Chapter Thirteen
Two days later
The grounds were too soggy and muddy for walking, so everyone was forced to spend their days indoors, except for the marquess and the duke, who didn’t think a little mud would hurt anyone. Margaret disagreed, but she’d long ago thrown up her hands when her husband tracked mud or dirt indoors.
Colin invited Angeline to play backgammon with him. He knew it would be a challenging game, because she was more clever than most, but he recalled their conversation the last time they had pretended to play. Since Margaret, the duchess, and the girls were involved in needlework, he figured the others would leave them to concentrate.
As they set up the stones for the game, he glanced at her. “You are well?”
“Yes.”
“Were there questions?” he asked.
“My mother was appalled that you unlaced me, but I told her to be sensible. You were the only one available.”
“How did she react?”
Angeline moved a stone. “She fears you took a disgust of me. I explained that it was only circumstances, and she blamed herself for allowing me to attend you.”
“That’s foolish. I hope you did not take it to heart.”
“I told her I could not be a martyr to my stays.”
He grinned.
“Did you take a disgust of me after my wanton behavior?” she whispered.
He met her gaze. “I started the game. Were you disgusted? Be truthful.”
“No, I found it…exciting.” She rolled the dice.
“Now you are remorseful?”
“No, but…”
“But what?”
“I want to do it again,” she whispered.
His breath whooshed out of him, and his groin tightened. “Me too.”
She moved a stone. “I’m shameless.”
His shoulders shook with laughter.
“Do not laugh. They are liable to ask what is so funny,” she whispered.
He rolled the dice. “I am eager for another visit.”
She blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
He leaned forward and whispered, “From the famous courtesan.”
“She is entertaining other gentlemen,” she said under her breath.
“I forbid it. She is mine and mine alone.”
“Exclusive visits will cost you. She demands rubies and sapphires.”
He looked into her eyes. “She is beautiful and very desirable.”
“I can hardly believe I was capable of the things I said and did. I don’t know what is wrong with me.”
“Nothing is wrong with you. It’s only fantasy.”
“It is not ladylike.”
He leaned forward and said under his breath, “Angeline, I’ve never wanted a woman more in my life.”
“You are only trying to be polite and spare my feelings,” she whispered, “even though I acted like Satan’s mistress.”
He laughed, but his imagination soared. He pictured her walking in a room in nothing but one of those enormous shawls women favored. Then he imagined tearing it off of her luscious body and having his wicked way with her on the carpet.
“Colin, why do you have that gleam in your eyes?” Bianca said.
Uh-oh. “I am about to trounce Angeline.”
“You are not,” Angeline said.
He looked at the board. “What happened?”
“I beared off all fifteen stones,” she said. “I won.”
While he’d been entertaining fantasies of her naked, she’d been strategizing.
“I am a gentleman and naturally let you win.”
“Keep telling yourself lies,” she said, “but I know better.”
When everyone gathered for breakfast, the marquess folded his hands. “I have it on the best of authority from one of the groomsmen that at long last the grounds are dry in most of the areas. I imagine everyone is anxious to be out of doors for a change.”
A round of applause went up. Colin smiled at Angeline. They would probably have to spend the first hour or so walking with everyone else, but he hoped that he and Angeline would be able to take a different path so that they could discuss whether they could build a life together.
“Mama, can we ride?” Bianca asked.
“Not today,” the marchioness said. “We will all enjoy a very long walk about the grounds, and then afterward, we will have luncheon, as everyone will be hungry from the exercise.”
“Mama, may we take Hercules?” Bernadette asked.
“Yes, but bring his leash in the event he manages to find a puddle or mud.” Margaret rose. “Chadwick, do try not to step in every mud puddle.”
“Wycoff and I are not afraid of mud,” the marquess said.
“I know, dear, but given the amount of mud you have managed to find, I would be grateful if you might condescend to avoid some of the puddles.”
“We shall see,” the marquess said. “Ah, here are the guns.”
Margaret shook her head. “Let us all put on our warmest wraps, gloves, and hats. We will meet in the hall in fifteen minutes.”
Colin knew it was important that he treat Angeline as a friend only in front of their mothers and sisters. It was not an easy task when she favored him with one of her brilliant smiles and walked beside him. But he thought better of being familiar with her. Wycoff had been displeased about the night they had spent at Sommerall. Fortunately, the marquess had told Wycoff to let him know the day he could predict the weather, as he would sell tickets for miles around.
Hercules forged ahead and the leash slipped from Bianca’s gloved hand. “Hercules, come back!”
The dog ignored her and ran farther and farther away.
“He’ll be lost,” Bianca cried.
Colin whistled as he chased after the dog. Naturally Hercules ignored him. “Come back here!” he yelled. Hercules spied a red squirrel and chased it yards ahead until the squirrel ran up a tree. The foolish dog pawed the tree and barked continuously. Colin scooped the dog up, and of course, he got dirty paw prints all over his coat. “No wonder my father threatens to put you in the dustbin,” he muttered.
The girls surrounded him and clapped their hands.
