Translation of Love

By the time Jordan leaves, I’m more confused than ever. After the disaster that was my relationship with Brian, I made a promise to myself not to go down that road again, even if it meant I’d be alone forever. I was at peace with that decision. I had trained myself to believe that I could have a fulfilling life without any emotional involvement. Now, I’m not so sure if that’s true. The desire for something more has gotten a hold on me and, try as I might, I just can’t seem to shake it off. I’m not even sure if I really want to.

I’m tying myself in knots over someone that I met two days ago. Someone I’ve spent all of five or six hours with. But if I shut out my fears, everything inside of myself is telling me that there’s something different about him. There’s something that’s worth knowing. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least I can say that I tried. Right? Isn’t that what I told Jordan to do about Mark? I told her to try, so why can’t I allow myself to do the same thing? Maybe I can follow her advice and just take it one day at a time. See where it goes. I can still keep my defenses up, protect myself from getting hurt again. I can do that without giving up control of myself or jeopardizing the life I’ve built. Regardless of the risk, I have to try.

I decide that casual attire is best for tonight’s dinner since I’m not sure where we’re going but I know that most places around here are anything but fancy. I opt for a pale yellow, eyelet halter top, with a nude-colored sweater, faded blue jeans and nude wedges. It’s simple yet feminine and it makes me feel pretty.

As I wait for seven o’clock to roll around, I try to calm my anxiety by reading a book but I’m sure that I’ve been eyeing the same page for about twenty minutes. I jump as I hear a knock on the front door. I pull myself together, grab my purse and answer the door.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Victor says as he pulls something from behind his back. He smiles at me and hands me an enormous bouquet of flowers. “These are for you. My way of saying I’m sorry for not telling you about myself sooner.”

“They’re beautiful! Peonies are my favorite. I love them.”

“Really?”

“Yes. They’re stunning, thank you,” I say, wondering how he could possibly know to get me peonies. “I’m just gonna put them in water, I’ll be right back.”

I scurry to the kitchen, fish out a vase from underneath the sink and arrange the beautiful bouquet. When I’m done, I place them in the center of my dining room table, grab my purse again and head back to a waiting Victor.

“Okay. I’m ready!” I say, locking my door behind me.

“Then let’s go,” he says as he grabs my hand and pulls me in the direction of his car. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Thanks, so do you.” He chuckles. “Well, not beautiful, handsome, you know what I mean.”

“I gotcha!”

Victor helps me in the car. “So where are we going?”

“We’re going to my hotel.” He grins and closes my door before I can reply. I feel the heat rush up to my cheeks and panic strikes me. He gets in the car and I can do nothing but stare at him in horror.

“What’s the matter?”

“What do you mean we’re going to your hotel?”

“Babe.”

“What?”

He laughs. “Relax.” He grabs my hand and starts to massage my palm with his thumb. “You just found out something kind of shocking about me. You must have a lot of questions and I want you to be able to ask them without being interrupted. We’ll order room service and talk. I promise you nothing more than that will happen.” He gives me the knee melting smile. “Unless you want it to.”

“Talking is good. Let’s focus on that, okay?”

“Let’s focus on that then,” he says with a wink.

We make it to Victor’s hotel in record time. He holds my hand and leads me through the hotel to a room on the top floor. He opens the door and motions for me to enter first. I’m blown away by the sheer size of his room. It’s more like an apartment. The living room area alone is the size of my living room and dining room combined. Being here with him makes me nervous and I hope that he’s serious when he says we can focus on talking.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna get us the room service menu so we can order dinner.”

I plop down on the oversized couch and try to calm my nerves. He said we would talk and nothing more. In order to get through this evening, I have to allow myself to trust that he was telling the truth. Victor came back with the menu and we ordered dinner.

After our meal, we sat together on the couch, my feet up, tucked under my behind. Victor is holding my hand in his.

“Listen, Ellie, I can’t say for sure that I know exactly where this is going between us, but I do know that I want to find out. I haven’t been able to get you off of my mind since I met you in the bookstore.”

I sigh, debating between being honest about how I feel or playing it cool. I decide that if I am going to give this a go, I need to try and be honest with him as well as myself. “I’ve thought a lot about you too.”

“That’s good to hear,” he says, bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek with his thumb. Damn it but that feels good. “Okay. So now that you know what I do for a living, I’m an open book. Ask me anything you want to know.”

I try to form a coherent thought but it’s not easy with him touching me. Even the gentlest touch from Victor gets my mind jumbled. I take a breath and quickly regain my composure. “How long have you been a singer?”

“Well, I started working toward becoming a singer when I was very young but I signed my record deal when I was 17. I released my first album when I was 18 and the rest is history.”

“What made you wanna do this?”

“My mom was an aspiring singer when she was younger. I grew up watching old videos of her on stage with this little band she had. It looked like fun so I started singing. My mom was in heaven. I think she lives vicariously through me.”

“Why do you sing Spanish music? I mean you were born and raised here, so why not English?”

“Well, I guess because it’s what I grew up listening to. My mom was always playing Spanish music around the house when she was cleaning or cooking.”

“Have you ever thought about singing in English?”

“My record company and management team would love for me to do an English language record. The thing is, I have the best of both worlds and I don’t wanna give that up.”

This intrigued me. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve been out in public with me twice. How many times has someone stopped and asked for an autograph or a picture?”

“None.”

