Matt hesitated before typing.
Finn is God
What if I took you?
Julie Seagle
I’d still be jumping out of a plane alone, just like I’m alone in this stupid elevator.
Finn is God
You wouldn’t be alone. I’d take you tandem, so you’d be strapped to me. We’d jump together.
Julie Seagle
How would that work?
Now that he had raised this idea, he realized describing it might carry a certain connotation that may not go over well. A risky connotation. But it wasn’t Matt’s fault. It’s not as though he invented tandem skydiving so that he would one day be able describe it to a girl stuck in a broken elevator.
Finn is God
You’d be in front of me, your back pressed into my chest.
He waited. Matt looked away from the screen for a minute, listening to the music that was filling his room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the image on the screen move.
Julie Seagle
That part doesn’t sound so awful.
The tension that he was holding rushed from his body.
Finn is God
No. It doesn’t sound so awful, does it?
Julie Seagle
So then tell me more.
Finn is God
Okay. Pretend we’re going right now. Ready?
Julie Seagle
Ready.
Finn is God
We’re in the plane, and it’s loud and cold. You see duct tape over parts of the interior of the plane and wonder if jumping is the worst idea you’ve ever had, but I tell you you’ll be fine. We both have on the full skydiving suits, helmets, goggles, chutes. The suit is tight, and it gives you the illusion of being safe, secure. You’re full of mixed emotions. Pride, anxiety, exuberance, terror.
Julie Seagle
Nausea?
Matt smiled. Even when Julie was scared, she was cute.
Finn is God
That’s not an emotion! But, yes, nausea.
Julie Seagle
Then what?
Matt had started this without thinking, and without understanding what he was doing, but she was responding. So the only thing to do was continue.
Finn is God
Your mind is racing. Did you remember to turn off the oven at home? Your car needs an oil change. You’re out of shampoo. Why do washing machines eat socks? Do they taste good? Should you try eating socks? You wonder if you should back out, if this was a mistake. You didn’t tell anyone that you were jumping today, and now what if you die? You worry that you’ll forget what to do, that you won’t remember when to pull the chute. I show you the altimeter. The plane is only halfway up to where we need to be, and it already feels so high. But you’re not in any danger.
Julie Seagle
Finn, I’m scared. The elevator is shaking.
Matt didn’t like this. Elevators got jammed all the time, especially in older apartment buildings, which is likely where Seth lived. The elevator was probably shaking because the fire department was there banging around, and he bet that the vibrations and the metallic noise were increasing Julie’s panic, but that she was not actually in any true danger. Rational thinking, however, wasn’t erasing his concern for how she must be feeling. He wanted her to feel safe.
Finn is God
I know you are, but I’ve got you. You’re not in the elevator. You’re with me. I stand you up and try to push your body away from mine, reminding you that you are tightly strapped to me and that I won’t let anything happen. It’s my job to control our jump and my job to pull the chute if you don’t. You’re safe. Tell me that you trust me.
Julie Seagle
I trust you.
Matt took a deep breath. Something just happened between them. Julie felt something for him. She did. He could tell even through this online world. Whether it was him or Finn didn’t really matter. It was a difference of names really, that’s all. Yes, he had never volunteered in Africa or scuba dived in remote locations in search of rare coral, but Matt used to have a good dose of Finn’s adventurous spirit. So the essence of his communication as Finn was real and it was what had connected them online. And Julie needed that relationship they’d been building, the one that had crept up without warning. She needed him to talk her through this. And so he would.
Finn is God
We’re high enough now, and one of the instructors opens the door, sending a powerful rush of air into the cabin. Your heart nearly stops when I start to walk you to the edge. As much as you’re terrified, you’re also starting to feel the rush, the thrill you get from being on the brink.
Matt ran both hands through his hair and bit his lip. God, what was he doing? She was his friend. They were just friends, right?
Finn is God
We’re at 15,000 feet now, and when you look down at the ground, you immediately try to step away from the door. You want to bail on this. I back you up, and we let someone else jump first. I put my arms around your waist and pull you in, holding you, letting you know I’m with you. I tell you that you can do this, that you’re strong enough and brave enough. I tell you that you can do anything. So you nod and agree to jump.
We move to the edge of the plane again and pause. You cross your arms over your chest and lean your head back into me like I told you. I start to rock us back and forth, getting us ready to jump. And then we go.
Matt knew that he might have gone too far. That he might lose her now.
Or that Finn might lose her.
But he couldn’t stop because the thought of being able to hold her, to feel her against him while his arms wrapped around her protectively....
It was suddenly heartachingly clear how much he wanted this and how easy it was to imagine it with near provocative clarity. She was not just his friend. She was more.
Matt had spent quite a bit of time, he realized, watching Julie. Not just how beautiful she was, but how she moved, how she spoke, what made her laugh. He knew almost too much. The way her body eased past his in the narrow kitchen, the way she brushed her hair from her face when she was studying, the way her eyes narrowed when she disagreed with something in a textbook. He knew her determination, her warmth, her openness.
Celeste was right. Damn it.
Matt’s breathing picked up a bit when she replied. She wanted him to keep going.
Julie Seagle
How do I feel when we jump?
Finn is God
The minute we hit the air, you are surprisingly relaxed. All of your problems seem to go away. Your stomach doesn’t drop. There’s no falling sensation. It’s just freeing. It’s as close to flying as you’ll ever get. A calm like you’ve never known before, and you don’t want it to end.
Matt put a hand on the back of his neck. God, was he sweating?
Finn is God
So we freefall like this for 5,000 feet. We don’t want it to stop. We want to feel like this forever, lost in this experience. This is why people pull their chutes late, because freefalling is like a drug.
Julie Seagle
Or something else, I’m guessing.
Finn is God
Yes, or something else. They do call it an “airgasm” for a reason.
Julie Seagle
I can see why. But we have to pull the chute.
Finn is God
Yes, we have to pull the chute. So I do it. And it jerks us back—hard—but then we’re falling smoothly, softer than before, easily. We’re drifting together. It’s quieter now, and you can hear my voice.
Julie was completely with him, he knew. She was as much out of that elevator and in the heart of this fabricated but still very real moment as Matt was.