Good for Simone. One day here and she pulls herself a fit drummer.
“Look, Tru.” Will rubs his head, pushing his fingers into his hair. “Is there something going on with you? You just haven’t seemed yourself at all since I arrived yesterday.”
This is it. I can either tell him the truth or coward out.
Jake and I aren’t going to be together. Not now.
The thought causes me actual physical pain.
And then I just know what I have to do – I have my answer. Even if I’m not going to be with Jake, I can’t just stay with Will because it’s easier.
Yes, I love him. But obviously not enough or I would never have slept with Jake.
Will deserves to be with someone who loves him and him alone.
I put my coffee down on the nightstand and sitting up, crossing my legs in front of me, I face him.
“I have to tell you something.” My body starts to shake. I take the deepest breath I’ve ever taken, trying to control my fears over what I’m about to do.
“I’ve been sleeping with Jake.”
I see the shock, slowly morphing into horror and absolute pain echo across his features.
It is a look that will haunt me for a very long time.
“What?” he says slowly.
“I’m so sorry, Will.”
He stares blankly at me. His face now washed of any emotion.
“What? Are you being fucking serious?” His tone is low and heart-breaking.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
He puts his head into his hands. “You didn’t mean for it to happen! You’ve been having sex with Jake Wethers and you didn’t mean for it to happen!”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
I’m trying to keep it together and not break. It’s not fair on him if I cry.
“Do you love him?”
The air seems to freeze all around us.
“Yes.”
He puts his fist to his mouth, stifling a sob.
“Do you still love me?” His words are all broken.
I look up at him. Will, my lovely Will, who I’ve just broken into pieces. I can’t help the tear that runs from my eye. I brush it away.
“Yes,” I answer.
His face hardens. I barely recognise him for a moment. He’s out of the chair now, pacing around.
“So you love me and him! How is that even possible?! We’re polar fucking opposites!”
“I don’t know. I’m so sorry.”
Pausing, he grabs the back of the chair. “When did it start?”
“Five days ago. The night before the article came out was the first time anything happened.”
“So it was the fucking truth! You sat on the phone and lied to me, and all along it was the fucking truth! I actually felt sorry for you, I believed you! I fucking trusted you!”
“I’m so sorry, Will. I’m so, so sorry,” I cry.
“It just all makes so much fucking sense now! The way you’ve been acting since I arrived, and the way he has been with you, and how you reacted to him when he was with that girl last night! I’m so fucking stupid!” he roars.
Then he turns from me, covering his face with his hands.
He starts to cry.
Oh fuck.
I climb off the bed, standing behind him, I put my hand tentatively on his back, tears streaming from my own eyes, but he moves away. “Don’t touch me,” he says low and gruff. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.”
Leaving him, I sit on the edge of the bed, trapped in the mess I’ve made.
“Do you want to be with him?” he says suddenly, voice rough. He turns to face me.
I bind my hands in my lap. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.” I put my head into my hands.
“How could you have been with someone like him? He’s a fucking whore! All he does is sleep with women – it’s what sells his shit music! Jesus Christ, Tru, he was all over another woman last night! That’s how highly he thinks of you – he was off screwing someone else the moment you couldn’t give him what he wanted!”
I don’t know if it’s the look on my face that makes him ask it, but whatever it is I just feel sick, knowing I’m going have to tell him the truth when he says, “Please tell me you haven’t had sex with him while I’ve been here?”
I can’t lie to him. I want to. But I can’t.
Closing my eyes briefly, I press my lips together and nod my head, slowly. “I’m sorry.” Tears start to run freely from my eyes.
“I don’t fucking believe this!” he yells. Holding himself steady on the back of the chair, he fixes his eyes on my face. “When?”
Oh God.
I rub the tears from my face. “Last night.”
I hear his sharp intake of breath. “When last night?” I can see his jaw working angrily under his skin.
I wet my dry lips and gulp down. “At the party.”
He looks puzzled momentarily.
“When I went to use the bathroom.”
“You fucked him in a public toilet?!” he yells like I’ve never heard before. I actually physically shake from the force of it.
“I just … I can’t fucking believe this!”
He pauses for a moment. Then slowly, he lifts his eyes to my face.