Translation of Love

I open up yesterday’s paper and am struck by the headline.

Fans Line up to Meet Latin Heartthrob Victor Garza

I’m even more floored by the image of the man in the picture. How can this be possible? I’m taken back to the night at the bookstore.

“You’ve been on this line for almost forty minutes and you don’t even know who you’re waiting to meet? Victor Garza is like the hottest Latin singer in the world!”

Shit! Victor Garza, the man who I’ve spent the last two nights with, is an international superstar! I don’t know how to process this information. Am I angry that he lied or do I even care? I asked him what he did more than once and he tiptoed around the question. Why didn’t he just tell me who he was? I mean, I guess I can understand that he may have wanted to fly under the radar but it’s still no excuse for keeping me in the dark. Why am I getting upset over this anyway? It’s not like I want him to be a part of my life. He didn’t even ask to see me again. He just kissed me and left. Ultimately, this is what I wanted anyway. I wanted him to leave me alone so this turn of events works in my favor.

I’m startled by a knock on the front door. It’s barely eight in the morning. I try to get a rein on my emotions as I get up to see who it is. I’m stunned to see Victor standing there with a grin on his face, a coffee cup in each hand.

“Good morning, beautiful. I thought you might like a pick me up.”

I stare at him, confused, stunned and pissed. He stands there looking annoyingly cool, calm and collected.

“Can I come in?” I can’t speak but I know we need to hash this out, so I step out of his way and let him in. He walks into the living room and takes a look around. “I really like this place, Ellie. It suits you.” He hands me my coffee, finally sensing that something is wrong. “Is everything okay? Are you mad that I dropped by unannounced? I can go if you want. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“When were you gonna tell me?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“Tell you what?” He stares at me for a second, the air in the room getting thicker. He looks almost nervous but resigned to what’s coming. I know he’s figured it out. He’s aware that I know but he’s not giving anything away, he wants to hear me say it.

“Seriously?”

“Ellie.” I move to the dining room table, pick up the newspaper and lift it for him to see.

“This, Victor! When were you gonna tell me who you are?” I yell, tossing the paper back on the table.

“F*ck! It’s not what you must be thinking. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you.”

“The f*ck you weren’t! I asked you two times what you did and you wouldn’t answer. I just assumed you hated your job or something but this… You knew exactly what you were doing.”

“Yes, okay, I knew what I was doing but I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just wanted to be myself. For once in my life, I wanted to go out with a beautiful woman and not have her be more interested in my career than she is in the real me.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” I shake my head in disbelief.

“I was gonna tell you this morning.”

“How convenient!” I can hear the contempt lingering in my words. “You think I’m stupid?”

“No, I know you’re not stupid. I swear to you, I went back to my hotel last night and decided I didn’t wanna see you again without being totally honest. It’s the reason I came here.” He takes a step closer to me and I lift up both hands in a silent warning, telling him not to come near me.

“I can’t.”

“Ellie.”

“No! I can’t do this. I want you to go. I don’t wanna see you again.”

He moves into my space, puts his arms around my waist and pulls me into him, my hands on his chest now.

“You don’t mean that, Love.”

I tilt my head up and my eyes meet his. I have my usual, unwelcome response. Every time he looks at me, it’s a direct hit to my armor. I have to stay strong. This is the perfect excuse to end this and I’m not letting the opportunity slip through my fingers. “I do mean it! I don’t like being lied to, Victor.”

“I’m sorry. Can you just try for one second to see it from my side? How it must feel to never know if the person you’re seeing is with you for you or for your fame? Can you imagine how refreshing it was for me to be with you, knowing that I didn’t have to worry about it for once?”

“I… I mean yeah, I get what you’re saying but...”

He brings his lips to mine and gives me a gentle kiss. All of the tension I was holding onto releases, seeping out of my body. He feels it and he knows he’s winning the battle. “I won’t lie to you again. Now that you know, I promise I’ll tell you everything. I really like you, Ellie. All I’m asking for is the chance to explain my life and get to know you better.”

“Okay,” I answer softly. Why do I keep doing this? It’s like my mind and my mouth are at odds with each other every time Victor asks me for something. What did I just agree to and how do I get myself out of it?

“Yeah?”

I nod my head because the damage is already done. I’ve just screwed myself over. He tightens his hold on me and kisses me again, only this time with a ferocity that leaves me breathless and tingling in places that have been hibernating for years. He rips his lips from mine, leaving me wanting more.

“Babe,” he whispers.

“Hmm?”

“I have to go. I have an interview at a radio station in an hour.”

“Oh. Yeah, okay.”

“I wanna talk about this though. I’m gonna pick you up tonight at seven, okay? We’ll have dinner?”

“Okay,” I respond without hesitation and then, since I’ve already lost my mind, I do the unthinkable. I tighten my grip around his neck and I kiss him goodbye. Victor leaves and I feel like a hurricane has just swept through my living room, leaving an aftermath of confusion and panic. I’m in serious trouble. I realize that I need reinforcements. I pick up my phone and send a text message to Jordan.

You busy?

No. Why? Are you ok?

I need you. Can you come over?

Be there in 20 minutes.

Jordan and I are sitting on my couch and I’ve just finished telling her everything that has happened since I met Victor on Friday. She’s staring at me with her eyes practically bugging out of the sockets and her mouth wide open. She holds up the newspaper article I’ve just shown her as if she’s presenting it for show and tell.

“He’s a rockstar! Not only is he a rockstar, he’s a frickin’ hot rockstar! What’s the problem?”

“The problem is, I don’t want to lead him on. I’m not ready to be in a relationship.”

“How much more time do you need, Elle? It’s been two years!”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just saying he’s gorgeous and he’s clearly into you. How do you feel about him?”

“Okay, if I’m being one hundred percent honest with myself, I like him. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a long time.”

“That’s great!”

“No, it’s not! I don’t want to lose myself again. If I let him in, if I let him get close, then I’m opening myself up to…”

“To getting hurt?”

I nod. “He’s already lied to me about something huge.”

“Come on, Elle. Cut the guy a break. It must be strange to be who he is and try to date. Can you blame him for trying to protect himself?”

I squint my eyes so that I can glare at her. “I hate you!”

“You don’t. You just hate when I’m right. Go to dinner with him, take it one day at a time, but whatever you do, don’t shut the door on getting to know someone you like.”