Where I Belong

He means what he says. I can feel it. I settle back into my seat and stare at his profile. “Really?” I’ve never given much thought to having children, mainly because I’ve never pictured the person I would someday have them with. When you’ve gone twenty-three years without a boyfriend, it’s hard to imagine having a husband.

He looks over at me like I’ve just asked him the most ridiculous question. Deep crease in his forehead and a curious frown. “Are you kidding? Look how you are with Nolan.”

I shake my head in disagreement. “Nolan’s easy though. He’d probably love anybody that played knights and princesses with him.”

“You’re not just anybody. You knighted my son, which he hasn’t stopped talking about, you gave him this amazing memory tonight, and he does the nose thing with you.”

I furrow my brow, confusion setting in. “The nose thing? Oh, you mean when he runs his finger down your nose? That thing?”

“Yeah. Do you know he only does that with me?” He pulls off the highway and onto the back road leading toward the house. I shake my head and he sees it before continuing. “I’ve never seen him do that with anybody else. Not Tessa, not my parents, and definitely not his mother. I don’t know why he does it, but he’s only ever done that with me.”

I suddenly feel horrible, like I’ve barged in on a private Ben and Nolan bonding activity. “I’m sorry. He did it to me when he woke me up the other day and I did it back out of reflex. I didn’t know that was your thing.”

“Mia, relax. I like that he does that with you. I like that that’s something you and I share with him. He’s only known you for a week and he’s already formed this special bond with you. You’d be an amazing mom.” He pauses, glancing in his rearview mirror. “You’d be better than the one he has.”

“She’s not good with him?” I only have concern in my voice, but the thought of someone not being good to Nolan makes my blood boil. I keep that emotion tucked away though.

Ben shakes his head. “She doesn’t spend time with Nolan because she wants to spend time with him. She does it to keep him from spending time with me. She’s never been a good mom to him. When he was a baby, she refused to breastfeed him because she was so worried that it would wreck her body. I begged her to do it because I knew it would be good for him, and she still refused.” His hand that is gripping the wheel seems to grip tighter. “I hate leaving him with her, knowing that he’s probably being neglected. Something could happen to him because she doesn’t pay attention and the thought of that…” His voice trails off and I don’t think, I just move.

I push up the flip console and slide across the bench seat, pulling his free hand into mine. “Nothing’s going to happen to him. You can’t think like that, it’ll drive you crazy.” He glances over at me, our bodies pressed up against each other’s. I squeeze his hand the way he did mine when he was comforting me moments ago. “You’re going to worry about him because he’s your son, but you can’t let that worry eat you up. Just focus on your time with Nolan. Focus on making him happy every second you’re with him, because that little face back there should always be smiling.” The truck had stopped in front of the house sometime during my speech, but I have no idea when. I am purely focused on easing his troubled mind. Seeing him like this is heartbreaking.

He stares at me with fascination. “You’ve given my son more in one week than his mother has in three years. You have no idea what that means to him. What that means to me.” His neck rolls with a deep swallow as he glances down at our hands that are interlocked in my lap. “How did I not see this amazing girl nine years ago?” His thumb grazes the skin of my hand, rubbing it softly.

I don’t know how to answer him, so I watch him study our hands instead, admiring his features while he admires our connection. His long dark lashes and prominent cheek bones. He seems drawn to the very sight of our hands together, but that look of interest doesn’t linger. Exhaling loudly, almost frustratingly, he slides his hand out of mine and bypasses my gaze to look at the dashboard. “It’s late. I should probably get Nolan to bed.”

Friends don’t hold hands. Friends don’t sit this close. And Ben knows these things. I don’t care what the rules of friendship are because I’m not sure I want Ben as a friend. Not when he makes me feel like this. But that must be how he’s seeing me because he’s breaking our contact. I slide back over to my side and open my door, jumping out of the truck. I open the back door and lean my head inside, pressing a kiss to Nolan’s temple. “Goodnight, Sir Nolan,” I whisper, seeing him stir a bit. I look up front at Ben whose bright gray eyes are studying me. “Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight,” he says with a smile that seems guarded, unlike his usual halt me in my place smile that makes me forget how to breathe.

I go to close the door but stop myself, turning back to Ben. “I’m really sorry I broke your stereo.”

“What?”

I wince at the memory. “Remember the summer before I moved away? I went to your room to borrow your stereo and I knocked it off your desk, breaking it. I’m really sorry about that.”

He shakes his head, his brow furrowing. “What made you think about that?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. But, God, I remember how angry you were. You hated me that day.”

His gaze drops briefly before returning to mine. “Mia, do you me a favor. Don’t apologize for stuff that happened between us before. You could’ve broken everything in my room and it wouldn’t have justified the way I treated you back then. You don’t owe me an apology. Ever. Okay?”

I smile meekly and nod. “Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I walk inside and go straight to my bedroom, collapsing down on my bed. Tonight was amazing. It was the best non-date I’ve ever been on. I loved talking and hanging out with Ben, which seemed crazy considering how much I used to hate the mere presence of him. The boy I once wished never existed was now the man I wanted to spend every second with. I wasn’t holding on to that hate I once had for him anymore. I couldn’t. Not when the man he is now made me feel things I’ve only read about in books. I was done trying to forget that I gave him a part of me that no one else would ever touch. I wanted him to have it. I wanted him to have every piece of me. Benjamin Kelly was becoming everything I’ve ever wanted and I was finally willing to admit that to myself.

At the very moment my eyes shut, Tessa swings my door open and walks over to my bed, lying down next to me. I wait for the interrogation to start, but it doesn’t come, which is shocking. Rolling over, I notice her worried expression.

“I’m late,” she states, keeping her eyes on the ceiling.

“For…” And then it hits me. Girls only use that wording for one thing when it’s paired with the look she’s carrying right now. “Oh my God. What are you going to do?”

She finally looks at me but doesn’t respond. But she doesn’t have to. Her face is giving away everything she needs to say.

She has no f*cking clue.





Chapter Eleven


Ben

I wanted to tell her she looked beautiful that night.