The American Bride

chapter Eleven

Glum came running as the two horses trotted into the stable yard. He shrugged in futility as he met Julian's accusing stare. Noting the disheveled girl, he hurried to help her dismount. Cara patted his arm comfortingly and gave him the faintest glimmer of an apologetic smile.

"Miss Farraday," Julian ground out. "If you please, after you have changed I will see you in my office." Then leaning close to her ear, he snarled, "And don't attempt to do anything foolish." Turning toward Glum, whose face was bleak with resignation, he barked, "Miss Farraday is not to ride for the remainder of her stay with us."

Julian stormed off toward the Hall and Cara's shoulders slumped in defeat. She tried to put on a brave front for the old man who looked so woebegone, but sheer exhaustion left her close to tears.

"Don't worry, Glum," she said in a ragged voice. "I'll tell him it was all my fault. I promise you won't lose your job." Cara hoped that would be true.

"Never mind, Miss. His Lordship be a hard man but he's a fair one. Perhaps it'll all blow over," he added.

"Perhaps," Cara agreed, suspecting she was well off the mark.

Her feet dragged as she made her way to her room. She stared around the room that had become so familiar to her. Tears pricked her lids but she shook her head, refusing to give up all hope. Crossing the room she faltered as she spied a letter on her desk. Picking it up she knew without opening it that it was a note from her grandmother. She smiled, wondering which chambermaid had been bribed to bring the letter to her room. No doubt the girl thought it was some romantic billet-doux. Shrugging in defeat she tossed the letter on her quilt.

"If only the letter had come yesterday," Cara moaned.

She winced as she imagined what her grandmother would say about her present predicament. Her mind whirled and in confusion she thought of what a muddle she had made of everything. Raising a shaking hand to her burning cheek she tried to remember her original plan and discover when it had first gone wrong.

She should have followed her grandmother's advice and remained anonymous. Then she would have returned to the Duchess and in the proper setting been presented to Julian as his new bride. With a dazzling hairdo and luxurious clothing he would have never recognized in the radiant Incomparable the timid governess so recently in his employ. In his ignorance there would have been no injury to his pride, Cara reasoned.

But now that Julian had seen her singular hair color and had become interested enough in her as a person the deception would be exposed. Cara quaked at his reaction to this impersonation.

She had never considered how Julian would feel if he discovered her within his household. Now as she thought about it she suspected that he would be furious. He would have some right to be incensed that she had invaded his household under false pretenses in order to spy on him. In retrospect she wondered how the Duchess could have countenanced such an incredible scheme.

Knowing that time was slipping away Cara tried to consider her options. She knew she could never bluster her way through this scrape. Squaring her shoulders she acknowledged the fact that the only possible course of action was a full confession of her deception. She would just have to wait to see what Julian's reaction would be before deciding her next move.

Washing up, she changed into a fresh dress. It was a soft lavender-blue muslin, simple demure lines complimented by a virginal white collar and cuffs. It was the only dress in her meager wardrobe that fit her perfectly while still giving the impression of an insignificant governess. Brushing her hair she braided it and then covered it with a matching headdress. In the mirror her image appeared prim and timorous except for the splotch of vibrant color brushed across her cheeks. Turning away from the glass she once again picked up the letter and opened it.

As she had expected it was from her grandmother, instructing her to explain she had been called to London. The letter further explained that a carriage would be sent in the late afternoon to fetch her. A sad smile flitted across Cara's face as she appreciated the irony of the situation. After this debacle the carriage would not be bringing her back in triumph.

Sighing, she thrust the letter in the pocket of her dress. Straightening her shoulders she hurried to the main staircase determined to make as good a show of her confession as possible. The footmen she passed studiously avoided her eyes telling Cara more surely than words that Julian was in a tearing bad temper. Taking a deep breath she scratched the door of the study and entered.

Julian sat at the desk frowning down at a paper in his hands. He had washed and Cara noticed that the black curls still shone with dampness. Her eyes caressed his handsome features and her heart fluttered as she once again felt the imprint of his lips on her own. In confusion, she averted her eyes, looking down at her feet.

