Chapter Four
Pain. It flooded her senses, drowned her body, and made it nigh impossible to think of anything other than the torture she endured. With every breath she drew, the pain swelled and sucked her deeper into a black hole.
Marielle had never realized before how sensitive the human body was. No wonder some people begged her to take their souls early.
Shed always felt guilty when ordered to grant such a request, fearing the act made her a murderer, but now, for the first time, she realized Zack had been right all along. The Deliverers werent angels of death, but of mercy.
Was that why Zackriel had punished her? Was she being forced to endure pain in human form so she would appreciate Gods mercy and stop questioning orders?
With her eyes still shut, she began to pray. Heavenly Father, please forgive me. I was wrong to ever doubt Your infinite wisdom. I have learned my lesson. Please return me to Your favor so I may continue to serve You.
No answer.
Her eyes flew open. Why couldnt she hear an answer? The Heavenly Father always answered His angels. And she was still an angel. Wasnt she?
Panic seized her. She struggled to sit up, even though it caused her more pain. A white sheet was wound tightly around her like a shroud, frightening her even more. Im not dead yet! She tugged the sheet down to her waist and fought against the pain, just enough to clear a bit of her mind.
Glory to God in the Highest, she called out mentally.
Silence.
Her breath caught. Where was the Heavenly Host? They should have responded with the usual refrainAnd on earth, peace, goodwill toward men.
Hundreds of thousands of angelsGuardians, Messengers, God Warriors, Healers, and Deliverersall part of the Heavenly Host and always there, connected in spirit. Theyd been with her since the dawn of her existence. At any given moment, there was a chorus of angels who were singing, and others joined in between assignments. It was a constant, never-ending liturgy of praise that filled them with joy and peace.
She frantically opened her mind. They had to be there. If she could just get past the pain, she would hear their beautiful voices. Glory to God in the Highest!
Silence.
A sob of disbelief escaped her mouth.
Banished. No singing. No words of comfort. No communication at all with her fellow angels. No response from the Heavenly Father. She was absolutely alone. Abandoned and racked with pain.
She had to get back. Somehow.
She willed her wings to spring forth, but two lightning bolts of pain stabbed her in the back. She cried out, but the torture robbed her voice and only a gasping croak escaped. She twisted to look over her shoulder. Dear God, no! She hadnt dreamed it. Zack had taken her wings. No wonder she was in so much pain.
No wings. She covered her mouth to stifle a sob. How would she ever get back to heaven? She was earthbound.
With a sharp twinge of fear, she realized she had no idea where she was. Shed been so distracted by pain and so focused on the spiritual realm, shed not given her surroundings any thought.
The forest was gone. She was in a dark shelter of some kind. Sitting on a cushioned chair. No, larger than a chair. It was what humans referred to as a couch. How had she arrived here?
She recalled a shadowy dream that had entwined itself like a velvet ribbon around the onslaught of pain. Thered been a voice, a deep male voice with a lilting accent shed found soothing. Strong arms that had held her tenderly. Shed thought it naught but wishful imaginings. No human could touch her without dying.
But someone, or something, had brought her to this dark place.
Most likely not one of the Heavenly Host, not when shed been banished from them. Theyre not the only angels. Her skin prickled with a terrible thought. What if she was considered a fallen angel now? What if one of Lucifers servants had collected her?
Terror struck her so hard, she forgot the pain. She looked frantically about the dark room. Looming shadows of unknown objects surrounded her. A sudden creaking noise made her jump and strain her ears. There was someone nearby. Just outside the room. Footfalls moving back and forth, occasionally striking a board that creaked. Heavy footfalls, most likely a male.
Who was he? Was he guarding her so she couldnt escape? She dragged the sheet up to her chin as if she could hide from whoever was outside.
Her gaze wandered about the room. She gasped when she spotted a pair of glassy eyes staring down at her. Unblinking. Inhuman. Her gaze inched higher, and her heart lurched. The horns of the Beast!
She screamed.
The door flung open, and a man burst into the room, flipped on the lights, and slammed the door shut. She froze in shock at the fierce look on his face and the gleaming dagger in his hand. Was she to be murdered for the pleasure of the Beast?