“Bianca, put the leash on him. I saw some mud puddles,” Colin said. “Father is liable to make good on his promise to get rid of Hercules if you don’t take care of him.”
“Thank you for catching him,” Bianca said.
“I thought you meant to teach him some commands,” Colin said.
“Such as?” Bernadette said.
“Command him to sit.”
“Sit, Hercules,” Bernadette said.
The dog lolled his tongue.
“Push his bottom to the ground.”
Colin looked up at the sound of Angeline’s voice. “Good idea.”
“Sit, Hercules,” Colin said, pushing the dog’s hind end to the grass.
Hercules promptly stood up and lolled his tongue.
“You’ll have to do it repeatedly for him to learn,” Angeline said.
“You’ve trained a dog before?” he asked.
“Yes, but I gave him a small treat as a reward when he obeyed.”
He met her gaze and remembered the command he’d given her that morning at Sommerall. He still couldn’t believe she’d played along.
Her lips parted and she shaded the brim of her bonnet as she looked away. Ah, she might well be remembering.
Colin handed the leash to Bianca. “Today let’s not let him loose since there are mud puddles, and it would be just your luck he would find them.”
“After we return to the house, ask Cook for some bits of meat that you can use to reward him,” Angeline said. “Teach him one command at a time.”
“Thank you, Angeline,” Bianca said. “Papa makes fun of Hercules, but he really is a smart dog.”
“You must take care of him and teach him manners,” Colin said.
Hercules broke wind.
“Pew,” Colin said, waving his hand.
“He does some very unmannerly things,” Bernadette said.
Angeline and his sisters laughed.
Colin groaned. “You had better train him not to do that in our father’s presence. That might be the last straw for Papa.”
Colin stood. “Margaret is waving from the folly. Shall we catch up to them?”
This time Colin let the girls walk ahead and lagged behind with Angeline. “It seems a long time since we last had a conversation.”
“I think we are all grateful to be out of doors.”
“I don’t suppose you have any news,” he said.
“Not yet.” She paused. “Colin, are you sure about the engagement? There are only three days left. We do not have to rush.”
He couldn’t tell her that he dared not wait any longer for fear of losing Sommerall.
Unlike him, Angeline would do anything for her family. She would marry to make her parents and her sister happy. When he thought about the way he’d ignored his own family, he was ashamed. He’d been a selfish man.
He couldn’t change all the years he’d sullenly come home for Christmas. Without fail, he’d resented attending the annual house party and often left early to rake, drink, and gamble in London. He’d preferred the company of acquaintances he didn’t care about over the members of his own family. But he could change for the better and start afresh. He could make amends and be there for his father, stepmother, and sisters. But there was someone else who needed him, someone he’d mistreated.
Since the day Angeline had told him what Brentmoor had done to her and her family, he’d seen himself as the good man, the one who would never hurt her. But he’d been a cad. He’d actually told her he wouldn’t abandon her if she found herself with child. Now he felt the shame bone-deep. She was the daughter of his father’s best friend, and he’d bedded her, without offering a single tender word. She deserved better.
Guilt would not help either of them, but he could help her reclaim her life and her rightful place in society. It would not be a simple matter, but for once in his life he would give to someone he cared about without expecting something in return.
Three days later
It had rained twice more, and now the grounds were saturated, and the paths were muddy. The roads were as well. The marquess and duke continued to trudge through mud, and Colin was so wild to get out of doors that he accompanied them one day. He attempted to shoot a pheasant and ended up shooting into mud that splattered in his hair and all over his clothes. He returned to the house, preferring confinement in a two-hundred-room mansion to mud.
This particular morning, he played billiards, though it wasn’t much fun with no competition. His mood perked up when Angeline darted inside, until she closed the door.
“You had better open the door,” he said.
“Colin, I dare not open the door.”
His heart thudded in his chest. “You have news?” Was he going to be a father? Was he ready for such a step?
“There were no consequences,” she whispered.
He almost sagged with relief. “That is good news.”
She nodded, but she didn’t look happy about it.
He took her hands. “Were you hoping for a baby?”
She shrugged. “We are fortunate to escape the consequences.”
“It would be better to get such news after marriage.” He paused. “Tonight, in the drawing room, I will make the announcement.”
She wet her lips. “Yes.”
“Are you afraid?”
“I suppose everyone is a bit anxious before a life-changing event.”
“I’m glad about the engagement, Angeline. Our parents will be as well.”
“I had better return to the drawing room before someone discovers me here.”
“You are miserable doing needlework?”
“I’m going mad,” she said, leaning against the door.
“Angeline, no one is forcing you. If you don’t wish to do needlework, read a book.”
“I will feel guilty, because everyone else is mending or embroidering handkerchiefs or darning stockings. The mending does need to be taken care of.”
“Perhaps you could read to everyone else while they mend or embroider,” he said.
“You’re brilliant. Margaret has a copy of Sense and Sensibility. I could read it to them.”
“Well, it’s hardly a brilliant suggestion, but if it pleases you, it pleases me.”
She stepped closer to him. “I miss you.”