Glancing up, Julian cocked an eyebrow at the transformation of the girl. Demurely clothed and with her hair bound he found it incredible to believe she was the passionate creature of the forest. Eyes lowered and cheeks flushed with maidenly blushes she was once again the innocuous little governess. It was only when she raised her eyes that he recognized his wood nymph.

"Before you start berating me, please understand that Glum was not to blame for assisting me in my deception," Cara blurted out before Julian could speak. "He thought he was protecting me from unwanted attention. It was all my fault. Truly it was."

Cara stumbled to a halt as Julian's eyes flared in fury. His hands crumpled the paper he held but she knew he was wishing it was her neck. She gulped in terror as he vaulted to his feet, closing her eyes, half-swooning. When nothing happened, she dared to peek at him through her lashes. He was braced with both fists on the desk, leaning toward her. The set of his jaw and the tension in his coiled body left little doubt that she was in for a bad time.

"You continue to amaze me, Miss Farraday!" Julian shouted across the desk. "You would think if someone was in the unenviable position you are in, they would at least have enough sense to do everything possible to make amends. They would certainly not enter a room and immediately upbraid their employer."

Cara flushed at the justice of his words. It seemed her impetuous tongue was going to continue to get her into trouble. She raised stricken, teary eyes to Julian's enraged face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Oh, sit down." Julian's voice was tired and he ran a hand around behind his neck as he straightened. He stared at her a moment longer then threw himself back into his chair. His gaze was frosty as she sat on the edge of the leather chair across from his desk.

Although it was only breakfast time for the rest of the household, Cara felt as though an entire day had passed. Anxiously she clutched her hands together in her lap. She felt Julian's eyes boring into her huddled figure but she refused to meet his gaze. The silence lengthened in the tension-filled room.

"I would love to remain here and beat the truth out of you." Julian's softly spoken words sent a thrill of terror through Cara and she raised wide eyes to his face. For a moment, staring into the startled depths, he felt his senses whirling in confusion and he lost his train of thought. Then nerving himself he continued. "However I have been summoned to London and I am leaving immediately."

Cara's breath was expelled in a feathery sigh. She had prayed for a miracle but had not entertained much hope. Perhaps now she could find a way out of her dilemma. Julian watched her through narrowed eyes. Noticing the girl's returning color he snorted in annoyance.

"I am sure that you will put the time to good use. I expect that by the time I return you will have concocted quite a suitable story to explain this...." Words failed him and he waved his hand in exasperation.

Cara refused to be baited, staring back at Julian, then lowering her eyes when she sensed the light of battle within his own dark brown ones.

"Wouldn't it just be easier for us both if when you returned you found I was already gone?" Cara ventured reasonably.

"No!" Julian exploded.

The girl rose from her chair ready to flee but he was too quick for her. As she raced for the door, he was before her so that she skidded to a stop almost catapulting herself against the hard wall of his chest. Julian grabbed her shoulders, catching his breath as an electric shock coursed through his hands and arms as he touched her.

Seeing the blaze of passion in the brown eyes, Cara tried to twist away but he drew her toward him until her mouth was only inches away from his own. Julian could feel the girl's heart pounding in her body and watched as her face whitened and her eyes darkened with fear. He seemed to be sinking in the pools of blue-green as he bent his head to touch her lips in a kiss of infinite tenderness. He caught her as her knees buckled, holding her in an embrace that was at once protective and yet passionate.

"Whatever am I going to do with you, Miss Farraday?" he asked in genuine bafflement.

Cara forced her spinning senses into some semblance of order. She leaned back against his arm, breathing through reddened lips that still pulsed with the imprint of his kiss. "Let me go, Lord Wilton." Cara used his title, hoping to remind him of the impropriety of his actions.

"I'm sorry, Miss Farraday, but that is something I find I am loath to do." However he did release her, leaning casually against the doorframe.

"I was hired as your wards' governess and you have found me unsuitable," Cara began, running her tongue over her suddenly dry lips. "You must let me go."

"It is true that I find you totally unfitted for the role of governess," Julian snapped, his teeth flashing in a wolfish grin. "However I have discovered other qualities in you which make you eminently suitable for another position."

