Was it really Monday already? I sank down into an empty seat at the back of the lecture hall and prayed the jolt of caffeine from my pumpkin spice latte would be enough to keep me awake. The first day of classes was always such a waste of time and energy. With this being my junior year, I already knew the ins and outs of the first day of classes. Like clockwork, the professor showed up on time for probably the first and only time this semester. We received our syllabus, which we could have easily read on our own, but the professor always felt the need to read through it at a snail’s pace anyway. Dr. Jenkins was in his late sixties and had the most soft-spoken voice I’d ever heard, so it came as no surprise when I found myself gradually slouching lower and lower into my seat, until my head finally hit the desk, and I was out like a light.
A large hand gently shook my shoulder, and I bolted upright, ran my fingers vigorously through my hair and wiped my face for any signs of drool. All clear. I turned, trailing my gaze up the length of his body, and found a pair of familiar gray eyes staring back at me. But what threw me off was the fact that he was dressed in military fatigues.
“Great.” I shook my head in disbelief. “So you’re not only a wannabe doctor, you’re a wannabe G.I. Joe, too? Oh, and I guess we can add stalker to your lovely repertoire as well, since you nailed that one on the first try.”
A satisfied grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, and I just wanted to slap it right off of his face. The temptation was oh so appealing.
“Repertoire,” he repeated as he chuckled to himself. “Now that’s kind of a big word for you. Are you sure you don’t want to throw any expletives in the mix, because I’m pretty sure you nailed all of those the other day.”
My jaw dropped, but he seemed to only find my reaction more entertaining. I snatched my syllabus off my desk and shoved it in my bag before throwing the bag over my shoulder and storming off toward the exit.
“Hey, I was only kidding. I got to class late and saw you sitting down the row from me. I wanted to ask how you were, but you were out cold. Have you not been sleeping well?” His voice was deep, husky and laced with concern.
“I’ve been sleeping just fine. Not that it matters to you,” I snapped
“Well, I hate to burst your bitch-bubble, but it does matter to me.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly spun on my heel.
Why wouldn’t he leave me the hell alone? And why did he have to look so damn hot standing there in his fatigues with his arms crossed over his chest, making his biceps appear even bigger?
“I get that you think you have some kind of responsibility to look out for me now, but as far as I know, you haven’t taken the Hippocratic Oath yet, so let’s cut the act Dr. G.I. Joe.”
Hunter threw his head back laughing. “Dr. G.I. Joe. My buddies are going to get kick out that one.”
I turned back around and continued out the front doors and into the quad. It was a late summer day in Savannah, and the sun was blanketing us in its warmth, adding to my already heated mood.
He quickly caught up to me, his long, wide strides matching my steady pace. “For your information, it’s not an act. I was, and still am, genuinely concerned about you.”
“Uh huh.” I rolled my eyes.
“I ran into Liberty earlier, and she said you ended up going to the hospital and pressed charges. I’m proud of you. Not everyone is brave enough to step forward after going through something like that, but the a*shole deserves to get what’s coming to him.”
I shook my head; Liberty and her big, damn mouth.
“Yeah, and now every male sports organization that our lovely college has to offer is treating me like a leper. I guess that’s just the nature of the beast, though.”
“Why’s that?” I peered over to see the creases quickly forming across his brow. I took it he was unaware of my reputation around campus, which was probably for the best at that point.
“Well, considering most of the soccer team has been accused of attempted rape no matter how small of a part they each played, now the rest of the teams around campus think I’m out on a war path to take them all down for the same damn thing.”
“Why would they think that? Has this happened before?” He grasped me around my elbow, his fingers completely encompassing my tiny arm.
“No. No, it was always consensual,” I said as nonchalantly as I could, but I’m sure he still picked up the edginess in my voice. I had no idea why I was so nervous telling him that. It wasn’t like it was some deep, dark secret, but for some reason I felt the need to confess the extent of my promiscuity in order to push him away. He was too nice of a guy to for the likes of me, and for once I was putting my foot down.
