I didn’t object. My mind was somewhere else, and it was in Las Vegas. I didn’t want to go there, at all.
I pulled out from the back alley and no sooner got on the road when I saw Dawson in his police cruiser through my rearview mirror. He was riding close and flashed his headlights at me. I knew he wanted me to pull over, but I didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t follow me all the way home; however, the chances of him showing up at my door once his shift was over were pretty high. He turned on his red and blue lights next. I blew out a puff of unbelievable air.
I still ignored him and when I didn’t pull over he turned on the siren. I ignored that too and turned down the road toward my house. He pulled right up beside me on the narrow road with lights and siren, waving me to pull over.
“What? Are you going to give me a ticket?” I asked my rearview mirror.
I finally decided that I should abide by the law and pulled over, angry that he was stopping me for no reason other than I wasn’t talking to him. It pissed me off that he was using his authority to control me. I had dealt with enough of that in my life, and I be damned if I was going to deal with it from him.
I didn’t even roll down my window. I opened the door and got out. I wasn’t about to be compliant with him.
Before I could even speak, he slammed his car door and pointed back to his car.
“That is a God damned police car. I am a God damn police officer. If I instruct you to stop, you better damn well pull over,” he yelled.
I yelled right back. “Fine. If you’re going to pull me over, you better God damn have a reason to do so.”
“You are not pushing me away, Ry,” he demanded.
I crossed my arms and snorted.
“Please, don’t push me away,” he calmed and ran both hands down my crossed arms.
“Dawson, what is wrong with you? You don’t want me,” I assured him.
“I do want you, Riley. You don’t want me to want you.”
“Why? I think you have seen enough to know how fucked I am.”
“I don’t think you are fucked up at all. I think you have been through something horrific, and I would do anything to make it better for you.”
“Why? I don’t understand you. You are very good looking, funny, caring and compassionate. You could have any girl that you wanted. Why me?”
“I don’t want any girl, Ry. I want you. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
“Do you like being woken two and three times a night by my stupid hang ups? Dawson, I was practically begging you to do sick perverted things to me last night.
Don’t you find that a little disturbing?”
“I find it a lot disturbing, and it breaks my heart because I know that somebody did those things to you, and you won’t talk to me about it.”
“I can’t, Dawson. I relive it enough. I don’t want you to know that part of me.”
“Ry, I hear things that you say. I see you crying in your sleep. I know you were abused. I know you are hiding from someone named Drew. Don’t you think that I could understand a little better if you would talk to me?”
I didn’t know what to say. I had given the man every opportunity in the world to run and run as fast as he could, but he wasn’t running. He was there as he had been since the day I met him.
“I’m afraid to, Dawson.”
He looked at his watch and kissed me. I have two more hours. I am going to bring supper over, and you and I are going to talk about Drew,” he demanded.
“Dawson,” I tried, but he cut me off with a kiss.
“Get out of here before I write you a ticket,” he teased and kissed me again.
I called Lauren and woke her from her afternoon nap. She woke me all the time, so I didn’t care. She came over, and I wanted her to stick around. I didn’t want to be alone with Dawson, although I knew that she would leave, and I would eventually be forced to talk to him. She stayed and ate the fried chicken that Dawson brought and then yawned around eight, saying she was going to bed and was tired after getting her belly full.
I cleaned up, and Dawson stared, waiting for me to start. I didn’t start anything. I didn’t even know what to say to him.
“Talk to me, Ry,” he finally said.
I gave him a warm smile and took a deep breath.
“Can I take a bath first?”
“Yes, but we are having this conversation,” he assured me.
I filled the tub with an extremely hot tub full of bubbles. I sunk down and closed my eyes, wondering what the hell I was supposed to say to him. I opened my eyes when he dropped the lid on the toilet and joined me.
“You don’t have to tell me anything that you’re not comfortable talking about,” he began. “I will ask the questions and all you have to do is answer, okay?” he asked.
Oh boy. Here we go…
I nodded.
“Who is Drew?” was the first question.
“My husband,” I answered.
“Your ex-husband?”
I shook my head.
“You’re still married, Ry?” he asked, shocked.
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
He stood up and ran his hands through his short hair.