CHAPTER 18
Without giving it another thought, I started running. I didn’t look to the left or the right—I just raced into the
woods. I wasn’t aiming for McRae’s cottage. Instead, I was trying to get as far away from it as possible. If I tripped
over a root or something, I simply scrambled back to my feet and kept rushing along. Rain tarnished my vision and seeped
through my clothes. I ran as fast as I could over this uneven terrain. Meanwhile, I kept glancing over my shoulder,
relieved to see that nobody was following me.
Trees, shrubs, and bushes blurred into a tunnel of greens, reds, and browns—a tunnel with no light at the end of it. My
lungs were on fire, and my sides hurt terribly. Still, I didn’t dare stop. I would orient myself later. For now, all
that mattered was to put as much distance as possible between myself and Payton, the Scots, and this nightmare.
Thorny brambles snapped into my face, and I winced, stopping briefly to take a deep breath and wipe the rain from my
face. My fingers were bleeding, and the scratches on my skin burned from my salty sweat. The rough housedress clung to
my body. It was getting in the way.
A snapping sound to my right made me freeze in place. I listened nervously, but all I could hear was the thumping of my
heart and the rain pelting the tree canopy, taking the colorful fall leaves with it.
I did a 360-degree scan of the woods around me. Nothing. My nerves were playing tricks on me. Still, I lifted up my
skirts and reached for Sean’s sgian dhu. I heard rustling leaves and spun around. Gripping the dagger, I screamed when
a blackbird not three feet in front of me stretched its wings and flew away. My heart raced, my legs turned to jelly,
and my knees buckled.
“Goddamn bird!” I hissed.
I lowered my arm and breathed a sigh of relief. I looked around. Where to now? The forest extended deep, dark, and cold
in all directions. I was soaked through to my bones, and it didn’t look like the weather was going to turn any time
soon. Whatever I did next, I had to keep going. I wasn’t yet far enough from McRae’s cottage to evade the excellent
noses of Ross’s dogs. I was actually surprised that I couldn’t hear them bark yet. I held my painful side and hurried
on.
The forest was denser here, and I had to duck under tree branches dripping with rain. The tree trunks were tightly
packed, and every single one seemed to hide an unseen enemy.
Again I heard a rustling sound, a twig snapping. It was closer this time. I didn’t dare turn around and so started
running again. Wheezing and panting, I tore through the foliage. I heard steps behind me. A tree branch hit my face and
made my eyes tear up. Leaves crunched under my feet. Just don’t trip, I thought. I paused as I came to a downward
slope. As I hurriedly tried to climb down it, I slipped and then glided the rest of the way down on my butt. That was
when someone tackled me from behind and flung himself on top of me. As he turned me onto my back, I threw my hands up
defensively. In the struggle, the dagger landed on a soft target—and with some nasty Gaelic cursing, my assailant
pressed my hands over my head while pinning me to the ground with the full weight of his body.
I looked into Payton’s angry face. Blood dripped from his chin and onto my dress.
“Ifrinn! You little witch!” It was way too easy for him to keep me in check with just one hand, while touching his
chin with the other. “You’re going to regret this!”
With one swift move he wrested the dagger from my now-numb fingers and put it in his belt.
“Get off me! Let me go!” I screamed, squirming under him with all my might.
“The hell I will. What were you thinking? How far did you think you could make it on your own? Would you rather be
defiled and killed by a bunch of bandits than to come with us to Castle Burragh and be under our protection?”
“Your protection? Bah! Didn’t you just tell me that I was the enemy? What kind of protection can I expect as an enemy
of yours?”
I tried to ram my knee between his legs, but all that did was make my dress ride up. Payton’s body pressed me down
unrelentingly, and his breath came in fits and bursts. I was at his mercy. Yet just a moment ago I had wanted to never
see his face again. To never look into his eyes that were now so full of expression that they stripped me of my own
will.
He tried to calm me with a soft, almost tender voice.