I looked up to find that he wasn’t even able to make eye contact with me, and he released my arm to rest his hands on his hips. His gaze was focused in the direction of the athletic center, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. Maybe he had heard stories about me after all. Guys talked about their conquests just as much as girls, and every guy I hooked up with knew that I had no intention of being in a relationship. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be ready to fall into a relationship. For so long, I’d seen myself as something to be wanted purely in a physical sense, so in turn, I treated men the exact same way and never kept any of them around long enough to make a commitment. I was surprised Jeremy and I still had a good thing going, but the fact still remained that our “relationship” was solely based on sex and nothing more. He was fine with it. I was fine with it. It was a win-win situation, and in the end, no one got hurt.
“Look, I’m meeting someone for lunch, so…”
“Oh. Sure no problem.” He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. “I guess I’ll see you in class on Wednesday then?”
“Looking forward to it,” I said through clenched teeth and a forced smile. Hardly. I contemplated transferring out of that class just to avoid seeing him again.
He turned, readjusted the strap of his backpack on his shoulder, and shoved his hands in his pockets. His broad shoulders were hunched forward, and his head hung low as though he had just admitted defeat. I hated pushing him away like that, but I knew it was for the best.
Why did the nice guys always have to be so damn… nice? Would I like to be with a guy like Hunter? Of course, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me, and I had pretty much convinced myself it never would be. I treated men like mere objects, play things for my enjoyment, the same as they did me. So why should I ever expect to find love when all I’ve ever experienced is want and need with no strings attached?
I didn’t. But now I had a small glimpse of what it could be, how it should be, and a tiny part of me finally admitted to wanting… more.
When I got to the campus dining hall, I sat down next to an unsuspecting Liberty and shoved her so hard she nearly fell out of her chair.
“Jesus, what the… oh, hey, Maddie!” She perked up when she realized it was only me. She shouldn’t be so excited to see me though, because I had a bone to pick with her after finding out she had spoken to Hunter about me.
“Hey, wench, how’s your first day of classes so far?”
Liberty giggled at my choice of endearment. “Not too bad, hoe bag. Got lost trying to find my way to my first class, but everyone’s been pretty helpful about showing me around.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” Time to change gears. “So… have you bumped into anyone you know here?” I snagged one of her French fries, popping it in my mouth before she could grab it away from me. She shook her head, pretending like she had no idea what I was referring to.
“Maddie, you know I don’t know anyone here except you.”
“You sure that’s your final answer?” I leaned back in my chair with my arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.
Liberty seemed to ponder that for a moment, and her eyes widened when realization washed over her. Yeah, bitch, you know who I’m talking about.
“Ohhh, you mean Hunter? Yeah, I ran into him this morning. Did you know he’s ROTC?! I know how you feel about men in uniform.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me, but the excitement in her voice just wasn’t what I wanted to hear right now.
“Yes. Hunter. Now why is it that he knew about me going to the hospital and pressing charges against Tucker, because I know I sure as f*ck didn’t tell him?”
“I don’t see why you’re so upset about it. He’s going to have to go in for questioning soon anyway since he was a witness and all. I figured I should give him a heads up before he gets the call.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“I don’t care, Liberty. It’s my life, and I don’t want everyone else to know my business. Next time, can you please just keep your mouth shut? Or better yet, just stay away from Hunter.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot how much you enjoy keeping secrets.” Liberty’s expression deadpanned as her harsh words sliced through me.
Ouch.
“That was low, Liberty. F*cking low.” I stood to leave the table, but she tugged me back down in my seat.
“Look, I’m sorry, okay? It’s just… I don’t understand what you have against this Hunter guy. He seems really nice, and I think the two of you—”
“Don’t even finish that sentence. I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no.” I shook my head, immediately shooting down her attempt at playing matchmaker.
“Why not? I think you guys would be perfect together. He’s attractive, smart, sweet, and he’s clearly already infatuated with you. He couldn’t stop talking about you when I ran into him, and not just about what happened. He seems like he genuinely wants to get to know you.” Liberty bit down on her bottom lip nervously. “I kinda, sorta, maybe gave him your phone number, too.”
“You what?! You didn’t. Ohmigod, please tell me you didn’t.”