Cara gasped at his insulting words. Her face burned knowing that her own actions had left her open to this compromising situation. She might be foolhardy but she was definitely not to be considered a woman of easy virtue. Affronted, she drew herself up, cloaking herself in dignity.

"You, sir, are a married man. I hope with all my heart I have misunderstood your intentions."

"I think, my dear, you are fully cognizant of my intentions."

His eyes roamed insultingly down her body as if to emphasize his comment. Tears started in Cara's eyes and she bent her head so that he would not see her disillusionment. He reached out a hand to stroke the distressed girl then pulled it back. He would show no pity to the deceitful chit.

"I do not know how many days I will be gone but when I return we will make some kind of arrangement. Despite the fact that you have spent the better part of your time in my employ trying to deceive me I would like your word that you will not leave here."

Nostrils flaring in anger Cara glared up at him, refusing to answer. Their locked glances held for what seemed hours but was probably only a minute. Sighing in annoyance Julian squinted through narrowed eyes at the exasperating girl.

"Be reasonable, Cara. I have forbidden you the use of the stables. Even Glum, whose loyalty I would have staked my life on until you came charging into my singularly uneventful existence, wouldn't dare to defy my orders this time. I suppose you might as a last resort walk into the village. Even for an amazon such as yourself I wouldn't recommend it." He smiled down at the demurely bent head. "With your limitless ingenuity you might contrive to steal a horse. With you, I have discovered almost anything is possible. I would truly dislike locking you up until my return."

As the girl still remained obdurately silent Julian's voice took on a coaxing tone. "Promise me you will not steal a horse to make your escape."

Thrusting her hand into her pocket, Cara touched the comforting security of her grandmother's letter. Although in her pride she would have preferred to remain silent, she suspected that Julian would never permit her to leave the room unless she promised him something. She had no intention of being locked up. She hoped that by appearing to be resigned to her fate he might not look further into her easy acquiescence. Forcing her voice to a colorless tone, she raised her face to Julian.

"I promise I will not steal a horse." Cara's voice trembled, adding credence to her words. She gritted her teeth as Julian, after searching her face, grinned in triumph.

"Thank you, Miss Farraday. I will accept your word. Until my return."

Julian opened the door to let her pass, bowing graciously. It took all of Cara's self-control not to kick him as he stood gracefully balanced on one leg. Her foot literally itched to make contact with his shin and she had to force herself to hurry past him before she succumbed to the overpowering urge. Unaware of her thoughts Julian chuckled as she flew up the stairs, running as though pursued by demons.

Regaining her room, Cara closed the door, pressing down the desire to slam it shut so that the sound would reverberate through the Hall. She leaned against the wood , her breath coming in gasping little pants. She was trembling with anger and crossed her arms over her chest holding in the scream of rage that threatened to overwhelm her. How dared he? she fumed. Squeezing her eyes shut she tried to breath calmly, forcing her disordered emotions into some sort of reasonable thought. The heartbeat pounding in her ears began to ebb to a more even rhythm. Pulling herself away from the support of the door, she crossed the floor to the window seat, flinging herself down on the cushions.

Leaning her forehead against the cool glass she stared over the gardens toward the lake. Bleakly she viewed her future which to her agonized mind held less hope than when she had started her masquerade as governess.

Cara loved Julian wildly, passionately and without reservation. She was aware of his faults, yet he had begun to represent for her the ideal husband. She had thought several times that he had reciprocated her own feelings of affinity. In her more hopeful moments she had even imagined that one day he might love her.

The scene in the library came back to her in all its stark reality and she flinched at her own innocence.

She herself had planned to enter into the arranged marriage with a spirit of resolution that working together they might have a successful union. She had been willing to try at least. But it was apparent to her that Julian had no such idea; he did not even plan to keep his marriage vows. He had all but declared that he intended to make her his mistress, willing or not. Even when she had charged him with his married state, he had sneered at her naiveté. And on the very eve of his bride's arrival!

Worst for Cara was the humiliation she felt at what a fool she had been to think he had reciprocated her feelings. He had seen her only as an object to assuage his raging lust. While she had opened her heart to him he had eyed her physical attributes, content to toy with her emotions. At least, once he realized who she was, she would have the satisfaction of telling him what she thought of his behavior.