“Exactly! When I’m home in the states, I can be me. I can roam the streets, go to restaurants or the movies and not worry about anyone noticing me. I mean, there are the occasional people here and there that will recognize me, but for the most part, when I’m here I enjoy my anonymity. When I step foot in Latin America, and a few other parts of the world, I’m a superstar.”

“I get it. I get why that would be appealing.”

“I’ll never do a crossover, Ellie. I enjoy my freedom too much.”

“Is that why you never have a bodyguard?”

He smiles wide. “I have a bodyguard on me almost all the time.”

“You haven’t had a bodyguard during the last 3 days.”

“Sure I have. It’s his job to be invisible unless I need him to be visible.”

“I didn’t see anyone.”

“Exactly!” he says with a chuckle. “You wanna meet him? He’s got the room directly across from mine.”

How had I not noticed someone following us around for the past few days? “Ummm, maybe later.”

He laughs. “Okay. Do you have any other questions?”

“Why were you having an autograph signing at a book store? You actually wrote a book?”

“Not quite,” he says with a slight headshake. “It’s more like a coffee table book. I had a photographer following me around on my last tour and it’s mostly just a look at what goes on behind the scenes.”

“That’s a really cool idea.”

“Thanks, it wasn’t my idea but the end product turned out well. Having someone following me around taking my picture all the time was a pain in the ass.”

“Do you normally travel with an entourage?”

“NO! God no, I hate traveling with too many people. Unless I’m on tour, it’s usually just me and Rob.”

“Rob?”

“Bodyguard.”

“Oh right.”

“When it’s absolutely necessary, my brother travels with me as a personal assistant. My mom is my manager so she comes out for important events.”

“So it’s always family?”

“Yes. Almost always. Occasionally, I’ll have a record exec with me but it’s rare.”

“So this autograph signing and interview wasn’t important?”

“At first I didn’t think so, but it’s looking like I was very wrong about that.”

Victor’s eyes meet mine. What I see in them can only be described as something carnal. He drops his gaze to my lips then back up again. My breath hitches and butterflies start to take flight in my stomach. He moves his hand from my jaw to the back of my neck and quickly pulls me into him. Our mouths come together. His tongue coaxes my lips open and slips into my mouth. The feel of him intoxicates me. Feeling bolder, I press myself into him furthering our connection, giving him better access. I slip my hand under his shirt and start to explore. At the feel of his hard abs, I let out a low moan. He rips his lips from mine, still breathing heavily. He places a kiss on my forehead then nuzzles his nose against mine. He kisses my cheek and my jawline, then brings his face to rest in the crook of my neck.

“F*ck, Babe, any more of this and I won’t be able to keep my promise to you about tonight.”

“Huh?”

He looks up at me then brushes a strand of hair between my ear. “I made you a promise that we would just talk tonight. We’ve already pushed the envelope on that. I don’t wanna push it any further.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I should go anyway. I have to work tomorrow.”

“Okay. Let me grab my keys and I’ll take you home.”

Tonight I let my guard down just a little bit with Victor and even though I expected the worst, he has stayed true to his word. In the state I was in, he could have easily taken things further and I probably would not have protested. Sure, I would have hated myself tomorrow but I was too caught up in the moment to pull away. I’m not sure now what to do with this information. Any one of my ex-boyfriends would have completely taken advantage of the situation.

Victor is quiet for most of the drive back to my house. In true Victor fashion, he has a hold of my hand, tracing circles against my palm like he did that first night. How have I come so far in just a few short days? I’ve gone from never wanting to date again to having several dates with the same man. There’s still a part of me that’s telling me to run, lock myself in my house and never see him again, but I know that I have to fight that urge and give myself a shot at something more. Even if it only results in a few fun dates.

“I’m going back home tomorrow. I have to be in the recording studio tomorrow night.”

A sudden pang of sadness and disappointment hits me. It’s almost like a physical blow. I’m stunned and angered at my reaction but I do my best to cover.

“Are you working on a new album?”

“Yes, but I’m taking it slow. I’m starting the writing process and I’ll see how it goes.”

“When was your last album released?”

“About two years ago. I’m contractually obligated to do one more and then I’m free to do what I want.”

“I see.”

“I was thinking if you want, I could come back down on Friday and spend the weekend with you. I’ll stay at the hotel again.”

Just like that, my disappointment evaporates. “I’d like that.”

When we make it to my house, Victor walks me to my front door and places a soft kiss on my cheek. “Thank you for this weekend. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself this much.”

“I’ve had a lot of fun this weekend too. Thanks for…everything.” I pull him in for a quick hug. As my arms go around his neck, he bends forward and touches his lips to mine. His arms close around my waist. I open my mouth slightly, it’s an invitation which he accepts. His tongue slips into my mouth and he kisses me, hard, wet and long. It’s better than the times he has kissed me before. This kiss is heated, filling me with a desire that pools in my most private places. This kiss is the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I pull away because I know that if I let him go on, I won’t be able to control myself.

I let out a giggle. “Good night, Victor.”

“Good night, Love.” He gently tugs a strand of my hair. “I’ll call you, okay?”

I give him a nod, let myself into my dark house and watch through the window as he drives away. For the first time in a long time, I find myself looking forward to something, and what I’m looking forward to is Victor’s return. It’s a shocking admission, one that I’m not completely comfortable with. I search through the database of my emotions and realize that I’m feeling hopeful. For me, nothing is scarier than hope because I know that when the thing that you hope for is lost, it leaves a surplus of new emotions, none of which are good.