The Realest Ever

Chapter TWENTY

RAINY DAYS

Kyra hung up the phone. She looked around her room and saw that Kat and Quinell were both crying, nearly as hard as her. Kyra wiped her face and ran to the bathroom. She closed the door and sat on the toilet and hugged herself as she cried her eyes out, as hard and as quietly as she could.

She would’ve stayed in the bathroom indefinitely if it wasn’t for Quinell and Katavia. They had no idea what was going on except Mama was upset and they were no longer going to live with Donovan. Kyra washed her face and exited the bathroom, red-eyed and red-nosed, but strong enough to face her children and deal with the mistakes she made. She sat on the side of the bed and reached for both of them. They were eager for her affection. They held her without words.

Kyra knew she had to confront her aunt, but at that moment she needed to be there for her children. She had to let them know that she would always be with them, no matter how badly the world treated them. If it was just the three of them, so be it. They could take on the world together, and they would be just fine. Together.

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

When Donovan left church at twelve-thirty and spoke to his mother about having lunch with the love of his life, Kyra was standing in her aunt’s living room staring at a ghost. Leonard put on twenty pounds while he was in jail, and his hair was shaved close to his scalp now. He was still attractive. He looked stylish in his baggy jeans, Polo boots and collar shirt, but Kyra reacted as if he’d risen from the dead and still had graveyard dirt clumped in his mouth.

She didn’t say anything at all while Leonard looked her up and down, deciding how he would approach this delicate situation, wondering how much control he still had over Kyra. Aunt Ruth stood off to the side, watching them both. Kyra may have remained frozen for another minute, but Quinell hurried from the bedroom with Kat in tow. Kyra turned quickly and pushed them back inside the one room Aunt Ruth allowed them.

“No!” she nearly screamed. “Stay in here. I’ll come get you in a minute!”

She slammed the door in Quinell’s confused face. She turned back and saw Leonard watching her peculiarly. He tried to look over her shoulder, but Kyra effectively blocked his view. Her brain was going a mile a minute, but she had no idea what she should do. Aunt Ruth shook her head at the whole sorry scene, and she finally retreated to her bedroom.

“What’s going on?” Leonard asked Kyra. “Why you running the kids off like that?”

Kyra approached him cautiously. She hadn’t seen Leonard in more than six months. The last time they were together, Leonard was at the lowest point of his addiction. Kyra was too, even though she was a relatively new user. The police were there that night. They took Leonard to jail. Kyra remained free, but it was by no means a blessing. She spent the next three months fighting to regain custody of her children, fighting to prove to total strangers that she was not the lowlife their paperwork said she was. Leonard didn’t know anything about that struggle, just as Kyra didn’t know what he went through in jail.

“You can’t talk to me?” he said. “You ain’t got nothing to say to me?”

He sounded more hurt than upset. Kyra finally found her voice.

“What are you doing here?”

“I been calling you for weeks!” Leonard said. “What’d you expect me to do?” He was loud, but it was frustration rather than anger.

Kyra’s heart knocked against her sternum. Her nervous system flooded her blood with adrenaline, which helped her make smart, quick decisions.

“Let’s go outside,” she said, moving in that direction. She knew her aunt was eavesdropping. And the kids were already traumatized enough. Kyra needed to get Leonard out of her life as quickly as possible. Getting him out of the house was the first step.

She opened the front door and was greeted by cloudy skies, the taste of ozone in the air. The weatherman predicted rain for later in the day, but Kyra knew it was coming a lot sooner.

In the driveway she saw a new sedan with Arkansas plates. The drive from Little Rock was five and a half hours. Kyra knew that Leonard cursed her name plenty of times along the way. If his goal was to rattle Kyra by catching her off guard, he couldn’t have done a better job.

She stepped into the front yard, inviting Leonard to follow her. Inside the house Donovan called Kyra for the first time. Quinell heard the phone and saw Donovan’s name on the display, but he didn’t answer it. He had been forbidden to, ever since Leonard started calling the house.

