“It has everything to do with it!” I yell. “You think I can cut pieces of you up and put them into categories? Drew the man. Drew the player. Drew the super fuck? I tried and, believe me, it doesn’t work that way. When I say I want you, I want all of you. And when I say I love you, I love all of you. You’re the one who wants to put a label on everything now.”
“Just following protocol, sweetheart.” His tone is so snide that my eyes water.
“Stop being an ass,” I snap, taking a step into his space. “You say you don’t want my pity. Well, it sure as shit seems like you do.”
He snorts, and I press closer. “Do you want my pity, Drew? Is that it?”
“Why are you really here,” he shoots back. “To play nursemaid?”
Rage I can handle. But I’m not equipped to handle his pain. Not when I know I’m the cause of it. The hurt is a kick in my stomach, making my body want to sag in on itself. “You’re never going to forgive me.”
His chin lifts. “Maybe I’m not.”
For a long, hard moment, we glare at each other. Drew’s nostrils flare, his tight chest lifting and falling with agitated breaths.
And then I step back. “You know what? I can’t do this with you right now. It’s exhausting.”
He blinks, his head jerking as if I’ve slapped him. “You’re right. I think you should leave.” There’s so much disdain in his voice, it’s like dry ice. His eyes are cold, dead. And I feel the chill down in my guts.
I think you should leave. I have to say the words over again in my head before I can process them. I can’t even respond; I’ve gone so numb.
I know he doesn’t want to deal. He wants to hide away where nothing can hurt him. I know because that’s how I’ve been for so long. And I know what it will do it him if he gets his way. Drew wasn’t meant to sink into the dark.
And if I leave, he’ll think he deserves to. For once in my life, I’m not going to take the safe way. I’m not going to protect myself in a shell, even though I know this is going to hurt. Already his rejection is searing away my skin. But I’m willing to let it go to the bone for him.
As if it’s all been decided, Drew moves to go, his expression closed off and dark. And I find my voice.
“No.”
He stops in his tracks and turns. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me fine. I live here.”
“No, I live here. You’ve just been hanging around.”
Like dead weight, his tone implied.
Nice, Drew. Nice. I don’t want it to hurt. I know what he’s doing and why. So it shouldn’t hurt. But, of course, it does.
“You asked me to move in with you,” I say. “Which means I live here.”
His dark brows lift nearly to his hairline. “Have you been listening to a word I’ve said? I don’t want you here.”
“Well that’s just tough shit, isn’t it?” I cross my hands over my chest as I say this. It’s that or let him see that I’m shaking now.
Drew takes a step in my direction, his color returning with a vengeance. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I. Don’t. Want. You. Here.”
It takes all I’ve got not to cry, to lift my chin up to meet his eyes. “I. Don’t. Care.”
For a moment, he just looks at me, his color blooming over his cheeks. Then he grabs the hairs on the back of his head like he’s going to rip them out. His biceps bulge, and his teeth flash in a grimace. “Why are you just standing there? Go.” He waves a hand as if I’m a fly and he needs to swat me away.
“Why won’t you fucking leave!” He’s shouting so loud now my ears ring. Veins pop out along his neck. His face is so red with rage that it’s contorted. I should be frightened of him. He’s looming over me, six foot four feet and two hundred and thirty pounds of raging man. One blow could break my face. But I’m not frightened because everything about his quivering body speaks of restraint. He’s coming apart at the seams, but he’s holding himself back from lashing out.
It doesn’t stop my own rage though. It’s a lit fire in a dry forest. “You want to get away from me so bad, you fucking leave.”