I reach for a paper cup full of champagne as I watch the room bustling with activity. Ava’s on the phone chirping away about logistics. Destiny and Ava’s assistant are chatting excitedly. I can’t help but smile at Destiny, knowing this is part of her dream too. She has ambitions beyond being an assistant and she’s talented enough to realize them. She helped Casey get to this place and she deserves to bask in this moment. This New York move will be huge for her.
This is for you, Casey, I think as I hold up the cup. This is for the baby you never got to have, for the family you never started. For all the hard work you put into your career to get to this place. For putting up with Dean and Fiona and all this TV bullshit. And I will sacrifice whatever I must to give you what you deserve. I wasn’t there during a time in your life when you really needed me, but I can be your champion now. I drain my cup and eagerly accept a refill from a round-faced woman who appeared after hearing there was alcohol at 10 a.m. She winks at me and takes off down the hall with the champagne bottle before anyone else notices.
Back at the office, I know there’s something else I have to do. I need to talk to Charlie about where we left things about where our relationship is going. I’ve been avoiding him since Santa Barbara. As I make my way to his office, I have the panicked thought again: What if we can’t switch back? I stop and lean against the wall and close my eyes. It’s all going to work out. I believe it’s all going to work out. I repeat it over and over until I convince myself.
“Knock-knock.” I tap my knuckles on Charlie’s office door. It’s not lost on me how tiny it is compared to mine. It’s so small his desk takes up almost the entire space. The windowless walls are white and bare. His desk is devoid of any photos. A worn gym bag haphazardly thrown in the corner is the only thing that gives you any idea about the type of man Charlie is. For a moment I’m struck by how lonely he must be. No family. Married to his job. Possibly craving a future with Casey but being shut down by her—again.
I was lucky finding the right person so young, having three great kids with him. Why have I taken it all for granted?
Charlie doesn’t look up from the email he’s typing and I don’t blame him. I haven’t given him the time of day since Santa Barbara, why should he give me his attention now?
Still typing away, he says in a voice I don’t recognize as his, “I heard you’re going.”
“And you too, right?”
Charlie laughs. “Oh, Ava didn’t tell you? I’m shocked. She’s such a stand-up gal.”
I lower myself into a black pleather chair. “What?”
“She has other plans for me, as she put it.”
My heart starts racing. “What do you mean?”
Charlie, still not looking up, clicks his mouse, his attention focused on something he’s reading on his computer screen. “Charlie, can you look at me please?” I plead.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Now you want me to look at you. Why don’t you just send me a list of instructions for when and how I can communicate with you and I’ll be sure to review it.” His cold eyes meet mine.
“Look, I’m sorry. I just, it’s so hard to explain, I wish I could.”
“Casey, I’m so tired of your excuses. For all your reasons why you can’t talk about things. I’m just exhausted by it all. It shouldn’t be this hard.” He exhales sharply. “And then I had to hear about it from Ava. Ava, of all people. You know how much I cannot stand that woman! You couldn’t even be bothered to tell me your decision to move before you told her? You didn’t even think about me, did you?”
“Charlie . . . I’m sorry. I really am. I promise you it’s complicated. And I don’t expect you to understand. I just wish you could trust me that I do care about you. And my decision to move, you’re right, I should’ve talked to you about it. But it was a choice that was so much bigger than me, than you, than us.”
“A choice about your big career?” It’s a question, not a statement. “How could I forget that it’s all about you?”
Looking at Charlie now, his eyes burning with anger, I wonder if I’ve screwed up Casey’s chances with him. Have I blown it or is he just upset? I should’ve talked to him before saying yes. I knew he needed that from Casey. I knew it and I didn’t do it, worried that if I said it out loud to him, then I’d back out. I had assumed he’d be going with me and I thought we’d work things out in New York. I had no idea Ava was going to screw him out of the job. I shudder to think how expendable people were to her. If things didn’t go well in New York, would Casey be next?
“Why doesn’t Ava want you to be the executive producer? What did she say?”
“That they were going in a new direction. Best part? I’m out of a job. Her other plans for me include wrapping things up here at Gossip TV and letting me go because she knows she’s holding me back. It was like she was reading from some bullshit manual on how to give someone the ax.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I’ve worked for her for eight years. No loyalty. None.”
“What a bitch.” I fold my arms over my chest. “I wish I had known.”
Charlie laughs bitterly. “Why, so you could make a toast to that too?”