“You don’t have to be scared. I don’t need to use force to find out what you know.” His face came closer. “In fact,
I don’t need to use force to get anything I want.”
His lips almost touched mine, and his breath caressed my skin. I got lost in the depths of his eyes, which burned with
desire. I felt hot. Our bare legs were entwined, and we were so close.…
I swallowed hard and ran my tongue over my suddenly dry lips.
Our eyes locked, and from the expression on his face it was clear what was about to happen next. He lowered his head.
“Payton, please…,” I begged for his kiss.
“Hey, McLean! Is this a bad time?” A voice broke through the magic of our moment.
Payton stopped in his tracks with his lips less than a quarter of an inch away from mine. He neither let go nor showed
the slightest intention of getting up. But he did raise his head a little. His eyes told me, “We’re not done yet, you
and I.”
“What do you want, Ross?” he called out without turning around.
The redheaded boy came closer. He looked angry.
“What do I want? Leave the girl alone, that’s what I want! She’s none of your concern. She belongs to Duncan.”
Payton winked at me, let go of my hands, and stood up. Then he pulled me up and pushed me behind his back, grabbing my
upper arm.
“She’s traveling with us, so she’s under my protection. Duncan can take it up with Cathal later to see how they want
to deal with the girl, but right now this is none of your business.”
“Your kind of protection does not seem of the welcome kind to me,” Ross said, hinting at the circumstance under which
he had found us.
“A lesson, Ross! I was teaching her a lesson. I don’t want her to get any more ideas about running away.”
“Interesting methods you’ve got there, really interesting,” Ross said while glaring at Payton.
“And what exactly are you doing here, Ross?” Payton asked. “Weren’t you taking care of provisions?”
Ross took a step back and stared at his shoes. “Provisions, uh, yes. Everything is packed up. The ox and cart are
ready, and we’re ready to go.”
“And yet you’re roaming around here in these woods. Surely there must be other things for you to do.”
“I…I was following a rabbit. Didn’t want some lovely, juicy meat to slip through my fingers, that is all,” Ross
said, wiping his hands on his kilt. “Anyway, now that I’m here, surely the wee one won’t try to run away again, so
why are we standing still? I’m sure your brothers want to get going as soon as possible.”
Payton motioned for Ross to lead the way. With Ross grumpily stomping off and making a lot more noise than when he first
got here, Payton finally let go of my arm and bowed slightly.
“After you, dearest. I’ll be right behind you. I certainly won’t make the mistake again of turning my back to you,”
he explained, cautiously touching his still-bleeding chin.
My throat tightened. I knew exactly what that wound would look like after it healed. My mind’s eye could already see
the crescent-shaped scar that made Payton’s face so distinct. I could barely even believe that I was the one who’d
inflicted it on him.
“Now, get moving, or wasn’t I clear enough in my lesson? We can delve into it some more if you decide not to follow my
orders.”
Was he challenging me? Was that physical desire that I noticed in his eyes? In school I was really more of a wallflower,
and boys didn’t usually look at me that way. A moment later, I wondered whether I had just imagined the whole thing.
Quickly, so that I wouldn’t give in to the temptation of throwing myself at him and embarrassing myself in front of
ever-vigilant Ross, I started walking.
As we reached the cottage, the men were busy loading any last supplies onto the cart plus a big straw mattress. They
gently bedded Fingal down on it. There was a basket of yarrow and ferns at Fingal’s feet, and I also spotted a leather
skin that, according to Kyle, contained a brew made from the same herbs. Kyle looked at me with an amused expression on
his face, then at Payton and his blood-covered chin. Payton mumbled something unintelligible and swiftly helped me up
onto the cart. In passing, he slapped his little brother upside his head, but that only seemed to amuse Kyle even more.
I climbed into the middle of the oxcart so that I was sitting more or less on the axis. This was probably the part that
would sway the least while moving. As I was doing that, I also kept an eye on Fingal. The bandages still looked pretty
tight, and his chest rose and fell evenly. His lips quivered with every breath, and he was softly snoring.
