“No one. It’s nothing,” he grumbles with his jaw still tight, displaying a ticking muscle that tells me that it was definitely something.
He helps me in his Jeep and stalks around to his side. He slides into his seat and the Jeep revs to life. I glance across to him. I can see him taking deep breaths. He’s trying to calm down.
“Zander, I don’t care what you have going on with whoever that was, but I won’t be caught up in anything illegal or anything.”
The wrinkle between his knit brows relaxes and a small smile lifts the edge of his mouth.
“You think I’m some kind of criminal?” he asks, not doing anything to hide to amusement in his eyes.
“Well…” I shrug, looking around and trying to think of something to say.
“No, Sadie. It’s nothing for you to worry about. I promise.”
“Okay,” I say softly, catching Zander looking nervous. And it is. It’s okay. I don’t know why he’s nervous and I don’t know what the hell the deal was with the black car, but I trust him. I don’t have any reason to and I don’t know exactly why I should trust him, but I feel more safe in his company than I’ve felt since the night that ruined my life. I feel safe and not nearly as lonely as I normally do.
My eyes face forward and I watch as his Jeep eats up the road ahead of us. Thoughts of going home at some point enter my mind and I don’t like it. At all. Knowing that Zander, the man who got Jake’s heart, is down here all alone is an unwelcome fact. What if something happened and he needed help? Who would be there? A chill runs through me when I think about something awful happening to him. I’d lose him and Jake all over again. That heart that I loved to listen to, with my ear pressed to Jake’s chest, would be gone forever, and Zander, a familiar stranger who has captured my affections so easily would be gone too. He’d be another person to mourn. He’d leave and take my Jake’s heart with him on his way out. Sudden tears sting my eyes and I fight hard to keep them at bay. I’m so tired of fighting. The lighter side of life is so much better than the fighting side.
Chapter Eleven
Safe
Zander
April 23, 2013
My brakes creak as I stop and engage the parking brake. I kill the engine and get out. I want to run to her, but I use the short walk around the Jeep as an opportunity to watch her, to gauge her expression. She looks like she’s on the fucking verge of tears and it’s my fault. She’s upset about what she thinks she saw. I swear I could go back right now, find those motherfuckers, and rip out their windpipes for coming around to spook her and fucking snoop.
I get to her and want nothing more than to bring her close to me. I want to press her body to mine until whatever hurt is somehow expunged from her and transferred to me.
I refrain from being too forward. I lift her worrying hands from her lap and help her out. I enfold her small hand in mine and try hard to keep myself together. “Sadie, what’s wrong?”
“I-I just—it’s nothing. Really.” Her eyes flit from me then to the ground then to the side.
I look at her disbelievingly and wait, hoping that she’ll open up a little, that she’ll trust me enough with her pain. I hope she’ll share some of it with me and trust that I won’t judge her or hurt her and think any less of who she is. I make it a point to convey what I’m thinking with my eyes. I keep them on her. I focus on her. “Tell me. Please.”
“I was just thinking that you’re here alone. And…if something happened to you… Who takes care of you?” she asks as she takes my hand and steps out of the Jeep.
She has no idea that her words have caused my gut to flip. A feeling of optimism fills my chest, reminding me just how long it’s been since I’ve had anything worth looking forward to or worth being hopeful for. In the time span of just one week, Sadie has changed everything for me. She gives me hope. She gives me something to go after. She gives my lonely life reason. From the very minute that her email showed up in my inbox, my interest was piqued. An urge deep inside of me was born and it has no off switch.
“Well…you’re here,” I whisper, bringing her closer to me and battling my urge to take her to my room and drown that sadness in her eyes with everything that I’ve got to give. There’s so much that I want to do to her, say to her, give to her, but I’m afraid of spooking her. She’s like a scared animal. She needs small moves.
I’m not sure what to say other than that. She’s here. If I had it my way, I’d have her here every day. All the time. I wish I could tell her more, but I can’t.