Chapter Seven
She was disappointed. Appalled. Connor gritted his teeth as he watched a tear slip down her lovely cheek. He was tempted to brush it away, but figured shed jump back to avoid his touch.
One thing hed learned in nearly five centuries of existence: everything could change in the blink of an eye. It had taken only a few minutes for him to doom his soul back in 1543. Only a second for Shanna to fall into a death spiral after touching Marielle. Only another second for him to abandon all common sense and surrender to the yearning that had been growing inside him from the instant hed first heard Marielles voice. And less than a minute ago, shed trembled in his arms and moaned with pleasure. Hed thought a miracle had happened. A beautiful angel cared for him, admired him, even desired him.
But seconds later, she backed away in horror.
When would he ever learn? Joy and peace were not meant for him. Love would always be beyond his reach. Whenever he indulged in a glimmer of hope, it was always dashed to pieces. And rightly so.
What a fool hed been to want Marielle. His black tainted soul wasnt worthy of the lowliest of human beings, and yet, hed dared to touch an angel?
Her reaction was exactly what he deserved.
Ye know about vampires, he said quietly.
Yes. She wiped her cheeks. Im a Delivererwas a Delivererso I have escorted many souls who were murdered by your kind.
His jaw clenched. It was the Malcontents who went about murdering mortals, but he could hardly claim to be any better.
She took a deep breath, lifted her chin, and looked him squarely in the eyes. Even with despair twisting his gut, he felt awed by Marielle. The poor lass had been wounded and banished from heaven, threatened by a demon, and groped by a vampire, all in one night. And yet, she was still standing, strong and determined.
Did you kill those people at the campground? she asked.
Nay.
She paused, an expectant look on her face as if she were waiting for him to explain. What was he to say? That he was a good man? That he was insulted she would even ask such a question? There was no point in pretending. The demon had verified what Connor had long suspected. He was on the list for hell.
You were at the campground? she asked. Why?
I was searching for someone. I was hoping to kill him.
Her eyes widened. May I ask his name?
Casimir.
Oh. She stared across the room, her eyes unfocused as she pondered something. Interesting.
Connor shook his head slightly. Being a vampire was one thing, but God forbid he be boring.
She paced toward the fireplace, then skirted the far side of the couch, keeping her distance from him. We know about Casimir. Zack has been delivering Casimirs victims for centuries, and he hates him with a passion that is unbecoming to an angel. Hes been reprimanded several times for it.
She paused in her pacing to glance at Connor. Were not supposed to interfere in human events. It might disrupt a humans right to free will.
He scoffed. As if anyone would choose to be murdered by a vampire.
I questioned that myself. She sighed. But it only served to anger Zackriel. He was already in trouble for his own complaints and didnt want any of his staff making him look worse.
God forbid, Connor said dryly. He had no sympathy for the angel who had cruelly abused Marielle.
But I thought I made a valid point, she continued. Since vampires are not exactly human, I believe angels should be allowed to interfere. Casimir and his kind are supposed to be dead. Their very existence is unnat She stopped with a wince.
Unnatural? Connor finished her sentence. An accursed blight on humanity?
Her face grew pale. You are quick to condemn yourself.
She was the one whod called him unnatural. A Cheater. He felt stiff and cold down to the marrow in his bones. You heard the demon. Im on the list for hell.
Did you hear me? I told you demons are deceivers. You shouldnt believe anything he told you.
I knew it long before he told me.
Why? She stepped toward him. What have you done to deserve hell?
He narrowed his eyes. First the priest had wanted to know, and now an angel, but he would never confess. Im a vampire. Is that no enough?
Is it?
Bloody hell, he didnt know. Father Andrew was always preaching that they were still the children of God. Connor figured there was hope for Vamps like Roman, but not for him. He was doomed, with no one to blame but himself.
And he should never have tainted someone as good and pure as Marielle. I apologize for . . . touching you. I had no right.
She started pacing again and went around the dinette set before heading back to the couch. She halted and rested her hands on the back of the couch where an Indian blanket rested.
She traced the design with her fingers. I dont think you need to apologize. You didnt force me.
Yere innocent in the ways of the flesh. I took advantage of that.
She glanced his way and arched an eyebrow. Then I stand corrected. You sorely abused me.
He flinched as if shed thrust a spear through his heart. He shut his eyes briefly, willing the icy cold inside him to spread out and freeze the pain. Aye. It was all he could manage to say.
Weariness dragged at him, sapping away his strength. He strode to the refrigerator, pulled out a bottle of synthetic blood, and shoved it into the microwave.
What is that? She moved closer.
Food. He shot her an annoyed look. Blood. If I doona drink it from a bottle, I might steal it from you.
Would you?
