Now she gave him her complete attention, turning to stare at him with narrowed eyes. “What?”
“Until you told me about the whole baby thing, I thought, how in the world could you leave a man who loved you like that? How could you throw away all those years together after we’d all just learned how precious every moment is with the people we love? I was mad because you still had Blake, and I didn’t have Kim anymore.”
She drew her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them, staring straight ahead now.
“Before Kim died, she told me to watch out for you. It scared her to see the way you were locking everything up inside you. I wasn’t…in a much better place…and when you left Blake…well, I couldn’t focus on it. I believed he’d turned into some big douche bag after the story you told us. But that wasn’t true, was it?”
Her head fell forward. “No, it wasn’t. I’m a horrible liar, a terrible person. Are you happy now?”
Her hackles were spiking up more every minute, but instead of backing off, he scooted closer until their shoulders touched. “Blake still loves you, and he’s worried about you. Can you really tell me, being completely honest now, that you don’t fully understand what it meant for him to retire from football?”
“Of course, I know! I saw his elation after every day of a good practice. Saw him do a victory lap around our living room after a win. Watched him shut down for a day after a horrible loss, barely speaking.”
He drew his knees up too. “You’re not over Kim. I might not be either, but at least I’ve grieved her.”
“Grieving her won’t bring her back. You have your way of handling things, and I have mine. I…it’s best not to dwell on the past.”
“Dad always used to say that,” he said, seeing her face flinch.
“Dammit, why is everyone comparing me to Dad all the sudden?” she spat out. “I’m nothing like him.”
He wondered who else had made that comment, but decided not to ask. It wouldn’t help.
“You know, when you met Blake, Kim told me he was the best match in the world for you. He was still tough, which you’d respect, but he also ran on emotion, which you needed to balance things out in your relationship. My suspicion is Blake is the only one who truly knows how to unlock all the grief you feel for Kim, so you pushed him away out of self-preservation.”
“Don’t,” she said softly. He could tell he was actually getting to her from the ragged sound of her voice.
“I showed you that letter from Kim because I’m willing to make you a deal. I’ll start being open to finding someone new if you give Blake another chance.”
“You’re joking.”
The crushing pressure was back in his chest, squeezing out all his breath. “No. I’m serious.”
Her shoulder nudged him sharply. “Did you and Blake make some sort of pact?”
“No,” he said immediately. “I only want to honor Kim. If she thought Blake was the best match for you, I’m going to do my part to help you reclaim that relationship. I didn’t…before. I was going through my own crap and trying to be both father and mother to Danny.”
His throat thickened. Most days, he didn’t think he was doing very well with the mother part. How could a man hope to assume that role too? But Danny seemed to be thriving, thank God, and he knew Kim was being their son’s angel in her own way.
He thanked God for that too.
“So, you think I should just up and take Blake back?” she said with steel in her voice.
Choosing his words carefully, he put his arm tentatively around her shoulder. “No, I think you need to give him a chance to remind you why you fell in love with him in the first place.”
“And talk about what happened,” she added, not leaning her head against his shoulder like she normally would.
“The talking part will happen, but first you need to let him back in. You said you’ve agreed to be friends again. God knows, he needs one after losing Adam and leaving football. Why not start there?”
“And you’ll go on a date if I do this?” she asked, and he could hear the challenge in her voice.
“I agree to be open to finding a woman I want to date. When I find her, I’ll ask her.” He knew he had to be clear about his intentions. Just going out with someone wasn’t what he wanted. Okay, he really didn’t want to find anyone, if he were being honest, but reading Kim’s letter again had helped confirm what he already knew somewhere inside. It was time to push his boundaries and try to be open to new experiences.
“Blake won’t be content to be only my friend,” she said. “He never was.”
“That part is up to you,” he told her, dropping his arm from her shoulder. “All we want is for you to be happy.”
“Then why won’t you guys leave me alone?”
“Because you’re not really happy. You’re letting life pass you by.”
“You’re not happy either.”
He felt the punch of that truth in his solar plexus. “True, but I’m happier than you.”