Kat’s parents faced each other on Aunt Ruth’s lawn. Leonard stared into Kyra’s eyes for a few seconds before he asked the question that had been burning in his heart for the past six months.

“Yo, baby, why you leave me?”

Kyra had been waiting just as long to give him his answer. “You the one who went to jail, Leonard.”

“But you didn’t try to ride it out for me or nothing, Kyra. Soon as I got locked up, that was it. You didn’t take my calls. No visits. Nothing. It was like you just said f*ck him. You forgot about me when I needed you the most.”

“You needed me? They took my kids, Leonard.” Even as she looked into the eyes of the man who caused the worst pain she would ever know, Kyra tried to keep the blame out of her voice.

“I know they did,” Leonard said. “I can’t tell you how many times I cried about that. I heard that you got clean and got them back. I was proud of you, even though you didn’t give a damn about me.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyra said. And she meant it. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. But I had bigger problems for myself. I couldn’t help you no more.”

“I didn’t ask for no help,” Leonard said. He was more fair-skinned than Kyra. She watched his face redden with anger. “All I wanted was to know that you still had my back.”

Kyra shook her head. “I didn’t have your back no more, Leonard. I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, I found out for myself,” he said. “You had your cousins telling me you didn’t want to be with me no more. But you couldn’t do it yourself?”

Kyra lowered her eyes. She regretted the way she handled their breakup, which was nothing more than full abandonment. But no one understood the power Leonard had over her. Kyra had to lose everything to finally find the strength to break free. She feared that if she talked to Leonard, even from jail, he would’ve convinced her to believe in him again.

“What do you want now?” Kyra asked. She didn’t feel weak at all anymore. The worst Leonard could do was sue her for visitation rights for Kat. And even that was no longer a frightening scenario. Not with Donovan by her side.

“I want you to come back to me.”

Kyra shook her head. “That’s never going to happen.”

“Why not? I still love you, Kyra. And I know you love me, too. I see it in your eyes.”

Kyra frowned and blinked away whatever misleading messages her eyes were giving off. “Leonard, getting back with you is the absolute last thing I would ever do. I’d turn my kids in to CPS myself before I do some mess like that.”

He flinched. “Kyra, this ain’t you, baby. Why you talking to me like that?”

“This is me now,” she said. “This is the me you made, Leonard. And stop calling me baby.”

“Come with me,” Leonard said. He took her hand. “I got this rental. Let’s go somewhere and talk.”

Kyra jerked her hand away. “I’m not going anywhere with you. We talking now, and you ain’t said nothing.”

“I got a room,” Leonard said. “Come with me. We need to, we need to talk things thing out, Kyra. You all mad. You need to calm down. Relax a little. Get you a little taste, so you can think about what I’m saying…”

“A little taste?”

“What?”

“I heard what you said.” Kyra had her hands on her hips now, the last of her compassion gone.

“I didn’t say nothing.”

“Whatever, man. Are you high right now? You still shooting up?”

“No! Why you gon’ say some shit like that?”

“Let me see your arms.”

“What?”

“Let me see your arms, if you not getting high.”

“Man, this some ol’ bullshit,” Leonard said. “I love you, Kyra. I never did nothing but love you. I treated you the best I could, better than I treated anybody!”

Kyra rolled her eyes. She took note of how Leonard still wouldn’t show her his arms as he embarked on a tirade about how much he loved her and how wrong she did him.

Kyra listened because she wanted to know how long he’d be there before he mentioned Kat. She would’ve cut his rant off, however, if she knew Aunt Ruth was on the phone with Donovan at that very moment, divulging her ugliest secrets.

By the end of his speech, Leonard was crying. Kyra was pissed because she gave him this much of her time. She knew Donovan had called her by now. She hoped he would round the corner in his truck, so she could show him the loser who was threatening to take her to court.

“What does all this have to do with Kat?” she asked.