“Okay then… I didn’t.” She shrugged her shoulders again, but I knew she was just saying that to appease me.
“Don’t lie to me, jizz pirate!”
Liberty snorted. “Relax. You’re making this out to be a much bigger deal than it really is. For all I know, he could have crumpled up the scrap of paper with your number on it the moment I walked away from him.”
I rubbed my temples, feeling a migraine coming on. This never-ending shit-storm was going to be the death of me.
“You better hope your perky little ass he did, because if I get any phone calls from an unknown number, I’m sending them straight to voicemail.”
Liberty rolled her eyes, grabbing her tray and messenger bag to leave. “Oh, since you’re here, I need to talk to you about something. I figured since you and Shayne are on better terms that now would be a good time to bring it up.”
“Good, I could use a distraction from all of this Hunter bullshit.”
We made our way out into the quad, and since I was finished with classes for the day, I was ready to head back to my apartment to try and catch a nap before work.
“So Shayne and I started talking about our wedding plans…” Liberty glanced over at me warily.
I grumbled as I dug my car keys out of my purse. “I still don’t understand why you guys are rushing things. You’ve only been engaged for like, what, three months? You have plenty of time to live it up and have fun while you’re still young.”
“I know, but I feel like I’m beginning a whole new chapter in my life, and I want to start it out right. I want to start it out as Mrs. Shayne Thompson.” She looked at me, her eyes filled with hope. “Besides, I was kinda hoping you’d be my maid of honor.”
“Seriously? I mean… yeah, of course. I’d be honored. Dammit, you twat, you’re gonna make me cry!” I faked a few happy tears in my typical drama queen fashion, but then I realized along with being maid of honor comes wedding responsibilities.
“Does this make me your wedding planning bitch? ‘Cause I don’t know if I’m cool with that.”
Liberty giggled. “No, silly, I only have one job for you, and that is to pick out the bridesmaid’s dresses. Think you can handle that?”
“Can I handle that? Pfft, girl you know I have the best fashion sense out of the two of us. You’d probably end up picking out some frilly shit with puffed sleeves.”
“Hey, my taste in clothes isn’t that bad.”
I rolled my eyes. “Liberty, I’m almost tempted to pick out the damn wedding dress for you. You’re lucky you have a friend like me to bring along, so I can straight up tell you ‘no’ when you walk out of the dressing room looking like a behemoth vanilla cupcake. Honestly woman, I don’t know where you’d be without me.” When I reached my car, I opened the passenger side door and set my bag down. “And don’t forget, I’m planning the bachelorette party! I won’t take no for an answer.”
Liberty hung her head, shaking it back and forth slowly. “Dear Lord, help us all.”
When I arrived for my shift at AJ’s that night, Brett was already setting up behind the bar, but the look he shot in my direction the moment our eyes met had stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned to find a massive bouquet of flowers, elegantly arranged where they sat on top of the bar. But not just any flowers… purple irises. At least two dozen of them! Shit. Brett must have royally f*cked up. That was the only explanation I could come up with for him giving me a bouquet of my favorite flowers out of the blue.
“What’s with the flowers, Brett? You know my birthday isn’t until February.”
He scratched the top of his head, seemingly unsure himself. “They’re not from me. They were delivered here about an hour ago. Do you have a secret admirer I don’t know about?”
I thought about that for a second, but no one came to mind. “Not that I can think of. Was there a note or a letter sent with them?”
“Yeah.” He reached down and grabbed a pink envelope that was tucked away next to the register. “I just hope we don’t have a stalker on our hands.”
Stalker? Oh f*ck me, they couldn’t possibly be from…
I tore open the envelope, quickly reading the folded letter enclosed.
Maddie,
I apologize if I came off a bit over-bearing this morning. I promise you, that was never my intention, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still concerned about you.
Do you think maybe we could start fresh and get to know each other a little better? Just as friends? I know asking this of you is a far stretch, but in case you change your mind, and I hope that you do, here is my number.
