Wolf at the Door

chapter Thirty-two



He’d had his cell on him, of course, and as he walked back to his car, he pulled it out, preparing to do as he was bid, when it rang in his hand.

Boo!

“Hello? Boo?”

“I apologize for intruding, but I must hear about your date. How did it go?”

Not Boo. He sighed and replied, “My Yoda socks were a huge hit.”

He could practically hear Gregory’s groan of horror all the way from the coast. “I specifically told you not to wear them.”

“Shows what you know, because she went wild with lust at the very sight of them. I don’t want to talk about her. Can I talk to Boo?”

“You had a nice time with the young lady?”

“Sure.” Gigantic understatement. It was great, until I found out she was the vampire queen. “And I’ve never, ever seen anyone (ever!) suck down so much raw seafood in my life. She’s from Mass; she loves the fresh stuff. Listen, I gotta talk to Boo, okay? Right now.”

“Alas, we are still basking in the afterglow of—”

“Greg. Right now, I’m not kidding. Put her. On. The phone.”

He could almost feel Gregory’s perplexity and sympathized. He’s never heard my no-bullshit tone of voice before. Probably surprised because I sounded so cool and steely. Like Darth Vader, except without the respirator. No, like Lee Majors! The Six Million Dollar Man!

Luckily, Gregory did as he was commanded, saving Edward from more steely talk, and then he heard Boo’s familiar, “What’s up, moron? We were about to head out. What’s wrong, you forget to pack your Wonder Woman Underoos?”

“I kept telling you, those weren’t mine. I was holding them for a friend.”

“Ha! Trapped in another lie. I didn’t believe it then, and I sure as shit don’t believe it now. You can’t expect me—”

“Boo, shut the f*ck up.”

She was so surprised, she did. Thank God she’s fifteen hundred miles away . . . like I need a broken nose on top of everything else.

“It’s bad, Boo, I’m pretty sure.”

“Tell me,” she said at once, all traces of teasing gone.

“They’ve got a zombie.”

“I thought you said they’ve got a zombie.”

“I absolutely said they’ve got a zombie. I met him, face-to-face. And I must say, for a zombie, he looks pretty good.” Shit, the zombie was better looking than he was, with those green eyes and the black hair. And the scrubs . . . Women probably went nuts for his zombie MD ass. “But that’s not even the bad part.”

“Great. Hit me.”

“I’ve seen it—him? Not sure how I should refer to him-or-it. Anyway, I’ve seen him-or-it hanging around the mansion . . . you know, vamp HQ? With the vampire queen? And I’ve also seen him with a pregnant woman.”

“I didn’t even know there were zombies,” Boo admitted. “And I’ve been killing the undead for over a decade.”

“Neither did I, as of twelve hours ago. But it wasn’t as alarming as it could have been. Let’s face it, when you hear the word zombie, you kind of expect the worst.”

“No, Eddie,” Boo said, kindly enough. “When you hear the word zombie, you expect the worst. When Greg or I or a normal person hears the word zombie, we assume it’s because George Romero is still cranking out the franchise.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Edward was privately impressed Boo even knew who George Romero was. Years of living with the Geek King actually made an impression on her! Who’da thunk it? “This one wasn’t gross or anything. He didn’t try to eat my brain.”

“He knew your feeble brain wouldn’t even rate as an appetizer. What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I’m worried—I’m not sure—”

“Come on, Ed. I know you have a series of increasingly outlandish theories, but in the interests of time, and my patience, just run through the highlights, okay?”

“Okay. I’m worried they’re sacrificing babies. Why else would a zombie hang with a pregnant woman in a mansion ruled by a vampire queen? I’m scared that the vampire queen is running this whole evil baby ring. I can’t prove a f*cking thing, though.”

“You don’t have to,” she said at once. “This isn’t one of Gregory’s SVU reruns.”

In the background, Edward heard Gregory’s sharp retort: “Say nothing against SVU or Mariska Hargitay, woman, if you ever want to have sex with me again.”

“Blow me, fangirl. Listen, Ed, your theory’s good enough for me. If you’re right, I gotta get going. And if you’re wrong, I’m out a few hours of travel time, so what’s the harm? Okay, I’ll be obligated to give you tons of unrelenting shit for years and years to come if this turns out to be a false alarm or a fever dream or whatever, and I’ll definitely beat you up a little, but better that than overlooking some sort of . . . of . . .”

“Vamp-run evil baby zombie ring,” Edward supplied.

“Just hearing you say that makes me tired.” She sighed. “But tough shit, right? If I didn’t want the job, I probably should have gotten around to quitting.”

Edward wasn’t sure if vampire slayers could quit—what would Boo do if not that? Take up knitting? Learn to bake? But he held his tongue.

“I’ll leave tonight if I can get a flight,” she finished. “Otherwise, first flight out tomorrow that’s got a seat. Okay?”

“Thanks, Boo.” His relief was a sweet wave drowning his feeble brain. “I’ll text you the addy for my hotel. Come straight here and I’ll show you where she lives.”

“Done. And Edward?”

“Yeah?”

“Stay away. No more spying. Stay the hell away from now on, got it? This is no time to act like a big-boobed horror-movie heroine.”

“Don’t worry.”

“I’m coming.” And she clicked off.

Boo was abrupt, and tactless. She didn’t suffer fools (or telemarketers) gladly, and she could mess up a pin-neat living room faster than a toddler hopped up on Mountain Dew. She occasionally talked with her mouth full and heaped scorn upon all things Star Wars. She didn’t own a single T-shirt with a quirky saying and avoided the Internet when at all possible. Her hideous soulless habits knew no bounds.

And when a friend needed help, she dropped everything and came on the run. Her love and concern and loyalty also knew no bounds. He had always understood why Gregory had fallen in love with a vampire slayer. He was only surprised it had taken him more than twenty-four hours.

Feeling a little better, he got busy with the texting. And then he got busy with the disobeying.

Like he was going to let his best friend walk into a nest of vipers without every scrap of intel he could dig up? He was more likely to corner William Shatner and rhapsodize how Kirk was superior to Picard in every way.

In other words: never, ever, ever, ever happen.