As much as he would love to kiss her, he didn’t want someone to catch them alone behind a closed door. It might create problems between their families, and he wanted the announcement to be void of any possible scandal. “You had better return, Angeline. It would not do if we were caught alone in here.”
She nodded. “I promised to tell you.”
Someone knocked on the door. He winced.
I’m sorry, she mouthed.
He opened the door. Penelope stood there.
“I beg your pardon,” Penny said. “Angeline, will you come with me to the drawing room?”
“Yes, of course,” Angeline said. “I just needed to tell Colin something I remembered about Sommerall.”
Penny regarded him with a slight frown. “Come, Sister. Mama will worry if you are gone too long.”
“Angeline,” Penny said as they walked through the great hall. “Mama sent me to find you when you did not immediately return to the drawing room.”
“Mama is overly finicky.” She wished her mother would not hover.
“You were expected to attend. Everyone noticed you were gone.”
“I had every intention of returning to the drawing room.” Where else could she go when the grounds were soaked and muddy?
“You will be cautious, will you not?”
Penny’s question made her heart race. “About what, dearest?”
“You should not have gone to the billiard room.”
Relief filled her. “Oh, you worry for nothing.”
“You are spending a great deal of time with him.”
“I have been helping him at Sommerall,” Angeline said. “There’s nothing to be concerned about. It is only Colin.”
Penny halted. “Why did you close the door?”
The question caught her unaware. “I only meant to tell him something, and I was on the verge of leaving when you came.” It was all true, but not nearly as innocent as she’d made it sound.
“Please be careful,” Penny said.
“Yes, I do not wish to inadvertently give the wrong impression,” she said. Her stomach felt a little queasy. She’d had to tell him there were no consequences. It would have been cruel to make him wait.
“I do not want you to ever have to leave again,” Penny said.
Her sweet sister’s words stung her heart. “I didn’t want to leave you, but Mama insisted I must be presented in Paris.”
“I know something bad happened,” Penny whispered. “Papa shut himself in his study. Mama’s friends no longer called. Lord Brentmoor went away.”
Chill bumps erupted on Angeline’s arms. Penny knew. “It is all over.”
“You must be careful,” Penny said. “Ladies must always guard their reputations.”
Angeline inhaled on a shaky breath. “That is wise advice, Penny, but Colin is a friend of our family. You need not be concerned.” She had only wanted to reassure him. It never would have been necessary if she had not abandoned herself to him. Tonight, however, they would announce their engagement. It was beyond anything she had ever imagined.
Of course, she’d wanted a kiss from Colin and words of reassurance. He’d been obviously relieved. She ought to be as well, but at the moment, she was tired and out of sorts.
“Penny, my head is aching. Will you please make my excuses to Mama and Margaret?”
“I hope you are not ill,” Penny said.
“No, it is only a headache. All I need is to lie down for a bit.”
She slept for two hours. When she awoke, she realized that she was fatigued from the anxiety. She’d managed to catch him alone, but Penny had come along, and Angeline realized how close Penny had come to hearing their conversation.
She’d sworn she would never regret that night with Colin, and she did not. She would never have made love to him if she did not love him dearly. They had been trapped by the violent weather at Sommerall, and she had wanted to share her body with him. She loved that he wanted to champion her, and she loved that he thought her smart. She loved his teasing, and she even loved him when he pointed out that she worried over the past and the future rather than focusing on the present. She had not even realized it until he’d told her.
But now it occurred to her that she’d done the very thing she’d been accused of doing with Brentmoor. She’d had an assignation with Colin.
She told herself that it was different because she loved him, and he wanted to make their engagement official tonight. But it was eerily similar to Brentmoor, who had entreated her to agree to their engagement.
The situations were not comparable. Colin had never lied to her. He had never tried to press her into intimacies. She had given herself freely to him, and he had not betrayed her. He had never expressed tender feelings for her in so many words, but he’d showed how much he cared about her.
It was true he would gain Sommerall, probably immediately. For a moment doubts plagued her. The Faradays had made the third visit, and soon after, Colin had persuaded her to announce their engagement. There was nothing nefarious about it, but she could not quite push away her misgivings.
Once before, she had ignored the silent warnings and paid a high price for it.
“No,” she said. Colin was not a cruel, heartless man. Furthermore, he wasn’t the only one who would benefit from their engagement and marriage. Once she married him, she would be respectable again, and she would be able to attend Penny’s come-out in the spring. There might be a few high sticklers who cut her acquaintance, but she had weathered far worse things.
From the very beginning, she and Colin had both been honest with each other that they were seeking a marriage of convenience, one that benefitted both of them. With all of her heart, she hoped that he would fall in love with her. If that day never came, she knew it would make her sad, but she would make the best of things. She would have children, and she would not have to live in seclusion as a spinster with a companion.
It surprised her how quickly her feelings had grown for Colin, but it should not. He’d changed. She suspected that the possibility of losing Sommerall had made him realize what he stood to lose. It was not just about the property, however. It was also very much about his family. He meant to spend more time with them. Colin would embrace his family. They were as imperfect as her family, but Angeline thought that only made families more interesting. Really, wasn’t love the only thing any family needed?