A good sign, I decided. I wiped the white hair from his sweaty forehead and felt his temperature. His skin felt
feverishly hot under my fingers, and I anxiously bit my lip. I wasn’t sure how to reduce his fever. Sure, I could cool
his body or wrap cold, wet cloths around his lower legs. But would that be enough?
The men around me didn’t seem too worried. They fulfilled whatever little tasks remained, and finally our posse started
moving. Ross sat in the coach box, with the cart being drawn by two skeletally thin oxen. Ross’s horse had been
tethered to the back of the cart with a tied-up lamb lying right across it. The lamb bleated miserably, and Ross pulled
an unhappy face when the lamb relieved itself on the saddle. The dogs barked, jumping up between his horse’s legs, and
the horse was clearly getting nervous. Finally, Ross gave a sharp whistle, and things went dead quiet. The dogs silently
scatted in all directions and turned into invisible companions that followed us through the underbrush. Even though I
knew that they would never run too far from their master, I was now unable to spot them. After a while, I stopped
straining my eyes for Barra by the side of the road, and instead tried to relax.
There wasn’t much I could do for Fingal, except keep washing his wound with the herbal brew every now and then. I
regularly checked his breathing and his pulse. The constant drizzling rain that accompanied us didn’t bother me all
that much, because my dress had been soaking wet ever since my botched attempt to escape. Besides, the rain helped cool
Fingal’s feverish body, and the men on their horses didn’t even seem to notice that it was raining.
But the road kept going from bad to worse with every hour that this awful weather lasted. We’d left the forest, and the
foothills of the Highlands now lay before us. This dark, bluish-gray mountain range had already made an impression on me
during my first trip to Scotland. The mountaintops were shrouded in dark, heavy clouds. They were hidden from plain
sight, while at the same time exuding a dark, somber mood—which only added to their rugged beauty.
I remembered Roy describing this land to me such a long time ago:
“The mystical landscape of the Highlands has made us Scots a very superstitious people, aye? The fog, the bare cliffs,
the darkness—it’s all part of our heritage and legends. They lead the people here to a deep belief in magic. Dwarves,
giants, fairies—stories about such things have been part of our lives for such a long time that we do believe in them.
Many people come to this country without ever understanding this. Others only believe what they can prove. My wish for
you is that you learn to understand Scotland, its beliefs, its history, and above all, its people. So don’t be afraid
of your dreams. Maybe dreams show the people their destiny.”
And he was completely right. I myself had become part of these myths because I’d left my own era behind, because I had
traveled back to the past on a path that only existed according to legend.
Destiny? Why was this word suddenly and relentlessly echoing through my head? Images drifted into my mind, tiny
fragments of a memory, like colors that had been washed out by the rain, like smoke that I could never wrap my hands
around. Images. Bloodred images.
I wiped the rain from my face and took a deep breath.
Calm down, Sam. It’s only the Highlands, only the mountains—not spirits and not the strings of fate making you dance
like a puppet to a supernatural tune.
I was in charge. I made all the decisions. I answered only to my own conscience, and I determined my own actions. I had
free will! Still, I didn’t seem able to get rid of this deep chill in my bones or to fully shake the echo of Roy’s
words.
After a while, we almost came to a halt. The two oxen pulled with all their might but were powerless against the wooden
wheels that were now stuck in the deep mud. The road led steeply uphill, making it even harder on the animals. One of
the oxen had no strength left. It dug its legs into the muddy ground and refused to take another step.
The cart swayed, and Fingal moaned. Ross cracked his whip and tore on the reins. Sean, who was at the rear end of our
posse, hurried over to help.
“It’s not working. The cart is too heavy for these old oxen, and the slope is just too steep.”
Sean pushed his wet hair from his face and looked at me. Then he nodded.
“She can walk. We’re going slow anyway. Your horse will help the oxen. We’ll tie it to the front of the cart, and
hopefully that will be enough. We still have a long way to go to Kilerac, and I don’t think we’ll make it there
tonight. But we need to cross the pass before we set up camp for the night.”
