And I realise in this exact moment, just how much I love this man. Completely.
I’m addicted to him. And he’s an addiction I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give up.
He’s grabbing at my flesh, driving into me, making love to me, and I’m so turned on, so close to coming, that when he groans, “Come for me, baby.” I instantly do.
He follows, and we climax together.
I’m all sensation as Jake kisses me deeply, his tongue invading my mouth, my body tightening all around him.
For a long few seconds, we stay locked together, Jake’s arms around me.
Then I come down from my Jake high with a hard bang.
Will.
What have I done?
I push him aside, sliding down off the sink on to my wobbly legs. I retrieve my bra and cami off the floor, quickly putting them on, seeing my torn panties on the floor.
Fuck!
How the hell am I going to explain to Will why I’m not wearing any underwear?
Angry with Jake, I pick them up off the floor and throw them at him.
He catches them, holding them up in his hand, he stares at me.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I hiss. “Ripping my panties off – Jesus Christ, Jake! What the hell am I going to tell Will?”
He removes his condom, binning it, zips his pants up, bends down and retrieves his T-shirt pulling it back on. Then he stares back at me with narrowed eyes.
“What was I thinking? I was thinking about wanting you. I don’t really give a shit what you tell Will.”
“Jesus Christ!” I repeat, putting my hands to my head, trying to sort through my tangled thoughts.
No, it’ll be okay, I’ll just tell Will that I came out without any panties on. Not that I’ve ever done it in the past, but I can make out it was a sexy thing for him.
The very thought makes me feel sick.
How can I be thinking sexy stuff with Will when I’ve just had sex with Jake?
This is so very screwed up.
I stare at him, my underwear still in his hand. “Give them to me,” I say, holding my hand out.
He smirks at me. “No.”
“Give them back.” I keep my voice low, but my tone firm.
Jake pushes my torn panties deep into his pocket. “Come and get them.” He tilts his head to the side, challenging me.
I don’t have time for this. I have to get back out there to Will, he’ll be wondering where I am.
“Keep them,” I say, turning for the door. “I haven’t got time for your games.”
Jake catches hold of my hand from behind. “Where are you going?” There’s a quiet desperation to his voice.
“Where do think I’m going?”
I’m angry with him for coming in here, disgusted with myself for being unable to say no. Angry for what I’ve just done here, in this bathroom, with him.
But what’s worse is I feel angry at myself because I wanted it. I wanted him more than I can ever begin to explain.
He steps closer, taking my face in his hands. I try to move. I don’t want to look at him right now, because it will mean having to face what I’ve done, but he forces my face to his.
“Look at me,” he says, firmly.
I pull my eyes to his.
“Don’t go to him, Tru, please.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry … I have to.”
He rubs his thumb gently over my skin. I’m lost to his touch again. I close my eyes, revelling in the feel of his skin on mine.
“You don’t have to. Just go out there and tell him the truth, baby,” he says, voice low, soft. “Tell him you’re with me now … then we can get out of here. Just you and me. We can go anywhere in the world you want.”
I flick open my eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous! I can’t just tell him right here and now that I’ve been screwing you – that I’ve just screwed you in here, and then just bugger off with you! It doesn’t work like, Jake! Not everything in life is as easy as you seem to think it is! I can’t do that to him. He deserves better than that from me.”
“And I don’t?” He drags his hand through my hair, pulling my head back, so I’m forced to look up into his eyes. “And that’s what we’re doing here, Tru – just screwing? I thought it was a lot more than that.” He sounds hurt, angry, bitter.
He’s every right to.
But I’ve been drinking and I just can’t see straight at the moment. I’m so confused. My head is just an absolute clusterfuck of a mess.
“Currently, screwing is all that seems to be on your mind. This isn’t about me. I don’t think it ever has been … and all this, in here was just because your ego was hurt, so you came in here looking for a quick fuck to make yourself feel better. To get one over on Will.”
He looks like I’ve just slapped him. He drops his hand from my hair and steps back.
“I didn’t hear you saying no.”
“No, but I should have. Can’t you see what we’ve just done in here was wrong – what we’ve been doing is wrong?!”
“You regret me?” He looks hurt.
It hurts me to see his pain.