I shrugged. I wasn’t sure I knew anything at this point. “Your sister?”
With a wistful sigh, Anna nodded. “In part. But it was so much more than that. For the first time ever, I finally loved every aspect of my life. I was completely happy with where I was and with who I was, and I didn’t crave more. I was just…content. And then you ripped me away from everything I’d grown to love, and I felt like I would never get that feeling of being completely satisfied back. But I tried to be a loving, supportive wife anyway, because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do…but what thanks did I get for my loyalty?” She shot up off the bed and thrust her finger into my chest. “You lied to me! Over and over! Just so you could keep doing what you wanted. Well, I can’t do this anymore, and I don’t want to be here anymore. This isn’t home to me. Seattle is home. The D-Bags are home.” She said their name slowly and deliberately, like she wanted that to sink in.
Hating this conversation, hating that she was unhappy, and hating that she was telling me what I already knew—that this was all my fault—I defiantly crossed my arms over my chest and let the darkness inside me shift my shame into a shield. “Because we were loaded when I was with them? Is that why you were so ‘content’?” I wanted to slap myself for saying it. Anna wasn’t a gold digger, and I knew that, but I was humiliated and scared, and being defensive was easier than being kicked while I was down.
Her lips flattened into a hard, thin line while her eyes narrowed into daggers. I knew that look. It meant I was so far off the mark, I was about to get verbally slapped back on target. “No, you know it’s not about the money,” she started, her voice icy. “Even when I lived in a crappy apartment and worked at Hooters, it was better than being in that fancy mansion, waited on hand and foot. I would have returned to that life in an instant if you’d asked me to. But instead of admitting defeat and returning to Washington, you lied to me. You pretended to go to work, just so you could keep living your fantasy. Don’t you see how fucked up that is?”
She stood taller, prouder, and even though she was smaller than me, I suddenly felt dwarfed by her presence. “I didn’t want any of this. I tried to make the best of it to keep our family together, but I just can’t anymore. Our entire family isn’t together, and being here has brought us nothing but misery. I want to go back to Seattle.” She put a hand on my arm. “Call the guys, Griffin. Tell them your situation. Apologize.”
Rage and betrayal waged war within me, and I jerked my arm away from her. “Apologize? What the fuck for? I didn’t do anything to those assholes.” I pointed toward Washington, the last place I wanted to return to. “They’re the ones who fucked me over. They’re the ones who should apologize. They’re the ones who should be begging! Not me!” They cast me aside. I can’t go back.
Her eyes started watering again, and her hands curled into frustrated fists. “You always say the guys were the ones holding you down, but you are so goddamn blind.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I challenged. I didn’t want to lash out at her, not after everything I’d done, but the guys weren’t an option. That bridge was burned long ago.
Face firm, she told me, “You hold you down. Your pride, your ego, your refusal to dig deeper and do the hard labor. That’s what holds you down. The only person you can blame here, Griffin, is you. And I’m not going to let you drag down this family any further. I’m taking the reins before you plunge us right off the cliff…if you haven’t already.”
She pointed at the space between our feet, marking a line in the sand, so to speak. “I’m captain of this team now. And as captain, I say we’re making the right decision for once, and we’re moving back to Seattle. I’ll get my old job back, and I’ll provide for the girls…alone, if I need to. Now…are you coming with us or staying here to drown?” She extended her hands, clearly offering me a chance to back down and accept her will…or cross over the line.
Something painful in my chest started expanding outward. It hurt so bad, I wished I could take a baseball bat and have her thwack me across the rib cage with it a few times. That would feel infinitely better. Breathing was hard. Standing was hard. Being in this room was hard. Fuck. This was exactly why I didn’t do relationships. ’Cause feeling this vise closing around me fucking sucked. What do I do?
Clearing my mind, I said the first thing that came to me. “I’m not done…I can’t leave.” I can’t be done.
Anna sighed, but she didn’t look surprised. “No…you won’t leave. Your pride will be the end of you, Griffin.”