Abby stood beside me, crossing her arms. I waited for her to yell, or chastise me somehow for the meltdown in the cafeteria.
“You’re not going to talk to me about this?”
She began to turn for the door, and I sighed. “You know the other day when Brazil mouthed off to me and you rushed to my defense? Well . . . that’s what happened. I just got a little carried away.”
“You were angry before Chris said anything,” she said, sitting next to me on the bed. Toto immediately crawled into her lap, begging for attention. I knew the feeling. All the antics, my stupid stunts; everything was to somehow get her attention, and she seemed oblivious to it all. Even my crazy behavior.
“I meant what I said before. You need to walk away, Pidge. God knows I can’t walk away from you.”
She reached for my arm. “You don’t want me to leave.”
She had no idea how right—and how wrong—she was. My conflicted feelings about her were maddening. I was in love with her; couldn’t imagine a life without her in it; but at the same time, I wanted her to have better. With that in mind, the thought of Abby with someone else was unbearable. Neither one of us could win, and yet I couldn’t lose her. The constant back and forth made me exhausted.
I pulled Abby against me, and then kissed her forehead. “It doesn’t matter how hard I try. You’re going to hate me when it’s all said and done.”
She wrapped her arms around me, linking her fingers around the cusp of my shoulder. “We have to be friends. I won’t take no for an answer.”
She’d stolen my line from our first date at the Pizza Shack. That seemed like a hundred lifetimes ago. I wasn’t sure when things had become so complicated.
“I watch you sleeping a lot,” I said, wrapping her in both of my arms. “You always look so peaceful. I don’t have that kind of quiet. I have all this anger and rage boiling inside of me—except when I watch you sleep.
“That’s what I was doing when Parker walked in. I was awake, and he walked in, and just stood there with this shocked look on his face. I knew what he thought, but I didn’t set him straight. I didn’t explain because I wanted him to think something happened. Now the whole school thinks you were with us both in the same night. I’m sorry.”
Abby shrugged. “If he believes the gossip, it’s his own fault.”
“It’s hard to think anything else when he sees us in bed together.”
“He knows I’m staying with you. I was fully clothed, for Christ’s sake.”
I sighed. “He was probably too pissed to notice. I know you like him, Pidge. I should have explained. I owe you that much.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You’re not mad?” I asked, surprised.
“Is that what you’re so upset about? You thought I’d be mad at you when you told me the truth?”
“You should be. If someone single-handedly sunk my reputation, I’d be a little pissed.”
“You don’t care about reputations. What happened to the Travis that doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks?” she teased, nudging me with her elbow.
“That was before I saw the look on your face when you heard what everyone’s saying. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
“You would never do anything to hurt me.”
“I’d rather cut off my arm.” I sighed.
I relaxed my cheek against her hair. She always smelled so good, felt so good. Being near her was like a sedative. My entire body relaxed, and I was suddenly so tired, I didn’t want to move. We sat together, our arms around each other, her head tucked in against my neck, for the longest time. Nothing beyond that moment was guaranteed, so I stayed there inside of it, with Pigeon.
When the sun began to set, I heard a faint knock at the door. “Abby?” America’s voice sounded small on the other side of the wood.
“Come in, Mare,” I said, knowing she was probably worried about why we were so quiet.
America walked in with Shepley, and she smiled at the sight of us tangled in each other’s arms. “We were going to grab a bite to eat. You two feel like making a Pei Wei run?”
“Ugh . . . Asian again, Mare? Really?” I asked.
“Yes, really,” she said, seeming a little more relaxed. “You guys coming or not?”
“I’m starving,” Abby said.
“Of course you are, you didn’t get to eat lunch,” I said, frowning. I stood, raising her up with me. “Come on. Let’s get you some food.”