I open the passenger door and gently guide him in, while he stares blankly at the thin air in front of him. I’m more than relieved when I see Jesse’s mum come around the front of the car because it means I can hurry around the back and jump in the driver’s seat. The first thing I do is locate the door locks and flick the switch before I search Jesse for the keys. I’ve never driven on the wrong side of the road before, or on the wrong side of the car, but now is not the time to get myself in a panic over something so trivial. I start the DBS up and barely look behind me as I reverse carelessly out of the space before whacking it into first and pulling away a little more cautiously. I chance a look in the rear view mirror and see a man taking Jesse’s mum in his arms. His dad.
My eyes do a quick check of the road ahead, noting the exit gates, but I don’t have a chance to panic about finding the card that will open them. They shift automatically and I’m getting further away from Jesse’s parents by the second. I glance at him, and I don’t like what I see—a troubled man, staring blankly out of the window, showing no emotion. If he was angry I would feel better, but he’s not. The only familiarity is the deep crevice across his brow and the cogs of his complex mind spinning out of control. Strangely, these little traits offer me some comfort. What he could be thinking about, however, does not.
Another chance? That’s what she said. I can’t blame Jesse for his meltdown, not when his mother has just suggested that everything can be righted by the birth of his own twins. That’s cruel and selfish, and it will never make up for the years of sorrow and betrayal that have come before.
These babies and I are Jesse’s chance at happiness, not his parent’s opportunity to right all of their wrongs. If she intends on using my babies as some sort of family therapy, then she can think again.
* * *
I have no idea where I’m going, but I just about manage to coax directions from Jesse. The familiar fragrance of Paradise finally has me relaxing completely as I make my way up the cobbled driveway to the villa. He gets out of the car and strides towards the veranda, leaving me to follow tentatively behind. I don’t know what to do. I know we won’t be talking, so I need to do what instinct is telling me and that’s to just be there for him. Not fish for information to ease my own inquisitive mind, or stamp my feet and demand answers. I already know what I need to. I know Jesse’s parents have influenced his life too much. Now he’s making it right all on his own, just like he said, and I need to let him do that.
Following him into the villa, I find him standing in the middle of the room. I’m quiet as I approach behind him, but he doesn’t flinch when I slide my hand into his. He knew I was close, as he always does. I lead him into the bedroom and start to unbutton his shirt. There is no sexual tension ricocheting between us, or heavy desperate breaths. I’m just looking after him.
His head is dropped, he’s completely despondent, but he lets me undress him until he’s standing before me naked and quiet. I go to direct him to the bed, but he stands firm and turns me back towards him, then sets about unzipping my dress and pulling it over my head, encouraging me to lift my arms. I let him do his thing, anything to drag him from his melancholy state. I stand quietly while he sees through his task, unhooking my bra before kneeling and taking my knickers down my legs. I’m lifted to his body, my legs finding their place around his hips, and he positions himself on the bed, back against the headboard so I’m sitting on his lap, pressed against his chest. He’s not prepared to have any space between us, which is fine by me. His arms are completely encasing me, his nose is in my hair and his heartbeat is slow and steady under my ear. This is all I can do, and if need be, I’ll do it until the day I die.
Chapter 26
I feel different this morning. I’m on my back, but I’m not sprawled across the bed with a light breeze tickling my naked skin, and I’m unable to stretch. It takes a few seconds to register why. It’s because I’m cocooned beneath Jesse, who is half laying on me, half off, so he isn’t putting pressure on my tummy. His face is nuzzled in the space between my jaw and my shoulder, his palm is flat on my abdomen and his hot, minty breath is heating my neck. Why isn’t he out running? My rousing brain is a little confused, but not for long. It speedily kicks into gear, reminding me of the events of last night, the pain, the anguish and the shock. Paradise was turned upside down. His parents now know about me, and after Jesse’s little trampling mission in the restaurant, they also know that he has twins on the way.