chapter 13
I pulled away from the arms at first. They were so unusually warm I was sure they must have belonged to the Devil himself. So I had died and gone to Diyu. I was burning, burning. I was going to be punished for not accomplishing any of my goals, for leaving everyone behind. I called out, though the words didn’t come. Please don’t hurt me! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
But that didn’t sound right at all. I was, in actuality, cold.
So very, very, cold.
I wanted to tell my body to do something other than shake. Maybe I should have been moving, screaming, or even fighting. Yet all my body could do was settle back into the Devil’s arms. It was bizarre how perfectly I seemed to fit there and how easily I gave in to the sound of the drums that demons played just for me. As much as I wanted to, in the end I could do nothing else.
Something familiar and desperate called out my name. Its voice was pleading aggressively, begging for something I couldn’t understand. It reminded me of being choked to death and I wanted to laugh—had I met the Devil then, too?
“Addie? Addie!”
Warmth touched my face. I pulled away.
“Hey, Addie?” That was my name. Of course the Devil would know my name. That would make sense. I tried to think it through, but the drums were pounding in my head, making my ears ache miserably. I wanted it to stop more than I could describe. And the Devil was babbling incoherently, making things that much worse. All of his words were incomprehensible, clouded by a fog of pain and cold. What did the Devil have to be so miserable about? All at once, I had to know. Though he continued to say my name through sobs and what I thought might be profanities, it made my heart hurt to think he could suffer so much on my account. Perhaps if I did his bidding, though, he wouldn’t be so disheartened.
But when I tried to open my eyes they were fastened shut. Maybe it was a trick? At the very least, the drums were beginning to fade a bit and my head didn’t ache so much. I could hear other voices now, and the Devil was angry with them. I’m not certain why, but I heard him yelling, bellowing like the great monster every legend depicted him to be. I hoped not to make him angry.
I tried to open my eyes again. This time I focused on the shadows that lay just beyond my eyelids. There was something strangely comforting about them. And while my surroundings felt familiar enough, I couldn’t give them definition. When my eyes finally did open, everything was blurred by my swollen lids. I could see the outline of shapes and figures clearly enough, but I could hardly see any detail. The only thing I could really retain as the images became clearer was the side of the Devil and serpent gaining momentum.
“Ch-Charlie?” He turned so quickly at the sound of my voice I wondered if the serpent had been there at all.
“Addie.” He sighed my name as though it brought some great relief.
The shapes of the other people vanished through the door. It was only as I squinted that I recognized them as Yuri and Reid.
So I wasn’t dead? Or were we all in hell?
I was very cold. Only corpses could be this cold. I reached for something that was wrapped around me, but Charlie got to it before I did and tucked it in more closely around my neck. I still heard the drums, though they were skimming out into the distance, fading out in the darkness of bad dreams.
“Are you all right?” His hand held out a glass of water, except I flinched at the sudden movement. The hurt in his face was evident.
In an attempt to regain my self-pride, I tried to sit up. I was in Charlie’s cabin again. The mattress had been put back in its frame and the crate was in its original corner. But before I could do much more of anything else, Charlie had me by the shoulders and gently pushed me back on the bed. As his touch registered, everything he last said to me rushed in as an extraordinary combination of memory and heartache.
“Don’t overdo it, Vicious.” Everything about him was clenched now: his stare on me, his voice, every muscle.
I quickly shoved him from me and retreated as far away on the other side of the bed as I could possibly get. With my back against the wall, I huddled with my knees against my chest and pulled the blanket up to my neck. It was the only protection I had, and I was miserably aware of how pathetic it all was.
“Get away from me.” The words felt like lather in my mouth but they were effective enough because he stood up from the floor and moved across the room to be as far from me as he could be. I must have disgusted him with my attempted escape. I figured it was the reason he wouldn’t look at me now, why he stared passionately at the floor.
I hated myself intensely. Not only had my plan failed miserably, but I had also earned Charlie’s hatred in the process. I turned my head away and dug my nail into my palm to keep myself from crying. It would have been so much better if he had just let Wallace kill me when he had the chance. How much longer would it have taken to freeze to death? Though now I could feel my fingers, my toes were just starting to thaw. I tried to assess the danger of my situation. If I didn’t have any food to fuel my muscles, didn’t consume any water and just let myself fall asleep, it might have only taken a day.
“You gotta tell me what happened.”