She turned back to the glassy inhuman eyes, and a grateful squeak escaped her mouth. It was naught but the head of a deer mounted on the wall. There were several hunter trophies: a moose head over the fireplace and a tusked boar on another wall, close to a rocking chair and bookcase. She sent up a quick prayer on their behalf and winced when it was met with silence.
Still, she could feel some relief that the poor beasts were no threat to her. Unlike the man with the dagger. With the sheet still clutched tightly under her chin, she glanced in his direction.
He scanned the room quickly, then focused on her. Are ye all right?
She nodded although she felt far from all right. She was hurting, frightened, confused, and strangely unnerved by this mans presence. He was regarding her with an odd look. Cautious and alert. Curious, perhaps, though the intensity of his gaze hinted at something stronger, something she couldnt place.
He had the look of a warrior, but not a God Warrior. There was nothing angelic about him. Whether from heaven or hell, both angels and demons tended to assume a flawless human form with spotless, rich apparel.
This man had to be human. A Scotsman, perhaps, since he was wearing a plaid kilt. His shirt was torn and stained, his kilt old and faded. Dirt and mud coated his knee socks and shoes. He was large with a raw and rugged edginess to him as if hed just done battle. Earthy. His long hair was a tangled mess, blown by the wind, a beautiful fiery red. His eyes, they still watched her, the grayish-blue irises reminding her of the sky just before a storm unleashed its raging winds. Earth, fire, and windthree elements fused together in one gloriously fierce creation.
Her gaze shifted to his dagger. Did he mean to harm her or protect her?
Och. He reversed the dagger with a fluid movement. I dinna mean to frighten you. I thought ye were in danger.
His voice. It was his voice shed heard while slipping in and out of consciousness. The lilting accent reminded her of the music she was accustomed to hearing in her mind.
She watched closely as he leaned over to slide the dagger into a sheath beneath a knee sock. Apparently, hed rushed into the room, ready to do battle in her defense. God might not have answered her prayer, but Hed provided her with a protector. Thank you, Lord.
With a sigh of grateful relief, she lowered her hands and the sheet to her lap. May I ask your name?
He glanced up at her, then straightened with a jerk. Holy Christ Almighty.
She frowned. No, I dont believe you are.
I dinna mean He shifted his gaze to a spot behind her and whispered, Oh, Christ.
Is He here? A surge of hope swelled inside her. She twisted to look, but pain ripped across her back. She cried out, doubling over to grip her knees.
Och, lass. He moved toward her. Tis sorry I am for yer suffering. Is there anything I can do?
She moaned, willing the pain to subside. The cushion she sat upon jiggled, and it took a moment for her to realize hed taken a seat next to her on the brown leather couch.
No. She straightened, wincing at the pain. You must keep your distance from me. I . . . I could be dangerous. Her wings were gone, her psychic connection to the Heavenly Host was gone, but she couldnt be sure that all her angelic powers were gone. If this man touched her, he might die.
His gaze dropped to her bare chest, then jerked away. We have to do something about yer brea I mean, yer wounds. On yer back. Ye probably need stitches.
Sew up her wing joints? No! She pressed a hand to her chest. Beneath her palm, her heart beat wildly.
He glanced at her hand, then looked away. We canna leave the wounds open. I He grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut. Lass, I canna talk to you like this.
He looked like he was in pain. She wished she could comfort him, but she didnt dare touch him. Is something ailing you?
He opened his eyes, shooting her a fierce look. Ye doona know?
The rough edge to his voice made her skin prickle. His eyes darkened with a reddish tint. Her heart stuttered. Shed never seen human eyes do that. Demon eyes could, but she could have sworn this man was human.
For Gods sake, lass, cover yerself.
She was so stunned by the changing color of his eyes that she didnt realize that hed grabbed the edge of the sheet till she saw him lifting it up to her chest.
She gasped. Dont touch me! She squirmed back on the couch, kicking at him from under the safe barrier of the sheet. Her frantic actions ripped the sheet from his grip and caused them both to lose their balance.