Doubts crept in again, but she pushed them away and did her best to focus on the present. Tonight, she would be happy. He was a good man, a changed man. They would find happiness together. It would not be the love match she’d always dreamed of, but she would find contentment in their marriage. Starting tonight, she would focus on him rather than herself. She would do everything in her power to see to his happiness and comfort.
He felt like a wretch.
Colin sat at his desk with his forehead in his hand. In so many ways, that last night had been one of the most wonderful nights of his life, but there was no denying that he’d purposely set out to bed her. She’d been a virgin for God’s sake, and he of all people knew how vulnerable she was because of what had happened to her. But he had not known what else to do. So he’d pressed her into agreeing to announce the engagement tonight, because he feared that if he waited, she might change her mind. The sooner they were engaged, the better. This was pure hell, knowing that he’d betrayed her trust. While she would never know, he swore he would spend the rest of his days making it up to her. She deserved a better man, but he’d made her his that last night, and now he must take responsibility.
They were more than suited to each other in bed, but marriage was forever. It could not be undone. He knew too many men who abandoned their wives for their clubs and mistresses. That would make Angeline miserable, and what would be the point of marrying if he only returned to his bachelor life.
The devil. Soon he would be married. He could hardly countenance it.
Not long ago, he’d awakened with his boots on to find three bottles, two glasses, and an actress in his rooms at the Albany. His freewheeling bachelor days were numbered in hours now.
He hoped he could make her happy. She deserved it. Lord, they would likely have a brat by this time next year if not sooner. The realization shook him. He questioned whether he could be a good husband and father to the children that would inevitably come along.
He did something he couldn’t remember doing in a very long time. He bowed his head and asked for forgiveness. He’d been selfish most of his life, but he remembered what his father had said. When a man has a wife and children, he leaves behind his selfishness because his family means more to him than dissipation.
He knew it to be true. She would soon be his wife and his responsibility. He rose and felt like a different man already. God willing they would find happiness together. He would do his best to think of her needs first and keep her safe. Tonight, he would take that first step.
That afternoon, he was attempting to compose a few lines for his proposal to Angeline. Unfortunately, he was having trouble concentrating. Damnation. She would expect something romantic, but his stomach was performing somersaults. This was beyond ridiculous. He probably would have to settle for the age-old “make me the happiest man.” He sighed and set his pen aside. Lord only knew how her father would respond when he approached Wycoff. If the man asked if he’d touched his daughter, Colin would admit to kissing her. Anything else was none of Wycoff’s business.
Someone tapped on the door. “Come in,” Colin said.
A footman entered. “My lord, you have a caller.” He handed over the silver dish with the card. At first, he frowned at the card. Harry Norcliffe, Duke of Granfield.
Colin’s skin prickled. Good God, Harry’s uncle must have died. “Where is he?”
“The main drawing room, my lord.”
Colin shrugged into his coat and ran down the stairs. Margaret sat next to Harry. The duchess and Angeline were there as well. “Harry, old boy.” He clapped his friend’s shoulder.
Harry looked as if he’d not slept in a week. “I decided to make a brief call on my way back to London. My uncle passed quietly and unexpectedly.”
“I am sorry.”
“Would you like another cup of tea?” Margaret asked.
“I’ll get you a brandy,” Colin said.
“Perhaps we should give you both some privacy,” Angeline said. “I am sorry for your loss.”
Colin looked at her gratefully.
“If you need anything, please ring the bell,” Margaret said.
After the ladies left, Colin poured a brandy for Harry and himself. “What can I do?”
“Nothing, really. I’ve got meetings with solicitors, bankers, and estate managers in London. I just wanted to see a familiar face.”
“You’re welcome to stay as long as you wish.”
“My mother and female cousins are taking his death very hard. They’re depending on me. All of them. I find myself wishing I’d paid more attention to my uncle’s lectures about the estate. Instead, I just laughed about the pigs.”
“You’ll manage,” Colin said. “Your uncle had good people working for him. If you need recommendations, Bell will know the right people.”
“I thought you would have returned to London by now, but I checked before leaving the city, and the landlord said you weren’t there.”
It seemed like a lifetime ago since he’d left the Albany. “You look done up, friend. Stay the night and rest.”
He sipped his brandy. “I must return soon. There is a mountain of paperwork and much to learn. My carefree days are over.”
Harry looked bad. “I insist you stay,” Colin said. “The paperwork will keep, but you need to rest.”
Angeline returned to the drawing room and directed Agnes to set the tea tray out. “There are cold meats, cheese, fruit, and a bottle of claret.”
“I’ve persuaded Harry to stay the night,” Colin said, looking at her meaningfully.
“Of course, he must stay,” she said.
The marquess entered the drawing room. “I just heard the news. What can I do?”
Harry shrugged. “Nothing at this time. I’ll manage.”
“I’ve persuaded him to say the night at least,” Colin said.
“Yes, you need a good night’s rest,” the marquess said. “I am sorry to hear the news. Granfield was a good man.”
“I’ll leave you all now,” Angeline said.