“Yeah. And I want my baby, too!” Leonard said. “Where she at? Let me see her?”

“Get out my face,” Kyra said, shaking her head.

“You can’t stop me from seeing my daughter!”

“Call the police and show them the papers that says today is your visitation day. I’ll wait on you. I’ll be right here.”

“I’ma sue your ass. You can’t take my daughter out of state.”

“What’s your daughter’s middle name?” Kyra asked.

Leonard didn’t even try to guess.

After five seconds, Kyra told him, “Leonard, if you get cleaned up, I’ll do whatever I can to allow you to be in Kat’s life, even if it means I have to move back to Little Rock.”

“I am clean. You don’t know what you talking about.”

“Boy, you just tried to give me a taste three minutes ago. You full of shit, and you know it. I don’t wanna be with you no more, and you know you don’t give a damn about Kat. So why don’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want child support from you or nothing. I just want you gone.”

He sneered at her before spitting his worst venom. “You chose to get on that dope, Kyra. You remember that shit?”

Kyra shook his comments off easily. She knew who she was then, and she knew who she was now. “You’re right. And when I was high, they wouldn’t let me have my kids. I got clean, and they gave them back to me. You gotta do the same thing, Leonard. You can start by showing me your arms right now.”

He looked like he wanted to punch her. Instead he said, “Man, f*ck you. I ain’t gotta show you shit.”

Kyra shook her head and walked away with a grin. “I guess I’ll see you in court then.”

Her spirits were high when she returned to her room. It upset Kyra to see that she missed two calls from Donovan. But she was excited about the news she had for him: Leonard was most likely out of their lives forever, and she was ready to move out of her aunt’s house.

Donovan didn’t answer when she called him back, so Kyra left him a message. He returned her call, and that’s when Kyra’s life was turned upside down a second time.



≈≈≈≈≈≈≈



Now she sat afraid and dejected on her bed, trying to comfort her children when she was dreadfully in need of comfort herself. Donovan knew about her drug use, and he knew that she lost her children to the system. The worst part was Donovan had to hear about it from Aunt Ruth.

Kyra thought she handled her first confrontation of the day very well. Leonard was gone. She was pretty sure he was still on drugs, but most importantly Leonard was gone. Kyra’s next confrontation would be a lot worse because afterwards she wouldn’t have anywhere to live. So be it. Because if Aunt Ruth thought she could run her mouth like that and not get a mouthful in return, she had another thing coming.

Kat and Quinell finally stopped crying. Kyra got off the bed, and Kat reached for her. Kyra forced a smile and told her, “Mama will be right back. I have to go talk to your Aunt Ruth.” She told Quinell, “If things get loud, just stay calm and look after your sister. We’ll probably be leaving here as soon as I get back.”

Quinell’s eyes brightened. “We’re going to live with Donovan?”

Kyra’s whole face cracked as she shook her head. She pulled it together right away, but Quinell saw it. “No, but we’ll find somewhere to go. No matter what, we’ll always have each other, right?”

Quinell nodded.

Kyra rubbed the top of his head and hugged both of her children at once. She then turned and left the room. She closed the door behind herself and allowed all of her anger to rise to the surface as she marched to her aunt’s room. Kyra didn’t go to church as much as she should, and she was far less saved than Donovan.

The only thing she promised herself not to do was put her hands on Aunt Ruth. And even that was flexible, depending on how the witch responded.



≈≈≈≈≈≈≈



“What the hell you tell Donovan all that shit for?”

“What?” Aunt Ruth hopped out of bed with a speed and agility that belied her age. She met Kyra head on in the doorway. “Don’t you be coming up in my room with all that noise!”

Ruth didn’t have time to throw a robe over her nightgown, and Kyra saw much more of her skin than she ever wanted to. Aunt Ruth’s chest was sunken. Her breasts hung like the old women in the African tribal videos from the 1930’s. Without her glasses, Ruth looked ten years younger. But she was still hideous, as far as Kyra was concerned; ugly inside and on the outside.