Charlie had interrupted my self-loathing. Only then did I look up to realize he had been watching me all along. His face had again become ravaged by anger. The darkness that held him wasn’t showing any restraint and Charlie was ready to do damage. Whether it was upon me or not wasn’t going to matter. I figured I had already inadvertently tried freezing to death. Maybe being killed by someone I loved was the better way to go after all. At least he would be the last thing I saw before the Nothingness caved in.
I narrowed my eyes. I wanted to be very clear about my newfound revulsion for him. “What do you care?” There wasn’t a chance I was going to give him or anyone else the satisfaction of knowing the idiocy of my plan or how I had pathetically failed.
His brow furrowed, but he remained silent, only kicking some imaginary dust at the end of his boot.
“You should have just left me there,” I whispered. Maybe this response surprised him because his head jolted up and the stare in his eyes changed yet again. I didn’t know whether or not I should be afraid. Unfortunately, as usual when I was with Charlie, my mouth did the thinking for me.
“You’re just going to kill me anyway. So what was the point in delaying the inevitable? If you changed your mind about the whole ransom thing—”
His fist slammed down on the plastic crate with such force that its lid flew open. I trembled and tried to pull myself away from the display—closed my eyes even, but Charlie wouldn’t let me escape.
“Addie, I’m sorry.” He came over and knelt beside the bed. His voice cracked with every word. “Addie?” He paused, then tried again. “Addie?”
I couldn’t look at him. I wouldn’t.
“Everything got so messed up, Addie.” He sniffled and buried his face into the mattress.
“When Yuri told me what was goin’ on, I freaked out. I said all that stuff, but it wasn’t true, Addie. I swear to God—”
No. No, I would not look at him.
“I heard you crying in here and it was tearin’ my guts out, but everybody said I did the right thing. Then when the storm started, I had to go to the steering hold. But when I got back, the place was all messed up and you were gone. We didn’t think there was no way he could get down here. I thought you’d be okay in here. I thought you’d be safe.”
He struggled to continue and instinctively I wanted to reach out and pull him closer. He seemed to be hurting so much and if I could do anything to alleviate that pain, I wanted to do it, but I knew it was a ruse. I brushed away a tear and cradled my knees to my body. I hated him for making me feel this way.
“I had everybody looking for you everywhere all night long.” All night? What time was it now?
“We searched everywhere, Addie, every crew cabin, the lifeboats, the engine room. It was only ‘round dawn that Reid was saying you went overboard.”
I scoffed. Into the ocean? Now why hadn’t I thought of that?
Then again maybe it was a good thing I hadn’t. If I had, I might have seriously considered it for a moment. Or, like an idiot, I might have attempted to take a lifeboat out by myself. Of course what I had done wasn’t a genius move, either. But I had given in to my panic and let it take over my rationale. I closed my eyes and tried to will the humiliation away.
I gave in and turned my head around to see Charlie seething. It killed me to see his hands ripping at his hair angrily, nearly taking it by the root.
I didn’t think when I reached my hand out to stop him. “No, Charlie.”
He looked up, stopped instantly.
“You promised.” It was a weak argument, but it was the only thing I had to work with.
His smile was almost enough to break me. I knew I shouldn’t have looked at him, his eyes were weary and sunken. It wasn’t difficult to believe he hadn’t slept. Every color that normally shone in his eyes was dulled by sadness and a gloss of tears that wouldn’t spill. He hadn’t shaved yet and his body seemed fatigued and obstructed by frustration.
He let me pull his hand away, but I could see instantly that he’d already caused some serious injuries. His pinky and ring fingers of his left hand were swollen, and the knuckles were bruised severely enough that I flinched at the sight.
“God, Charlie, what did you do to yourself?”
He seemed confused, but then followed my gaze to his hand. “I-I got angry.”
The image of the punched-in wall in Hold 6 came to my mind.
I put his hand down as gingerly as I could to wipe away my tears. Charlie saw them and nearly became hysterical with regret.
“I’m sorry, Addie. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please don’t cry! I’m gonna find him and I’ll make him regret any second of his life he spent hurting you. I’ll make it up to you, okay? I promise I’ll make it right.”
I tried to find the words, tried to find the feeling. Yet everything was mush in my brain. I reached for the glass of water and chugged it in a single gulp.
“Charlie,” I pleaded. “You have to slow down. Don’t pull a Polo on me.”