What would Julian do then? Cara wondered.

She supposed he could repudiate the marriage. Even the thought of it filled her with an agonizing feeling of loss. If he divorced her she might be able to live with the shame of it but never to see Julian again was an insupportable thought. Of course his other alternative was to accept the marriage but make it a sham relationship. In his anger and pride he might leave her alone in the country and continue his life in London as he had done in his bachelor days. Valencia Greeley's cat-like face floated across Cara's consciousness. Sobbing, Cara pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she thought of the humiliation of being forced to accept Julian's return to his mistress.

"Enough!" Cara exclaimed aloud. She was no weak-kneed maiden. No matter the outcome of this nasty coil she would accept it with dignity. She bathed her face, fortifying the white-faced girl in the mirror. Through the door into the schoolroom, she could hear the happy chatter of the children. Straightening her shoulders, she reminded herself that she still had a job to do until her grandmother's carriage arrived to take her back to London.

Cara never knew how she got through the remainder of the day. Later she was never able to remember much about her last day at the Hall.

As the hands of the clock crept toward the time of her departure Cara waited for the arrival of Richard and Belin. Her portmanteau was packed and there were only the children to deal with. She had inveigled Mrs. Clayton into providing a lavish snack, earlier in the afternoon than usual. Praying that everything might by some miracle work out, she pasted a smile on her face as she heard the clatter of feet outside the schoolroom.

"Oh, Richard. Look at all the food," Belin chirped, her fingers reaching out to hover over the cream-filled buns which were her favorite. "What a wonderful surprise, Miss Farraday."

"It looks like a grand party. Is Uncle Julian coming?" Richard's face lit up with anticipation.

"No, Richard," Cara said. Then after the chorus of groans had subsided, "Your uncle had to make an urgent trip to London. He should be back in a few days."

"Well, it's lovely anyway," Belin pronounced, sighing with pleasure as she bit into one of the buns.

"Why the party, Miss Farraday?" Richard asked in a surprisingly adult voice.

He stared at her through eyes that had seen more tragedies than most children of his age. Perhaps because of his own experiences he was more sensitive to upheavals. Eyeing Belin attacking another pastry, Richard gave Cara a speaking glance then leaned over to pour out the hot chocolate with a hand that shook slightly.

"It's not all that bad, Richard," Cara whispered. Reaching out, she ruffled his hair then smiling she brushed an errant curl away from his forehead. "Come and sit down."

Belin seemed to sense a tension in the air and stopped eating. Her glance swung uneasily from her brother to her governess and then back again to Richard.

"I thought it would be fun to have a little party ourselves," Cara began. Then seeing the wariness in the eyes of the children she hurried ahead. "I have to go up to London also. I'm not sure just how long it will take but I have to attend to some business."

"But who will take care of us?" Belin lisped.

Tears started in Belin's eyes as she wailed out the question. Cara opened up her arms and the child climbed into the temporary safety of her governess' lap. Leaning against Cara's shoulder, Belin sniffled in her distress. Looking over the jumble of black curls to the boy beyond she was surprised to see angry color rise to Richard's face.

"Did Uncle Julian send you down?" the boy asked belligerently.

"Oh, no, Richard," Cara cried in distress.

"Was it because of the row this morning?" He ignored Cara's protest and hurried on. "I heard a lot of yelling this morning and Mrs. Clayton said that you were in the library with Uncle Julian. When he's mad and tearing a strip off one, his voice shakes the pictures in the Long Gallery." The boy shook his head in sympathy. "Pennyfeather says Uncle Julian's more wind than damage."

Cara wasn't surprised that Richard was aware of the morning's contretemps. It was not as though Julian had made any attempt to conceal his anger. And of course the servants always knew everything that went on in the Hall. Since the children had the run of the kitchen they were privy to much of the gossip that was passed back and forth over a cup of tea.

"I suppose I better explain," Cara sighed in resignation. She had hoped the children would accept the fact that she would be gone for several days and not look too closely at her story. She hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. "It is true that your Uncle Julian was angry with me. He found me out riding this morning and I had not asked his permission to use one of the horses. You know how particular he is about his cattle."