“Why did you tell him that?” Kyra nearly screamed.

“He called my phone!” her aunt screamed back. “I can say whatever the f*ck I want on my goddamned phone. You must’ve forgot whose house this is.”

“It don’t matter whose house it is! You still didn’t have no business telling my personal business.”

“What personal business?” Ruth said. “That you was a dopefiend? That them people had to come take your kids? Everybody know that. It ain’t no f*cking secret, Kyra. You need to quit lying to these folks, is what you need to do.”

Even Aunt Ruth’s breath was stale. Kyra couldn’t think of one single thing she liked about this woman.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about,” she said. “And it didn’t have nothing to do with you anyway!”

“It got everything to do with me,” Ruth countered. “You down here right now because of what you was doing in Little Rock.”

“I changed,” Kyra cried. “I’m not like that no more. And you know it!”

“Then why you scared to tell the truth?”

“Tell the truth to who?”

“Donovan for one,” Ruth said. “That boy didn’t know nothing about it. You call yourself being all in love or whatever. Why can’t you tell him the truth?”

“It’s not your business!” Kyra shouted. She didn’t understand why her aunt couldn’t grasp that.

“He called my phone,” Ruth repeated. “I didn’t call him. He called me!”

“He didn’t ask you about none of that shit you told him!”

“Well, I think he need to know about it,” Ruth stated. “How about that? I told him ’cause I think he need to know.”

“But why?” Kyra bawled.

“Because you using people, Kyra. You using people, and it ain’t right, just like you doing to me. You didn’t wanna pay me my money when you got paid. You f*cked off your food stamps. I told you them people would give you some money just to live here, but you didn’t wanna do that either. Everything I tried to get you to do, you wouldn’t do nothing! And then you got this man and the other one coming over here, taking you out to fancy places.”

“So? What about it?”

“They wouldn’t have done nothing for you if they knew the truth!” Ruth said. “If you wasn’t gon’ tell ’em, then I had to be the one to do it. You can try that sneaky shit somewhere else, ’cause you sure as hell ain’t doing it here!”

Ruth was in her face, chin up, top lip curled in a sneer. She looked like she could defend herself if Kyra took a swing. But the more Kyra studied her face and listened to the words coming out of her mouth, the more she realized it wasn’t worth it. This confrontation was a waste of time.

The world had not been kind to Aunt Ruth. She had three marriages that ended in divorce. The one thing she had to show for it all, her son Michael, hadn’t called the house since Kyra had been there. Aunt Ruth was bitter and lonely, and she was sick and tired of being bitter and lonely. She tried to ruin Kyra’s life because misery loves company.

Kyra knew that the longer she stayed there, the more she would lose to the curse that had been placed on Ruth’s household. Kyra felt like she’d been running all her life. Now it was time to put her Nikes on again.

“You ain’t even worth it,” she said and abruptly left the room.

Aunt Ruth followed her down the hallway.

“What you mean by that?”

Kyra ignored her. She went to her room and locked eyes with Kat and Quinell who were sitting on the bed where she left them. She tried to give them an encouraging smile, but her eyes were wet and sorrowful. Kyra dropped to her knees and dragged both of her brother’s suitcases from under the bed. She threw them on top of the mattress and told Quinell, “Get all of your clothes. Put them in that one.”

Quinell hopped off of the bed and ran to his dresser. He yanked it open and scooped up the contents of the first drawer.

“What are you doing?”

Aunt Ruth was standing in the doorway. Kyra disregarded her as she gathered Kat’s toys and Q’s school supplies.

“I ain’t say you had to leave,” Ruth said. “I’m not putting you out, Kyra.”

No one responded. Kat sat on the bed with her eyes on her aunt.

“Get all your shoes,” Kyra told her. She had to snap her fingers in Kat’s face to get her attention. “Get all your shoes,” Kyra said. “Get Quinell’s, too. All the shoes you can find. Put them in this bag.” She gave her daughter an empty trash bag. The toddler crawled off the bed and got to work.

