Chapter 33
Aspen was proud of herself. Not for what she’d done to protect Brinley. She couldn’t imagine not rising to that occasion. She cared for Brinley, loved her like a sister. It was her duty, her obligation to protect her. No, she was proud of the armor she’d encircled around her when saying good-bye.
She couldn’t let Brinley know that she was terrified.
Inside, Aspen dreaded seeing Lehi’s face when they returned to the compound, hearing his venomous words. And the idea of laying with him to make another child was absolutely incomprehensible. She was proud that she’d placed a mask over her fear, given Brinley hope.
And she was satisfied that Porter would stay true to his word. He’d hold on to his copy of the note. She placed her hands inside the wide pockets of her dress, comforted by stroking the crumpled papers one by one. There were seven copies on her person, two inside her sock drawer, one in Ruthie’s piggy bank, and three inside her mother’s home. Aspen couldn’t be too careful.
Rebecca had said nothing on the drive back to the house. But when they walked inside, Aspen was surprised to find Rebecca trailing behind her.
“I’m going to clean her room,” Aspen said, and Rebecca nodded.
The two women stood in the empty room. Picture frames had fallen from the wall. The quilt on Brinley’s bed showed evidence of the scuffle. It was rumpled crazily, with one pillow lying at the foot of the bed. Broken glass littered the floor at the base of the nightstand, and blood remained dark and sticky on the floor.
Aspen stared down at the blood and her brain flashed with snapshots of memories from earlier that evening. Brinley being slapped, kicked, and brutalized as everyone watched. Aspen had to know, she had to know why Rebecca would turn her back on her sister wife in such a despicable manner.
“Why’d you do it?” she asked, hanging a picture frame back on a nail jutting out from the wall.
“I . . . I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Just tell me. Stop pretending to be so innocent in all of this.”
Rebecca’s posture hunched and she played with the trinkets on Brinley’s dresser. “I didn’t get to be with Burt. I didn’t get to be with the man I adored, the man I spent twelve years loving. And she was going to be with Porter. She was going to be happy, I could feel it. And it killed me. I was so jealous I could barely breathe.”
“You’re telling me that this was all about envy? All of it?”
“I can’t speak for Leandra, or Lehi, for that matter. I don’t know why they beat her like they did.”
“I do,” Aspen replied, eyeing the trinkets on the dresser. She moved to stand next to Rebecca and touched one by one the small gifts that were handmade by her children. They adored Brinley almost as much as she did. They would miss her.
Rebecca glanced at her. “Tell me, please. I’m begging you.”
“Pride,” Aspen said matter-of-factly. “Brinley shattered their pride. They tried to control her, but they couldn’t. Clearly, she was too smart for them.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Rebecca said. “Leandra was so focused on impressing the prophet. She wanted to maintain the Cluff name.”
“Desperately,” Aspen agreed.
Aspen knelt down to retrieve one of the trinkets that had fallen on the floor, a tiny butterfly made out of paper. She remembered the day Ruthie had given it to Brinley. It was the day she’d entered the Cluff family. Aspen had been suspicious and hesitant with Brinley when she first met her. Brinley was a sweet young thing, but she seemed terribly naive and Aspen wasn’t known for her patience. Nevertheless, Lehi had assigned her to mentor Brinley and she had done so. For three years, she’d done her best to guide and care for Brinley as if she were one of her own.
And she’d miss that role. Looking back, it had truly been an honor. One she would cherish in the years to come.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Rebecca reading aloud.
“I can’t go on without you. I’m a pathetic man . . .”
Aspen knew those words; she’d read them several times already. But they shouldn’t have come from Rebecca’s mouth.
“I don’t . . . I don’t understand,” Rebecca said.
Aspen looked to Rebecca and gasped when she saw her holding one of the papers.
Rebecca looked up. “This isn’t . . . it can’t be. No. No, no, no, no, no, no!”
“How did you get that?” Aspen demanded, stalking toward her sister wife in a panic.
“It fell on the floor. You were hanging the picture and it fell out,” Rebecca cried. “This is all my fault. All of it. He’s gone and it’s all my fault. They took him . . .”
“I’m sorry,” Aspen said. What else could she say? It was the truth.
