Flynn smiles down at me. “I’m surprised she’s allowing such scandalous behavior in her bed.”
I’m on the verge of a witty reply when he begins to move faster. He’s propped up on his hands, watching me carefully as his hips pivot with increasingly urgent movements in and out of me. It feels so good. My eyes want to close, but I keep them open and fixed on him so there can be no chance of panic.
I move with him, picking up his rhythm and experiencing a profound sense of belonging to him.
“I’m going to look away, sweetheart. You stop me if you don’t feel right. Okay?”
“Okay,” I say on a long exhale.
His right hand holds him up while he bends to capture my right nipple in his mouth, and his left hand reaches down to where we’re joined, touching me exactly where I need him. I’m hovering at the edge of release when his teeth tighten on my nipple and he pinches my clit, triggering my orgasm and his.
“Ah, God,” he says when he comes down on top of me, capturing my lips in a deep kiss.
He kisses between my breasts, his forehead resting against my chest.
I comb my fingers through sweat-dampened hair, massaging his scalp, which makes him sigh with what sounds like contentment. I hope it is.
I’m going to make him happy. No matter what I have to do, I will make him happy. Despite my determination, a niggle of doubt begins to take hold. What if I can’t do it? What if I just can’t be what he needs?
Chapter 13
Her panic attack has left me totally undone. I don’t want to be afraid to touch her, but I am. I’m terrified of doing something to bring that fear back to her eyes. If I never see that again, it will be too soon. It’s like navigating a minefield, not knowing what will set off the panic.
Her fear was loud and scary. Mine was silent but no less terrifying.
The most pervasive thought in my head is thank God I didn’t give in to the guilt and tell her about the club. That would’ve been a fatal error. She never would’ve married me if she knew about that.
When my racing heart finally returns to a normal beat, I kiss her and withdraw to go into the bathroom to get a towel to clean her up. Then I use it myself and drop it to the floor before I crawl back into bed with her.
She curls up to me, her hand on my belly. “Thank you for what you did.”
“What did I do?”
“You gave me exactly what I needed when I needed it. Most guys would’ve run screaming for a lawyer after that show I put on.”
“I’m not most guys, sweetheart, and I will never leave you. Ever.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if this is too much for you.”
It pains me that she’s worried about me right now. “I’m going to pretend like you didn’t say that. I knew exactly what I was getting when I said ‘I do’ earlier, and nothing has changed since then except now you can’t get an annulment.”
I feel her lips curve against my chest. “That’s the last thing I want.”
“It’s the last thing I want, too.” I hug her in closer to me. “I’ve got everything I want right here.”
Now if only I could figure out what to do about my fear of triggering another flashback for her. I’d rather die than do anything to cause her pain, and it’s going to be a long time before I forget the terrified look on her face, the screaming, the crying…
It’s unbearable.
I finally fall into restless sleep hours later. The next thing I know, we’re in the dungeon in New York, she’s facedown on the spanking bench, her arms and legs propped on the pads, her bottom raised for my pleasure. I’m aware that I’m dreaming and should put a stop to this while I still can, but I can’t bring myself to do that. I want to see how this plays out. I need to know.
Her ass is red from my paddle, and the largest of my plugs peeks out from between her cheeks. It’s still not as big as I am, as she’s about to find out. We’ve been building up to this moment for weeks now, but something is holding me back.
I’m afraid to scare her, to push her too far. She’s trembling, her legs shaking violently.
“Nat.” I run my hands up the backs of her legs to cup her heated cheeks. “We don’t have to do this. You can still say no. Let me hear your safe word if you’re not ready.”
“I’m not saying no, and I’m not saying my safe word either.”
“You’re trembling.”
“I’m excited.”
“You’re not scared?”
“Only a little. You said it will hurt.”
“It will. At first, but if you stay with me, I can make it so good for you. You’ll come so hard, harder than you ever have before.”
A huge shudder overtakes her. “Do it.” She’s so wet that her inner thighs are glistening.