What Goes Around

chapter SIXTY FOUR

Lucy

‘I’m going to be a bridesmaid!’

She’s beyond excited – she must have deafened Alice from the squeal that she let out.

‘Mum!’

‘That’s brilliant!’ Even if will kill not to see it, it’s worth it for this.

She’s just happier every day. Oh, she has her bad days, we all do I guess, but she’s happy and funny and she’s really coming back to me now.

We talk for a bit, or rather she rabbits on and on and then I go to clean up my stuff in the garden.

You’re not going to believe this.

I love gardening!

It relaxes me.

I kneel down and pull out a couple of weeds, it’s the beginning of spring and things are starting to flower and little shoots are popping up.

I feel the soil beneath my fingers and I dig them in and I can almost feel a pulse – like the garden’s coming to life. I can feel all the life that lies within it. I wish he could have seen her be a bridesmaid, I wish he could see how much better we are all getting on.

It will be his anniversary soon.

Then I do my Buffy thing and I pull out my hands, because sometimes I have these horrible thoughts, about soil and him and I don’t think it’s normal.

The grief counsellor says that it is.

I think she has to say that.

I walk inside and I wash my hands and have a drink of cool water and then I go and have a shower and put on my bathrobe. I can hear Charlotte chatting away on Skype as she often is. She’ll be on it forever tonight sharing her good news.

And then I glance over and it’s not Felicity’s cold blue eyes, nor is it any of her more regular friends.

There are dark green eyes right up at the screen and a mouth wide open that’s drooling and trying to kiss what’s on the other side. How can you not smile at that?

‘Hi Daisy!’ I blow her a kiss but then Daisy sits down and I find myself face to face with Gloria. Only then do I realise that she must have seen me, dressed in my dressing gown, with my hair all wet and blowing kisses to Daisy.

God I hate Skype, I really do.

‘Oh, hi Gloria!’

‘Hi, Lucy,’ she says. ‘I’m assuming you’ve heard the news.’

‘The whole of the street heard the news,’ I say. ‘It’s lovely, thank you.’ I look to Charlotte. ‘I hope you said thank you to Alice.’

Charlotte goes red, so I roll my eyes.

‘I was just talking to Alice,’ Gloria says. ‘And then afterwards I spoke to Eleanor.’ My heart goes very still. ‘We all agree that it would be lovely if you came to the church.’

‘I’d love to,’ I say as my heart flutters in panic, I can hardly tell her the problem with Noel. ‘But the thing is…’

‘Then that’s fine then.’ Gloria says and she snaps me out of my panic and I remember that she knows. ‘Lucy, it will be fine.’

And if Gloria says that it’s fine, then it must be.