Hunter
A.K.A. Dr. GI Joe
I read the letter twice more, admiring his immaculate penmanship, and by the time I was finished, I had memorized his number at the bottom. I had to admit, the guy had balls for pulling a stunt like this. Not a stalker, my ass. How did he even know where I worked? I don’t remember ever telling him… Liberty. It had to have been her. How else would he have known what my favorite flower was and where to have the bouquet sent?
“So who are they from?” Brett asked, breaking my concentration as I mentally cursed Liberty.
“Hunter,” I whispered, letting a hint of a smile slip free.
“That guy from the other night? The one who…”
I cut him off, refusing to replay any of that night and the next morning over again. Seeing Hunter today was bad enough. “Yeah. That guy.”
“Well, that was… nice of him. I wonder how he knew you worked here.” His brows pinched together.
“Yeah, I wonder.” I tucked the card in my back pocket. “You can throw the flowers away. Or better yet,” I lowered my voice and peeked over at the red-headed bimbo that was giving my brother a hungry look, “why don’t you give them to that cum-dumpster at the end of the bar? Maybe it’ll help you get laid tonight.”
Brett’s jaw dropped, shocked by my brash choice of words. I started walking off toward the back of the restaurant to punch in, but Brett caught up to me before I made it to the door. He tugged me back in the direction of the bar and forced me to sit on one of the stools.
“What the f*ck is your problem? You think I need help getting laid? I could snap my fingers, and girls would be lined up around the corner to get a piece of this.” He waved his hands up and down the length of his body like he was God’s gift to women.
“Don’t even try convincing me that you’re not still pining after Liberty. I mean, let’s face it. You never go out anymore, and from what Corey and Travis have told me, you never bring any girls home either. So either you’re, one, getting some p-ssy elsewhere, or two, you haven’t gotten laid in months.”
“Hey, my sex life isn’t your concern, and I’m not pining after anyone! Geez Maddie, maybe you’re the one who needs to get laid. Maybe then you wouldn’t be such a bitch all of the time.” Brett’s jaw was clenched tight, the veins in his neck visibly pulsing. Seems I struck a nerve with my big bro.
“You know what? Tell Bob I called in sick. I’m not dealing with this shit tonight.”
I grabbed my purse and stormed off without another word. Somehow, I made it home in ten minutes flat, and as soon as I stepped foot in the apartment, I went straight to my room, shut all of the curtains and turned off the lights. For once, just once, I wanted to shut out the rest of the world. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed at the top of my lungs. It felt so good to finally let out all of my pent up aggression. It had been building up since the day Hunter stepped foot in my life just a few days before. You’d think what happened with Tucker would have been the catalyst for my unwarranted anger, but no. It was all because of Hunter… my sweet, selfless hero who couldn’t take a hint that this thing between us could never develop into something more.
And what was with those gorgeous purple irises? The first time I ever received flowers from someone other than my brother, it had to be him. The more effort Hunter put in, the more I felt myself pull away. I had to create some distance between us, not for my sake, but his. I would break him, ruin him. He didn’t deserve that. Hunter was the type of guy who deserved a woman who could devote herself to a relationship, heart, body and soul, and I knew I was incapable of doing so.
I heard a light tapping on my door, but kept my face buried in the fluffy pillow. When I didn’t respond, the floorboards creaked, and I knew someone had entered the room.
“You okay, baby girl? Sounded like there was a pig in heat in here with the way you were screeching.”
I rolled my head just enough to peek one eye open and wasn’t surprised to find Robbie standing in the middle of my room with his hands resting on his hips… buck naked. Oh, for the love of gay men everywhere…
I turned back into the pillow and mumbled “bathrobe” before I felt the bed dip next to me.
“Alright, my weapon is concealed. You can roll over now,” Robbie chuckled softly.
He was wearing my silky, black kimono robe, and I was sad to admit that he looked a million times better in it than I ever did. Gay or not, it was so not fair.
“Your bro-cha-cho already called and filled me in on the deets with what went down at work. Now do you want to tell me what’s wrong, or am I going to have to threaten you with Liza again?”
“Robbie, you don’t even like Liza Minnelli. You threat is null.”
“Well, I could always whip out my love gun again.”