Rebecca’s face turned ghostly white and she sank to her knees, clutching the note to her chest, wailing at the top of her lungs. “I should’ve met him that night. Under our tree. He must have waited and waited for me,” she cried. “None of this would’ve happened. I could have saved him, I could . . . I could . . .”
Aspen wanted to be furious with Rebecca, she wanted to hold on to her anger for dear life. But as she watched her sister wife crumple on the floor, wailing in agony, she couldn’t keep sweet. She couldn’t ignore Rebecca. She had to comfort her.
“How could they do this?” Rebecca peered into Aspen’s eyes, looking for an answer. “How could they be so evil?”
“I don’t have all the answers. But there were over a dozen of these in her wastebasket. There’s no mistaking what they did or how they covered it up.”
“The note they showed me wasn’t real, and I should’ve known. I knew Burt’s handwriting better than anyone.”
“You were grieving. You’d just lost him,” Aspen said, attempting to make sense of the unimaginable.
“No, I lost him months ago, the day Brinley gave me that letter.”
“Letter? There was another letter?”
“Yes. He wanted me to run away with him. He asked me to be his one and only.”
“I had no idea,” Aspen replied, trying to process the new information on Burt and Rebecca’s love story.
“I turned my back on him, Aspen. I turned my back on the one man who loved me. The only one.”
“Why didn’t you go with him?” Aspen asked, curious. She hadn’t gotten to know Rebecca in the way that Brinley had. In fact, she knew very little about Lehi’s eighth wife, but she seemed to be learning more with each passing moment.
“I thought Heavenly Father was testing me.” Rebecca wiped her nose as tears tracked down her cheeks. “I thought my faith, my love for him was being tested. And I wanted to prove it. That I could serve our Lord without question.”
“I see,” Aspen replied, and an ache stirred within her.
She understood Rebecca’s desire to please Heavenly Father, to rise above her own wants and desires to serve the prophet and the community at large. And for the first time, she felt real sympathy for Rebecca. For just a moment she mourned Burt Jameson, the man who was the ultimate victim in Leandra and Lehi’s sick games. The ultimate victim in their quest to be beloved by the prophet, to maintain their standing in the community and to avoid any dissension in their home.
To Lehi and Leandra, appearances were everything. Burt Jameson had muddied the waters of the Cluff family’s pristine reputation and he had to be dealt with.
“I can’t stay here,” Rebecca whispered.
“But you’re—”
“What?”
“You’re pregnant . . . with Lehi’s baby.”
Rebecca’s hands wrapped around the slight curve in her abdomen and she sobbed.
Aspen’s heart was tugged as she watched Rebecca come to the realization that she was trapped. She wrapped her arms around Rebecca, allowing her to sob against her chest. Aspen’s hands created large circles on her sister wife’s back, attempting to soothe, urging her to calm.
“We’ll figure this out. We’ll get you out of here.”
“Really?” Rebecca looked up hopefully, her eyes swollen and red.
“Yes. Both of us. If you can pull yourself together, I have an idea. Can you do that? Lehi is expecting us.”
Aspen waited while Rebecca sucked in several deep breaths to calm herself. Normally her lack of patience would have gotten the best of her, but for this—for this, she needed Rebecca to be at her calmest. She needed her to be cool and collected.
After several minutes, Rebecca wiped her cheeks completely dry, took another cleansing breath, and spoke.
“All right, I’m ready.”
? ? ?
“Both of you?” Lehi shouted, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest. Leandra stood at his side, glaring at Aspen and Rebecca, but Aspen was undeterred. She wouldn’t surrender those forgeries. Not until she was satisfied with their bargain.
“Yes,” Aspen said, her face made of stone. She wouldn’t let Lehi know how intimidated she was. She couldn’t. Or they’d never succeed.
“That wasn’t our arrangement. I agreed to let Brinley go . . . that’s it. Nothing more.”
“The arrangement has changed,” Aspen said. Her heart pounded madly within her chest. “Now we want more.”
“How dare you,” Leandra snapped.
“Consider the facts,” Aspen said, laying out her argument. “You’ll still have five wives and twenty-two children. It will be a smaller household, less mouths to feed, more room in the home.”
“We don’t want a smaller household,” Leandra shot back.
“What you don’t want is two wives living under your roof who despise you. One of them who knows your secrets, who knows what you’ve done.”
“And you?” Lehi said, glaring at Rebecca. “Why do you want to leave?”
