better than running on nature trails.” Yeah, right. I like to run on a treadmill with a TV in front of me. I draw in a deep breath like I’ve been running for miles. I’m dressed for deception in Adidas running shoes, a hoodie, and running pants. “You?”
Holly shoots me a mocking look.
“Out hiking,” Allie says, putting her hands on the small shoulders in front of her. “Ben loves to hike and study nature.”
I give Ben a grin. “Hiking’s cool.”
He stares at me, and I slowly realize this kid has got to like me because if anything would be a deal breaker for Allie it would be her son. Yet even though I know next to nothing about kids, being fake isn’t going to work. Kids can smell the “nice grown-up” scam a mile away. At least I used to be able to, if memory serves me right.
Holly crosses her arms and grins wickedly. “It’s been a while since we hung out, J-dog.” My teeth grind at the nickname. “Hanging out with you is the best. Remember that time in band camp?” she asks with a giggle.
Crossing my arms, I say, “How could I forget band camp and your…instrument?”
Holly lets out a loud laugh. Allie nudges her with an elbow, telling her without words that she’s overdoing it, but Holly lifts the cooler in her hand and her eyes sparkle mischievously at me. “You should join us on our hike. We’re, like, picnicking and everything.”
I clear my throat. “Picnic? Sounds great.” I look at Ben. “Do you mind if I join you?”
He shrugs and stares at a folded paper in his hand.
Allie’s forced smile is wide. “Of course he doesn’t mind. And you can help us find all the plants in our scavenger hunt.” She leans over Ben. “Show him the next couple we’re searching for.”
Still silent, Ben opens the brochure in his hand and points to several pictures of weedy green things.
“Neat, huh?” Allie says, gesturing to the brochure. “They give them out at the ranger station.”
I try to appear impressed. “Very cool. How many of them have you found so far?”
“Twelve,” Ben says, at last speaking. “We have eight more.”
“Okay,” I say, glancing at the brochure. “I’ll make sure to look out for the one with the little yellow flowers.”
Ben’s expression stays flat, but he nods in agreement.
Mother and son walk ahead of Holly and me. She keeps bumping me in the leg with the cooler. Then she points at Allie’s butt. “Quit looking at that and spy some flora and fauna.”
My response comes out with a smirk. “Can’t help it.”
Shaking her head, Holly smirks back.
Of course, I don’t find shit. Neither does Holly. Allie spots two of the plants and Ben the rest. Each time they find one, Allie pronounces the Latin term and Ben repeats it, then she reads the properties of the plant, which Ben also repeats. In the span of forty-five minutes as we walk through the swampy part of the trails, I’m thinking the boy is a supergenius and unlike any other five-year-old walking the planet.
The trail ends at a wide-open beach on Lake Huron. Growing up on the other side of the state on Lake Michigan, where the water is rougher, I can’t help but notice how the vast expanse of blue water appears calm and serene under the warm April sun.
Ben runs to the edge of the water and is about to dip a tennis shoe into the slight wave rolling onto the beach.
“Don’t even think about it!” Allie shouts. She glances at me as Ben backs away from the water. “I don’t like yelling, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.”
“Soakers do suck,” I say in agreement.
As she unzips her backpack, it finally hits me: The woman I’m dating is a mother. As in, she had a baby. As in, she’s raising a child. Of course, I knew this, but seeing them together makes it somehow more real, and gives me a glimpse into the reality of her responsibility, which I’m suddenly understanding is huge. I’ve been in my own little Justin world for so long that the whole thing kind of blows my mind. I’m aware I suck at understanding other people. Never used to care though.
Allie spreads out a blanket and then dumps the contents of her backpack, a collection of Hot Wheels, onto the sand while Holly unpacks the cooler. In seconds Ben is pushing the cars around and finally acting his age. I sit on the corner of the blanket closest to him. Feeling totally out of my element, I pick up a red sports car and lift it to get a closer look.
