“But she’s not your daughter.”
Jake grunted. “You’re not understanding me here. I know I didn’t contribute to her physically.” He paced around the deck. “That’s okay with me.”
“You could change your mind though.”
“The night I came here and she called me her daddy was the best night of my life, no matter how it ended. When she crawled up into my lap, when she wouldn’t let go of my hand... it was love at first sight.”
Suddenly, I understood. The night she crawled onto his lap, the reason why they couldn’t let go of each other. It was love at first sight. That was why he’d gotten so mad when I told him he wasn’t her father.
“So, you really think you can just forget everything that happened between us and start over from scratch?” I asked.
“No, I don’t want to start over from scratch. I want to start from now.”
“How can you want that, after what happened the day you left, after what you said to me?”
“You’re asking how I can forget that you fucked that son of a bitch?”
I cringed. But I still couldn’t tell him the truth. “Yes.”
“I don’t care.” Jake held my face and looked right into my eyes. “I don’t fucking care. I should have stayed. We should have talked about it. I left you for work after the greatest night of my life with no return date. It wasn’t fair, and neither were my accusations. You refusing to talk about what happened, and then you with him on the beach… it made me realize there might be more to the story. But, I don’t have to know it all right now. Does it make me sick to my stomach to think about him touching you? Yes. But the real question is, can we move forward from here? That answer is yes, too. For me, anyway. For four years, all I thought about was coming back to you, but my stupid pride kept me from doing it. I needed the excuse of my father dying before even attempting it. I was such a fucking coward. And you were here the whole time, raising Georgia on your own. Being so brave.”
“It hurt so much when you left, Jake. If there’s a chance that you’ll do that again, well...I can’t have my baby hurt like that, too. I won’t do that to her.” The tears started to fall again. I was going to run out of them soon.
“She won’t hurt, Bee. She’ll be ours. We’ll be a family. I promise I won’t resent her. It’s not even possible. I love her so much.”
“But, you could resent me.”
He eyed me skeptically. “Bee, it’s hard to explain the way I feel. I feel connected, to you and to Georgia, in a way that doesn’t make any of that shit matter anymore. Was I hurt? You better fucking believe it. Do I still have an itchy trigger finger around that son of a bitch? Yes, and that will probably never go away. But, I know I can be good here, with you and her, and that we can find happiness...at least, as much as fucks-ups like us are capable of.”
Could I really believe him this time?
“I was alone, Jake. I was pregnant. I had no one, and your father rescued me from living in the fucking gutter. Because you left. What’s to keep you from doing that again?”
He looked angry and hurt as he approached me. He tilted my chin to meet his gaze. He pecked me on the lips and ripped off his shirt. On the left side of his chest, just below his collarbone, was another new tattoo. It simply read Bee, the letters wrapped in vines. He pressed my hand against the other tattoo with the same design as my necklace. “And what the fuck do you think this stands for?”
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.
He shook his head. “It stands for you.” He pressed his forehead to mine.
Fear and love and regret ran through me, all at the same time.
“I’m just so scared.” I loved him so much I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know where we went from there. “What if it all goes away?”
“You haven’t taken my necklace off in four years. Not only have I tattooed your name on my body, but I’ve killed for you—gladly—and I would do it again, even if you told me right now that you never wanted to see me again. Your bitch of a mother is on my list, too, I’ve got connections at Georgia Penn, could have her bleeding out by next week if that’s what you want.” He took a deep breath. “But, you know what made everything so fucking clear to me? The second I saw Georgia—” He wiped his eyes. “— I knew I would kill for her, too. I don’t care who fucking made her. She’s my goddamned daughter!” He was shouting now. “I thought I knew what love at first sight was, because I fell in love with you the moment I saw your face the night we met. But the way I felt when you held Georgia in your arms and she spoke about her Grandpa Frank was… it was so much more than that. It was everything.”