“I need a fresh start, Lehi. Please. Losing Burt, and now Brinley. It’s just too much. I don’t belong here.”
Rebecca stared down at the hardwood, and Aspen knew why. If she looked at Lehi, she wouldn’t be able to hide her rage, then Lehi would know his secret was revealed. And then they’d both be in grave danger.
“But you’re carrying my baby! How am I supposed to request this? The prophet will never agree. Never!”
“We’ll take the blame, Lehi. Tell him whatever you like. I’m sure the two of you can come up with something.” Aspen’s words were snide, meant to pierce, to remind Lehi and Leandra of what they’d done. “But you must have us reassigned. Send us to Texas, send us across the compound. Just tell the prophet that we must be removed from this household.”
“There are wives needed in Texas,” Lehi said slowly.
Aspen knew his wheels were spinning, considering the proposition. She knew she needed to push just a bit harder, to make sure he saw the benefits of this decision.
“We’ll be far away. You won’t be reminded of any of this. Of Brinley, of us. Of Burt.”
Lehi inhaled abruptly, closing his eyes as he exhaled. He said nothing, so Aspen continued to plead her case.
“Once we have word that we’re being reassigned,” Aspen said convincingly, “you’ll have the notes, every last one of them. Of that you can be sure.”
“No.” Lehi shook his head. “Rebecca stays. You may go, Aspen. But Rebecca must stay here.”
Aspen was appalled. She threw her head back in disgust, knowing that Lehi was challenging her, asserting his power over her and all of the wives. Well, it wouldn’t work. “No, that’s not what I—”
“I don’t care what you said. I will not request that she be reassigned.” Lehi stepped toward Aspen, his nose almost touching her forehead as he bent down to speak. “You don’t make the decisions in this house. I do. I don’t care what proof you think you have.”
“Then I’ll tell the prophet. I’ll tell everyone, I’ll—”
“Stop,” Rebecca said, placing her hand on Aspen’s arm. “Aspen, no.”
Aspen couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her eyes grew wide as she turned to Rebecca, trying desperately to understand. “What?”
“I’ll stay.” Rebecca raised her eyes to meet Lehi’s gaze. “I deserve this. For what I did to Brinley, I’ll stay. It’s my penance from Heavenly Father. And I accept it.”
“No, Rebecca, don’t—”
“It’s fine,” Rebecca said, squeezing Aspen’s hand as a tear slid slowly down her cheek. “It’s how things are meant to be. You go. Start fresh. Embrace a new family and be free of this, all of this. Even me.”
Aspen paused before asking, “Are you sure?” She wanted to give Rebecca every opportunity to change her mind. She wanted to shake her, to scream in her face, to insist that Rebecca would one day regret this decision.
“I thought I was being tested months ago, but this, this is my test. Right here and now.” Rebecca took a deep breath before continuing, holding back tears as her voice broke. “I need to honor Burt, honor Brinley by staying here . . . staying and accepting my fate.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” Aspen whispered. “You can have another chance, another start.”
Rebecca simply shook her head.
Aspen’s mind spun. She didn’t want to leave her sister wife behind, caught in the clutches of Lehi and his evil first wife. She wanted to fight, to insist, to challenge Lehi enough that he would cave to her demands. But Rebecca had said her piece. Continuing to fight on her behalf would be futile.
“Fine. Rebecca will remain here . . . with you. But I demand to be reassigned.”
Lehi nodded. “I’ll speak with the prophet first thing in the morning. I’ll tell him it’s of the utmost importance.”
Aspen gave him a curt nod and left the room to check on her children. Soon, she hoped they’d have quite the transition to make, and she needed to wrap her arms around her sweet babies, to tell them it would all be okay. Even though they’d have no idea what their mother was talking about.
She couldn’t protect Brinley any longer, or Rebecca for that matter. But she could protect her children. She hoped they’d be safe and welcome in a new household, a new home. She wasn’t one to embrace fairy tales or the concept of happily-ever-after, but she hoped . . . she hoped to be placed with a kind and gentle man. A man who would appreciate her sharp wit and remarkable memory. A man who didn’t plot, connive, or control. A man who didn’t lash out in anger. A man who stood by his word and insisted upon honesty. A man who was capable of love, who respected and cherished life.
A man . . . not a monster.