I knew I was awake, but my eyelids felt heavy, and fighting to open them proved to be a wasted effort. I kept hearing people shouting in the background and what sounded like hard blows of flesh hitting flesh, but I couldn’t make anything out; the words were all swirling together. It took me a moment to recognize a familiar smell encompassing me, and I leaned in closer, soaking it in. It was a sharp, sweet, woodsy scent much like that of cedar. My mother had a hope chest made of cedar that had once belonged to my grandmother, and I used to love going through the contents with her while breathing in the soothing aroma.
“Are you okay? Can you tell me if it hurts anywhere?”
His voice sounded like heaven, but my body still refused to cooperate and answer him. Why was he asking if I was hurt? I felt fine, other than the fact that I seemed to have lost all motor function and the ability to speak.
I started to get some feeling back in my arms and legs, and I felt my body cradled against another that was almost twice my size.
“Did he… did he touch you anywhere?”
Touch me? Who…? Oh he must have meant Tucker. What ever happened to Tucker? He was carrying me up the stairs, but I couldn’t remember much after that. A*shole must have left me up here alone.
“Please, Maddie, I need you to focus if you can. This is important. I need you to tell me if he touched you anywhere… inappropriately.” I could hear the concern painfully dripping from his voice, and to be honest, it was starting to scare me.
As the numbness subsided, and I regained more feeling throughout my body, I noticed a sharp pain shooting up my wrists as though they had been sprained. Jesus, what the hell happened to me?
My heart was beating rapidly, and I could feel myself beginning to hyperventilate, but then I felt lips, his lips, pressed against my throat, just over my racing pulse. His warm breath cascaded over my throat, causing my heart to race even faster, but soon my breathing matched his and I was able to calm myself.
“Better?” he asked softly.
“Yeah.” I finally peeled my eyes open to find a symbol that I had only ever seen in doctors’ offices tattooed on his forearm. It looked like a staff with wings, entwined by two snakes. Such an odd looking thing, and yet, I felt better knowing that the one whose arms I was currently wrapped up in bore that symbol… like he was my savior. My protector.
“Do you think you’re okay to stand?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore the pain in my wrists as I nodded my head. He gently tucked his arm beneath mine and wrapped it across my back, allowing me to place all of my weight on him. My body still swayed unsteadily, and seeing this stranger towering above me brought back the image of Tucker’s body hovering over me while he painfully pressed my wrists into the mattress. Oh f*ck, what did he do to me?
My heart rate picked up again, and he cupped my face, focusing my attention on his stormy gray eyes and forcing away the fuzzy images that had yet to make any sense.
“Shhh, you’re okay. He can’t hurt you. You’re safe now.”
You’re safe now. Safe. I repeated those words over and over in my mind, and when they had finally sunk in, I opened my eyes one last time to look at him smiling down at me. His lips looked so soft, and I reached up to trace my finger along his bottom lip, but my hand never made it there before I slipped back into the darkness.
Oh. My. God. Talk about a hangover from hell! I could honestly say that all other hangovers paled in comparison to how I felt, the worst of which resulted from finishing off a liter of bourbon with my brother when I was just shy of turning fifteen. That was also my first time getting shit-faced drunk, and I promised myself I would never let myself get that wasted again; although I had to admit, I’ve come pretty close. Looked like I outdid myself last night.
I squeezed my eyes shut, curling up in the fetal position, and pulled the comforter back over my head, blocking out the rest of the world… at least for a little while longer.
It was only a matter of seconds before it hit me that something was seriously wrong, and I immediately threw my guard up. One: I wasn’t in my bed. Based on the sound of waves crashing nearby and the salty bite in the air, I deduced that I must’ve been at Shayne and Liberty’s house. Instantly, red flags went up because, let’s face it… I would never willingly step foot in that son of a bitch’s house. Two: the smell of cedar assaulted my senses and brought me back to the events that took place the night before, most of which I have no memory of. Now why couldn’t I remember anything?
I slowly peeled back the blanket and peeked over at the opposite side of the bed where a very attractive, fully clothed guy was sleeping soundly with his arm stretched over his eyes and snoring softly. I looked down and found I was still clothed as well. Huh… well that was a first. Normally I wouldn’t have bothered getting dressed right after having sex, and more often than not slept in the nude, so that nixed the idea that we had been together. However, I wasn’t wearing the dress I had gone out in last night, but rather a pair of boxer shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I cringed knowing that I must’ve been wearing Shayne’s clothes.
