My little heart-to-heart with Juliette didn’t change anything between us, but I was eternally grateful to her for introducing me to Vivian. Vivian and I didn’t have a lot in common—she was a prima ballerina and obsessed with anything fashion related, while I was content reading books and hadn’t been to a mall in over a year—but we still got along like sisters who’d been suddenly reunited after being separated at birth.
She ate lunch with me again the next day and insisted I come home with her after school and do my homework at her house. Knowing what was waiting for me at home, I was grateful for the offer.
She lived in a smallish apartment in West Hollywood. It was old, cramped, a little disorganized—actually, it looked like Jo-Ann Fabric had exploded inside—but it felt more like home after being there for three seconds than my dad’s house probably ever would.
“Ignore the chaos,” Vivian said as she picked up a pile of hot pink tools out of the entryway and hung it over the back of a chair. “I’ve tried to explain to my dads that gay men are supposed to be neat freaks, but they refuse to listen.”
Her dads were in the dining room, lost in a sea of brightly-colored fabrics, sequins, lace, and feathers. One was sitting behind a sewing machine while the other was standing, pinning a sleeve to a gorgeous dress on a sewing mannequin. They both looked up and grinned when we walked in, their smiles as bright as the dress they were working on.
The one standing pulled a pin out of his mouth and said, “Honey, if we wanted to be stereotypes, we would have become hairdressers.”
“Says the man wearing a teal boa.” Vivian laughed and, waving a hand at the man, said, “Stefan Euling—aka Dad. Dad, this is Ella.” Next, she gestured to the man at the sewing machine. “And that’s Glen Euling. He also answers to Dad.”
After saying hello, I watched Stefan work for a moment. The strand of feathers around his neck matched the sequins on the dress. “It’s for the hem of the dress, right?” I asked. “You’re making a ballroom dancing dress?”
The man grinned at me as though he’d never been prouder of anyone in his life. “Good eye!”
“My mother dated a professional salsa dancer once. I was never graceful enough for the sport, but I loved the dresses.”
“They’re the main costume designers for that reality TV show Celebrity Dance Off,” Vivian explained. “As you can see, they like to bring their work home with them.”
“No way!” I squealed. “I love you guys! The dresses are the only reason I watch that show! Is that dress for one of the dancers? Is it for Aria? It looks like an Aria dress.”
Vivian rolled her eyes at me. “You’ve just made two new friends for life.”
“It is for Aria,” Stefan said. “You really are a fan, aren’t you?” His eyes roamed over me from head to toe with a critical eye, and then he said, “Dress size 1-2, right?”
I looked down at my school uniform, a little startled that he’d guessed right. The outfit wasn’t really form-fitting to begin with, and I’d untucked the shirt the minute I climbed in Vivian’s car. “To my dietician’s dismay,” I answered, nodding. “He’s always trying to get me to gain more weight. How did you know?”
Glen laughed. “He always knows. The man has a gift for sizing people up. If the majority of our clientele weren’t women, I’d be insane with jealousy.”
“A little jealousy is healthy for a man,” Stefan teased. “Keeps you in line.” Before Glen had the chance to argue, Stefan smiled at me and said, “Would you like to try the dress on? I need to make a few adjustments, and you’re almost exactly Aria’s size. You’d be the perfect stand-in.”
A surge of excitement rushed through me at the thought of putting on the dress, but it was soon replaced with horror as I pictured myself in the sleeveless, backless gown.
“I promise not to poke you,” Stefan urged.
“Oh, it’s not that.” I gulped and it felt as if I’d swallowed one of the pins he promised not to stick me with. “It’s just, um, I was in a car accident and I…um…”
“Ella, nobody here is going to care about your scars, I promise,” Vivian interrupted. She sounded firm but kind, and the look in her eyes said she wasn’t going to let me say no.
“But it’s such a beautiful dress. I’d just spoil the effect.”
“Hogwash!” Glen looked up from his stitching with a disapproving frown. “You have the face of an angel. Those eyes are stunning. If anything, that dress doesn’t deserve to wear you.”
I blushed at the smile he flashed me.
“Ella,” Vivian said softly, “true beauty comes from inside a person. If you feel beautiful, then you’ll look beautiful to others no matter what’s on the surface.” She pointed at the dress hanging on the mannequin. “That dress would make anyone feel beautiful. Just try it on, please? For me? Because if you don’t stand in for them, they’re going to make me do it, and I have a much more important task to deal with right now.”
