“Sebastian!”
I tried to pull his hands away from his face, but he was too strong and refused to look at me.
“Sebastian,” I spoke more gently. “You asked me why: and I’ve tried to explain. This isn’t going to be easy. You know this.”
I stroked his shoulder.
“Please?”
Eventually he turned towards me, although he still couldn’t meet my eyes. He let me take one of his hands in mine.
“Sorry,” he muttered softly.
“Me, too.”
He moved gently, wrapped me in his arms again and pulled me down so we were lying, a tangle of arms and legs and coarse wool.
He kissed me with sudden ferocity, covering my face and throat with hard, burning kisses. His weight pinned me down as I ran my hands across the taut muscles of his back and shoulders.
“I love you,” he growled. “That’s all that matters.”
I badly wanted to believe he was right; I knew he was wrong.
But I let his words, his hands and his body sweep me away. I realized with dim surprise that he’d grown hard again and his erection was probing between my legs. I wished I could just allow him to slide inside me without fear or consequence but the small, unquiet voice of reason was just about audible.
I felt his wet tip push again against my thighs. I laid my hand firmly against his chest.
“Sebastian,” I said, a warning in my voice.
He groaned and rolled onto his back, then fumbled around while I waited, growing impatient.
“I can’t find the fucking condoms!”
“What?”
“They were in my jeans’ pocket, but I can’t find them now.”
What?
We scrambled around in the dark, frustration mounting. I grabbed handfuls of sand, sieving it through my fingers, trying to find the small packet.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” he yelled suddenly and threw himself back down on the blanket.
He looked so wretched and, well, kind of uncomfortable, that I couldn’t help smiling. I was really trying hard not to laugh but the situation was so ridiculous.
“Oh dear,” I said, the humor obvious in my voice. “What are we going to do now?”
He ignored my tone: I really hoped he wasn’t going to sulk. But I had a solution in mind.
I stroked his satiny skin, still stretched tight over his erection. He groaned and turned his eyes towards me.
I held him firmly, sliding my hand up and down him several times. His hips arched underneath me while his hands lay limply at his sides.
Slowly, my intent now obvious, I knelt at his side and stared down at him.
“Oh, fuck!” he breathed.
Well, not quite, but this will have to do for now.
Gently, I pulled his erection back towards my mouth and ran my tongue around the skin. I tried to ignore the rubbery flavor and hoped it would wear off soon. I decided to do some more wearing off using my tongue and teeth and, with great satisfaction, I watched him writhe and pant under my touch. I massaged his balls with one hand and spread my other hand out on his stomach, pressing him down into the blanket.
“Caro!” he moaned.
Hearing my name on his lips was extraordinarily arousing. For the first time I really wanted to do this, to take him all the way.
I moved my mouth faster and sucked harder. I could feel him all the way to the back of my throat so I made sure I relaxed, then stroked my mouth up and down him rapidly. I felt Sebastian’s hands weave themselves through my hair and with a sound that was more animal than human, he shuddered and stilled.
I swallowed quickly, trying not to think about the salty taste too much, then crawled over to curl up next to him. I was cold and the heat of his body was welcoming. I pulled the blanket around us and felt his arms sweep down my back.
As I snuggled up to him, I felt something dig into my hip.
I pulled out the packet of condoms that had gone AWOL, and held it up.