“Now this is a cool car.”
He pauses from pushing a tiny dump truck and says, “That’s a Viper. Fourth generation, Phase Two ZB. Zero to sixty in three-point-four seconds. Highest speed two hundred and two.”
My mouth falls open and I blurt, “Damn, kid, how do you remember all that?”
His little shoulders shrug. “Remembering is easy.”
“Do you even know how long three-point-four seconds is?”
His gaze turns pensive. “Not really.”
“Good,” I say. “I was starting to feel like a dumb ass.”
He grins at me.
“Justin,” Allie says in warning, handing me a wrapped peanut butter and jelly sandwich that reminds me of elementary school. “We’re trying not to use bad words in front of Ben. He likes to repeat them, especially in front of his teachers.”
Ben mouths “dumb ass” when Allie turns around and reaches for a juice box.
I put one finger to my lips, but he mouths the words again. I’m starting to like this genius little shit instead of considering him only as a way to get to his mother’s heart.
The thick peanut butter sticks to the roof of my mouth. The sweet apple juice does little to clear out the texture of the sandwich. And every now and then, I crunch on a grain of sand. But despite the awful lunch, I’m enjoying myself. Pushing cars through the sand, carving out hills and roads, and enacting massive car crashes with Ben turns out to be fun. Never would have thought I’d be one to get along with a kid. But I’m having such a great time—there’s a bit of a jog down memory lane into my own childhood happening—that I almost fail to notice Allie observing us with a pleased expression. As Holly sits next to her and drones on about her boyfriend, Allie appears to watch us more than listen to her friend.
Obviously a pro at kid manipulation, Holly challenges Ben to a race along the beach. Once they’re off and running, I say, “He’s great, Allie.”
“He is,” she agrees, stuffing empty juice boxes and sandwich wrappers into the cooler.
“You said he was smart, but he’s, like, a genius.”
She closes the cooler and plops down across from me. “It’s awesome he’s so smart, but keeping up with him can be a challenge sometimes.”
I can hear the strain in her tone, the constant self-questioning if she’s doing everything right. “From what I’ve seen, you’re a great mom, Allie.”
“Thanks.” She sifts sand obsessively through her fingers as she watches Holly and Ben race farther down the beach. “I hate remembering my freak-out when I realized I was pregnant. I was terrified and miserable about…well, having to grow up overnight.”
“Shit, Allie, you were what? Sixteen?”
She nods.
“Give your teenager self a break. Becoming a parent must be terrifying. It scares the shit out of me now. Can only imagine at that age.”
“I was young but my meltdown feels selfish now. I wanted to go out and party. I wanted to be pretty and sexy instead of fat and pregnant. I thought my life had stopped. Then Ben was born and all of those wants went away. Well, mostly,” she adds with a frown. “Unfortunately, I didn’t grow up overnight.”
“Hey, you don’t have to be the world’s most responsible adult to be a great parent. Hell, most people act like idiots regardless of age.” I get what she’s trying to tell me, but even my dumb ass knows having a child doesn’t have to stop you from living. “None of those things are wrong to want, even now. You can be a sexy mom who goes out once in a while, especially since you had to grow up so fast.”
She shrugs. “Those things lost importance over time.”
Leaning back on an elbow next to her, I snag a truck from the sand. “I’m not trying to argue my own case, but the truth is you’ve got to live a little.” I run the small vehicle along her thigh.
She lifts an eyebrow at the toy. “You saying I’m uptight?”
I roll the truck across her knee. “Too driven?”
Giggling, she swats at the toy. “Stop it—that tickles.” I roll it over her other knee and she snatches it out of my hand. “I have to be driven. I have a child to take care of. My job keeps the roof over his head.” She tosses the car back into the pile and glances down the beach to where Ben and Holly are digging in the sand with sticks. “I’m always amazed he came from two underage, partying tattoo artists.”
