Before he knew it, he was in the hall and the door was gently but firmly closed on him. With his hands curled into fists, he stared at the wood, wanting to kick it in so he could spend some time with his own daughter, thank you very much.
But the memory of the shadows under Beth’s eyes made his shoulders slump and his hands relax. She did need to sleep and she wasn’t going to do that with him underfoot. There would be plenty of time for feeding Lily when her mother wasn’t ready to drop.
So he’d wait. It seemed to be the sum total of his life now. Waiting.
Chapter Twenty
Beth thought she’d been tired before. All-nighters in college before she’d given it up as not for her. Double shifts after not enough sleep. Tossing and turning all night toward the end of her pregnancy, desperate to find a comfortable position.
Now she was tired. Three nights with a newborn and she didn’t know what day it was. She wasn’t sure she’d put on clean clothes that morning and she sure as hell didn’t have the energy to lift her hairbrush as high as her head.
“Hey,” Lisa said, “I’m going to call down and order some wings and fries. We can find a movie on and veg in front of the TV.”
“I’m supposed to sleep when the baby sleeps.” And the baby, thank God, was sleeping.
Lisa had spent the night and the company was nice, but Beth was determined to take care of Lily herself. The women couldn’t stay forever and then she’d be alone. Mary and her mother had puttered around the apartment and hovered while Beth fed Lily, but they’d both respected her wish not to lean on them too much.
When Lisa showed up, ready to get away from her four boys for a while, Mary and Shelly had gone back to the Kowalski house to see what their husbands were up to and relax for a while.
“I know they say that.” Lisa grabbed the phone. “But if you only sleep and take care of Lily, you’ll get dragged down. You need to be able to enjoy a few minutes of being awake while she’s not. A mental break.”
A mental breakdown was where she was heading. “Go ahead, but I’ll probably nod off and choke on a French fry.”
But forty minutes later she was licking buffalo sauce off her fingers and actually laughing at an old episode of Friends.
For a few minutes she felt almost human again and a tightness she hadn’t even been aware of loosened in her chest. Lisa had been right. Exhaustion was still fogging her brain and making her body ache, but even a few minutes of normality gave her a glimpse of her old self.
When the episode ended, Lisa and gave her a once-over and a kind smile. “Why don’t you go take a shower? You’ll feel better.”
“Lily’s going to—”
“I’m not going to sit here and let her cry, Beth. I managed to get four of them old enough to go to school, at least. Your pain’s a lot better, but a nice, long hot shower will do wonders.”
It would. Steaming away the aches and pains and washing away some of the grimy feeling. But she needed to learn to work around Lily’s schedule. She’d still need to shower after the other women returned to their lives. “I should be there when she wakes up.”
Lisa blew out what sounded like an exasperated breath and turned the television off. “Look, I get that you’re used to doing things alone and you don’t like to be dependent on other people. That’s fine. You’re going to be alone soon enough, but right now I’m here. You’re going to take a shower and when Lily wakes up I’m going to change her and feed her and hold her.”
Beth opened her mouth to argue, but what came out was, “Okay.”
The reluctance and guilt washed down the drain as the first hard pulses of hot water massaged her sore muscles. A couple of the worst cuts still stung, but her bruises were fading to purple and yellow. She shampooed her hair twice and used more than usual of her favorite bodywash, making a rich lather.
She stayed under the water until it started running cold and then dried off and put on a fresh pair of yoga pants with a cheery pink T-shirt. Both maternity, of course, since baby weight didn’t magically drop off during labor. She didn’t care. Right now it was all about the comfort.
Rather than scraping her hair back into a messy ponytail, she brushed it out and left it loose. There were shadows under her eyes and residual bruising on her face, but she wouldn’t go so far as makeup. She felt good enough for now.
When she walked out of the bathroom she saw Kevin lounging on the couch, feeding Lily. While her body couldn’t be bothered to offer up so much as a twinge of interest, her heart did a quick somersault at the sight of him cradling their daughter. And maybe a little at the warm smile he gave her.
“Mike stopped by for a burger and a beer. Ma’s got the boys so I figured I’d come up and let Lisa have lunch with him. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh. No, of course not.” It was the first time they’d been alone since the night Lily was born and she felt inexplicably shy.