He looked up and smiled. It was without question the greatest thing I had ever seen.
I ran my hand through his hair and wiped at my own tears. After a moment I started again. “I-I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, Charlie.”
He frowned again. I could sense he was worried for my mental well-being. “Wallace.”
I pulled away, coiled myself into the blankets and made myself as small as I could. I hadn’t thought about him since Charlie all but promised he wasn’t on the ship. What was it he was saying to me now?
Charlie saw my fear and reacted. “You gotta tell me what happened,” he repeated. His face went stoic again, his voice all stone.
“No.”
“Addie—”
“No.” My voice was stronger now, more resolute. “You have to tell me what happened. Are you saying that-that person is here? What? How?” The room began to close in on me and the air became nonexistent.
He stared at me with a new sort of confusion and concern mixed together. I could see by the way his brow furrowed that something deep was disturbing him, though I wasn’t entirely sure what.
“Yuri heard through some old friends that Wallace was sneaking around the dock when we left port in New York. He called Yuri ‘bout it cause it seemed strange.”
“What seemed strange?”
“Wallace was rummaging through the shipping containers. When he—when you—” He swallowed hard and hung his head. I took his face in my hands to make him look at me.
“Ben told him he wouldn’t be working with us again, but he also said he wouldn’t be getting paid, neither. Ben and Wallace ain’t never liked each other. Actually, nobody ever liked Wallace, but Wallace said he’d be getting his fair share whether we wanted him to or not.”
“What, so he might be on this ship?”
“What do you mean might?” The abrupt rising of Charlie’s voice startled me. I felt him slip from my hands as his body slumped to the floor. “How else did you get yourself in that hold?”
“I—I was trying to bide my time,” I confessed.
“You went in there by yourself?” He sounded shocked by the mere suggestion.
I nodded.
“Nobody made you?”
I shook my head. “I was trying to stay a step ahead. It’s stupid, I know, but it was the only advantage I had—”
“You were hiding?”
I nodded.
“From me.”
Charlie looked at me then. His lip wavered and his eyes were damp with new tears.
“I could never—”
“I know.”
“I couldn’t ever—”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.” He pulled himself up, sighing, and sat on the bed. I let him, trying to deny how good it felt to have him that much closer to me. “When the storm started dying down, I came back up here.” He stifled a laugh. “I didn’t care what the guys said, I was gonna beg you to forgive me, ask you to come away with me when we made port.”
My emotions were going to betray me. I could feel them begin to give way, and it was all I could do not to throw myself into his arms and just make him hold me for the rest of my life.
“But when I got here the place was a mess, more than usual, anyways.” He produced one of his Charlie grins for me. I swear that he must have known it would undo me. “My books were all ripped up, the computer broke. I ain’t real sure what he was looking for.”
“He was here?” My heart stopped altogether. “He ruined your sketches?”
Charlie seethed. “I don’t care ‘bout that, Addie. Damn pillow case got stabbed, and the lamp looked like Polo did something to it! I thought for sure you were a goner, too.”
I looked over Charlie’s shoulder. Large pieces of paint and plaster were missing from the wall where it had been smooth and flat. I could see the smallest shards of glass and plastic that someone had missed during the clean-up. I guessed it was from the laptop, though it could have been from the light bulb of the lamp. In the lamp’s place was a work light with a high fluorescent bulb. I was grateful it was shining away from me, as my eyes still stung from my pity party.
“I still don’t understand,” I confessed. While I was grateful Charlie was safe, and that I had miraculously missed Wallace’s visit, my main priority was the throbbing ache in my chest. Why would Charlie pretend to care about me when it was so much easier to break me?
“If you didn’t mean any of those things, then why did you say them?” I shifted uncomfortably in the cocoon. Maybe this was something I didn’t want to hear. I knew I had to, though; this would keep me from being stupid in the future.
“Everybody knows who you are now,” he explained. “Even when you go home, you ain’t gonna be safe from people like Wallace. Our competitors are going to wanna know as much ‘bout us as the cops are. I figured if you hated me, then maybe you would just tell everybody whatever they wanted to know and they’d leave you alone. Hell, have a press conference.”
His eyes grew a little darker as he gripped the bed sheets. He seemed to be somewhere else in that moment, a place I couldn’t touch even if I wanted to.
“What are you saying? Are there people out there who are going to hurt me?” It had never even occurred to me before that my safety would still be in jeopardy when I got home.
