Chapter Five
Confessions
The next morning, I woke up extra early so I could talk to Logan before class started. I dressed quickly and grabbed my bag off the table, locking the door silently behind me as I tried not to wake Rachel. I made my way up the stairs to Logan’s room and knocked softly, afraid that he was still asleep, or maybe even still drunk. A few seconds later the door swung open and Logan stood there looking like he had been run over by a truck.
“Rough night tiger?” I asked as I pushed past him and sat down on his bed.
He held his head and groaned, “Do you have to talk so loud?”
I giggled and whispered an apology.
“So what are you doing up this early? I don’t think you’ve ever been awake this early in your life.”
My eyes were suddenly mesmerized by my shoes as I debated on what to say first.
“Quit staring at your shoes, it’s a dead giveaway that you’re trying to avoid me. What’s up?”
I took a deep breath as he sat down beside me and waited for me to start talking. “I wanted to talk to you about a couple things actually. Just let me say what I have to say then you can fight with me ok?”
He nodded and gave me a confused look, “Ok… Go for it.”
“Alright, listen. I know you are just trying to watch out for me, and I love knowing that you care enough to do it, but you have got to back off with the whole overprotective brother thing.”
He opened his mouth to speak but I put my hand over it.
“Let me finish. You and Amber know everything that happened with my mom, so you know I am more than capable of taking care of myself. You have got to let me live my life Logan. I’m going to do something stupid from time to time, I’m going to get hurt, Hell I might even get stupid drunk and have a crazy orgy, but they’re my mistakes to make and I need to make them. You can’t shelter me from everything, and honestly, you’re smothering me to death.” I lowered my hand from his mouth and waited for him to speak.
He sighed and his shoulders slumped, “I didn’t realize I was smothering you Chloe. Honest. I promise to try to back off, but sometimes I can’t help it. Protecting you is second nature to me.”
“All I can ask of you is to try.”
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me, “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
I pulled away from him gently as I spoke, “No, I wanted to ask you to try to be nicer to Drake. He seems like he likes to hang out with us, which means he is going to be around. It would make me feel a lot better if I didn’t have to worry about you ripping his head off every time I turn around. Can you try to get along with him for me? He’s a really nice guy, you might even be friends if you tried being nice to him.”
Logan frowned, “I don’t like the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. He wants you, and anyone with eyes can see it.”
I shook my head, even though I was starting to think he did after dancing with him last night. “We’re just friends. Please try to get along with him, for me.”
He sighed and ran a hand across his face, “Alright, I’ll try. But I’m not promising anything.”
I smiled at him, “Thank you, that’s all I’m asking. Now, what was up the drinking last night? I have never seen you that drunk before.”
“I’ve just had some stuff on in my head. I started talking to Chastity and ended up drinking more than I planned. I’m sorry if I acted like an idiot, I don’t remember much after I was at the bar with her.”
“The girl I showed you, that’s Chastity?”
He nodded, “Yeah, she seemed nice from what I can remember.”
I laughed, “I’m glad. So you don’t remember anything after you were at the bar?”
“Not really, I remember you getting me to the car, Drake hauling my ass in here, none too gently might I add, and you taking my shoes off. That’s it.”
My stomach dropped as I realized he didn’t remember kissing me. I had no idea if I should tell him or not.
“What’s wrong Chloe? You have an awful look on your face.”
“Um, you don’t remember anything after that?”
Logan shook his head, “No, nothing. Why? Did I do something stupid? I did, didn’t I? I can tell by the look you’re giving me,” He took my hand in his, “Tell me what I did. Please.”
I looked at our hands as I whispered, “You pulled me down on top of you and kissed me.”
He dropped my hand and jumped off the bed. “I did what?”
“You kissed me.”
He ran his hands through his hair as he paced in front of me. “I didn’t try anything else did I?”
I shook my head no as he dropped down to his knees in front of me and rested his head on mine. “I’m so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable Chloe. I wasn’t myself. Please tell me you aren’t mad.”
“Of course I’m not mad. I just, I don’t understand why you did it.”
We sat in silence for a moment as I waited for him to speak. When he didn’t, I lifted my head to look at him, “Logan? Why did you kiss me?”
He raised his eyes to stare into mine and I had to force myself to breath. Drake had been right, and it had taken me until this moment to realize it. When I looked into Logan’s eyes I saw love. Not brotherly love, but something else entirely, something that was accompanied by lust. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned down and lightly brushed his lips against mine before pulling back.
“I’ve told you for years that I loved you, you just misunderstood what kind of love I felt.”
I sat frozen on the bed, unable to process what he was telling me.
“Look at me Chloe.”
I raised my gaze to meet his.
“This doesn’t change anything between us, understood? If you don’t feel the same, I understand. Just think about it, ok?”
I nodded as he kissed me on the forehead.
