Until Jax

Smiling, she looks toward the living room, and I turn my head to look over my shoulder at Jax, who is talking to his dad, with Hope still in his arms and her head resting on his chest. “Normally, on Jax’s birthday, we have dinner as a family, but I didn’t want to make plans if there was something you had planned.”


“When is his birthday?” I ask her, feeling horrified I had no idea his birthday was even coming up.

“Oh, Wednesday,” she says, wrapping another ball.

“I have to work.”

“Don’t worry about it. We can make reservations for dinner on Saturday if you want.”

“What about a surprise party on Monday or Tuesday?” I ask her, and her face lights up.

“He hates surprises,” she grins then mutters, “Let’s do it,” as Cash steps into the kitchen.

“What are you guys whispering about?” he asks, going to the fridge, grabbing a beer, and leaning back against the counter.

“Nothing, just wrapping up all of these cockporn balls,” Lilly whispers loud enough for him to hear, causing him to chuckle and me to laugh.

“You ready to head out, baby?” Jax asks, settling his hand on my shoulder when he walks into the kitchen.

“Yeah,” I say, getting up and hugging Cash and Lilly both, telling them thanks again for looking after Hope and watching them hug her before we leave the house.


When we pull up to the park, I look through the front window of the truck. The park we normally go to is just a couple blocks from the house, and there are only a few kids who go there to play. This park is the opposite. The whole place is overrun with kids, with most of the parents sitting around the tables outside of the large sand area, talking and not really paying much attention to what their children are doing. Waiting for Jax to open my door, I hop down then grab Hope’s jacket from the front seat.

“I want you to stay in the play area, where I can see you. Do you understand?” I ask, getting down on my haunches, zipping up her jacket and putting on her hat.

“Yes, Mama,” she says excitedly, bouncing up and down as she watches the kids who are running around laughing. She’s never been to a park this large before, and I’m a little worried with so many kids around that I’ll lose sight of her.

“What did your Mom just say, Hope?” Jax asks, sounding so much like a dad that I’m a little caught off guard.

“She said to make sure she can see me,” she tells him, and his hand comes out to cup her cheek.

“Good, sweetheart,” he says, and she smiles up at him then raises her glove-covered hand to his as I stand up. Taking his opposite hand, we walk along the concrete path then stop when we reach the play area, which has been dug out with smooth logs built up around the edge, keeping the sand separate from the grass surrounding it.

“Can I go on the swide?” Hope asks, pointing to a slide that has two other kids on it, one boy and one girl, both around the same age as Hope.

“Sure, Angel,” I say, and she lets go of Jax’s hand, jumps down into the sand, and runs across to the slide. “She’ll be okay,” I tell Jax, feeling his hand tighten around mine when she stumbles before righting herself and taking off again.

“I feel like there is a constant ball of worry in my chest when it comes to her. I’m always wondering if something’s going to happen, if there is something I can prevent from happening. Is that normal?”

“Yeah, but it gets easier after awhile,” I say as his arm lifts to wrap around my shoulders so he can haul me closer against his side. Seeing Hope head up the stairs for the slide, I smile and wave when she reaches the top then watch as a little boy smiles at her and allows her to head down the slide before him.

“Did that kid just flirted with her,” Jax asks, sounding annoyed and surprised.