Hed rather die. Ive taken blood from others. Thousands of people. Ive been around for centuries.
She rested her elbows on the breakfast bar and watched him. Im feeling a bit . . . disgusted.
That hurt. Im sure ye are. He grabbed the bottle from the microwave and guzzled down some blood.
Whens the last time you bit someone?
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. What does it matter?
Was it last night?
Nay.
Last year?
He paused, wondering what she was up to. No. He finished the bottle and set it in the kitchen sink.
She perched on one of the barstools. As a Deliverer, whenever I touched the dead or dying, their entire lives would unfold before me. I would see everything. She tapped her fingers on the countertop. Most people spend their lives trying to do right, but not everyone. I have seen some dreadful things.
Did ye take those people to hell? Connor asked quietly.
She shook her head. It was not my place to make that sort of judgment. But I have witnessed enough life stories to recognize the huge difference between a person who chooses evil because he revels in it, or the person who struggles against an evil that has been thrust upon him.
She leaned forward on her elbows, watching him intently. I may appear innocent in some wayswell, I suppose I am. Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. But when it comes to good versus evil, I have millennia of experience. I know evil when I see it. So do you want to know what disgusts me?
He stepped back, reluctant to hear her answer. Evil, I suppose.
Theres no evil here.
He blinked. What was she saying?
She frowned at him. Im disgusted by your failure to defend yourself.
What the hell? I was ready to defend myself in battle with Darafer.
Im not talking about a physical battle. I accused you of sorely abusing me, and you took it! How could you?
Im a vampire, Marielle. A Cheater. A parasite. I had no right to touch you. And doona tell me otherwise. I saw yer reaction when ye realized the truth. I saw the horror on yer face, the tear that rolled down yer cheek.
I was shocked, that is true. But it only took me a few minutes to realize you had to be one of the good vampires.Ye know
Of course we know. She waved a dismissive hand. How could we miss the fact that during the Great Vampire War of 1710, thousands of mortals were murdered, drained dry by Casimir and his army, while the opposing vampires managed to feed without killing a single person?
He stared blankly at her.
She scooted off the barstool and circled the counter. Youre acting like youre no better than Casimir. She motioned toward the empty bottle in the sink. He would never drink blood that way. He would have attacked and killed me just like he did those other victims at the campground.
Connors heart pounded in his chest. Ye canna make me out to be good.
No? She stepped closer. You saved my life tonight. You were willing to fight a demon to protect me. Do you expect me to forget all the brave and noble acts youve committed simply because youre a vampire?
Could an angel actually consider him good? Ye doona know the darkness within me.
Remember what I said about touching the dying and witnessing their lives? She laid a hand on his cheek. It doesnt work as well with you, but I can see
He moved back out of her reach. Ye see into my soul?
A little. The more I touch you, the more I see.
Bloody hell. Thats why shed wanted to heal him earlier. Shed seen the black torment deep inside him. Bugger. The whole time hed spent kissing her, hed been opening his soul.
I know youre a good man, Connor. I saw your strong sense of honor and integrity. I saw a human soul in all its imperfection and glory. Thats why it didnt occur to me that you were anything but human. An evil vampire would not have such a black pit of pain and remorse hidden in his heart. He wouldnt know the meaning of remorse.
The pain swelled in his chest, begging to be released. Here was a beautiful woman, an angel, who believed he was still good. Did he dare hope there was anything other than hell awaiting him? Marielle, he whispered.
Yes. She placed her hands on his face.
He wanted her so much. He wanted to grab her and never let go. She was everything good and beautiful that hed ever dreamed of. She was a beacon of light in the darkness where he dwelled. And by some holy miracle, she believed in him. That alone made him want to fall to his knees and lay his heart at her feet.
She gazed intently into his eyes. Show me whats hurting you.
Let her see what he had done? She would hate him if she knew. He would lose her respect, her belief in him. How could he bear that?
Nay. He stepped back, breaking contact with her. Dammit to hell. No, damn him to hell. He could never confess, never let her know.
She regarded him silently, disappointment causing the corners of her beautiful mouth to tilt downward. He wanted to kiss her again and coax those lips into a sigh of pleasure. But no matter how much he wanted to hold her in his arms, he could never risk touching her and exposing his dark sins.
You stood by me in my time of need, she told him solemnly. I hope to return to heaven soon, but in the meantime, if there is anything I can do for you, I will do it gladly.
He didnt dare tell her the first thing that came to mind. Once he pushed aside those lustful thoughts, he recalled her ability to sense death. There may be something ye can do to help us, but Ill need to discuss it first with my friends.
You mean other good vampires?
We call ourselves Vamps. Together with some shifters and mortals, were trying to protect mankind and defeat the bad vampires. We call them Malcontents.
