A frown crested across her mouth. “Are we talking about Blake?” She’d already changed out of her work clothes, into cutoff jeans and a white T-shirt, but she didn’t look relaxed. No, not one bit.
“Yeah. And Kim.”
Something flashed in her eyes. For a moment, he thought she’d refuse.
“Then I’ll take my car.”
Right. This way she could leave if she didn’t like what he had to say. But at least she was coming. She gave Touchdown a pat and closed the door on him. He barked for a moment, but he quieted down quickly. When she didn’t lock her house, he smiled. He’d stopped locking his doors too. Danny thought it was cool.
“I’ll follow you,” she said and headed to her car.
He’d chosen one of Kim’s favorite places in the area for good luck: Black Lake. It was easily accessible by car, so they wouldn’t have to hike a ways to it. Few people if any would be there since it wasn’t accessible by one of the main trails. Kim hadn’t been a hiker so much as a rabid picnicker. Sure, she’d hike, but she enjoyed being in nature too much to pass it all doing a power walk.
When they arrived at Black Lake, he took a waterproof blanket out of his rig and spread it out by the water’s edge.
“I haven’t been here in a while,” she murmured, kicking off her shoes and sitting on the blanket.
He carefully retrieved the letter from his pocket and sat down beside her. Handing it to her was tough, so tough the sudden pressure in his chest made him feel like he was about to explode. She eyed it with curiosity, but when she opened it, her whole face fell.
“I want you to read it,” he said in a hoarse voice and made himself lean back on his elbows in a pose of relaxation, something he definitely wasn’t feeling right now.
He closed his eyes and recited the words to himself. He’d read it so many times, he knew it by heart. Kim had asked him to open the letter on the first-year anniversary of her death, and it had broken him then. A year later, its effect hadn’t lessened.
Dear Andy,
I asked you to open this letter today because it’s now been a year since my death. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. After I learned I was sick, I would lie in our bed at night listening to you breathe and try and imagine how I would feel if you were the one who had cancer and died, leaving me alone with Danny. Even though imagining it created the most incredible agony inside me, the reality is probably much worse.
I knew it would hurt you too much if I tried to talk to you about finding someone else to love after losing me, so that’s why I wrote this letter. A part of you probably still feels bound by the vows we made even though I’m not there anymore. While you may not want to hear it, and honestly I don’t want to say it, I want you to find someone else to love.
You won’t rush. That much I know. Heck, you didn’t even rush when we first started dating and were so hot for each other. You always take your time. That’s why you were meant to be a doctor. With every relationship, it’s like you are always monitoring the vitals, the progress, looking for a change in the status.
I won’t tell you to choose a good mother for Danny because I know you will. I won’t even tell you to choose someone who makes you laugh because you’ll find the right person for you. And why do I believe that? Because I believe in angels, and when I get to heaven and it’s the right time, I’m going to ask God to let me come back and help you find the next woman of your heart.
I only ask that you let me.
This is hard to write, and I’m crying, partly because I know you’re probably crying as you read this. But you’ll know when you’re ready to start being open again, putting yourself out there. As someone who had the privilege of being loved by you, no one knows better how much love you have to give.
Give it, my love, when the time comes.
I’ll be there, rooting you on, wishing you every happiness always.
I love you,
Kim
When Natalie set the letter between them on the blanket, she turned her face away, but he saw her throat ripple as she stared up at the massive blue sky. She was fighting tears again. She always fought them, and today he didn’t make any comments about the effect it had on the physical body, about how good it was to sometimes let go and give in to grief. Instead, he gave them both a moment to settle and waited for her to break the ice.
“When you brought me out here…that’s not what I expected,” she told him, still not looking at him.
“I’ve never shared that letter with anyone,” he said, falling back onto the blanket and looking at the puffy clouds overhead.
Kim, if you can hear me, help me with Natalie right now. I need you.
The winds shifted the clouds, and he caught sight of a fleeting shape of an angel with wings before it disappeared. He was able to smile over the twinge in his heart. He didn’t care if he’d imagined it.
“When you left Blake, I was so mad at you,” he told her.