“What task?” I asked, distracted from my panic attack.
She held up a handful of fabric scraps and something that looked suspiciously like a bejeweling gun, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “I’m going to give your cane a little cosmetic surgery.”
Ten minutes later, I stepped out from behind a changing screen in a dress made for a queen. The skirt flowed to the floor, covering my legs, but my entire back, shoulder, and right arm were exposed. I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention, then held my breath and tried not to shake too much as they appraised me.
They all took in the sight of my scars—I couldn’t blame them; it would have been impossible for anyone not to look—but none of them stared too long before moving their eyes to the rest of me.
Glen rose from his seat at the dining-slash-sewing table and came to stand in front of me with his arms folded across his chest. Stefan joined him, and the two of them began slowly circling me like a couple of lions stalking a gazelle.
“Oh, we are good,” Glen finally said, breaking into a wide grin.
Glen twirled his finger as if he wanted me to turn around. I did, and came face to face with a full-length mirror. I gasped at what I saw in the reflection. Glen scooped my hair up and twisted it up on my head, pulling a few of my curly black ringlets down around my face. “What did I tell you?” he asked. “An angel.”
He was right. I looked amazing, and I wasn’t even wearing any makeup. The dress, along with the way Glen and Stefan stood behind me, smiling almost reverently at the girl in the mirror, made me feel beautiful for the first time since my accident.
My eyes glistened and I turned around, grinning at Vivian for all I was worth. “I love your dads.”
“You won’t be saying that hours from now when your feet are aching and you have to pee and can’t because you’re covered in pins,” she teased, but the smile on her face betrayed how much she loved and was proud of her parents.
“Hours?” I asked as Stefan helped me up onto a stool.
Stefan waved us off as if we were being ridiculous. “A small price to pay for such a work of art,” he said, shoving a handful of pins in his mouth.
He and Glen both got down on their knees at my feet. While Glen held out the bottom of the dress and pulled the material tight, Stefan unwrapped the strand of teal feathers from his neck and reached for a pin. He took particular care in finding just the right placement before carefully attaching the feathers to the hem of the dress. They were like a couple of surgeons operating on a patient. I really could be standing here for hours.
“You’re not related to my physical therapist, are you?” I asked. “He likes to find unique ways to torture me, too.”
That set all three of them into peals of laughter. Glen looked up at me with sparkling eyes and pointed at Stefan. “I wouldn’t get him laughing like that, if I were you. He was lying about his ability to not poke you.”
We all laughed again, but despite Glen’s warning I felt no stabs of pain. After that, Stefan and Glen went to work on the dress while Vivian began hot-gluing pieces of fabric to the metal shaft of my cane. It was either going to look like a beautiful patchwork quilt or something out of a Tim Burton film. After a minute of comfortable silence, Vivian said, “So, I sit next to Rob Loxley in seventh period…”
I blushed, recognizing the name as the guy Juliette said had a crush on me. Vivian didn’t notice. Her concentration was solely focused on the project in front of her.
“Really nice guy,” she said. “Cute, too. Quiet, though. He hasn’t said much to me all year and then, suddenly, out of the blue, yesterday and today he became Mr. Chatty.”
My face was really heating up now. “Hmm, weird.”
Vivian glanced up at me for a second, then went straight back to work cutting and gluing. “I tried to think what could possibly have happened in the last two days that he would suddenly take an interest in me, but nothing has changed. Nothing, except that I’ve become friends with you.”
She finally stopped what she was doing and gave me a look that said we both knew what she meant. There was no point in denying it. “Juliette said he likes me. She offered to give him my number. I told her I’d think about it.”
“You’d think about it? Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“He’s a decent guy, Ella. He wouldn’t care about the scars or the cane. Especially after I make it look so cute.”
“Maybe, but that’s not the only problem. I’m not in the best place mentally right now. I don’t know that a relationship would be a good idea.”
Vivian frowned. “That sounds suspiciously like an excuse. Are you sure you’re not just scared?”
“I’m terrified,” I admitted.
Vivian considered this and then shook her head. “Well, who says you’d have to get into a relationship? Maybe you could just be friends. You’re the one who told me you’re under doctor’s orders to make more friends.”
“Yeah. I guess. Maybe.”
“You could invite him over here for a movie night this Friday along with some of the kids from your dance studio,” Glen suggested. My face turned an even deeper scarlet as I realized he was trying to help play matchmaker. “It would force your father and me to have to finally clean up around here.”