"But why were you riding, Miss Farraday?" Richard's forehead was wrinkled in bafflement remembering the last time that he had seen Cara on a horse.

"I was practicing," Cara improvised.

"Oh, I see." The story was acceptable to the boy. Then remembering again her last ride, Richard broke into a mischievous grin. "I can see Uncle Julian now. He probably thought you were abusing his precious horse. What a facer that must have been."

"Now as to your question, young lady. Mrs. Clayton has agreed to look after you." As a frown began to form on the child's face Cara said, "She has a lovely new sampler she thought you might like to try. And I hoped you would like to help Cook in the kitchen. She might even teach you how to make those sugar buns you like."

Thus reminded of the remaining food, Belin scrambled down and once more launched herself at the plate of goodies. Richard stared at Cara, waiting for word of his fate.

"I thought you might like to help Glum in the stables." She smiled at the lightened look in Richard's eyes. "One day you will be setting up your own stables and there's a lot you will have to know. You'll work with him until your uncle returns."

Richard didn't comment immediately. He searched her face to see if there was something else she wanted to say. Then he shrugged as if to say that even though he was not totally satisfied he would do what she had instructed.

Cara's eyes swam at the perception of the boy. Leaning forward she blinked her eyes to clear her vision before she was able to pour more hot chocolate. The children chattered away but she had little heart to join in as she usually did. Too soon, it was time for Cara to leave. Hugging Belin she reminded her to be good for Mrs. Clayton and to remember her manners. Promising she would buy her a present in London, she held the squirming child to her heart for one last hard squeeze.

Richard stood very straight in the doorway. He brushed the toe of his boot on the back of his trouser leg. Then looking directly up at Cara he sighed.

"You will be coming back again, Miss Farraday?" he asked with a shaking voice. "Please?"

Cara knelt down in front of the boy, her dress spreading out prettily around her. Rather like flower petals, he thought. In fact Miss Farraday was like a flower with her shining face so close to his and the scent of her perfume filling his nose. He hadn't realized how pretty she was until just this minute. She certainly was a smasher though.

"I know you're worried," began Cara. "But I'm hoping that I will be back very soon. There's something I have to settle first. But I promise you, Richard, that I will come back and explain if for any reason I have to go away permanently. Will that be acceptable?"

"Yes, I guess so." For one awkward minute the child's chin trembled but he quickly got his expression under control. "But if it's all right I'd rather you'd come to stay here forever."

"Thank you, Richard."

Cara put her arms around the boy who at first stiffened and then yielded, throwing his own arms around her. They hugged tightly then she gave him a little push down the hall toward his room.

Richard reflected that it hadn't been so bad being hugged by Miss Farraday even if he was a little old for that baby stuff. He bet if Uncle Julian hugged her once he wouldn't be half so mad about the horses. But then grown ups were funny. Uncle Julian might not like hugging very much.

For her part Cara was busy clearing up after the children. She dried her eyes and tried not to think about Belin and Richard. She had no way of knowing whether Julian in his anger would permit her to see the children again. If he wanted a divorce she knew in her heart she would not fight him. She would prefer the disgrace of rejection and the scandal it engendered than to have a husband who did not love her. However no matter what was decided about her own future, she would force Julian to let her see the children and explain if she would be going away permanently. They had already suffered enough losses in their young lives. They were fond of her and they trusted her so that she could never go away without first seeing them one last time. She loved the children with all her heart and no matter what it cost her pride she would insist that Julian allow her that.

Summoned at the arrival of the coach, Cara clutched her portmanteau and walked on leaden feet down the main staircase. Mrs. Clayton waited for her, her plump face creased with an anxious frown. Cara had only told her that she would send word when, and if, she would return. Like the other servants, the housekeeper was well aware of the argument with Julian. Eyes bright with unshed tears the two women hugged with genuine affection.

Ceremoniously handed into the luxurious coach, Cara settled herself into the plush cushions. She leaned her head against the soft upholstery, forcing herself not to look back as Weathersfield was swallowed up in the early evening gloom. Despite vowing she would use the time to order her muddled thoughts and feelings, she tumbled into a restless slumber as the horses bore her to London and her fate.