Harry regarded her through red-rimmed eyes. “Thank you for your kindness, Lady Angeline.”
Four hours later, Angeline walked into the drawing room. Colin stood at the window and turned in her direction.
“Where is Harry?”
“Poor fellow. He was so exhausted. I convinced him to rest. I checked on him ten minutes ago. He’s sleeping.”
Colin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry for the delay in our announcement.”
She shook her head. “Your friend comes first.”
“I am reminded not to take family for granted,” he said.
“So am I,” she said.
He squeezed her hands and gazed into her eyes. Something in his chest turned over. He lifted her hand and kissed it. “You are a special lady,” he said.
“Make sure he breaks his fast in the morning,” Angeline said. “He is overwrought and likely to forget.”
“I will, Angeline. He means to leave very early.”
“You will tell him Godspeed for me,” she said.
He kissed her cheek. My God, I think I’m falling in love with you.
Two days later
Colin clasped his hands behind his back and paced in the great hall. He’d awoken early, hoping he might be able to have a private word with Angeline. He’d tossed and turned last night trying to think of exactly the right things to tell her. In the end, exhaustion had claimed him. He would simply have to rely on instinct and honesty.
Running footsteps sounded on the stairs. Bianca and Bernadette hurried down the steps while Angeline followed behind, carrying Hercules. Evidently, the twins were still hiding the dog in their bedchamber.
A ray of sunshine from the high windows promised a clear day. When he caught Angeline’s gaze, something turned over inside his chest. He’d never felt anything quite like it before.
After his sisters ran down the stairs, they were a little out of breath.
“Penny is still sleeping,” Bernadette said, “but Angeline offered to help us train Hercules in the kitchen this morning.”
“Ah.” He smiled at her as she joined them. “It is very generous of you to help my sisters train Hercules.”
“I figured it was best to work with him early in the day before other activities. It’s important that his training be as consistent as possible. He’s a clever dog and will respond well if given the chance.”
Angeline attached his leash and set him down. Naturally Hercules tried to run off and his toenails slipped a bit on the marble. Angeline gently pulled back the leash and said, “Halt.”
The dog tried to run again.
Colin picked him up.
Angeline ruffled the dog’s short fur. “I think we need to focus on sitting and work on the leash later.”
Angeline handed Hercules to Bianca. “We had better head to the kitchen now so we won’t be late for breakfast.”
“May I join you?” Colin asked.
“If you wish,” Angeline said.
Her voice had sounded guarded. What was wrong?
The twins hurried ahead.
Colin turned to Angeline. “Is something the matter?”
“We will talk later,” she said.
“There are things I wish to discuss with you. I don’t know when we might have a chance. Perhaps we could meet very early in the morning tomorrow.”
“I promised to train Hercules every morning,” she said.
“Perhaps after the training tomorrow?”
“What do you wish to discuss?” she asked.
“Things I neglected before,” he said. “Things I should have said.”
She sighed. “Are you suffering from a guilty conscience?”
“It’s more than that,” he said. “I was cavalier with you, and it troubles me greatly. I had no right to touch you. You are a virtuous lady, and I took advantage of you.”
“I am not a twenty-year-old single lady, Colin,” she said under her breath. “You did not take advantage of me. I’m a grown woman. That night, I decided to make love to you with the full knowledge of what I was doing.”
“I took your virginity, for God’s sake,” he said.
Her expression showed disappointment. “You took nothing, Colin. I freely gave myself to you. Clearly you are having delayed remorse over what happened, but it is entirely unnecessary. What happened cannot be undone. There were no consequences, and I’m quite certain you were relieved when I informed you.”
“Angeline, I was only relieved because I had been irresponsible.”
“Your guilt is misplaced. There was no seduction. I agreed to all of it. If you are seeking absolution, I don’t have any to give you, because there is no fault on either side. We both knew exactly what we were doing. Now I recommend you let it go, because there is nothing else to be done about it.”
“You know there is,” he said. “I have a responsibility to you.”
“No, you do not. Now, if you will excuse me, the girls are waiting.”
“I will come with you. They are expecting me.”
“I’ll make your excuses,” she said.
“Why are you being so cold to me?” he whispered.
“This is neither the time nor the place for this discussion. I will meet you in the library at two o’clock in the morning when servants aren’t about, and we can talk without listening ears.
“Now, I must go,” she said.
His jaw clenched as she hurried away. How the hell had his good intentions gone so wrong?
Angeline sat in her customary place at the table next to Colin. She’d cut up at him because she’d thought his words demeaning, but she knew he’d not meant them to be. He was a little late to be worrying about his careless behavior, but as she’d told him, she was a grown woman and there had been no seduction.
She didn’t want his good intentions or his guilt or his pity. She deserved nothing less than his respect. What had really troubled her was his remorse, because that night had been special to her, and he’d turned it into something that implied wrongdoing. Based on his words, she knew he didn’t understand, but late tonight, she would tell him how it had made her feel.
There was the other issue—the dangling proposal. Granted, Harry’s appearance had halted everything. But Colin probably was having second thoughts and felt he couldn’t honorably back out. So tonight she would tell him that he had no obligation to marry her. No, she would tell him late tonight that she felt it would not be in either of their best interests to marry.