“Where you gon’ go?” Ruth asked. “You ain’t got nowhere to go, Kyra.”

Kyra didn’t respond, but she heard everything. The fact that Ruth’s assumption was correct made her Kyra’s tears flow even harder. Where was she going? The women’s shelter? Back to Little Rock? It was hard to believe that thirty minutes ago Kyra had a man who loved her and wanted her to move in. She was sure Donovan still loved her, but they weren’t on speaking terms. She knew he would no longer welcome her with open arms.

Kyra and her kids continued to pack hastily while Aunt Ruth hovered in the doorway saying things that didn’t matter at all, like, “I’ll call him back and tell him it wasn’t true,” and “I’ll give you your check back, and you can pay me just a thousand,” and “I won’t charge you for rent, if you stay, Kyra. I’ll only charge you for babysitting – as long as you keep getting groceries.”

In a last desperate move, Aunt Ruth revealed her dark heart and a possible motive for what she did: “I said I’ll give your check back, Kyra. You don’t have to leave. Just pay me five hundred dollars a month – and get groceries.

“Where are you gonna go, girl? I’m not kicking you out. I told you I would help you. I told you that before you came down here. I told you I would take care of you. You don’t need nobody’s help but mine. Don’t worry about that boy. Just stay here with me, and let me help with those kids…”

Kyra finally understood that her aunt was crazy as well as lonely. She invited Kyra to live with her under the guise of helping her get back on her feet. But Ruth hated every bit of independence Kyra developed. And she hated everyone in Kyra’s life who offered to help her. She wanted to run Donovan off so Kyra would be totally dependent on her aunt, but only an insane person would think that could actually work.

Kyra told her, “Excuse me,” when she took the first load out to the car. It was pouring rain by then. The sky was fierce with thunder and lightning. Kyra was completely drenched five seconds after she walked outside. She threw the suitcase in the trunk and returned to the house for the other one.

Aunt Ruth glared at her. Kyra was shivering. Rain water mixed with tears dripped off her face. Her sneakers squeaked with each step. Quinell wanted to go with her when she took the second load, but she told him, “No. It’s raining. Stay in here.”

After two more trips, Kyra had all of her belongings stuffed in the trunk and the back seat of her car. She returned to the house for her children, who were as eager to get away from Auth Ruth as she was.

“Put your jackets on,” Kyra told them.

She was nearly out of breath. She spoke in shudders, constantly sniffling and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. The white of her eyes was complete pink. Thankfully, her children had never been so well-behaved.

When everyone was ready to go, Kyra checked their bedroom one last time before she picked up Kat and pulled the hood of her jacket over her head. Quinell grabbed the last of his toys and stuffed them in his pockets before following her.

Aunt Ruth waited in the living room with a black robe wrapped around her body, looking like death itself. All she needed was a sickle.

“Where are you going, Kyra? It’s raining out there. You can’t take them babies out in that rain. You need to come sit down, and let’s talk this out. I got your check right here. You don’t have to pay me, if that’s why you leaving.”

Kyra didn’t understand how someone could be so fundamentally stupid. After everything Ruth did to her since she moved in, she had the nerve to think she could make it all go away with money.

Kyra wanted to tell her to go to hell. She wanted to tell Aunt Ruth that she was an ugly, old hag who was going to die alone, that she’d wish for death a hundred times before God pinched the wick on her pitiful existence. But what was the point? Putting Aunt Ruth in her place wouldn’t heal Kyra’s broken heart. It wouldn’t make Donovan forgive her for lying to him.

Kyra and her family exited the house and hurried to her car. Kyra felt the rain soaking all the way down to her underwear as she leaned in the back and fastened Kat’s car seat. When she finally got behind the wheel, Kyra turned the ignition and was not surprised that her car wouldn’t start. That was the devil trying to take away her last bit of sanity.