She fell back, gasping when her back hit the cushioned arm of the couch just as he fell on top of her, his outstretched hands landing firmly on her breasts. She froze, terrified that she might have killed him.
With their faces only inches apart, their eyes met. The red sparks in his irises faded until only the smoky blue color remained. Seconds stretched into an eternity as she caught her first glimpse into his soul. A human soul. On the surface: honor, courage, strength. Beneath: loneliness, regret. And there was more. He was hiding something dark, something that caused him great pain.
He blinked, and she realized hed been staring into her eyes with the same intensity. He exhaled, his breath soft against her cheek. He was still alive.
Youre touching me, she whispered.
He reeled back, lunging to the other end of the couch. Forgive me. I
And yet, you still live.
Aye, I should be struck down. He closed his eyes and rubbed his brow. God help me, I just groped an angel.
You know who I am?
Aye. He collapsed against the back sofa cushion. I dinna mean to . . . assault you.
You did nothing wrong. She sat up, wincing at the pain. You simply fell and caught yourself.
He snorted. Aye, and I have verra good aim.
She glanced down at her breasts. With the warmth of his hands gone, the nipples had reacted by turning tight and pebbly. How . . . interesting.
With a moan, he dragged his hands down his face. Just kill me now.
I mean you no harm.
Then cover yerself before my eyes explode.
She recalled how Adam and Eve had covered themselves in shame. Im so sorry. She dragged the sheet up to her chin. I didnt realize I was . . . offending you.
He made an odd noise, somewhere between a snort and a groan.
Im not accustomed to looking like this. We do occasionally take human form when we need to interact with mortals, but its merely an illusion. This body is different, though. It feels . . . real.
That it does, he muttered.
The pain is certainly real. She sighed. I fear I was given this body so I could fully experience pain.
He turned his head toward her. Yeve never had a body before?
No. She peeked underneath the sheet at the breasts hed found so offensive. They looked fairly normal to her.
Her eyes widened at the thatch of hair at the apex of her thighs. Good heavens! She clutched the sheet against her chest.
Shed never looked like that before.
He sat up. Whats wrong?
II appear to be more human than I thought.
His gaze drifted down to her lap, then slowly back up.
She realized, then, that he knew exactly what she was referring to. Her cheeks flooded with heat, a sudden and odd sensation, and she pressed a hand against her face. I believe Im running a fever.
His eyes twinkled with amusement. Tis called a blush, lass.
Oh. A dozen different emotions swirled inside her. Embarrassment, confusion, curiosity, pain, remorse, a terrifying fear that shed never make it back to heaven, another fear that she was venturing into a dangerous unknown world of human sensation and emotion, and in the midst of it all, she felt a overwhelming urge to touch this man. It had been so long since she could touch a human without causing death.
Youyou never told me your name, she whispered.
The amusement faded in his eyes. Im Connor. Connor BuchananYou found me in the woods. You saved me.
He shrugged. Anyone would have He froze when she touched his cheek.
I remember hearing your voice. It was soft and lilting and gave me comfort. She brushed her fingers along his jaw, marveling over the prickle of his whiskers against her fingertips. Angels never needed to shave. When they assumed human form, their skin was always smooth and perfect.
Connor Buchanan, she whispered, and noted his throat moving as he swallowed. Its so amazing that I can touch you. Ive always found humans fascinating. So wild and imperfect. She smoothed a finger over a small scar close to his chin where no whiskers grew. And yet, so beautiful.
His jaw shifted beneath her hand, and she drew back, feeling her cheeks grow warm once again. Of course, I find all the Lords creations to be beautiful.
Really? His mouth curled up. Even a cockroach?
Her cheeks blazed hotter. Well, I must admit you look considerably better than a cockroach.
Such flattery. Be still my heart.
She smiled. He was teasing her, much like her friend Buniel enjoyed doing. Her smile withered as she wondered if shed ever see her best friend again. Or any of the Heavenly Host. Her predicament crashed down on her with a sudden onslaught of grief for the world shed lost. Her shoulders slumped. I dont belong here.
Marielle Connor nodded when she looked at him. I heard that man Zack call you by name. And I heard yer screams when he attacked you.