“I’m going to skip our morning class, I’ll catch up with you at lunch ok?”
“Yeah, I’d better go or I’m going to be late.” I stood up and grabbed my bag off the bed beside me. “I’ll see you later Logan.”
My mind was still reeling from the conversation with Logan as I took my seat in class. How had I missed it all these years? And even though he told me that it didn’t change anything, to me it changed everything. I had never considered Logan as anything more than a friend. Sure, I knew he was attractive, but I had never really thought about it. To me, he was just my Logan, my best friend. Now I wasn’t even sure how I was supposed to act around him, or if any feelings I had for him could be turned into something more.
“What has you in such deep thought over there? Trying to solve world hunger?”
I jumped at the sound of Drake’s voice. “You scared the crap out of me! Where did you come from?”
He raised his eyebrows, “From what I learned in Anatomy, I came from my mother. But if you’re referring to just now, through the door.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his reply, “You think you’re hilarious don’t you?”
“Yeah and I’ve been told that several times. So back to my original question, what were you concentrating on so hard when I came in?”
I bit my lip as I debated on telling him what had happened between Logan and me. Deciding I’d rather avoid a long “I told you so,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Nothing really, just worried about Logan.”
Which really was the truth, even if he didn’t know exactly why I was worried.
“I see. Is Pretty Boy still hung over?”
“Yeah, I checked on him before I came to class. He’s going to skip his morning class and sleep it off. He looked like crap.”
Drake laughed, “Seeing as he could barely stand up last night, I’m betting crap would be an understatement.”
“Leave him alone, he had a rough night.”
“Alright, I’ll leave him be since he isn’t here to defend himself. Did you have fun last night?”
My stomach tightened as I thought about us dancing together and I stared at my desk as I answered, “Yeah, I did.”
He leaned over so that he was only a few inches away from me and I glanced up to see his eyes going smoldering.
“I did too. Too bad we were interrupted before things started to get interesting. We’ll have to do it again sometime soon.”
I was saved from replying when a couple girls walked over to us. “Hey you’re in that band, Breaking the Hunger, with Adam and Eric aren’t you? Drake right?”
Drake turned away from me to give him his trademark sexy smile, “That’d be me. What can I help you lovely ladies with?”
The brunette who had spoken before stepped closer to him and slid a piece of paper into his hand. “Why don’t you call me sometime, maybe I can help you.”
She smiled sweetly as she turned back to her friends and walked away to sit on the other side of the room.
I glanced at the note in his hand. “What was that all about?”
He looked up at me and grinned before opening up the folded note to read it.
“That,” he motioned to where the girl was sitting, glaring at me from across the room, “was Xanda, and apparently if I call her at this number she will give me a good time.”
I rolled my eyes as I turned away from him, trying to hide the hurt I was feeling. He wasn’t mine and I shouldn’t be bothered by other girls giving him their numbers. “Nice, you get around a lot don’t you?”
He grinned at me as he tucked the note into his pocket. “I told you before, gotta love the groupies.”
The rest of my morning flew by, and soon I was making my way to the cafeteria to meet up with Logan and grab some lunch. He was standing outside looking pale with a pair of sunglasses on to hide his eyes.
“Feeling better?”
“Not really, but I figured I should probably make it to at least a couple classes today.”
He held the door open for me as I walked past him and into the cafeteria. We grabbed some food and sat down at an empty table next to the doors. I devoured my food like I hadn’t eaten in weeks as Logan watched me with a look of disgust.
“There is no way I’m going to be able to handle food, here take mine,” he said as he slid his sandwich over to me.
“You need to eat, it’ll make you feel better.”
“No thanks, I’ll take my chances.”
We sat in an uneasy silence with him staring at me. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say that didn’t involve our conversation from this morning. The chair next to me was pulled back and Drake dropped into it.
“Dude, you look like shit.”
I hid a smile as Logan pinched his lips together but didn’t say anything.
Drake turned to me. “What are you guys doing later? I thought we might go hang out at the bar I play at,” He glanced up at Logan as an evil smile spread across his face, “Grab a beer or two, and something to eat.”
Logan turned a light shade of green and stood up. “I’ve got to go, I’ll text you later Chloe.”
He was out the door before I could reply and I turned to glare at Drake, “That wasn’t very nice.”
“What’d I say?”
“Don’t try to play innocent, you know exactly what you did.”
“Whatever, so what do you say? Want to go to the bar tonight? You can bring Amber too.”
I shook my head, “No thanks, I’ve been out the last two nights, I need to fit some actual studying somewhere in my college life.”
He shrugged his shoulders as he stood up, “Suit yourself, but if you change your mind, you have my number.”
I watched as he walked out the door with the brunette from class, I think he said her name was Xanda, following him. I had no doubt he’d find someone to entertain him while I was studying.