“You are very quiet, Angeline,” Margaret said.
“Forgive me. My mind was elsewhere.”
She glanced at Colin. He’d barely touched his customary baked eggs. Now she felt badly, but she’d been honest with him.
She also felt guilty because she could turn everything around for her family if she married him. The trouble was she loved him, loved him more than he would ever know, and it would not be fair to him if she accepted his proposal. She and her family had much to gain from it, and when he’d first spoken of it, she’d had no qualms and believed that she would accept. But it was not based on those elements that she thought were important for a happy marriage.
She could not count on love developing for them the way it had for the marquess and Margaret. Colin might not know it, but he deserved to find love and happiness with a woman who did not come to the marriage with baggage.
As for Sommerall, she had a plan. It might not work, but she would ask on his behalf, though making the request might prove difficult to arrange. If she succeeded, she would ask that he never know about her interference. She would make this request for him, because she loved him and wanted his happiness more than her own.
Angeline read to the ladies while they applied their needles. When she’d made the request, everyone had agreed it was a splendid idea and made their sewing efforts far less tedious. She had Colin to thank for the suggestion, but she kept silent on that point.
“Ah, here is the place I marked where we left off,” Angeline said. “If everyone is ready, I will continue the story.”
“Please begin,” Margaret said.
Angeline read, “‘Marianne’s abilities were, in many respects, quite equal to Elinor’s.’”
“If Elinor and Marianne were twins, they would be equal,” Bernadette said.
Angeline continued on, and the girls questioned her about Marianne’s behavior. “The author tells us that Marianne is everything but prudent,” Angeline said. “So it is possible that she still has much to learn about life.”
Margaret’s eyes brightened. “Goodness, I wonder who might resemble Marianne.”
“The youngest sister’s name is Margaret,” Bernadette said.
Margaret continued stitching. “Yes, but the fictional Margaret is only thirteen years old, younger than my girls and Penny.”
“Is it a love story?” Penny asked.
“Oh, yes, very much,” Angeline said, “but like all good novels, there are difficulties and sometimes it will seem all is lost.”
“Is there a handsome gentleman?” Bianca asked.
“Yes, but he is not what he seems,” Angeline said.
“If he is cruel and wicked, I will not like him,” Penny said.
“Girls,” Margaret said, “do be silent so that Angeline can continue the story.”
“Oh, do read more,” Penny said. “I’m anxious to find out what happens.”
A footman entered with a tray of mail. Angeline had not responded to Charlotte’s letter because she feared creating havoc for her friend, but she found herself hoping for a letter nonetheless.
Margaret sorted through the letters and handed one to the duchess. “This one is addressed to you.”
The duchess broke the seal and gasped. “It is from my son,” she said, standing. “Lady Landale has been delivered of a healthy boy. Both mother and child are well.”
Everyone exclaimed.
Margaret rose to hug the duchess. “I am so happy for you. Your first grandchild.”
Angeline clasped Penny’s hand and smiled. “What do you think, Penny? We are aunts now.”
“Oh, I can hardly believe it,” Penny said. “Mama, have they named him yet?”
“He will be christened John. Oh, I cannot wait for Wycoff to return.” The duchess brought out a handkerchief. “It has been a long time since we’ve had happy news.”
Angeline forced herself to smile. Her mother had not meant to wound her. Angeline was simply a little sensitive today after her difficult conversation with Colin. Perhaps she was also a little out of sorts because she’d foolishly hoped for another letter from Charlotte. She ought to have known better. Charlotte had written the one letter in secret, because her husband had forbidden her to write to Angeline.
“Oh, Mama, when can we go see our new nephew?” Penny said.
“Very soon, I hope,” the duchess said. “I will have to consult with Wycoff, but this news will surely be all that he ever needed. A boy. I am so overjoyed.” She pressed the letter to her heart.
Angeline closed the novel and set it aside. She rose and leaned down to kiss her mother’s cheek. “Mama, I am so glad for all of our family. I am especially happy for you.” It was true, but it was also true that the news was a stark reminder that she might never be a bride or a mother.
“Thank you, dear,” the duchess said.
“I wish to compose a letter to my brother straightaway,” Angeline said. “Mama, Margaret, will you excuse me?”
“Of course, dear,” the duchess said. “I’m sure you’re bubbling over and wish to express it to your brother.”
“We will continue the novel tomorrow,” Angeline said. When she quit the drawing room, she squared her shoulders and walked up the stairs. Under no circumstances would she allow herself a drop of pity. She would not do anything to spoil this wonderful day for her family.
She bit her lip, walked quietly into the bedchamber, and sat at the corner desk. She removed a sheet of paper and found the ink and the quill. When she attempted to dip the quill in the ink, her hand shook. She set it in the holder and told herself that she only needed a few moments to gain her composure.
