“Oh, babe. I’m so sorry. For both of you.” Scooting off the bench, he fell onto his knees in front of her. Their hands, still linked, still holding her ring, fell onto his lap and stayed there.
“She’s having a biopsy…God, I’m so tired I can’t remember when…ah…I guess tomorrow because it’s already today.” She shook her head as if to clear it. “She made me promise not to tell anyone. Especially Andy. You don’t know what it did to me.”
Having seen her in the shower earlier, he’d had a glimpse. The news would devastate the Hales if it proved to be cancer. There were no two ways about it. Life was so goddamn unfair. No family should have to suffer something like Kim’s illness, but if April had the same disease…
“I told Mom I wouldn’t tell anyone even though I knew my brothers and sisters would be mad at me for keeping it secret.” She lifted a shoulder to wipe her tears with her shirt. “Even though I didn’t want to bear the burden alone.”
Somehow hearing that helped ease a fraction of the pain in his chest. Natalie never betrayed a confidence.
“I told Mom I was going with her to the biopsy, and that we would hear the news together. Whatever it was.”
She started to cry, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He laid his free hand against her cheek, hurting for her now in powerful bursts, feeling her every fear, her every ache.
“Oh, honey,” he whispered.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “You only call me honey when I go crazy. Did you know that?”
He shook his head.
“When I left Mom, I was going crazy again. She could have cancer. Just like Kim. She could die.”
Like his own beloved brother had. Tears streamed down his own face now as all the losses they’d suffered rolled through him like a tidal wave and pounded him into the surf. It was hard to consider the possibility of losing April. She was so dear, so bright. He couldn’t tell Natalie that her mom would definitely be okay, just like he hadn’t been able to say that about Kim or Adam.
“When I got home,” she continued, “I couldn’t stand the pain. I know I said I’d face it, but this…this hurt so bad. My mind was screaming horrible thoughts, and the pictures in my head of mom shrinking before my eyes in a hospital bed wouldn’t stop. I…had to stop it. Before I knew it, I was grabbing the can of tile powder and the sponge from under the sink and heading to the shower. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted…the pain to go away.”
“Then you came in, and I couldn’t…snap out of it. I was horrible to you, Blake. And I won’t blame you if you say you can’t forgive me.” Her lips trembled like she was freezing. “Once was…a miracle, but twice?”
When her head dropped forward in defeat, he cupped the back of her neck and lifted her face to his. “I understand why you did it, babe, and I forgive you.” If there was one thing he’d learned about love and marriage, it was to never stop forgiving. Ever. Even if she hurt him a thousand times, he wasn’t going to deny her absolution.
She inched closer on her knees until their joints touched. Her hand squeezed his, and he felt the press of her ring again against his palm.
“I drove here in the middle of the night because I realized what I’d done to you. What I’d done to myself.”
She told him about the revelation she’d experienced when she finally finished crying, how she’d started to see that wild, crazy woman for who she was…herself. When she told him she’d decided to finally love that woman, that human part of her who hurt, he knew she’d turned a corner. More hope flooded his chest.
She turned their hands over until her engagement ring shone in the light again. “I have something to say…please don’t interrupt me.”
His chest squeezed as she looked straight into his eyes, the full force of her love for him shining in them again. He saw all the parts of her reflected in her gaze, the woman who could tease and joke and laugh, the woman who loved her family, the woman who loved him, and the woman who went crazy when the cold specter of destruction came knocking on her door.
“I, Natalie Hale, offer you, Blake Cunningham, my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad…”
Her voice broke.
Tears rained down his face as she renewed the pledge she’d made to him so long ago.
“In joy as well as in sorrow,” she continued, inhaling raggedly. “I promise to love you…unconditionally…even though I’ve failed so many times in the past…”
He pulled her head to his and rubbed their foreheads together in sweet agony.
“I promise…oh what’s next…to support you in your new career.” She sniffed. “ And to…ah…honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”
They both started crying then.
“I love you,” she whispered fiercely. “And I’m sorry—”
His mouth cut her off from finishing the rest of her declaration, and he traced an infinity symbol into her hand next to where her wedding ring lay.
And set them both free to love each other again for forever at last.
Chapter 37