“I think I know everything I need to know about him.”
Several beats of silence go by as the traffic grows more congested and the buildings to our left grow taller. And then, all at once, Joni claps her hands, bouncing up and down in her seat. “Holy crap! I can’t wait to show you Washington Square Park! You’re going to love it. Hope’s going to love it too. It’s magical.”
I laugh, thinking of Joni’s magic room, of a weekend in New York, and of all the possibilities of an unmapped future.
I look straight ahead at the city coming into view and tell her the absolute, one hundred percent truth.
“I can’t wait.”
Acknowledgments
This book took a long time to write, which means there were so many amazing people who helped me in various ways along the journey. Please bear with me while I throw some props their way.
To my husband, Paul Bausch, thank you, as always, for being awesome and supportive and excited. And thank you for being interested in cancer research and women’s rights (and all kinds of other good stuff) and sending me the article that sparked Ryden and Meg’s story.
Thank you to my mother, Susan Miller, to whom this book is dedicated, for being the inspiration for the wonderful parents in this book. And huge thanks as well to the rest of my family: Jim Verdi, Robert and Alyssa Verdi, my nephew Jacob, and John Miller.
Kate McKean, thank you for being such a smart, insistent, cheerleader agent. Ryden never would have gotten to where he is without you.
To my editor Annette Pollert-Morgan, I’m so thrilled/honored/lucky that you “got” this story. Your faith and support throughout this journey, and the fact that you fell in love with Ryden at first sight, has meant everything.
To the incredible Sourcebooks Fire team—Kate Prosswimmer, Katy Lynch, Elizabeth Boyer, Jillian Bergsma, Sabrina Baskey, Heather Moore, Alex Yeadon, Todd Stocke, Dominique Raccah, and my cover designer, Jeanine Henderson—THANK YOU for all you do.
Sarah Ketchersid, thank you for discussing this book so long ago over beers and saying, “What if she’s already dead at the start of the book?”
Big, big shout-out to everyone at the New School, the Lucky 13s, the Binders Full of YA Writers, and all the awesome book bloggers.
Here comes the long list! Thank you to all the people I can always count on to come to my parties and buy my books and give me notes and just be all around cool and supportive: Alison Cherry, Bridget Burke, Carolyn Demisch, Caron Levis, Casey Cipriani, Colleen Mathis, Connie Kiselak, Cristin Whitley, Cynthia Farina, Dahlia Adler, David Levithan, Debra Tackney, Dhonielle Clayton, Frank Scallon, Kevin Joinville, Laurie Boyle-Crompton, Lindsay Ribar, Mary G. Thompson, Michael Armstrong, Mindy Raf, Nicole Lisa, Renia Shukis, Riddhi Parekh, Roseanne Almanzar, Sarah Doudna, Sona Charaipotra, Steven Shaw, Victoria Marano.
Four people in particular read this book more than anyone else and offered such insanely amazing advice, I don’t know what I’d do without them. Alyson Gerber, you are my hard work and perseverance guru. Caela Carter, your positivity and talent are truly inspiring. Corey Ann Haydu, each thing you do impresses me more than the last. And Amy Ewing, you’re not just a crazy-talented writer and amazing friend, you are my rock. Thank you all for being you.
Finally, I’d be remiss if I concluded without mentioning my author idol, Ned Vizzini. Your work has been such a huge inspiration for me, and as far as I’m concerned, you will forever be the master of writing about tough subjects in an honest, unafraid, sometimes serious, sometimes not way. Thank you. We miss you.
Thank you for reading!
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The Summer I Wasn't Me Jessica Verdi
Lexi has a secret.
She never meant for her mom to find out. And now she’s afraid that what’s left of her family is going to fall apart for good.
Lexi knows she can fix everything. She can change. She can learn to like boys. New Horizons summer camp has promised to transform her life, and there’s nothing she wants more than to start over. But sometimes love has its own path…
Praise for The Summer I Wasn’t Me: “A powerful indictment of reparative therapy—a sweet love story—and an unforgettable main character!”
—Nancy Garden, author of Annie on My Mind “Verdi has offered an uncomfortable, but realistic, journey into conversion (or reparative) therapy programs. This title is recommended as a quality piece of fiction in a teen collection, and especially as part of an LGBTQ collection.”
—VOYA
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