“Not if I can help it.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at a point on the wall. I reached out and laid my hand against the crook of his elbow. His flesh was rosy warmth compared to my icicle fingers, and I had the strongest urge to coil my entire body around his, to smother out the fire that burned him inside.
With Charlie’s temper enflamed, I knew he could cause considerable pain to himself and others. And while I wasn’t going to be an advocate for a person who had tried to kill me, someone who would hurt Charlie if given the opportunity, I didn’t want Charlie to reveal himself either. If he gave in to that darkest piece of him and let his anger take over, he might make a move that would result in his undoing. The idea was like a fuzzy kind of terror, itching at my insides and willing me to tear it apart. I didn’t want to imagine what sort of trouble Charlie could get into if his rage had a mission, a target.
“Charlie, please—”
The sound of my voice seemed to bring him back to me. He turned and smiled sadly. It wasn’t a Charlie smile, but it would have to do.
“You have to keep your promise,” I whispered. “No matter what happens, you can’t let yourself get hurt, especially on my account.”
In the swiftest of motions, he scooped me in his arms and enclosed me there; the same strength that once held me captive was now keeping me safe.
“Listen, I don’t want to be without you.” He whispered the words in my ear, a secret just for us. “As long as I got a breath in me, I ain’t ever gonna let anybody hurt you.”
I laughed into his shoulder. “That’s very sweet, Charlie, but not very practical.”
He started untangling the ends of my hair. “Not everything in life is sensible. ‘Sides, ain’t nothing practical ‘bout being alive if you ain’t alive, too.”
“Please don’t say things like that.” I pressed my face into his chest. I didn’t want to see his expression while he said that. I was too afraid he could mean it.
A knock at the door interrupted. I could feel Charlie tense against me, his body rising to shield mine. A part of me wanted to smile at the gesture, while the remaining part of me worried at his natural response.
“What are we up to in here, kids?”
Ben Walden stood in the doorway of the cabin and cleaned his glasses with the end of shirt. It was the first time I had ever seen him dressed down. And although he still wore a collared shirt, I couldn’t help but notice it was slightly wrinkled and untucked.
Charlie only pulled away from me enough to consider Ben in the door. I shielded myself from his intentional affection though, and huddled myself back in the blankets.
“Anything?” Charlie asked him.
Ben placed his glasses back on. Every movement was slow, strategic even. “The captain has been gracious enough to lend us some stewards who are re-searching the cabins, the bow, and stern storage, but there hasn’t been anything so far, I’m afraid.”
Charlie swore under his breath and tried to clench his broken fist. He winced at the pain and I reached for him. I cradled the broken hand in mine and looked it over.
“You need to ice this.” From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Ben Walden smiling.
Charlie brushed a piece of hair back from my eye. Though I adored his touch, I also felt self-conscious as Ben observed.
“You do know what this probably means?”
“Yeah.” Charlie never took his gaze from mine. “Yeah, I know.”
I pulled away, then, and looked directly at Ben Walden. There was still something that hadn’t been shared with me, a piece of the puzzle that I hadn’t been privy to. “Um, what does this mean?”
Ben smiled at me with a certain sort of sadness and certainty in his expression. I felt a twinge of fear. What was it that I didn’t know?
“If our dear friend stowed away on a container and we can’t find him onboard, and if he is in fact onboard, which is looking more and more likely, then he’s probably biding his time.”
“I’m gonna find him.” Charlie finally looked at Ben as he acknowledged the solution out loud. There was once again something unspoken between them, and I doubted it was anything good.
“He got that VFC between shifts?” Charlie asked.
Ben nodded grimly. “Presumably, at some point yesterday evening with all of the confusion. I imagine it’s why he used Addie as a distraction.” Briefly his gaze flickered on me, but I turned away, desperate to take the focus off me. I was far too embarrassed to admit the truth of my own self-inflicted near death experience just yet.
“What is a VFC?”
“A marine kind of transmitter,” Charlie said.
As I looked back and forth between the two men, I had some difficulty understanding the problem. I could barely stand being cooped up in the cabin for a few hours at a time. If they were suggesting that Wallace was in a potentially smaller space, and had been for nearly a week now, then he surely must have been going mad.