She drew in air and released it. She did it again. Once more, she retrieved the quill, but her fingers still trembled. She set it aside, stood, and crossed to the bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress, and the bed ropes squeaked, reminding her of that horrible night she’d caught Brentmoor betraying her. Her hand shook as she covered her mouth. Then she pulled out the drawer and rummaged for a handkerchief. She blotted her eyes, blew her nose, and took another deep breath. Then she walked to the washstand, poured cold water into the bowl, and bathed her hot face.
It was foolish to feel sorry for herself, but she feared that she would never have a husband and family because of what had happened with Brentmoor. With a shaky sigh, she supposed she wasn’t the only woman in the world to indulge in a little self-pity. Of course she did not begrudge her brother and his wife. She was happy for them, and she was elated that the news had made her mother so happy. It was just that some days like today were made up of happiness for some and gray clouds for others. Sometimes it just seemed like a thunderstorm, and too overwhelming.
She had released the pent-up sorrow and felt a little abashed at her emotional reaction. But now she was done with it.
Angeline returned to the desk and managed to write a short letter expressing her heartfelt joy to her brother and his wife for the safe delivery of their son. She wrote that she was thrilled to be an aunt and could not wait until she could visit and hold little John. She wrote a few lines about the house party and the weather. Then she promised to write again soon.
She felt a little embarrassed that she’d shed tears when she was happy for her brother, his wife, and all of her family.
One hour later
Angeline sat in the chair applying her fan and looking out the window. A knock sounded at the door. Angeline thought it might be Penny, but when she answered, she found Margaret there.
“May I come in?” Margaret said.
“Yes, of course,” Angeline said. She was glad that she’d bathed her face earlier, so no one would see the telling sign of a red nose.
“Let us sit on the bed like young girls and talk,” Margaret said.
They both kicked off their slippers and crossed their legs on the mattress. Margaret eyed the handkerchief.
She’d failed to cover up well enough. “I expect you know that I became a bit of a watering pot after hearing my brother’s news.”
“I anticipated this would be difficult for you,” Margaret said. Her gaze flew to the desk. “Yet, you wrote the letter.”
“After I shed a few tears,” she said.
Margaret took her hands. “I knew you would manage to write that letter.”
“I actually felt better afterward.”
“When you allow yourself to be happy for someone else’s good fortune, it will someday be returned to you. Maybe not the way you imagined, but it will come.”
“I have been angry for so long,” she said.
“You are stronger than you know, but I also suspect that you put up a wall to protect yourself. It would be a natural reaction after what you have been through.”
She had not thought of it that way. Had she tried to push Colin away? “You are very wise,” Angeline said.
“It is only life experience,” Margaret said. “When I first married Chadwick, I was terrified. You are aware that it was a marriage of convenience. I was scared and furious with my father. I did not want to wed an aristocrat, much less a man who was twelve years my senior. Frankly, I thought Chadwick only wanted my fortune. I expected misery. That first night of our married life, he told me that because of me his heart had come back to life. I didn’t understand until he told me that his first wife had died. I fell in love on my wedding night.”
Angeline sighed. “I told Colin that you brought happiness and light into Chadwick’s life.”
Margaret smoothed the covers. “My biggest regret is Colin. I had very little confidence in those days, and I was young. I was also afraid of making a mistake, so of course I made even more. I didn’t know how to approach Colin. I feared that he would think I was trying to supplant his mother, and so I was too careful with him. He needed a mother’s love, but it was awkward. I think he resented me.”
“You had just married into an instant family. It would be difficult for anyone. But he does wish to spend more time with his family. I think that will bring all of you closer.”
Margaret smiled. “I feel certain that we have you to thank for it.”
“He would have come to that conclusion eventually,” Angeline said. “It just takes men longer.”
Margaret sighed. “Angeline, you have sustained an emotional wound. It is natural to want to protect your heart in such circumstances. If you keep the gates closed, you will manage to avoid pain and sorrow, but you will miss the best of what life has to offer. Love is what brings us joy. There is no other experience on this earth to equal it. If you love Colin, let him into your heart.” She rose. “It would give me great happiness to call you my daughter-in-law one day.”
“I fear we will have to settle for friends.”
Margaret smiled. “I’ll tell you a secret.”
“I’m all ears.”
“I have a wager with Chadwick.”
“Do you? How intriguing,” Angeline said.
“You would not believe the fun you can have as a married woman. I very much want to win this wager, as I have my heart set on a ruby necklace.” Margaret wiggled her brows.
Angeline smiled. “What is the wager?”
“I’ll give you a hint. It has to do with love and family, and I might add I’m counting on you, Angeline.”
“You leave me in the dark,” she said.
“I think you will find the light.”
After Margaret left, Angeline sighed. Tonight she was meeting Colin in the library. She could have suggested an outdoor walk this afternoon, but those always ended up being a group affair, and there was no question that they needed to resolve matters. It seemed rather furtive, but given the lack of privacy, they had little choice. Even an early morning walk might draw others.
She was, however, feeling more than a little isolated and decided to go to the kitchen and try to train Hercules again. Angeline meant to invite the twins to join her, but she heard the sounds of the pianoforte and didn’t want to distract them from practicing. She figured the pug would enjoy some attention. They had not spent much time with Hercules this morning because of her confrontation with Colin.