She nodded. I have always been grateful that there are good vampires determined to fight the bad ones, especially since the angels are not allowed to interfere. Whenever Zack complained about the Malcontents, as you call them, we were told to trust in the Lord, that He had already sown the seeds to resolve the matter. I believe He was referring to you and your friends.
Connor swallowed hard. Hed heard Father Andrew say much the same thing over the last few years, that the Vamps were actually fulfilling some kind of divine purpose in their attempt to protect humanity and destroy the Malcontents. Roman, the former monk, believed it, but Connor had rejected it as a load of psychobabble designed to make them feel good about being Undead. As if it made any sense at all for them to feel warm and fuzzy about being cold and stiff.
I apologize for the way I reacted to your . . . condition, Marielle continued. I was upset about those who died at the campground, especially the children, so when I realized you were a vampire, Ifor a little while, I feared the worst.
Tis all right.
She took a deep breath and extended a hand. Then I would be honored to call you friend, Connor Buchanan.
Aye. His heart expanded at the miracle of an angel wanting to befriend him, but he hesitated to take her hand.
She sighed. I will try to restrain myself from peering past the black wall surrounding your heart.
He reached out, slowly enveloping her delicate hand with his larger, rougher one. The instant his palm pressed against hers,he felt a frisson of awareness sizzle through him. He reacted, folding his calloused fingers over her hand and holding tight.
He looked into her eyes, and he knew then, with a sinking sensation of doom, that he would not be able to resist touching her again. His heart, his soul, his mind, his bodyall were screaming at him to pull her close into his arms. Kiss her, cherish her, make love to her, and never let her go.
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. She glanced down at their hands, then back to his face. Interesting, she murmured. I didnt realize handshakes were so
A growl emanated from her stomach.
With a gasp, she dropped his hand. Was that me? She pressed a hand to her stomach. Is it normal for a body to make noises?
Connor smiled. Yere probably hungry, thats all.
Oh. She rubbed her belly. I was experiencing a curious sensation, as if I were terribly empty and needed something deep inside me. I suppose that is hunger.
Or desire. His smile faded. Had a simple handshake caused her to feel the same pull that he had? Could she possibly long for him? She had moaned with pleasure earlier in his arms. Did he dare hope
I dont suppose you have any manna here? she interrupted his thoughts.
Manna?
Its always been my main source of nourishment. She wrinkled her nose. I dont think I could stomach any of your bottles of blood.
Nay, they would probably make you ill. He opened some cabinet doors, searching for mortal food. Howard and Phil come here often to hunt. There should be something Here, ye might like this. He handed her a candy bar, then fetched a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
The food is inside? She turned the packaged bar over in her hands.
Aye. He took the bar, ripped open the wrapper, then handed it back. He unscrewed the top off the water bottle, then froze when she let out a startled sound.
She had a bite of the candy bar in her mouth. She chewed slowly, her eyes widening. Oh my, she mumbled.
She swallowed, then gazed at the bar in wonder. This is incredible. Ive never tasted anything like this. She took another bite and moaned, tilting her head back and closing her eyes.
Bugger. She looked like she was going to climax. He instantly grew hard.
So good! She took another bite and her eyes glazed over with pleasure.
He shifted his sporran to hide the expanding problem beneath his kilt. Tis better than manna, then?
She nodded as she swallowed. Oh yes. Manna is fairly tasteless, not that it matters, for when were in our usual spiritual form, we dont experience taste. She stuffed the last of the bar into her mouth, then pressed a hand to her chest and groaned.
He shifted his weight. The lass was certainly attuned to the sensibilities of her new human body. His heart rate sped up at the thought of introducing her to all sorts of sensual pleasure. If she could react this strongly over food, what would she do if he caressed her breasts or kissed the sweet flesh between her thighs? Her soft arms and thighs would hold him tight, her moans would sound like music, and she would shatter in his arms. He could practically hear her scream her release.
She licked her lips. What is that called?
Sex. He stopped himself just in time. Chocolate.
I love it! Thank you. She smiled. Do you have anything else I can eat?
Doona say it. Ill look. Under my kilt. He handed her the bottle of water and turned away to rummage through the cabinets. Holy Christ Almighty, she was going to drive him to ruin. But he was already doomed, so seducing an angel could hardly damage his immortal soul any further.
But he might damage her. She wanted to go back home to heaven. And she believed he was a good, honorable man. If he were, he would do nothing to lessen her chances. He would make sure she remained chaste and pure so she could take her rightful place with the angels.
Besides, touching her could cause her to see why his soul was damned. He could never let that happen. So, it was settled, he decided with a sinking heart. He would not kiss her again. Nor hold her in his arms. Love was always beyond his reach.
His cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of his sporran. The leather pouch was hanging at an odd angle due to the problem beneath his kilt.