“Hey, I’ve met some sharp inkers. There’s one in particular I know. She’s not only smart but damn sexy too.”
The breeze blows a lock of hair loose from her hat as her lips curl seductively. “The smart reference should be what gets my attention, but I do like that you find me sexy.”
Staring at the ring in her mouth, I say, “Oh, I do, trust me. I find you the epitome of sexy.”
“If we’re admitting things,” she murmurs, “then I must say you’re quite sexy too.” I warm from the inside out at her words. After she glances at the specks of Holly and Ben running together far down the beach, she suddenly leans forward and kisses me. It’s quick and hot, especially when she sucks on my lower lip.
She breaks it off and sits back, wrapping her arms around her knees. “So you’re cooking me breakfast tomorrow.”
Oh, hell yes. “Quiche,” I say, pushing up from the blanket toward her luscious lips.
She shoves at my chest and jumps up. “They’re coming back.”
Fuck. I like the kid. Shit. I even like Holly. But I like Allie and that ring curling around her bottom lip a whole lot more. I reluctantly stand and help her fold the blanket, then toss the sand-encrusted cars into her backpack. She wears a soft smile that I want to kiss from her mouth, but now that Holly and Ben stand mere feet from us, tossing rocks in the lake, it’s not going to happen.
All four of us walk back along the beach, and we take turns skipping rocks into the lake. Luckily for my male ego, I’m the only one to skip a rock four times. Growing up on Lake Michigan, I spent a lot of time skipping rocks by myself as a kid. When we finally get back to the parking lot, Ben makes a beeline for the small play structure off to one side. Allie pushes him on a swing while Holly and I sit on top of a picnic table.
“You’d better not hurt her,” Holly says. Her expression is light but there is a threat in her voice. “She’s not a one-night-stand kind of girl.”
“You think I’d come out here for a walk through nature and a peanut butter lunch if a quick hookup was all that was on my mind?”
“No. But guys like you have a hard time changing.”
I pull back and give her an assessing look. “Guys like me?”
“Come on, J-dog. It’s common knowledge you’re a user.”
My teeth grind because it is and I am. “She’s different and I’m different with her. Shit, Holly, I haven’t dated since high school. I haven’t wanted to until now.”
“Okay,” she says, tilting her head. “I’m just warning you. I’ll round up every biker who comes to the shop to ass-whip you to the highest degree if you cause even one tear to fall out of that girl’s eyes. Trevor’s caused enough for a lifetime, and I never want to see her like that again. She doesn’t deserve it.”
My entire body tightens at the thought of Allie’s ex. “What’s with Trevor anyway? Are they talking? Is he still here?”
Her lip curls as she nods. “Not sure why, but yeah, he’s still in town.”
“Allie has feelings for him?”
She taps her foot on the picnic-table bench. “You’re going to have to ask her about Trevor if he’s got you worried. I can’t say for sure, but even if I could, that’s her business to share.”
Remembering Allie’s response to Trevor, first at the shop and then at the art show, my teeth grind again and my chest becomes strangely heavy. If it weren’t for their past—for their son laughing and swinging under the April sun—I’d claim Allie in a heartbeat and pound Trevor into oblivion. “Can’t ask,” I say. “I’m too afraid of her answer.”
Holly watches me until I grow uncomfortable under her stare. “Listen, J-dog, she let you meet Ben. You wouldn’t be here if she didn’t think you two had somewhat of a future.”
Holly’s words make enough sense that I’m able to relax again. She’s right. If Allie were seriously contemplating getting back with Trevor, she wouldn’t have let me meet Ben. The nagging fear that has been at the back of my mind since Riley shared her worry about my getting “hurt” dissipates for the most part. In fact, Holly’s insight has me beaming like a kid because Allie’s letting me meet Ben implies we’re far more serious than she’s ever let on.
I watch Allie’s bright smile as she pushes Ben.
Somehow, without my even considering it, I’ve come to want serious too.