When she reached the kitchen, the pug looked rather forlorn in his basket. Agnes brought some bits of meat on a paper, and Hercules wiggled his funny tail.
Angeline sat on the floor with him. At first she had to push his rump to the floor with each command, but when she added the treat, he started responding to the verbal commands. She would not be at Deerfield much longer, but she would show the twins how to teach him to stop and lie down. She ruffled his short fur. “You’re a clever dog, Hercules.”
She stood and shook out her skirts. Then she returned to the great hall at the same time the marquess walked out from his study. Her opportunity to make a difference in Colin’s life stood before her.
The marquess frowned a bit. “Lady Angeline, is something amiss?”
His thinning hair looked a bit damp. He’d probably bathed after stomping around in the mud. “May I speak to you in your study?”
“Yes, of course, follow me.”
He ushered her inside and shut the door. “Please, have a seat.”
She expected him to sit behind his desk, but he sat in the cross-framed armchair next to her. “How may I help you?”
“It is about Colin,” she said.
“Ah.”
“My lord, I must be frank and tell you that I have been privy to all of your recent decisions about Sommerall. I think it is important that you know.”
“Very well. Perhaps you could elaborate, as I’m unsure what your interest is in the property other than the work you’ve done up to now.”
“My lord, I am more concerned about your relationship with your son.”
The marquess’s brows lifted. “What precisely concerns you?”
“First, I know he has a rakehell reputation, but there is more to him than that.”
“I see. You have evidence of this?”
Angeline noted the marquess’s slight smile. “I know he has not always been responsible.”
The marquess nodded. “Yes, I distinctly recall him showing up late and foxed at your come-out ball. Has he recently insulted you? You may tell me, and I will have a long discussion with him.”
“No, he did not,” she said. The marquess didn’t need to know every word of her conversations with Colin.
“Lord Chadwick, do you love your son?”
Her question clearly startled him. “Yes, of course I do.”
“I know he cares about you, even though you frustrate him.”
The marquess looked as if he were trying to hide a smile.
“He really does want the property, but it is not for financial gain. He recently told me he has a tidy little fortune.”
“Ah, yes, the shipping investments. Odd that he told you about them.”
“He had good reason at the time. Even if Colin doesn’t occupy Sommerall immediately, I know that he intends to reside there and probably sooner than even he expects.”
“How do you know this, Lady Angeline?”
“I suppose he just changed right before my eyes.”
“That is interesting. I have noticed the differences, and so has Margaret. She believes you are responsible for his burgeoning transformation.”
“When people change, it is because they want to change.”
“I will share this confidence with you,” the marquess said. “I forced him to make choices that were perhaps a little unfair but necessary. Sometimes a person needs a nudge. My son needed a swift kick in the— Never mind. I knew it had to be a threat of some sort. Prior to this house party, he took for granted that he would inherit Sommerall.” The marquess sighed. “Not once did he ever inquire about the property. One day, Bianca asked me why Colin never came home, and I felt that it was past time to remind my son what he was missing.
“As it happened, Faraday came along to ask about the property. You know the rest. My son is as stubborn as I am, and while I’ve had my doubts, I am seeing positive changes in him.”
“Do you mean you were not serious about selling Sommerall?”
“I was serious about a number of things. To be honest, I knew the only reason he made the journey here is because his mother is buried at Sommerall. I felt it was important to give him a chance to demonstrate he was worthy of the legacy.
“And I had my doubts. I will not sully your ears with some of his infamous exploits in London, but I grew increasingly concerned. Then he walked into the drawing room that first night of the house party. I thought steam would come out of his ears. That is when I knew he did care, but I didn’t know whether it would sustain or not. So I presented him with one challenge after another. I needed to know whether he truly cared about Sommerall. By the by, my own father used a similar tactic to lure me away from my dissolute pursuits.”
“I will never understand men,” Angeline said.
He patted her hand. “That is probably for the best. Do you have any other observations?”
“Colin has shown his willingness to see that the house is properly taken care of and kept in good order. I know it would mean a great deal to him if you saw fit to grant him the property.”
Lord Chadwick let out a loud sigh. “There is a complication.”
“What is it?” she said.
“I think it is something that I must tell him.”
She swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”
“Lady Angeline, you look very anxious. May I ask why you are so concerned about the property?”
“Colin can no longer remember his mother’s features. We searched for her miniature, but we never found it.”
The marquess frowned. “I see.”
“I think he wishes to hold on to the few objects that are a link to her, such as the cradle and the rocker. I know it helped when you told him about her.”
“It seems that you and my son have grown close.”
“I believe that is not unusual when people work together. I hope the complication doesn’t mean the Faradays are leaning toward the purchase of Sommerall. You would not like having them as neighbors.”
“That is certainly something to consider,” the marquess said, his mouth twitching a bit.
“Now I have taken enough of your valuable time,” Angeline said. “Thank you for hearing me out.”
“I appreciate your observations, Lady Angeline.”
When she quit the room, the marquess shut the door and thought his son would be a damn fool if he let her get away.