Meanwhile, the other McLeans had come over, and I shyly smiled at Payton when his eyes briefly met mine.
“Father can’t spend the night out on the heath,” he said. “We need to make it to Kilerac. At least he’ll be able to
sleep in a cottage.”
“Maybe the road will improve a few miles up?” Kyle interjected. But I could tell from all the cranky faces that this
was not likely to happen.
“Get off,” Sean ordered. He helped me climb down from the cart before busying himself with Ross’s horse’s reins. In
no time at all, they had lengthened the cart’s wooden shaft, using a tree branch and some rope so they could hook the
horse to the cart in front of the oxen.
With a sense of horror, I stared at the road ahead. It stretched before us—muddy, steep, and seemingly endless. I was
supposed to walk on that?
Once, in my former life, Payton had talked me into hiking up Ben Nevis mountain. Even though it had been one of the most
unforgettable days of my life—it was the day I’d gotten my first kiss—I still remembered my pathetic physical shape.
I had shuffled behind him, out of breath the entire time, and reached the limits of my capacities very quickly.
This time it wasn’t the highest peak in Scotland that lay before me, but still it didn’t exactly look like a walk in
the park.
“She can come with me,” Payton suggested, stepping beside me. When Sean frowned disapprovingly, Payton quickly cut in,
“If she walks, it’ll slow us down even further. Besides, she needs to keep up her strength so she can look after
Father properly.”
Sean didn’t say a word—he just glared at Payton. They stood there for a long time, locking horns, without either of
them giving in. Finally, Blair decided the matter by nodding in my direction.
“Get on your horses already. I have no intention of letting Father sleep under an open sky. We all need a decent meal
and dry beds. Now, get moving.”
Sean turned to look me up and down. “With a woman like her in front of you, it will probably make for very
uncomfortable riding. Have you thought about that, Payton?”
“Fan sàmhach, Sean! Let that be my problem, not yours.”
Impatiently, Payton pulled his horse’s reins and helped me into the saddle before pulling himself up behind me. I
gasped in surprise when he wrapped his lower arm around me, pulling me close against his body. His thighs touched mine
when he gently squeezed to make his horse move. And with the horse’s first step, my head was thrown back against Payton
’s chest. For the next few minutes, I sat as stiff as a poker in front of him, trying to ignore that nice feeling of
intimacy and familiarity he stirred. Fortunately, everyone else’s attention was focused on the cart and the safety of
our passage, so nobody seemed to notice my emotional turmoil.
“Relax,” Payton whispered into my ear.
“What?” I found it hard to even hear him over the pounding of my heart.
“You can lean against my chest. If you’re going to sit like this, all stiff and tensed up, you will feel every single
muscle in your body later.”
I found it touching that he cared, but I was still holding a grudge for his awful behavior earlier. My feelings were
hurt because the kiss I had so longed for back in the woods had been nothing to him but a lesson he wanted to teach me.
What a jerk! And even though it was unfair to blame him for what his brother Sean said earlier, I did think it was
pretty rude of him not to disagree that my presence would prove “uncomfortable.” And so I stiffened up even more and
tried—as idiotic as that was—to shift away from him.
He gave a pained groan, and another Gaelic curse escaped his lips.
“All right, do what you want, Sam, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
An hour after refusing his peace offering, I was barely able to stay in the saddle. My entire backside was flooded with
pain, my shoulders were stiff, and the muscles in the back of my neck were rock solid. Because the road had been getting
better for a while, I kind of expected to be loaded back onto the oxcart. I prayed for it to happen as quickly as
possible, because I really couldn’t make it much longer. I shifted from my left butt cheek to my right, stuck out my
chest, and tried to briefly take the pressure off my back. It didn’t work.
The sound of wild laughter tore me from my self-pitying thoughts. Sean and Kyle were riding level with us, and both were
grinning from ear to ear. I didn’t understand what was so funny, but Payton evidently did. He glared at his brothers
and hissed at me:
“Keep still already! You’re fidgeting like you’re sitting on an anthill!”
