I shrug with one shoulder. “Maybe.”
“I’m glad you told me,” she says, shifting in her seat and running her hand through my hair. “I don’t want you to ever be afraid to be honest with me.”
“Even when it means you might run the other way?”
“I will never, ever run from you, Lachlan. I’ll only run toward you. Always.”
God, what I would give for that to be true.
When we finally get back to the city, I’m exhausted and emotionally drained. Kayla tells me to get in bed, that she’ll walk the dogs. I want to protest, but I can see in her eyes that she wants to do this for me, such a simple thing that means so much. She fucking cares about me. She’s not running away. I don’t even know how to process any of it.
I get into bed and force myself awake long enough for her to get back from the walk. I can hear her talking to the dogs in the other room as they settle down on the couch to sleep before they later move onto the dog bed or our bed. There’s something so comforting, so peaceful, about hearing her in there, shutting it all down and preparing for the night. In another world, a merciful world, it wouldn’t be the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. All these nights would stretch on and on and on, and she would fall asleep in my arms with all my darkness and all my demons and all my ugliness stored safely in her heart. In a perfect world, she would hold it there, away from me, so she could understand me better, so I would never be harmed again.
She would willingly harbor my truth inside her.
I would willingly let her try.
But the world isn’t perfect.
I just don’t know what kind of world we have now.
CHAPTER TWENTYONE
Kayla
“So are you sure no one is going to pull down your pants?” I ask Lachlan as we get out of the Range Rover. I have to admit, I’m nervous as fuck about seeing him play, though he doesn’t have to know that. Actually, I’m anxious about a lot of things, but he doesn’t have to know that either.
“No promises,” he says, and jerks his chin toward the massive stadium in front of us. “There she is. Home of Edinburgh Rugby.”
I have to admit, I was surprised this morning when Lachlan asked me to watch him practice. After the night we had last night, the dinner at his adopted family’s, and the stark confession in the car, I expected him to pull away from me, to put up barriers and increase the distance.
But that didn’t happen at all. He was hungry for me and extremely affectionate in the morning, and even though morning wood wasn’t uncommon in the last seven days that I’d been in Edinburgh, this time there was something different. I felt he wanted not to just possess my body but everything that came with it. The way his gaze burned me was akin to the greatest thirst.
Obviously, I had no complaints. After what happened last night, I needed to feel closer to him myself.
I can’t lie. What he said scared me, and while I thought I had him figured out at least a little bit, the whole being addicted to meth and living on the streets completely took me for a ride. It was far, far worse than I ever could have imagined, and my heart broke with every single heartfelt, raw word that came out of his mouth. No wonder he was so intense, so broken, so misunderstood. The man had gone through hell and back, and even though he rose like a phoenix from the ashes to become the man he is, that smoke still clings to him. I can smell it.