I was terrified. I didn’t know if I was supposed to touch him or wait for him to tell me what to do. Yes, I know. A twenty five year old woman should know these things. I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. I didn’t have a clue. How could I? I never had an orgasm until I was sixteen. I was afraid to, and that went back years to my fucked up life.
My dad had come into the bathroom once when I was seven. Seven, for God’s sake. I didn’t know what I was doing then either. I was bent over curiously, looking at myself sitting on the toilet. He came unglued. He whipped me so hard, and demanded that I wasn’t going to be a slut like my mother. I didn’t even know what a slut was. He had told me that he would know if I touched myself because my fingers would start turning black. He would make me show him my fingers every so often after that. I remembered how I would freak out if the toilet paper ripped and I accidentally touched myself. I would wash my hands over and over, afraid that they really would turn black.
My grandmother had set in stone when she told me too that my fingers would turn black. I never found out the truth until I was over sixteen years old. We were at my aunt’s house one evening, and she and my other aunt were laughing and joking about my grandmother telling them the same thing when they were little girls.
“Where’d you go, Ry?” Dawson asked once again, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Seven.”
“Uh?” he asked, backing away briefly.
I didn’t answer. I kissed him instead, trying to make myself focus on him.
He sensed every part of my trepidation and would stop and kiss me lightly until I was calm and was back with him and not Drew. I didn’t talk to him about Drew that night, and was not ready to share that part of my life just yet. I didn’t know if I ever would.
After a couple of weeks of looking at every new face that came into the shop like they were there to spy on me, constantly staring out my windows at night for a strange car, and jumping at every little noise, I started to relax. I was starting to realize nobody was there looking for me, and nobody was taking me back to that place.
I had been in Misty Bay for almost nine months.
My life was good. I had good friends, and I was madly in love with my sheriff. Yes. Me. In love. It made me as giddy as a bunch of teenaged girls at a slumber party. I loved my job and my boss, Starlight. We had grown the shop into a lively and striving business.
The months passed, and I settled happily into my life. I still had my hang ups, and although the dreams of Justin were replaced with happy dreams and seeing him play baseball and sitting at a table with a real family rather than the ones where he was crying or cold or hungry. The nightmares of Drew still haunted my sleep, and I was grateful for Dawson, who woke with me and soothed me back to reality.
One morning I had opened the shop and Starlight was already there, sitting at her desk in her office. She was wearing the biggest smile ever.
“Good morning,” I said, depositing my purse on its rightful hook.
“Guess where you and I are going?” she asked, holding an envelope in her hand.
“Where?” I asked.
“Vegas, baby,” she exclaimed, pulling two plane tickets from the envelope.
Like hell I am…
“Why?” I asked as my heart plummeted to the bottom of my stomach.
“Remember I told you about the trade show they have there. You have done so much with this place, and I want you to come with me. I wouldn’t feel right going without you.”
“We can’t just close the shop,” I tried, knowing it wouldn’t work. I knew she just wanted to reward me for my charitable work, but I didn’t want to go anywhere near Las Vegas.
“Yes we can. It’s for four days, and we would only really be closing for three. We will fly out after closing on Thursday, close up on Friday, Saturday, and Monday, and be back for business on Tuesday.”
“When?” I asked. Chances were Drew wouldn’t even be home, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t be recognized. I had no idea what he had told people. Was I supposed to be missing? Did he tell them that I left him? I had no desire to go to Las Vegas. I had never even typed so much as the word Las Vegas in a search engine. I was tempted a few times, curious as to whether or not he was looking for me or what was being said, but I didn’t. I was afraid he could somehow find out what I had searched, like he did when I was there.
“Next month, and don’t you try to get out of it either. We’ll have a blast, and we could use a couple new vendors.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to go to Vegas?” Dawson asked later that evening as we both made spaghetti in my kitchen.
I still hadn’t disclosed any more information than I had to, and he still didn’t know that Drew was there. I knew it was crazy, sort of. Las Vegas was populated with almost two million people, but I still didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to disappoint Starlight either.
“Because I can’t stand the thought of being away from you for four whole days,” I replied, it wasn’t a lie.