This fucking sucked.
Sitting up on the bed made the throbbing in my head feel like someone was jackhammering my skull, but lying here thinking about my wife wasn’t helping anything. Fuck. Was she still my wife? Or were we separated and on the fast track to divorce? I had no fucking clue, and that scared the shit out of me.
My future had always seemed so clear to me, like I was swimming through tropical waters. I could see every pebble of possibility, every coral of comfort, every fish of fame that was going to come my way. Now though, the water was so murky, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. And it was iced over. And covered in concrete. The treasure buried deep beneath the waves was so unobtainable to me now, it seemed ridiculous that I’d once had my fingers buried deep in the gold. I’d had it all, and now…I had nothing.
Well fuck that. I wasn’t about to just sit here wallowing in woe-is-me crap while my world turned to shit. I had time to fix this, so that was exactly what I was going to do.
Grabbing my jacket off the floor, I strutted out of my room. I was going to get what I deserved, then get my wife and kids back. Anna’s smile flashed through my brain, followed quickly by Gibson’s laugh and Onnika’s curls. Goddammit, I already missed them so much, it was hard to function. I had a job to do though.
I decided I had to make do with the best of a bad situation. Yes, the album sucked…but no one outside of my family knew that. If I could somehow convince the world that it was awesomeness dipped in awesomeness, then maybe I could collect enough preorders to make a dent in my debt. A small part of my brain warned me that preorders could be returned later, but I ignored that part. I had to try to make the album successful. I had to try to earn some of my cash back. It was the only option I had left.
Over the next month, I did everything I knew how to do as a promoter. I hit every TV show, radio station, club, and newspaper in town, begging all of them to showcase me. But no one was biting. I tried to keep my thoughts off Anna and the girls while I scrambled for attention, but it was impossible to do; they were on my mind twenty-four/seven. Eventually I broke down and called Anna. My hands were slick with sweat when I dialed her number, and my fingers were shaking when I brought the phone to my ear. I’d never been more nervous to talk to my wife, not even in the beginning, when she was just a hot chick I wanted to bang. But now…there was so much between us, and so much at stake that I could lose, if I hadn’t lost it already. I was a wreck, and she hadn’t even picked up yet.
Her voice was cool and distant when she did answer the phone. “I was beginning to think you weren’t ever going to call,” she stated, her voice flat and lifeless.
Instead of telling her how much I missed her, how nervous I was to talk to her, how scared I was about my future, about our future, I let the shell surrounding me harden; it was the only way I could get the words out. “I wanted to check on the girls. Are they all right? Where are you guys staying?”
A long, controlled exhale met my ear, like she was fighting her own emotional battle. I wasn’t sure she if she was going to respond, but after a while, she finally did. “We’re staying at Kellan and Kiera’s for now. Gibson…asks for you every day, but she’s fine, I think.”
That damn lump in my throat returned. I hated the thought of my little girl being denied something she wanted. She should have everything, wrapped in a pretty pink bow. God, I missed her. “Is she nearby? Can I talk to her?” My voice came out scratchy, like I’d swallowed sandpaper.
“Of course,” Anna whispered. Her voice was rough too. The line was silent a minute, then a sweet, familiar voice came on. “Daddy? Where are you? When you come home?”
A surge of something so strong went through me that I had to bite down on my knuckle to hold it together. “Soon, baby. Soon.” My throat closed, I couldn’t speak. Luckily, Gibson had lots to tell me, so I didn’t need to.
“Onnika hit me! And Ryder broke my toy! And I found a kitty, and Mommy let me keep it. Her name is Kitty Sunshine…”
She went on and on with all the details of her life that I was missing out on. The pain in my throat eased with each sentence, but the ache in my chest grew larger. I should be there. I should head home on my hands and knees, admit all my failings, and beg Anna to take me back. I should be a better husband, a better father…put all of their needs above my own…since they were all I truly lived for anyway. But still, I couldn’t leave yet. I couldn’t admit defeat. I needed to see this album through, on the off chance it might save me, and in turn, save my family. If that was even still possible. Fuck, I hoped it was. I couldn’t stomach this being the end of Anna’s and my story. She was everything I wanted, everything I needed.