The expression on his face didn’t bode well, so I clenched my teeth and tried to stop squirming. My being here was
probably just as uncomfortable as Sean had said. After all, to him I was a Cameron—the enemy. I could not afford to
forget that. With my last ounce of pride, I stuck out my chin. Under no circumstances would I show any weakness—no,
sirree!
I distracted myself by admiring the artful embroidery on Kyle’s saddle. Highland thistles lined up in a row and
contrasted with the pale leather.
Kyle had spurred on his horse, but I could still hear him chuckling from up ahead. Sean was not nearly so tactful.
“If this is getting too hard for you, Brother, I would be happy to swap,” he said, pointing to the space in front of
his saddle.
Vigorously shaking his head, Payton replied through gritted teeth. “Pog mo thon, Sean! I can only imagine why you’d
want to sacrifice yourself. Thanks, but no thanks.”
Sean laughed and spurred on his horse. “You’re a hard one to trick, aye?” he called over his shoulder while giving me
a sly wink.
I almost didn’t catch Payton’s mumbled “So are you” because he had already stopped his horse and was in the process
of dismounting. He busied himself with the saddle strap and nestled on his kilt, before motioning for me to climb down
myself.
“What’s wrong? Why are we stopping?”
Puzzled, I watched as the rest of our posse disappeared around a bend.
“We will walk for a while. The horse needs a break.”
He reached into his bag, brought out a silver bottle, and took a generous sip before handing the bottle to me.
“There, drink! It’ll give you energy.”
I flinched as I reached for it. My shoulder muscles heavily protested making any sort of movement.
“Ow!”
Payton gave me a triumphant look.
“Didn’t I warn you? There, drink, it’ll loosen your muscles. Or at the very least it will numb the pain.”
I didn’t really trust that Scottish cure-all, but I still took a sip of the stuff anyway.
Bah, if I continued like this, I’d be an underage alcoholic by the time I got back to the twenty-first century.
“Thanks.”
I enjoyed having Payton all to myself. Finally I was able to collect my thoughts and, because I no longer had to worry
that I was bothering him on account of my presence, my anger at him faded into the background.
The sky had turned a dark blue and was on the verge of showing off its nightly star-studded gown. The distant mountain
peaks had turned into black shadows that surrounded us like a soot-colored cauldron. Only in the far distance, in the
valley before us, could we make out a shimmer of light.
“What is that?” I asked.
“Kilerac. That is where, God willing, we will find lodgings for the night.”
“And if not?”
Payton smirked. “If not, we’ll have to camp out here on the heath and keep each other warm.”
I found the way he talked completely unnerving. At times, he would call me a burden, but then later he would try to
provoke and tease me. And I hadn’t forgotten that moment earlier when he was this close to kissing me.
“Well, I would rather freeze to death than allow you to keep me warm,” I snapped because I just didn’t know how to
react. “Besides, I don’t want to make this another uncomfortable night for you.”
I quickened my step and promptly left Payton and his horse behind me. I didn’t stop, even when I heard them following
me. Jesus, I could no longer make heads or tails of myself. I had loved Payton for a long time, yet it felt like I was
just now falling for him.
He was so hard to predict, but at the same time he was incredibly honest and genuine. Payton’s dark moodiness that had
come about due to bearing a curse for two hundred and seventy years—all that was missing from the man here with me. His
laughter was contagious, and a wonderful sense of humor always twinkled in his eyes.
Even now I could hear the suppressed chuckle in his voice as he called after me.
“As God is my witness, Sam, you have no idea how uncomfortable that night would be for me.”
Hurt and furious, I spun around with my fists clenched by my sides.
“You are such an asshole, Payton McLean! What gives? Why would you say such a thing? Isn’t it enough that you took me
prisoner? Do you really have to put me down, hurt my feelings, and strip me of my dignity? Is that what you’re trying
to do?”
Payton dropped his horse’s reins and stepped closer. He came so close that our bodies almost touched. I felt queasy.