I sat up, grabbed his hands before he could tear the robe open, and settled them in my lap. “Please, I think I’ve seen your so-called love gun more times than any other man’s, and considering you’ve only lived with me for a few months, that’s saying something.”
“You love it,” he smirked. “Now out with it. What’s bothering my golden-haired princess?”
I let out a deep breath. “You remember that guy, Hunter, the one who was at the party when… you know… when Tucker drugged me?”
“Oh, the one with the buns of steel? Oh yeah, I remember him,” Robbie said, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Seriously, Robbie, that’s what you remember about him?”
“Can you blame me? The guy had a great ass!” He looked back toward my closed door. “Don’t tell Lance I said that.”
“Annnyways.” I rolled my eyes. “He just so happened to be in my Abnormal Psych class this morning. I mean seriously, what are the odds of that happening? Oh, and get this, he’s ROTC! First he thinks he’s some medical expert and now he thinks he’s a freakin’ G.I. Joe!” I threw my head back, sinking into my goose-down pillow.
“A sexy man in uniform, with the added bonus of one day becoming McDreamy? Yeah, I’m not seeing the problem here.”
“Ugh, the problem is that he thinks he has some kind of weird attachment to me now, and he can’t take a hint that I want nothing to do with him.”
“And why is that?” Robbie stared at me stoically.
My brows furrowed, trying to figure out what he was getting at. “Why is what?”
“Why do you want nothing to do with him? He seems nice enough, not like the usual guys you go after, but maybe that’s the problem. Maybe it’s time for a change. Break free from the norm. You might be surprised by what you find.”
I looked into Robbie’s eyes and could feel the burn of unshed tears. “I can’t do that, and you know it.”
Robbie knew all about what happened between Shayne and me when I was sixteen. I vowed never to speak of it again, but when shit went down over the summer, telling my new roommate about my past was inevitable. He sat there and listened to every word and every sob as I poured my heart out to him, and in the end he held me close and told me he understood why I felt the way I did. Why I made the decision on my own, and why I kept it a secret from everyone. It wasn’t easy keeping that buried inside for years, but Robbie made me feel like, for once, I wasn’t the bad guy in all of this.
“I know, baby girl, but what’s the worst that could happen? Just give the poor guy a chance and get to know him. Take things slow, and if you still find that you harbor no feelings for him whatsoever, maybe you’ll end up getting a friend out it.”
“Robbie, I’ve never even had a boyfriend. I haven’t got one iota of a clue what I’m doing.” I buried my face in my hands, doing what I did best; blocking out the world when the going got too tough. Robbie slowly peeled them away and cupped my cheeks in his hands.
“Like I said, just start out as friends… and for God’s sake, keep him away from the bedroom.”
I dabbed at the unshed tears with my sleeve and let out a soft chuckle. “You know I don’t like to limit myself to just the bedroom, Robbie.”
“Do I need to put a damn chastity belt on you, woman? Just try keeping your hormones in check for a few weeks, so he can see through your broken layers and find the beautiful girl I know and love that lies beneath.”
I smiled and leaned up on my knees to hug him. Then I remembered that he was still naked beneath my bathrobe and quickly pulled away.
“Would you like your robe back?” He began to untie the silk sash around his waist.
“Uh, no, that’s all right. You can give it back to me when I’m not in danger of seeing your pecker for the millionth time.”
Robbie gave me a playful smirk and kissed my cheek before leaving my room.
As the door clicked shut, I pulled the letter out of my back pocket, the one Hunter had sent with the beautiful flowers, and traced my thumb over the numbers scrawled at the bottom. Taking Robbie’s advice into consideration, I weighed the pros and cons against one another, but in reality, the only thing I was worried about was hurting Hunter. For so long, I had felt as if my heart was invincible, unable to break if I was unwilling to share it to others. I had to bear in mind, though, that just because I wasn’t willing to share mine, that didn’t exclude Hunter from freely handing his over. I was pretty sure he already had. If I agreed to give him a chance and let him into my life, I’d just have to make sure I kept my feelings at bay and my libido on lockdown. Otherwise, we were going to crash and burn, and I could already tell it wouldn’t be pretty.