His name is Zackriel. Hes mywas my supervisor.
Yere better off without him. He sorely abused you.
She bowed her head. I was being punished.
Why? Did ye do something wrong?
She glanced at him, worried that he might be judging her, but all she saw in his eyes was a tender concern. Angels strive to be perfect in every way. I . . . have failed.
Ye look perfect to me.
Her heart swelled at his compliment, although she knew she had fallen short. Im not very good at following orders, not when they dont make sense to me.
He nodded slowly. I understand.
She had a feeling he really did understand. She was sorely tempted to touch him once again, but winced when she felt something wet trickle down her back.
His nostrils flared. Yere bleeding again. I know a doctor in Houston who can sew up yer wounds.
Sew her wing joints shut? Her eyes stung with tears. How could she do that? How could she give up what she was?
But was she still an angel? She was disconnected from the Heavenly Host. She was no longer a Deliverer, for her touch had not killed Connor. Her body was now human, frail and sensitive,susceptible to injury and disease. She could actually die.
A tear rolled down her cheek. Shed lost more than heaven and her friends. Shed lost her immortality.
Och, lass. He touched her cheek, brushing away the tear with his thumb.
Her skin tingled, and she marveled at the frisson of emotion that skittered through her. Such a strong reaction to such a light touch. It must be caused by the novelty of her new body. Or perhaps she was suffering from loneliness, cut off from the Heavenly Host. But when she looked into Connors eyes, she knew it was more. She was drawn to this man. She wanted him to touch her. And she wanted to see more of his soul.
She covered his hand with hers, holding it against her face. Perhaps all hope was not lost, for she still retained a little angelic power. Whenever she touched the dead or dying, their souls opened up to her like a book, and she could witness their entire life in an instant. With Connor, the skill was greatly diminished. He didnt die, but as long as she touched him, she could still catch a glimpse into his soul.
And there it was, hidden far beneath his outer shield of honor and forbearance. A deep dark pit of despair and remorse. It was a painful place, too painful to visit with the suffering she was already experiencing.
She released him. Im sorry Im not a Healer.
Aye, he said gruffly. Twould be good if ye could heal yerself.
I was referring to you. She touched his chest. Youre carrying a dark pain inside you.
Nay. He jumped to his feet and moved away from her, his face pale and rigid. Tis yer wounds we must be looking after. Ill He stopped when a ringing sound emanated from the leather bag he wore in front of his kilt.
I need to take this. He pulled a communication device from the bag and lifted it to his face. Angus, how is Shanna?
He listened awhile, then an expression of relief swept over his face. He walked toward the back of the room. Im at the hunting cabin.
He glanced back at Marielle. Ill be just outside the door. Doona go anywhere. Ill be right back. He opened a back door and stepped outside.
She glimpsed a starry sky before he shut the door. Her gaze wandered to the front door that Connor had used earlier. If she went outside, she could call for help from the Healers. Her best friend, Buniel, was a Healer, and he was probably aware that she was missing from the Heavenly Host. He had to be worried about her.
But Connor had told her to stay put. Another order that didnt make sense. If Buniel could help her, it was worth a try.
She stood slowly, her body stiff and aching from her wounds. She wrapped the sheet around her, wincing as it touched her back. She slipped out the front door and gasped when she was enveloped with chilly night air. Shed never felt the temperature before. She wrapped her arms around herself and shuddered. To her surprise, her breath frosted in the air.
She crossed the wooden porch and descended the steps to the clearing in front of the cabin. The brown grass felt icy cold beneath her bare feet. No wonder humans were so fond of clothes and shoes.
She pivoted, taking in her surroundings. In the light of the moon and glittering stars, she could see the snowy silhouette of gentle mountains. Patches of white snow gleamed in the shade of the nearby forest. Newly budded leaves filled the air with the scent of spring. How amazing was the Lords handiwork. Glory to God in the Highest!
No answer.
She willed herself to be strong. Just because she could no longer hear the angels, it didnt mean they couldnt hear her. She dropped the sheet in a pool around her feet, then with a shiver, she stretched her arms up to the heavens.