Vivian jumped up as if she could snatch the idea out of the air and make it happen. “Ooh! I like it!” I wasn’t sure if she was more excited at setting me up with Rob or the idea of her dads cleaning up a bit. “What do you think?” she asked me.
I was saved from having to give an immediate answer—even though I knew she would eventually get her way—because my phone rang.
“I’ll get it!” Vivian chirped, happily reaching for my backpack.
“That’s okay; I’m sure it’s just Cinder. He can leave a message.”
“Cinder? That’s the guy who’s not your boyfriend, but texts you like a twelve-year-old girl experiencing her first crush?”
I laughed. It was a fair comparison. “I’ve recommended he seek help for his phone addiction many times, but he never listens to me about anything.”
“Well, we can’t let him go to voicemail, then, because he’ll just keep calling back until you answer.”
“Vivian!” I warned, but she’d already scooped up my phone.
“Relax. I’ll put it on speaker. You can cut me off at any time.” She answered the phone, doing her best imitation of a perky secretary. “Thank you for calling Ellamara’s phone. I’m afraid the priestess is currently busy lending her body to a couple of ruggedly handsome men right now, and is unable to take your call. Would you care to leave a message with her ever-so-helpful assistant slash best friend?”
I choked back a laugh, but Cinder didn’t miss a beat. “Great voice inflection and enunciation, but there were two things very wrong with that little speech. First of all, I am Ellamara’s best friend. Me. Not you, whoever you are. Me, me, me.”
Vivian glanced up at me with a questioning look, amused at the hint of the temper tantrum in Cinder’s voice. I rolled my eyes, but I was grinning like an idiot.
“And seeing as how I am Cinder, kick ass prince of the Realm,” Cinder continued on like a dork, “it is my right to discipline anyone who tries to steal her from me. I warn you now, the punishment for such a heinous crime is death by flesh-eating worms.”
I cracked up, but Cinder didn’t hear me because Vivian barked out a louder laugh. “Flesh-eating worms?”
Cinder remained one hundred percent serious. “Hell yes, flesh-eating worms. It’s a very slow, painful, and grotesque way to die. Highly undignified. I wouldn’t recommend it. If I were you, I would just stick with the assistant title, and maybe, if you prove to be worthy, you can be Ellamara’s second best friend.” He paused a second, then added, “Distant second.”
Vivian laughed again. “Gee, thanks. Are you finished?”
“Not even close. There’s still the issue of the two soon-to-be-dead men you mentioned manhandling my woman.”
Vivian’s eyebrows shot up and her smile turned wicked. “What’s the matter, Prince Cinder? Are you jealous?”
“Of course I am. Princes don’t share. But besides that, whoever they are, they aren’t good enough for Ella.”
“How do you know?” I called out, unable to hold back any longer.
“Ah, there’s my girl.”
Cinder’s voice warmed in a way that had Vivian turning on me with wide eyes. I tried my best not to blush, but I knew I’d be having a long conversation with her as soon as this phone call ended.
“How do you know they aren’t good enough for me?” I demanded again, just to get Vivian’s attention off of me.
“Because no guy is worthy of you, Ella. All men are dogs. Absolutely no sharing your body with any of them. Ever. I forbid it. Well, except for Brian Oliver. You have my permission to let him ravish you in the most ungentlemanly ways imaginable.”
Vivian gave me a strange look, and even Glen and Stefan were blinking up at me after that brilliant comment. All I could do was laugh and shake my head in shame. “Your man crush on Hollywood’s Boy Wonder is disturbing, Cinder. It really is.”
“You know you’d like it. Admit it.”
“I know you would.”
“I certainly would,” Vivian offered.
“Me too!” Glen called out, winking over at Stefan.
“I fantasize about it regularly,” Stefan added, and we all burst into laughter.
Oddly, Cinder didn’t seem to appreciate the Brian Oliver lovefest. “Wait a minute. Who was that?” he demanded. “Are there really guys manhandling you right now?”
“Of course not.” I laughed. Then, because I simply couldn’t resist, I added, “They’re being very gentle. Stefan hasn’t even poked me yet.”
“Ellamara!”
His horror was so genuine that I doubled over laughing until I had both Stefan and Glen yelling at me to hold still. “I’m sorry!” I called out, still lost in giggles. “I’ll stop teasing. You know you’re the only man in my life.”