I began biting the side of my nail. Perhaps that was part of the problem. Instead of cooling off, Wallace had nothing but time to sit and stew over the money he had lost, focus on the blows he and Charlie had exchanged, and the loss of future income. Just like I had meditated on favored memories while I froze in Hold 6, Wallace had probably been revving himself up, thinking of every insult or foul play he imagined the gang had ever given him.
“Has he been there, in the container, this entire week?” I asked.
“Likely. Given that we can’t find that damned radio anywhere, and with today’s destruction, I do suspect that day was his first emergence from the hold.”
“But how could he stand it?”
Ben smiled again. This time it was a genuine smile, light around the edges. “It only takes a few rudimentary needs and a great deal of motivation for a man to subject himself to difficult conditions.”
As I looked at Charlie, I was worried again. The subtle sound of his teeth gnashing together was simmering in the room, and though I held his hand in mine, he still remained tense.
“Okay.” I nodded. “If he’s in one of those things, then—” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. And though I did feel some shame at saying it, it was also the first idea that had come to mind. “Why don’t you just leave him there? Now that you know he’s there, what damage could he do?”
Ben sighed. “Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple. Now that our soon-to-be departed has a VFC, it will only be a matter of time before he can get a signal. With that, he’ll be able to contact anyone on the mainland, including the authorities, who would probably be quite delighted to deliver a missing girl to the embassy and extradite wanted felons.”
Charlie experienced my horror as I clutched his arm. I felt his muscles strain there, but he offered me no comfort and continued to stare ahead.
“Why would he do that? They’d extradite him, too. Wouldn’t they?”
“Well, he might not do that. Even if he did, however, Wallace doesn’t have a criminal record in the United States. His offenses are elsewhere. I very much doubt the Singaporean government would bother with him. Wallace is probably aware of that as well.”
Ben sighed again. He seemed very tired suddenly, very old. “A better case scenario is that he doesn’t use the radio at all and just intends to keep us here, offsetting any profits for us for a time. We’ll lose our drivers, the ship will be confiscated by the authorities, but if we manage to stay out of Changi, then we’ll be stuck here for some time, I’m afraid.”
“That’s what he was looking for, wasn’t it?” Charlie’s smile was wicked in that moment. It made me shiver.
“Looking for what?” I sounded shrill, and while I hadn’t intended to, my voice had come out almost as a scream. My frustration had merged with my ever-growing concern for Charlie, and my heart and head couldn’t take much more. “What are we talking about when you say ‘keep us here’? ‘Out of Changi’? And what in the hell was he looking for?”
The room went silent. Ben Walden looked slightly taken aback, but still no less dignified, while Charlie looked up at me with his small Charlie smile.
“Relax, Vicious.” He took a moment to cup my cheek in his broken hand. I saw a visible flinch of pain there as he unclenched the knuckles. He looked at Ben and smiled. “And she says I got a temper.”
Ben Walden rolled his eyes. “After he couldn’t find them in here, Wallace found all of our artificial documents in my cabin. Even when we do make port, it will take a considerable amount of time to return home without those documents. Of course that’s a better case scenario. Changi Prison is obviously not one of the best.”
We heard the sound of cackling and voices down the hall. Charlie rose to stand by my side, but after glancing down the corridor, Ben motioned for him to sit back down.
As Charlie and I looked at each other, Ben ducked his head back in the room and smiled. “It seems Polo is having trouble trying to convince our stewards to comply with the search. Why don’t you go help motivate?”
“Nobody follows captain’s orders?”
Ben laughed. “It seems not when they’re ambiguous and repetitive. We’re sending them on a search and they have no idea what they’re looking for.”
“I ain’t leavin’.” Abruptly, his eyes were on me then, no longer asking permission. Telling me he would stay forever if he had to.
“I’m certain it will only take a moment.”
“No.”
“Go on. I promise I won’t go anywhere.” I smiled as best I could, but I had the feeling he could see through it.
“See, there you are!”
I gazed back at Charlie while Ben Walden pretended to check his watch. It’s okay, I mouthed.
Charlie blinked rapidly and rose, his glare now focused on Ben. “You stay here with her.” He pointed his finger at each party as if to make the command more clear. Ben nodded firmly, but then turned back to me and winked.
As Charlie’s footsteps echoed away from me, I felt cold reality seep in. Wallace was deadset on causing serious damage, not only to Charlie, but to Ben and the rest of the guys as well. He had subjected himself to living in a shipping container just to exact revenge. I feared whatever he had in mind was going to be momentously worse than just leaving them deserted in Singapore and causing their criminal enterprise to take a dive.