I had no recollection of who this guy was, but I wasn’t about to let him continue his peaceful slumber until I got to the bottom of it. I reached over and gently poked his side, getting no response whatsoever out of him. I leaned in further, forcefully jabbing my finger in between his ribs, and he bolted upright, looking just as confused and out of place as I was.
“Oh shit, I must have fallen asleep.” He rubbed his hand over his face, his body noticeably relaxing like it was completely normal for him to wake up in bed next to me.
I threw the blanket back and jumped out of bed, putting as much distance between us as possible in that tiny room. “Who the f*ck are you?!”
He ran his fingers through his chestnut brown hair, and the expression on his face was ridden with guilt. “Yeah, I didn’t really get a chance to explain that before you passed out on me last night. I’m Hunter.”
I stared blankly at him.
“I know that doesn’t really clear anything up for you, does it?”
“Not even a little bit.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Now why the f*ck were we in bed together, because clearly neither of us got any last night?”
He shook his head, and I noticed a slight twinge in his jaw. “Look, something happened last night…” he trailed off, leaving his mouth gaping wide while he struggled to produce any words.
“Yeah, I figured that much. It’s the details I’m having trouble piecing together. Do I even know you? Because I’m pretty sure I would recognize a face like yours.” I snapped my mouth shut, realizing I had let my attraction to him get the best of me. F*ck, I probably shouldn’t have said that, but he seemed somewhat pleased with my response.
He smiled, but there was sadness encompassing his stormy gaze.
“No, we don’t know each other. My cousin invited me to the party last night, but I was only there for about five minutes before all hell broke loose.” He looked back up at me, trying to gauge whether any of this was ringing a bell. Yeah. There definitely weren’t any bells ringing… which only caused me to get more annoyed the longer I stood there. “Look, maybe I should just check you over before I go. From what I can see, you’re doing a lot better, and the fact that you have no memory of last night doesn’t surprise me. You should probably still get checked out at a hospital, especially if you want to press charges against that piece of shit.”
He stood, reaching out for my hand, but I yanked it out of his reach. I didn’t know who this guy thought he was or why the f*ck he thought he had the right to come anywhere near me, let alone “check me over”. What the hell did that even mean? Was that some kind of code for getting in my pants? You know what? F*ck this. I’d had about enough of his games.
“Like hell! Keep your f*cking hands to yourself, or so help me God, I will super glue them to your dick so you can never touch me again.”
“Oookay, fair enough. Will you at least let me take you to a hospital? They’ll need a urine test to see if the drugs are still in your system, if… when you plan on pressing charges. And trust me, you will be pressing charges.” His jaw was clenched tight, and I could tell he meant business.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on. I have a raging headache, I’m starving, and I just want to curl up in my own bed without the risk of waking up with some strange guy next to me. If you really want to help me out, you can give me a ride home, but other than that, you can f*ck off.”
He stood there with his hands resting on his hips, completely dumbfounded. “Well, that has to be the most interesting thank you I’ve ever received. I spent the whole damn night with you, making sure you didn’t die on me, and all I get in return is a ‘f*ck off’?” His voice rose as he threw his hands up, clearly frustrated with me. I seem to have that effect on guys that I haven’t slept with.
“I’m out of here. Thanks for… Well, I don’t really know what I’m thanking you for, so thanks for nothing.”
I spun around and searched the floor for my shoes before storming out of the bedroom and praying that I could make it to the front door without bumping into Shayne or Liberty. No luck there, because everyone, and I mean everyone, was sitting around their living room, coffee in hands and heads hung low. Jesus, I felt like I was at someone’s funeral with how depressing the whole scene looked.
“Shit, did somebody die, ‘cause y’all look f*cking miserable?” I slipped my shoes on, wobbling a bit as I moved further into the room. “And why are you all here anyway?”
Why am I even here?
Brett was the first one to make eye contact with me, and I could see the fresh, unshed tears still welled up in his eyes. Just the site of him brought back so many memories. My brother almost never cried. The last time I saw him shed even a single tear was that day, four years ago, when I told him that I was pregnant. He stood and made his way across the room, tugging me hard into his chest and burying his face into my hair. The feelings flooding through me were all too familiar.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you. I should have been there.” He pulled back, and his eyes were red and blotchy with tears now streaming down his face unapologetically.