“As I should be.”
“Actually, that’s not entirely true,” Vivian said. The sudden thoughtfulness in her voice made me nervous. “You say you’re her best friend, right?”
“I am,” Cinder promised vehemently.
“Then maybe you can help me convince her to go on a date with this guy from our school. He’s really sweet and he’s crushing on her pretty hard, but she’s too scared to give him a chance.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. I didn’t want to hear his answer. It would kill me when he declared he was happy for me and encouraged me to go for it. Which was what I was sure he would do. And, of course, he did. Sort of. I think.
“Ella…” His voice softened in that way it does sometimes, as if he would be holding me tight in his arms right then if it were at all in his power to do so. “What could you possibly have to be afraid of? Any guy would have to be out of his mind not to fall head over heels for you.”
Stefan sighed and Glen threw a hand over his heart. Vivian practically melted in her chair. Me? I did the most embarrassing thing ever—I cried. Not like noticeable sobs or anything, but my eyes misted over enough that Vivian brought me a tissue.
“You know, it doesn’t have to be Rob she goes out with,” Vivian said into the phone. My gut just about exploded from stress when I realized what she was about to do, but before I could stop her, she said, “Ella and I are having a movie night at my house this Friday. You could come in Rob’s place.”
My heart stopped. How did I not see that coming from the second Vivian answered the phone? How could I let it happen?
Cinder had never asked to meet in person. Not once. He’d never even hinted that he’d like to. The only time the topic ever came up was when he found out I moved to LA, and then he said how much he liked that we’d never met.
I know I said I didn’t want to meet him, either, but of course I did. I loved him so much. I wished everyday that we would meet in person someday and fall madly in love. I was just afraid he wouldn’t want me because my body was broken and scarred. That, or he’d start treating me the way my dad and Jennifer do: as if he thought I were broken and not just my body.
If Cinder ever started treating me as if I were made of glass, it would kill me. But then, Vivian didn’t walk on eggshells around me, and if this Rob guy could have a crush on me the way I am, then maybe Cinder could, too. Granted, I wasn’t one of Cinder’s supermodels, but he cared about me. That had to count for something. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe Vivian was giving us the push we both needed.
I held my breath as I waited for Cinder’s answer. He didn’t say anything for so long that Vivian checked the phone to make sure she hadn’t dropped the call. “Hello?”
“I can’t.”
I shut my eyes to keep tears from sliding down my cheeks. He didn’t want to meet me. Deep down, I’d already known it. We’d tiptoed around the subject before, but neither of us had come out and said it outright. I’d told myself he was just nervous like me and that we’d get there eventually, but his “I can’t” sounded so final. I was sure he heard the quiver in my voice when I finally responded. “It’s okay.”
“I have to go out with the shrew on Friday,” he explained, almost as an afterthought. “We’re having dinner with her dad and some other people. I can’t get out of it.”
Vivian, trying to be helpful but completely missing what was really going on, said, “So we’ll do Saturday instead. Are you busy then?”
“I—” Cinder’s voice broke off and he let out a frustrated breath. “Shit! Ella…I…I can’t.”
He sounded downright tortured, and I was suddenly terrified. “It’s okay,” I said quickly. I didn’t want this to make things awkward between us forever. “Don’t worry about it. I totally get it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
A heavy silence settled on the room. Vivian and her dads didn’t dare move. They had no idea what was happening, but they knew enough to wait it out in silence. Cinder was the first to speak. He cleared his throat and asked, “Is it okay if we read tonight?”
He sounded strange. Hesitant. It was a far cry from his usual confident self.
Even though I knew the answer, it took me a minute to say yes. I was far more upset than I wanted him to know. My heart was breaking, but I knew I’d never be able to give him up even if it was going to hurt every time I spoke to him from now on. “Of course.”
He let out a breath of relief. “I found a new book that I think we’ll like. That’s why I called. I thought we could give it a try together.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Good. Call me later?” He still sounded unsure.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
I gestured for Vivian to hang up before my voice cracked. As soon as the phone was off, Vivian looked up at me in a panic. “I screwed up. I don’t know how, but I know it was bad.”
“It’s a long story.”
My body sagged so drastically that Stefan had to jump up and steady me. He helped me off the stool, declaring my work done for the day. Vivian offered to take me home after that. All of them could see that my conversation with Cinder—his official rejection—had exhausted me.