Had I gone too far? After all, I didn’t know what this man was capable of.
He lifted my chin, and again I could see the desire in his eyes.
“You want to know why I’m saying these things?”
His grip on my chin tightened, and with his other arm he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer.
“Because it’s the truth. Riding with you was an ordeal. Hell on Earth. Sheer torture. Just the thought of keeping you
warm at night—of covering your body with mine—has me at the limits of my self-control.”
His iron grip was unrelenting. Each of his words came like a lash of the whip, even though he was whispering. “You’re
a Cameron, I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you. But do you want to know what I’m planning to do to you?
Let me show you.”
His hand slid to the back of my neck, and although I tried to resist, he pressed his lips passionately against mine. He
stole a kiss from me that made me forget where and when I was. Luckily his hands clutched me tightly against his chest,
because my legs were completely useless after this sudden rush. I prayed this moment would never end.
Much too soon, Payton let go of me and pushed me away. He took a step back as if he needed to establish a safe distance.
Completely distraught, he ran his hands through his hair.
“I am sorry, Sam. I swear you have nothing to fear from me.” He turned away and shook his head in disbelief over his
own actions.
I found it hard to think straight again after that kiss. At least I now knew that he thought of me as his enemy, but
that his discomfort had to do with him being drawn to me rather than with him rejecting me. I almost had to grin when I
thought about how he must have felt as we rode together. And this explained Sean and Kyle’s strange behavior earlier.
They were teasing him because of me!
“Answer me, I beg of you. Can you forgive me for taking advantage of you? I have no idea what got into me. I am so
sorry,” he assured me.
I raised my hand to my lips, still feeling his kiss.
“Do you do that often?” I asked quietly.
“Do what?”
“You know what I mean! Kiss girls that are supposed to be your enemy?”
I was grateful that night had fallen and that it was almost dark, because this conversation reminded me of another talk
I’d had with Payton—a talk in a different space and time. I was sure he could see my turmoil.
“No, never! Normally I am very sensible and conscientious.”
“Do you think it sensible to kiss a Cameron?” I said.
His words came almost in a whisper.
“No. It’s the least sensible thing I have ever done in my life,” he admitted.
I searched for his eyes, but he held his face turned away from me. To loosen our strange mood, I joked: “I don’t think
you’re in any danger from a Cameron right now. You’ve got my dagger, so it would appear that I’m not going to kill
too many people in the very near future.”
His laughter sounded lighthearted. “Yes, you’re right. Not in the near future, anyway.”
This déjà-vu I was having of another walk by Payton’s side—and during which we’d had a similar discussion—made me
laugh. I grabbed the horse’s reins and started walking again. Every single one of my muscles hurt, and I was soaked to
the bone from all the rain. I just wanted to arrive at our destination—no matter what might happen to me there. The
last few minutes had sparked a realization.
Payton McLean was falling in love with me all over again. The power of this knowledge would carry me through. It would
make me forget the strain of this journey and help me find a way to save him. Because something else was becoming
obvious. It wouldn’t be so easy to return to my own era. Every mile that we walked also brought me closer to Vanora—
and her blood. There was only one possibility now. I had to meet her and somehow get some of her blood. Until that time,
I would just continue to get to know Payton the way he once was.
“All right, then, I’m not sorry,” Payton said after we’d walked awhile in silence. He took the reins from me and
stopped. “Come on, get on the horse.”
“But I thought it needed a break?”
“I lied. I was the one who needed a break. The temptation of you being so close, and I could just reach out and…but
let’s not talk about that. It’s safer with both of us on the horse, trust me.”
I put my foot in his interlocked hands and pulled myself into the saddle.
As he took his seat behind me, I thought I heard him mumbling a quick prayer before spurring on his horse. This time I
leaned against his chest because I was truly exhausted. I also really enjoyed the warmth of his body.
“I’m not sorry, either,” I whispered into the dark. And the fact that his arm at my waist pulled me just a little
closer told me that he had probably heard me.