My hand rested on my brother’s cheek, wiping away his tears. “You have no reason to be sorry. I don’t even know what you are sorry for.”
Brett gently took my hand in his and traced over the bruise encircling my wrist. How did I not see that before? My wrists were sore, but damn, I didn’t realize how bad they really were. I removed my hand from his and shielded the bruise from his line of vision.
“I’m fine. Really. They’re just a little sore.”
“I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna f*cking kill him. Shayne, does your dad still have that shotgun from when we were kids? ‘Cause Tucker is a dead man!”
Shotgun? What the…
“Okay, before you go capping anyone’s ass, can someone please explain to me what’s going on? And why the f*ck some stranger was in bed with me, while y’all were sitting out here letting that happen?”
I heard footsteps padding down the hallway and looked back to see… Hunter was it? He ran his fingers through his hair a few times, not making much of a difference, but he didn’t really need to anyway. His hair was perfect the second he sat up in bed. When he looked up and his gaze settled on me, he appeared almost apologetic.
“Maddie, sweetie, maybe you should sit down first. Do you want a glass of water or maybe some Ibuprofen for your wrists? Is that okay for her take, Hunter?” Hunter? Why the hell was she asking him? I’m standing right here! I can answer for myself!
“I’m fine standing, and I’m not thirsty. I just want some f*cking answers. Now can we just get this shit over with so I can get out of here? Better yet, let’s start with why I was taken here against my will, because I sure as hell wouldn’t step foot in here unless I was dead or unconscious.”
Everyone looked around at one another, an uneasiness passing between them, and then all eyes were locked on me. Silence filled the void, and I finally gave in, sitting down on a nearby stool but still distancing myself from the rest of the group. For once, I felt like I had no one to run to, because they were all keeping a secret, and I was the one left out of the loop.
This time, Shayne was the one to step forward. Funny… he must have grown some balls because he was the last person I ever expected to tell me the truth. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me of all people, but I was the first one to walk in on what happened to you.”
F*ck. I did not like where this was going. “All right, I’m listening.”
Shayne began to pace around the room, rubbing the back of his neck vigorously. “Liberty and I were only outside for a few minutes catching up with Jack, and when we came back in, you were nowhere to be found. We asked around, but no one had seen you. Then I overheard some of the guys talking about a bet they had made.” Shayne’s head bowed down, and he let out a deep breath. When he lifted his head, his eyes were full of rage. Murderous rage. Now this was something I had never seen before from Shayne. Cocky… yes. Sappy romantic… yes. But the anger that was pouring out of him was so unexpected.
“Apparently, the guys on the soccer team had bet on who could get you in bed first last night. They said you were an easy enough lay that you’d give it up to anyone, so they raised the stakes and said they… they had to leave a mark on you as proof that they had f*cked you.” His eyes lowered down to my wrists, and the anger that had previously filled his gaze was now replaced with guilt.
“I headed upstairs and was about ready to bust down every door to find you, but then I heard a slurred, strangled voice coming from the end of the hall. You kept saying ‘no’, and the second I heard you utter the words ‘it hurts’, I stormed in and pulled Tucker off of you.”
“Did he…” Oh God, did he actually rape me? Tucker? But he would never… I traced over the bruises on my wrists and winced, realizing what he truly was capable of. My lip quivered and tears threatened to spill over as I suddenly began to understand why everyone was so concerned about me. The painful truth of what had happened nearly knocked the breath out of my lungs.
“No. I got there just in time. Your… your panties were around your ankles when I found you, but he never even got the chance to pull his zipper down.”
I cringed at the thought of Shayne walking in and seeing me like that. “Oh God, you saw me like that?” I buried my face in my hands. I didn’t think this could have gotten any worse.
“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, Maddie.”
I slowly peeled my hands away from my eyes and stared at Shayne through thin slits, glaring at him. I was wrong. That definitely made it worse.
“Shit, Maddie, I wasn’t talking about you specifically. I meant… dammit, I’ll just shut up before I get myself in more trouble.” He sat back down on the couch and rested his arms on his legs, digging his hands through his thick hair.
