“Not really isn’t not at all. Tell me, I’m curious.”
He sighed. “They didn’t mean anything.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “I’m not jealous, Sebastian!”
But even as I said the words, I wasn’t entirely sure they were true. I remembered the hungry look of the surf shack girl and how much I’d wanted to punch her vapid smile into the back of her throat.
“What do you want to know?” he said in a resigned voice.
“It’s not important, honestly, I was just curious.”
He lay back on the sand, his eyes closed.
“It’s always been you, Caro. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl that I’d ever seen. I thought you must be a princess, like Cinderella. It’s only ever been you.”
I was stunned by his reply.
Yes, a fairy tale. That’s what this was; a lovely fantasy. But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to care. I longed to run my fingers down his smooth skin, over his bare chest, across the defined muscles of his stomach. My gaze lingered on the waistband of his cut-offs.
“What about you?” he said, his eyes still closed.
“What about me what?”
“Did you go out with anyone before… before David?”
I didn’t really want to hear David’s name and certainly not from Sebastian’s lips, but it was a fair question.
“I dated a few times in high school: movies, bowling, that sort of thing. I met David when I was in my senior year.”
“My age,” he said softly.
“Yes.”
Where was he going with this?
“Did you… did you… sleep with him then?”
I really didn’t want to go there.
“Yes.”
“But you won’t sleep with me?”
“Oh, Sebastian! Please don’t do this!”
“But I don’t understand. You were my age. You just said so. How can it have been right then and wrong now?”
He sounded really angry and he turned his head away from me.
“Please don’t, Sebastian.”
My voice was suddenly hoarse with tears.
He didn’t reply.
I swallowed and took a deep breath.
“Because we were in Maryland and the age of consent is 16. It wasn’t… illegal.”
“And that’s the only reason?” he muttered.
“Of course!”
He paused and then said,
“Are you still sleeping with him?”
“What?” I choked the word out.
His voice was barely a whisper. “Are you still sleeping with him? Now, I mean.”
This was ghastly.
“We share a bed, Sebastian, but we haven’t… had sex. Not since… you… since us.”
I thought that would be enough, but I was wrong.
“Are you going to sleep with him? While you’re still living there?”
He turned towards me, his face desperate.
“Will you, Caro?”
Appalled by the direction of his interrogation, I closed my eyes and spoke with a cold, controlled voice.
“The thought of David touching me is utterly repellent, Sebastian, but… my husband is not a patient man.”
I heard him gasp.
“You mean he’d force you?”
Sebastian’s voice was horrified. I saw rage flare in his eyes; his expression scared me.
“No, not the way you mean…”
“You can’t, Caro! You can’t let him! Promise me you won’t let him touch you.”
How on earth could I keep that promise? I wanted to, desperately.
“I’ll try.”
He looked like he wanted to say more.
“Sebastian, it’s a beautiful day; we have a few precious hours left, please let’s not spend it fighting.” Or talking about David.
He took a deep breath. “When I think of him touching you, I just…”
“Please, don’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
We paused, our lives at opposite sides of a gorge, a delicate tightrope stretched between us.
He reached over and pulled me towards him, so I was splayed across his chest.
“That’s better,” he said. “You were too far away.”
I smiled sadly. His words were truer than he knew. But I was where I wanted to be, in the enchanted circle of his arms.
He nuzzled my neck, the tickling sensation making me squirm.