“WHAT ARE YOU GOING to do?” Livvie asks. I shake my head before bringing my cup of coffee to my lips. I’m watching Evan and EJ toss the ball around in the back yard. Evan is helping him work on his stance, showing him the proper technique. To his credit, Nate has kept EJ active in sports. Whether they’re watching games on TV, attending events or playing in the backyard, Nate’s kept EJ interested. Aside from the military, sports are something the twins shared.
Earlier this morning, lying with Evan and having EJ in the middle was another image I could only project in my mind previously. Watching them outside, bonding like this, is another. It’s like someone plucked all my wishes from the past six years out of my mind and transformed them into real-life.
I’m not dumb enough to think my bubble isn’t going to burst… explode. It’s going to happen and there isn’t anything that anyone can do about it. People are going to get hurt. It’s already started with Julianne kicking Livvie out. I know Julianne is hurting and confused, we all are. But where she should be embracing the fact that her son is home, she’s not. Maybe she’s like Rask’s parents, unable to believe that the military could do something like this. I don’t want to believe that either, but there’s no other explanation.
If I were the only one affected I might have a hard time understanding where he’s been, but I’m not. His unit has been dead for years only to show up as if nothing happened. As much as it pains me to say this, I almost wish he were a POW because then we’d have closure. We’d have the answers we need to move on. Right now, all we have are assumptions and fear. Fear that if we ask too many questions, something’s going to happen to us.
“I don’t know,” I say, honestly. I don’t know what to do. I know I want to try with Evan, but also know it’s not fair to Nate. “What do you think if I ask the twins to not reenlist and we’ll move to some isolated farm land where I can have multiple husbands?”
Livvie laughs, not because it’s funny, but because of the absurdity of what I just said. Neither man would even come close to agreeing. Both are possessive in their own ways.
“I can’t believe how much EJ is like Evan,” she says now standing next to me. “I never saw it before because Ev wasn’t here, but now I do.”
“God, everything is going to be so complicated when Nate gets home. Why would people do this to us… to anyone for that matter?”
Livvie puts her hand on my shoulder. This is the first time we’ve been able to stay civil in a long time. Maybe it was her love for Evan that drove a wedge between us when Nate and I started dating. She’s always been closer to Evan.
“People are evil. People don’t stop and think about who they’re hurting. They have a goal in mind or they’re trying to cover up something and will stop at nothing to succeed. As long as they’re protected, what do they care if they’re hurting families? What do they care if they’re destroying hopes and dreams? They don’t. They only care about themselves.”
I push away a tear and tell her she’s right. Livvie steps away when she sees EJ and Evan bounding up the stairs. I move over to the sink to rinse out my mug and wait for the room to start spinning and for my skin to start tingling. I know the moment he’s stepped into the room, and I close my eyes and bask in way I’m feeling. His hands rest on my hips and he leans forward pressing into my backside. I inhale deeply, taking in his fresh scent and cologne.
“How do you feel about taking EJ and Deefur down to the beach? Let them run around for a bit?”
I nod, liking the idea. Evan doesn’t give me a chance to turn around before he’s moved away from me. I can hear him faintly talking to his sister in the other room. EJ is upstairs hollering about something, and I find myself laughing. Laughing at the fact that my house is noisy. That two of the people that I love most in life are bonding and forging a relationship. I’m laughing because I feel like I’m in a fairytale romance with a murder-mystery twist. The sad part is I don’t know the ending.
When Evan and I bought this house, we chose the prime location. While the beach isn’t in my backyard, it is within walking distance. EJ carries his bag of sand castle toys while I carry the beach towels. Evan has a cooler perched on his shoulder, and Deefur is walking two steps ahead of EJ with his leash dragging on the sidewalk.
Once we hit the sand, I slip off my shoes and hurry to catch up with my boys. Evan finds us a spot where EJ can play safely in the sand without him covering us with water from his sand castle building operation. I love that it’s not overly hot today, but am weary of the dark cloud that looms on the horizon.
“Do you see that cloud?”
Evan nods. “I’ll watch it. If it starts moving fast, we’ll head home.” He picks up Deefur’s tennis ball and tosses it toward the water. The dog takes off, jumping over the waves and going under until he surfaces with it in his mouth. Evan throws it again before sitting down next to me.
“This is nice.”
“Yeah, it is. I just hate that I’ve missed so much.” He slips off his shirt and I gasp. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him like this. I do the only levelheaded thing there is to do. I pull out my bottle of sunscreen and move behind him.
He hisses when the cool lotion touches his back. “That shit’s cold, babe.”
“I know, but you need it. You’ll burn, and I’m not going to listen to you whine.”
“I don’t whine,” he says, earning an eye roll from me. I take this opportunity to massage his shoulder muscles and his back. “God, I’ve missed this.”
“Yeah, look at me already giving you a massage.”
He turns his head and peers at me sideways. “You love touching me. You’re using it as an excuse to touch my body. Oh my god, woman, you’re using me.”
I pinch his side, causing him to laugh.
“Do I get to rub you down?”
“I’d say yes if I didn’t think you were trying to cop a feel.”
Evan places his hand over his heart and falls over. He’s so dramatic. “I can’t believe you would say such a thing about me.”
I roll my eyes at him in mock disgrace. Putting the sunblock back, I stand and take off my shirt and wriggle out of my cut-offs. I feel his eyes on me, but I don’t make contact. I don’t want to lose my nerve as I walk away from him.
“Hey, Ry?” he yells after I’ve taken a few steps away from him. I look at him over my shoulder and find him in the same position that I left him. Except I’m certain his tongue is hanging out. “Why don’t you come back here and sit on my lap?”
I shake my head and continue to walk toward EJ, who is frantically digging in the sand. Deefur is laying next him, not caring that he’s being buried alive.
“Do you need some help?” I ask, kneeling down.
“You can do the digging.” He hands me his shovel and starts filling his buckets full of sand. I continue to work on his moat making sure to place my sand on the outside, away from where he’s building. I ignore the dark shadow that belongs to Evan who’s standing next to me. I purposely start to bury his feet.
“EJ, who taught you how to build a sand castle?”
“Papa,” he says without looking at Evan.
“Did papa tell you that you need prisoners?”
EJ and I both look at Evan, both of us confused. “I dunno.” EJ shrugs and goes back to packing his bucket.
“You should run, Ryley.”
“Excuse me?”
“Hey, EJ. I need your help, little man. On the count of three I’m going to pick up your mom and throw her into the ocean. In about two seconds she’s going to start running so I need you to help me catch her.”
He’s right. I takes me about two seconds to realize what’s about to happen before I get up and start running. I chance a look over my shoulder, and he’s still standing there. I know I’m doomed. He’s a SEAL. This is his playground.
EJ and Evan start after me, and I’m screaming. Deefur is also chasing me, and the little shit is cutting me off, driving me back toward Evan.
“Get her, Eban.”
“You’re supposed to help me, EJ!” I yell just as two very strong arms wrap around my waist.
“Such a little tease running around in your bikini.” Evan lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing. My lovely son is behind us, cheering him on. I shake my fist at EJ, only to earn more laughter.
I close my eyes when I hear water splashing. It’s going to be cold, but I have to show no weakness. Evan has taught me better. The second I’m lifted off his shoulder, I’m squeezing my eyes shut and closing my mouth. Evan makes good on his threat as I’m suddenly under water.
When I surface, EJ is on Evan’s hip and Deefur is standing next to him. They’re smiling. This is the family I’ve always dreamed about.