Just then, I noticed Robbie tucked away in the corner of the room, and he came over to me, gentle as a lamb, and cupped my face in his hands. “Baby girl, cut Shayne some slack. If it weren’t for him being in the right place at the right time, we all know what would have happened. You know it and I know it. You weigh about one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet, so there’s no way you could have fought him off, roofied or not. You didn’t stand a chance against him.”
Shayne sat there, his hands still furiously tugging at his hair and his eyes glued to the floor in front of him. Robbie was right. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. The harsh reality of what had happened slammed into me like a sledgehammer. And boy did it hurt like a motherf*cker. I could have been raped. I was almost raped! Oh God, how could I have been so stupid?
I choked out a sob, and with the tears stinging my eyes and pouring down my cheeks, it was quite evident that I might have been wrong about Shayne. He had changed. I saw it every time he and Liberty would laugh and smile together, so obviously in love. There was no mistaking it for anything else. We were only kids back then, but the grudge I held against him for getting me pregnant when I was sixteen, and then making the decision on my own to take the life of my unborn child was always hanging over me. But that’s just it. I made the decision on my own. I never even gave Shayne a choice. I took that from him, too.
Maybe he wasn’t the monster I had perceived him to be for so many years.
“Shayne, I’m… I’m…” Sorry. Why couldn’t I just say that I was sorry? That I was wrong. So wrong.
I made my way over to where he was sitting on the couch and sank down to my knees in front of him. I pulled his hands from his hair and held them in my own. He looked down at our hands linked together and seemed perplexed by my actions. I think I was just as taken back by them myself.
“I’m sorry. I should be thanking you, not jumping down your throat for seeing me… well, you know.” I could feel the heat creeping up my neck and flushing my cheeks. I blushed. I actually blushed.
Shayne let out a muffled laugh and looked me straight in the eyes before questioning me. “Are you sure you’re okay? I swear I’d never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you. You’re my girl’s best friend, and I should have been keeping an eye out for you. I’m so sorry, Maddie.”
I gave his hands a reassuring squeeze before someone cleared his throat behind me. “Uh, thanks for letting me crash here, guys. I don’t want to overstay my welcome, but I wanted to make sure that Maddie was all right.” His eyes remained on me even as he addressed everyone else in the room, but what he really should’ve been addressing is why he was here in the first place.
“You know, you still haven’t told me why exactly you’re here, so out with it, bed hog. What’s your role in the lovely chain of events that transpired over the last,” I looked over at the clock on the wall, “twelve hours or so?”
“Like I said before, I was only there for about five minutes before everything went down. I heard shouting upstairs and when I found everyone in the room and saw that Shayne had a handle on things with Tucker, I went over to the bed to check on you.”
“Ohmigod, so you saw me like that too?!” I was mortified. God, how many other people saw me with my panties down and my vajayjay bared for all to see?
“Maddie, I swear I only glanced down for a second to make sure there weren’t any cuts or bruises. It looked like your wrists took the brunt of his attack, so I took your word for it when you said he hadn’t touched you inappropriately. I know you may not believe me, but being a pre-med student, I’ve studied drugs extensively. I know exactly how the body reacts to Rohypnol. I could see the effects were already wearing off by the time we brought you back here, so I knew you weren’t in any immediate danger.”
“And you guys believed him?! You think just because he’s a wannabe doctor, that makes him a freakin’ expert?” I shouted, pointing a shaky finger at him. Had everyone lost their minds?
“Look, Maddie, you’re right. I’m not an expert, and I never claimed to be, but I’ve seen firsthand what to expect and how to deal with it. The drug is normally used as a pre-operation anesthetic, and Tucker must have given you a small enough dose, because your vitals returned to normal while you were still passed out. Once your breathing and your pulse steadied, I knew you were going to be fine.”
My head was spinning with all of the information being spewed at me. Within the last few minutes, I learned that I had been roofied, almost raped, and the icing on the cake was that my friends let some stranger who thinks he’s a doctor keep watch on me all night… sharing a bed with me no less.
“I’ve heard enough. Liberty, will you take me home?” I gave her a look that begged her not to fight me on this.
“Sweetie, I think we should take you to the hospital to get checked out. Hunter said…”
“I don’t give a shit what Hunter said! If you won’t take me, I’ll just start walking!”