Kyra closed her eyes and said a quick prayer. She knew she’d keep her family in the car until it stopped raining before she’d return to her aunt’s house. They could set out on foot when the rain cleared up.

Kyra opened her eyes and turned the key again.

This time the Escort started right up.



≈≈≈≈≈≈≈



Donovan was deeply depressed when he left his mother’s house. The drive home was a lonesome one. It was hard to believe that his life changed so drastically, so suddenly.

Last night he was with Kyra and her children. This morning they made plans to have lunch with his mother. Three hours later Donovan talked to Aunt Ruth, and the clouds blocked out the sun. Now Donovan’s disposition was just as gloomy as the skies above Overbrook Meadows.

He didn’t know where life would lead him or what was to become of his relationship with Kyra. He thought he’d have time to consider his next move, but when he rounded the corner onto his street, Donovan saw a familiar car parked in his driveway. There was a knot in his stomach as he pulled in behind Kyra’s Escort and put his truck in park.

It looked like the sky was dumping rain from buckets. Through his windshield, Donovan could see Kyra watching him in her rearview mirror. Her eyes were dry but grief-stricken. For the first time since she returned to Overbrook Meadows, Kyra looked completely lost and vulnerable. Donovan hadn’t seen that look in her eyes in more than fifteen years.

He turned his truck off and sat for a few seconds. He watched Kyra in her rearview mirror until the drops of rain on his windshield made it impossible to see. He opened his door and stepped out into the downpour. After a moment, Kyra did the same. Donovan walked slowly towards her, oblivious to the coolness of the thousands of raindrops headed in his direction. His expression was hard and indecipherable. Kyra’s eyes were large and apologetic, filled with hurt. They met at her bumper.

Kyra looked up at him. Her mouth moved. Sounds came out, but they weren’t words. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was, for using drugs and for not telling him about it. She wanted to tell Donovan that he was her everything, and she didn’t know if she could live without him. She wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to take her back, but she needed somewhere to go, just for a couple of hours, so she could dry off and get her bearings and decide what her family’s next move was.

She wanted to say these things, but Donovan only heard a long, desperate moan that was drenched with so much grief and regret, merely listening to it caused damage to his psyche. It broke his heart, much worse than learning her secrets did.

He reached for her. She didn’t respond. Donovan stepped to her and wrapped both of his arms around her. Kyra stiffened, for a moment, and then she went completely limp, as if she’d been carrying the world’s burdens for too long, and she had no strength left. Donovan held her tighter. Kyra buried her face in his chest and sobbed uncontrollably.

It was hard to say how long they remained this way. They were not deterred by the constant rain, the rumbling thunder or even the four eyeballs watching them anxiously from Kyra’s Escort.

They held each other like they did when Donovan was twelve and Kyra was eleven, and they got caught in the rain as they walked home from school one day. All of the other kids ran for cover when the thunder clouds ripped open. But that was also picture day, and Kyra wore pumps that were slippery on the sidewalk. Rather than fend for himself, Donovan walked with her the whole way, holding her hand so Kyra wouldn’t slip and fall. It was one of her most endearing memories.

When she was strong enough to stand on her own, Donovan released Kyra. Without a word, he walked to the Escort and opened the back door. He bent to reach inside while Kyra stood stoically in the driveway. Her throat caught when Donovan emerged from the vehicle with Kat in his arms. The toddler held on to him tightly as Donovan reached back inside the car and grabbed one of Kyra’s suitcases with his free hand.

He looked Kyra in the eyes and told her, “Come on,” and then he turned and walked to the house.

Kyra didn’t move. She was too stunned. Quinell finally exited the vehicle. He went to his mother and took her hand. Kyra didn’t look down at him, but she did follow when he led her to Donovan’s front door.

By the time they got inside, Donovan was in the kitchen. He held Kat in one arm while he searched his pantry for marshmallows. He already had four packs of microwavable cocoa on the counter.