Connor, Angus said. Ye dinna call back. Are ye done at the doctors?
We dinna have to go to Houston, he answered, glancing at Marielle. Were still at the cabin, and shes completely healed.
She sipped from the water bottle, watching him curiously.
How did ye Never mind, Angus continued. Im sending Robby so he can get a full report and ascertain whether shes a threat.
Shes noa Roman believes she is, Angus interrupted. I want more information before I decide how to proceed.
Connor gritted his teeth to keep from arguing with his boss. Marielle was not Anguss employee, so her future was not for him to decide.
Robby will be bringing some clothes that Emma put together, Angus said. Father Andrew insists on going, and Gregori has offered to teleport him. They should arrive shortly.
Verra well.
Do I need to remind you no to let her anywhere near the Father?
Nay. Connor rang off and dropped the phone back into his sporran.
Your friends are coming, Marielle said quietly.
Aye. Two Vamps and a mortal priest who is eager to meet you.
She nodded. It will be good to have someone to pray with. I feel so alone with my own thoughts.
Yere no alone, Marielle.
Her eyes softened and she smiled. He curled his hands into fists to keep from grabbing her.
She shifted her weight back and forth. I have a strange, urgent feeling like I might . . . leak.
He blinked. Christ, was she really this na?ˉve? Do ye need to use the restroom?
She shook her head. I dont think I need to rest.
I meant the loo. The W.C.? When she continued to look at him blankly, he motioned toward the bathroom. Come, Ill show you.
She followed him into the small room and looked curiously about.
He couldnt believe he was having to do this. Yeve been watching humans for centuries. Yeve never seen one . . . take a piss? Or make love?
She shook her head. We never pay attention to bodily functions. As spiritual beings, its not something we can relate to.
Well. He felt his cheeks grow warm. Ye sit there. He motioned to the toilet. And . . . let it go.
She nodded. Interesting.
Then ye dry yerself off and flush it all down. He pointed at the toilet paper and the flushing lever.
This? She lightly touched the lever, and the toilet flushed. She jumped back, then laughed. Look at that! Humans are so clever.
He blinked. He could have sworn she hadnt pushed the lever. He motioned to the sink. Then ye wash yer hands.
She touched the faucet and water gushed out. Brilliant! With a grin, she dangled her fingers in the water.
She hadnt turned the knob. Connor backed out of the room, stunned. Ill leave you alone, then.
He closed the door and could hear her humming inside, happy with her new toys. The toilet flushed again.
Holy Christ Almighty! What would happen if she accidentally touched a gun or a crossbow? Angus might decide she was indeed a threat.
He grabbed another bottle of blood from the refrigerator and warmed it up in the microwave. He needed to keep up his strength with Marielle around. He never knew what to expect next. How could an angel of death cause things to work? Was there something magical about her touch? Hed certainly enjoyed it whenever she touched him.
He heard another flush, then the sound of water. He retrieved his bottle from the microwave. No matter what, he had to hold to his decision. No kissing. No hugging. He wouldnt even think about sex. Or how wonderfully well her plump breasts had filled his hands.
He glanced ruefully at his bottle of synthetic blood. What he really needed was some Blissky. The added whisky might numb his desire.
The bathroom door creaked open, and he remained by the sink, purposely not looking at her.
I believe I did it correctly, she announced proudly.
Thats good. He guzzled down some blood. Doona think about making love.
And I discovered something amazing. I have an entire set of female private parts.
He spewed blood into the sink.
Connor! She rushed up to him and placed a hand on his back. Are you all right?
God help him, she was going to drive him to despair. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Lass, ye canna say whatever pops into yer mind. There are things we doona talk about.
What sort of things?
Personal things. Like an entire set of female private parts. How could he possibly keep that out of his mind?
Im accustomed to sharing all my thoughts with the Heavenly Host, and they with me.
Well, humans doona share everything. We like to keep some things . . . private. Female private parts. Doona think about it!
She frowned. Like the dark secrets you keep hidden in your heart?
His mouth thinned. That and other things.
She shook her head. Im not sure keeping secrets is a healthy way to live.
Tis the way we are. My friends will be here soon. He changed the subject and rummaged through some kitchen drawers till he found something he could use. We need to make you more presentable. Lift yer right arm.
She did, and he used a chip clip to fasten the loose sides of the sheet together at her hip. There, that would keep the other guys from seeing more of Marielle than he wanted. Like her entire set of female private parts.
Mine. Finders keepers. But could he really claim Marielle for himself? She didnt want him; she wanted to go back to heaven where it was all beautiful music and perfect angels sharing lovely thoughts. No secrets and sinful creatures like himself.
Three forms wavered close to the couch, then solidified.
He took a deep breath. We have company.