Other than a few breathy sighs and frustrated grumbles, silence encompassed the room. Liberty reluctantly grabbed her purse and keys, and I could see Hunter shaking his head in my periphery, disappointed that I had not taken his advice. I didn’t care for one second how he felt. He had no right to come barging in, acting all high and mighty and telling my friends what I should and should not do. It was my life, and I’d be damned if I ever let someone make decisions for me.
I said a few quick goodbyes to the guys, ignoring Hunter’s presence completely, before Liberty and I hopped in Shayne’s Jeep and made our way down the road. In the opposite direction.
“Liberty, you do remember where I live right? It’s only been a few months since you moved out, and you were just there last night.”
Nothing. Not even a peep out her. Then it hit me what was only a few miles ahead. Oh, that little bitch!
“Are you seriously taking me to the hospital?! I told you, I’m fine. I don’t need to go.” I crossed my arms over my chest and clenched my jaw in frustration.
Liberty swerved over to the side of the road, and I reached to unbuckle myself, but her hand flew over mine, halting me.
“Will you just stop and f*cking listen to me for one minute, Maddie? Can you at least do that for me? Please?”
I leaned back and turned my head to stare out the passenger window. My silence must have been answer enough for her.
“I know you and Tucker are… friends, if that’s what you’d even call it.”
I huffed at the tone of her implication, but bit my tongue and let her carry on.
“Don’t you realize that if it was possible for Tucker to get as far as he did with you, that he could do it to anyone? Or even worse? Could you honestly sit by and let that happen to someone else without any remorse?”
“Oh, so if it happens again it would be my fault? I’d be the one to blame in all of this? Are you saying that what happened to me was my fault, too? Thanks, Liberty. This has been a great little chat, but I think I’ll walk from here.”
I leaned over to unbuckle myself again, but this time Liberty didn’t stop me. I reached for the handle, swung the door open and jumped down from my seat. I looked up and found her staring back at me, the sadness in her eyes imploring me not to go.
“Maddie, what happened to you was not your fault, but you have the power to make sure it never happens again. Go to the hospital with me. Please. It’s just a quick urine test, and if the drugs are still in your system, which Hunter said they most likely are, then you can press charges against Tucker and make sure he can’t hurt anyone else.”
I kicked the gravel beneath my feet and let out a deep breath, knowing exactly what I should do. What I had to do. Not just for my sake, but for other unsuspecting girls that Tucker could take advantage of. I couldn’t stand by and let that happen, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Just the thought of having to explain to a doctor what happened to me and having to go through that embarrassment wasn’t exactly something I was looking forward to.
I climbed back in the Jeep and shut the door behind me. “All right,” I whispered. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Thank you, Maddie.” She smiled at me and gently squeezed my hand.
“Ughh, I hate hospitals. You’ll stay with me the whole time, right?”
“Of course, as long as you’re not going to make me hold your hand while you pee in a cup.” She glanced over at me with a smirk on her face.
For the first time since waking up, I actually laughed.
When we got to the hospital, I was thankful that the wait wasn’t very long. They took me back to an examination room and had me pee in a cup just like Hunter had said, but then I was informed about the other tests they’d have to perform. I knew I hadn’t been raped. For some reason I trusted Shayne and Hunter’s judgment, but I allowed the nurses to go ahead with the tests anyway, just to be safe. I was tested for STDs and given the morning after pill, again just as a precaution. The nurses also documented the bruises on my wrists and did fingernail scrapings to see if I had scratched Tucker while he attempted to hold me down.
After all was said and done, I just had to report everything to the police, and the hospital staff said they would notify them of the evidence that was collected. I told the officers everything that I could remember, but I wasn’t much help with most of the details, so they requested that Shayne and Hunter come in for questioning as well. I guess I wasn’t going to get rid of Hunter so easily after all.
On the ride back to my apartment, it finally struck me that the repercussions of pressing charges against Tucker might extend further than just Tucker. I was sure that eventually word would spread through the grapevine, and everyone on the team would shun me like the plague. Well, good riddance. Tucker wasn’t the only predator involved. They all made that bet, and it could have been any one of them. The police were also aware of that and said they would be questioning the entire team. I might’ve just screwed over Savannah State’s chances at winning the NCAA College Cup this year, but you know what? I didn’t care. I. Didn’t. F*cking. Care.
I’d already been the center of attention for all of the wrong reasons. I might as well hold on to my crown and wear it proudly, only this time, for all of the right reasons.