“Don’t worry about him.” As Ben Walden walked into the cabin his face relaxed somewhat, but his posture remained rigid. For a moment I wondered if we were playing cards again. He looked at the abused crate with its open handles before dragging it over to the side of the bed, then using it as a chair.
“Once he settles down, he’ll start thinking properly. Hopefully at that point, we can figure out what to do.” He removed his glasses again and rubbed the space between his eyes.
“Why is he doing this?” I stared down at my hands in dismay.
My question clearly intrigued Ben Walden. He looked at me and leaned against the wall, his hands folded over his knee.
“Because he adores you.”
My head shot up. Simultaneously my heart forgot to beat. “That, um—I meant—” I swallowed hard, though my mouth felt dry. I wanted more water, but I was much too shy to ask. “Why does Wallace hate you enough to do this?”
“I’m afraid this entire trip has been an ongoing disaster.” He sighed. “I don’t know if Charlie Boy made you aware of this or not, but we weren’t even supposed to take that final truck. It was a last minute decision perpetrated by Wallace.”
I dug at the imaginary dirt under my nails. How could I forget that first demonstration of Charlie’s temper? It was almost a happy memory, knowing how it would lead to the others. But what also amazed me was the coincidence. Charlie had never meant to be at that rest stop. I marveled at the sheer idea of it. What were the odds that he should have been there? What were the odds that I should have been there? In a way it was comical; without Wallace insisting on that final stop, I may never have known Charlie at all.
“This is my fault.” The words were so soft I hardly even heard myself say them. “If I had just minded my own business that night…” I tried to laugh. “Charlie should have just let him kill me.”
“You can’t say that.” Ben Walden leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He stared me down now, only this time he wasn’t playing. “I mean it, young lady. Or if you do, don’t ever let Charlie Boy hear it. He’ll tear the limbs from anyone he thinks put the idea in your head.”
This was the Ben Walden that reflected the thieving and smuggling ring Charlie was a part of. His eyes were violent in the same way I knew Charlie’s fists could be. I wondered what that mind of his was truly capable of.
“You have to understand, for as long as I’ve known Charlie, he hasn’t ever expressed a want for anything. That seems to have changed with you.”
I made myself look at him. I was shivering again and wished Charlie were there to hug the cold from me. “I had hoped your spell over him would dissipate, or at least waver when we got to port. But when Charlie couldn’t find you…” Ben Walden rolled his eyes again and crossed one leg over the other. With each of his movements, I could see the weariness. Had he been part of my search party, too? “And Reid opened up that big mouth and started with the mermaid jokes.”
I looked away, ashamed. I remembered what Charlie had said about my going overboard during the storm. Could I really have caused so much trouble?
“I’ve never seen him like that before.” Ben Walden’s voice changed. He was quiet now, more contemplative. “When he gets upset, things tend to happen, people get hurt or objects get broken.” Ben rubbed the end of his chin. I wished he would stop talking, I didn’t want to hear what he was about to say. The syllables would form sentences I didn’t want to touch, reveal truths I didn’t want to acknowledge.
“This was entirely different, though. The four of us had to hold him back from throwing himself in the ocean after you.”
“Stop.” I couldn’t take it anymore. The idea that my stupidity had nearly made Charlie kill himself made me queasy. I saw dark spots in front of my eyes when my mind envisioned the scene. I grabbed onto my stomach. Though it was empty, I thought I might be sick.
Ben Walden sighed. “I’d like to blame you, though it wouldn’t be very factual.” He laughed and stretched his legs out in front of him. He began talking again, though I couldn’t hear him. I ignored him completely, fearful that he might contribute more to the all-too-clear picture I had of Charlie’s end in my mind.
“Wallace stole from me once before. Of course I couldn’t prove it.” Ben’s voice came in and out, static with the fuzz in my brain. “Which is partly why I informed him he wouldn’t be paid this time. Frankly, however, his lack of obedience in regard to what we were going to do with you was just the excuse I needed to terminate his employment.”
He laughed then, a low, bitter sound. “After Charlie defended you, I should have just paid Wallace. I certainly underestimated how badly things could get out of control here. A kidnapping!” He smacked himself in the forehead.
I tried to smile. “No one can predict the future.”
“I never considered that Charlie might want you, nor that you would live.” His laugh increased, grew heartier, livelier. “That’s right. But we can try. My prediction is that if Wallace doesn’t kill me, he’ll most certainly kill Charlie Boy!”
I didn’t know what to say. How could Ben Walden be so casual about someone he considered a friend? All I knew was that, no matter what happened, Charlie had to be okay. In the end, Charlie had to be okay.
“I-I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I don’t care about how you guys make your living or how you have to justify yourselves.” I rubbed both sides of my temple to ward off the impending headache. “I just care about him.”
Ben Walden leaned forward again and smiled. This time it was a Ben Walden smile. He reached out and patted the end of my blanketed foot. It was strange to witness him trying to be a source of comfort. “If I didn’t already know that, dear, do you think you would still be alive?”
I nodded through the shiver. As terrifying as it was, I did, in fact, know that. An idea occurred to me then, an almost insane notion, though as it turned in the wheels, it was not quite out of the realm of possibility.
“That’s how it was supposed to be, though, wasn’t it?”
Ben Walden wasn’t stupid. Even Yuri had said that I was evidence in their long series of crimes, something left behind in an otherwise carefully organized plan. I considered the abandoned house and how easily Ben Walden agreed to let me go free. If what he said now was true, then the organization of his plan had already been destroyed by Wallace’s greed. I doubted he would have ever taken the risk of leaving me alive, regardless of any promise I may have made.
“Pardon me?”
“You never intended to let me leave that house.”
He smirked. “Think about it, though.” His laugh was almost indecisive. “If you had been here when Wallace rummaged through the place, you’d surely be dead by now. Sort of funny, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I grimaced. “Hilarious.”
“You really are too smart for your own good, young lady.”
The words hung in the air like something heavy. I didn’t know what else to say. How could I respond to something like that? Perhaps Ben wouldn’t hurt me or order anyone else to do so for the sake of Charlie. But that very well could be the only reason for his mercy.
I went slack at the sound of Charlie’s footsteps. I knew they were his just from the swiftness of the steps alone, and I was monumentally grateful that he was coming back to me.
Charlie’s eyes darted from me to Ben before settling on Ben. “What did you do?”
I felt myself light up, ready to dive into him if he would let me.
Ben looked me over and returned his glance to Charlie. “Oh nothing. We were just discussing things.”
“Outta here,” he instructed. “Now.”
Ben smiled at me and took his leave. While I was glad for his honesty, I was even happier to see him go. There was only so much honesty I could handle in a single sitting.
After a moment of shushed whispers and more profanity, Charlie returned. I was practically bouncing on the bed, overjoyed to have him to myself.
“Are you okay?” He smiled as he sat next to me.
“Right as rain.” I looked toward the sky.
His smile grew wider. “What did I tell you ‘bout lying?”
I nuzzled myself against his arm and felt the muscle go slack there. “What did I tell you about getting angry all of the time?”
He tensed again, but pushed himself closer to me. “Everybody ‘round here talks too much. I walk in here and you look like you’re ‘bout to keel over.” He pulled my face away from his, squaring my chin between his hands so I was forced to look him in the eye. “Ben telling you things he shouldn’t have?”
I shrugged, tried to seem indifferent. “Only true things.”
He growled low in his chest and pulled me back to him. “I oughta start welding lips shut.”
“It’s okay. They were things I needed to hear.”
We were silent for a few moments and I enjoyed the feeling of his heartbeat aligned with my own. I listened and waited, only after several moments realizing that I hadn’t been counting them.
“You sure you’re okay?”
I laughed again and nodded into his shirt. I could smell the fresh scent of soap and cigarettes. I squeezed him tighter.
“Yes.” I quivered as I felt his lips on my forehead. “You know, if the circumstances were different, you wouldn’t have to be so protective of me.”
He laughed. “That ain’t hard to imagine. You got more than enough in that pretty little head of yours to take care of yourself.”
I pulled away and sat up. It felt good to stretch the muscles that had gotten cramped. “What were you and Ben talking about just now?”
Charlie’s eyes followed my expression. “There’s some food missing from the pantry, kind of stuff nobody would think to look for.”
I froze. So Wallace definitely was here. There was no denying the danger Charlie was in now.
I wrapped my arms around myself for warmth. “I see.”
He stood up then, wrapping his arms around me when he saw me shiver. “It’s still okay, right?”
I nodded and leaned into him. “I’m sorry, Addie. I won’t let you be afraid of me again.”